by David Hare
Mona Who are they from?
Janet A family friend. Wanting to comfort you.
Mona Thank you, Janet. Put them down over there.
Janet I’m doing it.
Mona I’ll answer later.
Janet has put the flowers down and gives Mona the card. Janet goes out.
I was in the theatre, remember? I don’t want to play the distressed widow. It would be in bad taste. Don’t get me wrong, Ray was a friend. My best friend. And I was very fond of him. I nearly called you on Thursday when I got home from the funeral. I wanted to. This was always a big apartment, but that afternoon it seemed ten times bigger. I walked round, touched all the ornaments, the furniture, to make sure they were real. I poured myself a drink, then another.
Donald You were drunk?
Mona Surely you noticed when you called that night?
Donald I was too excited to notice.
Mona I knew that Ingrid would be watching you.
Donald How did you know that?
Mona Because she always is. Do you understand her?
Donald Ingrid?
Mona What’s underneath?
Donald All I know: I lived seventeen years without asking that question.
Mona And now?
Donald Lately I’ve asked myself nothing else.
He is quiet.
I’ve got so used to it.
Mona Do you never question it?
Donald Not till now. She’s like my consciousness. Every breath. She knows every thought, perhaps before I’ve had it. But she never lets on. She never gives the slightest indication –
Mona Of what?
Donald That she knows. That she knows what I’m thinking.
Mona She knows about us.
There is a silence. Mona shrugs slightly.
Donald She knows?
Mona Why do you think she put the mattresses like that?
Donald You think –
Mona So close together? Inches apart. Didn’t you notice? Didn’t you think it was odd? At the time?
Donald Maybe she didn’t want to seem jealous.
Mona I don’t think so.
Donald What then?
Mona Obvious. To test you. I knew what she was doing. She wanted to tempt you. To excite your imagination.
She looks, not yielding.
She kept leaving the room. What was that about? Leaving us alone. Going shopping. The fridge was full, you must have realised.
Donald No.
Mona She knew what I wanted.
Donald What did you want exactly?
Mona I wanted your arms around me. I needed comfort. Face it, she stood aside. Deliberately.
Donald gets up to re-fill the glasses.
I’ve upset you.
Donald Not at all.
Mona It bothers you.
Donald No.
Mona You still love her, don’t you?
Donald No.
Mona But you did? You did love her?
Donald I’m not sure.
Mona Deeply?
Donald speaks clearly, quiet.
Donald I’m beginning to feel I’ve become like a scientific experiment. It’s like being a microbe under a microscope.
Mona Is that how it feels?
Donald I remember, I married her because she was tolerant. I thought what’s so wonderful about Ingrid is she never judges. But why was I looking for tolerance? I hadn’t done anything wrong.
There’s a moment, then Mona gets up and moves to him.
Mona I want to kiss you.
They kiss again, this time their cheeks together, as though he’s comforting her. Then she breaks away.
I need to dress before lunch.
She goes into the