Finding Ever After

  “You don’t have to earn anything, you already have it. I loved you then and I never stopped. I still love you and I’m so sorry too because you didn’t walk away. I let you go. I kept thinking that you couldn’t be who I wanted, that you couldn’t give me what I needed, but I was so stupid because you were already exactly who I wanted. You’re all I ever needed, just you. Always.”

  “You mean that?” The uncertainty in his voice broke me open. This amazing, kind, beautiful boy was so full of self-doubt, he truly couldn’t see that he was it for me. I understood that feeling; I knew it down in the deepest parts of myself, which is why I should have seen it in him all along. We were both so broken, convinced that we weren’t worthy of real love.

  “Yes. Nobody has ever seen inside me the way you do, made me feel so alive and strong. As if I could take on the world, and at the same time so safe and protected; like I’d never have to do it alone.” After that there was nothing else for either of us to say so he did the one thing left, he kissed me. For the rest of my life I never wanted to know any kiss but his.

  Epilogue

  Kyden

  I needed to get Princess out of here. I don’t know what I was thinking bringing her to my parents’, other than she needed this. She had been begging me to meet them for a year. It was hard keeping her away. It wasn’t that I was worried they wouldn’t approve. I didn’t give a fuck what they thought. I sure as hell wasn’t embarrassed by Princess, even if she thought her dad and her past was something to be ashamed of. No, I wanted to shout from every stage in the world that she was mine. I still had a hard time believing that she saw anything redeemable in me, but then again she was so damn sweet and loving, so … good. She was also the strongest, bravest person I’d ever met. She’d survived so much, all I wanted to do was protect her.

  That’s why I didn’t want my parents anywhere near her. They were cold and manipulative, everything she wasn’t, but I thought they would at least pretend to be civil during their Christmas party. I knew this had to happen if tomorrow was going to go the way I wanted.

  I’d been waiting a year for this. I would have done it in the hospital the second she told me she still loved me, but that would have been too soon. Even though I knew before then that there would never be anyone else for me, she needed to see that I wasn’t going anywhere. I needed to show her that I could be there for her and wouldn’t break her trust again.

  It was a hard year, I screwed up more than my share, but she didn’t give up on me. Somehow we made each other better, healed each other. I never thought I would love someone again, after Elaina. I didn’t even believe in real love after that, but now I knew I never loved Elaina. I’d never loved anyone until Princess.

  I’d had the ring in my guitar case for six months now. I’d been tempted to pull it out and just get it over with every single time things started heating up between us and she put on the breaks because she wanted to wait for marriage. Yeah, it had been a long frustrating year, a lot of cold showers, but I knew, without a doubt, that girl was worth it and she deserved better than some half assed, horny proposal.

  I’d never given much thought to religion or faith before. My childhood wasn’t exactly one that garnered belief in anything pure and good, but since meeting Princess that was changing. I had to believe that she was made for me, put on the earth to for me to find and that it wasn’t just chance. There was no way she was some cosmic accident. Whoever made someone as amazing as her and thought to put her in my life, had to be good. So I would do this right, for both of us.

  First, I had to rescue her from my mother. Who knows what she was saying to her. I could take a guess that I wouldn’t approve though. She hadn’t exactly been welcoming when I introduced Princess as my girlfriend. She found every excuse she could to separate us during the party, her and my father insisting I talk to this person or that. All of whom had daughter‘s or nieces with last names that were much more conducive to their aspirations for me. It seemed that not even signing with a major label and joining a worldwide tour could convince them that this wasn’t just a phase and I wouldn’t be following I my father’s footsteps.

  I excused myself from the group of pretentious douche bags, who were currently trying to kiss my ass, and went to find Princess so I could get out of here before I punched someone. I found her and my mother in the hall outside of the ballroom. I couldn’t hear what my mother was saying but Princess’ face was considerably pale and there were tears brimming in her eyes. I clenched my fists and stalked toward them preparing to rip into my mother. Princess’ eyes caught mine and relief washed over her face. As I got closer I could hear my mother’s vicious words.

  “… and if you think I’m going to let my son disgrace this family with cheap trash like you then you’re even more pathetic than you appear. We’re allowing him his little youthful rebellion so he can get it out of his system, but we’ve had about all we can tolerate and when his father and I put a stop to this you will be the first thing to go-”

  “ENOUGH.” I was beyond pissed, but I couldn’t say I was surprised. My mother’s head snapped around and she had her usual sour expression.

  “No. If anyone has had enough, it’s your father and I. We’ve sat by and let you have your little band, and screw all the groupie whores you wanted, but then you have the nerve to bring one of them in to my home and embarrass us in front of our friends. I will not allow that.”

  “That’s just fine because she won’t be coming back here.” My mother’s expression turned smug, she thought she had won. “But neither will I. I’m done with you, both of you.” I reached forward and grabbed Princess’ hand and brought her to my side. “The only embarrassment here, is you mother and I won’t let you speak to the girl I love like that. We’re leaving. I wouldn’t have even come in the first place except she wanted to meet you, even though I warned her you were a cruel bitch, because unlike you she actually has class and grace. You’re right that I don’t belong with her because she’s way too good for me.” I turned and walked away, pulling Princess along with me, leaving my mother standing there speechless.

  As soon as we were back in Princess’ living room I sat down on the couch and pulled her into my lap. “You know everything she said is bullsh-” I’d been trying not to swear as much around her, but it wasn’t easy. “You know it’s not true right?”

  “I know Ky. It just wasn’t easy to hear her saying all the things that I’ve thought myself at one time or another.” I hated hearing that she’d ever felt that way, but I already knew she had. We’d both struggled a lot with our insecurities, but we’d also both come a long way from where we started.

  “I know you don’t feel that way, and I don’t even think that way about myself anymore. I know you love me, and it doesn’t matter to me what your parents think. If they can’t even see how wonderful and talented and brilliant their own son is, then their opinion means nothing to me. It was just a weak moment and I let her get to me.” My mother was good at that, rooting out weakness and then striking.

  “I guess I’ll just have to remind you of how beautiful. Kind. Smart. Strong. And perfect I think you are.” I punctuated each one of those words with a kiss, starting on her jaw and working my way to her lips. Those lips. I let out a groan at how good they felt working against my own. Her hand gripped the hair at the back of my neck as I pulled her body in tighter.

  I knew the first time I looked down at the girl sprawled over my lap and saw the adorable mess of blue and pink hair and big silver eyes staring up at me that those lips were going to get me in trouble. It was still true, and I had to tear myself away from them. I ended up in her shower, again, with the cold water on full blast, letting the icy spray cool me off. Yeah, those lips were definitely trouble.

  When I got out of the shower she was still sitting on the couch, but she had a large boxed wrapped in snowman paper sitting next to her.

  “What’s that?” I asked her. “You already gave me your gift.” It had really been two gifts.
She had insisted one didn’t count as a present because it was for her too, but this morning when she had had shown me the freshly tattooed words she’d gotten scrolled across her wrist the day before, it was better than any gift I could have asked for. In sprawling black ink it’d read:

  I am My Beloved’s

  and My Beloved is Mine

  Song of Solomon 6:3

  “It’s another present, but I wasn’t sure how you would feel about it which is why I gave you the painting too.” The painting was amazing. She’d done it from a picture of the two of us at the base of the Eifel Tower this fall when the band finally made it over there for a European tour. We actually just got back a couple weeks ago and were taking a break, except for the show here in Boston tomorrow.

  “Whatever it is, I’m sure I’ll love it, but you really didn’t need to do so much.”

  “Just open it before you say that. You might be pissed at me.” I was concerned that she thought whatever it was would make me mad at her, but once I had the paper off and I pulled the box open, I realized why she thought that. For a brief moment I was pissed, then I pushed the anger aside. I knew whatever her reasons were for this, they probably made sense to her. I was just confused what they were. I pulled the violin case out of the box and looked at her questioningly.

  “Just hear me out before you smash it.” She pleaded. “That thing, that instrument, has had so much hold over you. I know it’s represented something terrible in the past, but I want to change that. You’re giving it, her, more power than she deserves. I want you to play for me. It will just be me and you, she’s not allowed in here with us.” She put her hand over my heart and took my hand that wasn’t holding the case and put it over hers.

  “I want you to take this back from her, don’t let her have it.” That’s why I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. She knew exactly what I needed, and she risked me being upset with her to do what she thought was best for me, and she was right. I had been letting this thing, what happened with Elaina, haunt me for too long. I needed to be free of it so that I could give everything to the girl sitting in front of me with apprehension in her silver eyes.

  I didn’t say anything, I pulled my hand out of hers and popped open the case. I didn’t even have to think about I, my body and hands remembered exactly how to make the instrument sing. It was ingrained into me. After Elaina, I’d hated that, but not anymore. I loved this girl more than anything in the world, and so I played for her.

  The next night I was nervous and almost out of my mind with excitement as I pleaded with Princess.

  “Please, just tonight, watch the show from backstage. For me.” I pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose, then on her mouth and gave her the biggest puppy dog eyes I could muster. She always insisted on watching from the audience, she wanted the full experience, the same as everyone else got, but tonight I needed her back stage. Tonight was going to be special, the only reason we agreed to play a show the day after Christmas was because it was at home and it was the perfect opportunity for me to do this. Everyone important in our lives would be here tonight. I even made sure that her brother Shane and his wife would be in the front row with the rest of the people she loved.

  “That’s not fair, you know I can’t say no when you’re kissing me.” I did know that, she often accused me of kissing her silly, and I was counting on it working tonight.

  “You don’t really want to say no though, do you?”

  “No.” She sighed. “But everyone is here tonight, even Sadie. Why can’t I sit with them?”

  “Because tonight I want my girl watching from back stage so that as soon as I’m done I can go back there and kiss her some more.” She seemed to accept my answer and agreed to stay backstage during the show.

  When it was time for the last song of the set I grabbed the mic from the stand and the guys stopped playing. They knew what I had planned and aside from threatening me if I ever hurt her, they were just as excited as I was for this. They all loved her almost as much as I did.

  “Did everyone have a good Christmas?” I knew the label was probably going to be pissed that I said Christmas, but this was for Princess and she was firmly of the ‘I’m going to say Christmas, to heck with political correctness’ mindset. Thankfully everybody cheered. “I had an amazing Christmas, but I’m hoping it’s about to get a little bit better.” I turned to face the back corner of the stage where I could see her face peeking out.

  “Princess can you get out here please?” I watched her eyes get big and her mouth drop open as she just stood there frozen in place. “Princess get out here now or I’ll come back there and drag you out here myself.” The crowd chuckled and roared for her to come out on the stage. I didn’t think her eyes could get any wider but they did. She stepped out onto the stage and the audience cheered. I couldn’t keep the stupid grin off my face as she nervously stepped up next to me. I turned so that I was looking right into her eyes and I took her hand in mine.

  “Princess, since the moment I met you, my life hasn’t been the same. I know it hasn’t been easy, we’ve had a lot of struggles, but I also know that I am a better person because of you. That I want to be an even better person because of you. You were my friend when I didn’t make it easy for you to be, you were warm and kind when I was cold and cruel. You forgave me when I didn’t deserve it and you stayed with me when it would have been easier to walk away. I’ll never be able to show you how grateful I am for that, but I have one more thing to ask of you.” I reached into my pocket as I got down on one knee and I watched the tears build in her eyes. “Will you marry me Princess so we can make our own happily ever after?”

  “Yes!” She cried out and I swear my fucking heart soared. I thought it was going to burst right through my damn chest. I slid the ring on her finger and then stood, scooping her up into my arms and crashing my lips into hers. The audience went nuts.

  “In case you didn’t hear her, she said yes.” I yelled out to the crowd when I finally set her back down, and they got even louder. I looked back into her eyes, with tears still pouring out of them. “I love you, forever.” Her smile widened as she stared right back into my eyes.

  “I love you too. Forever.”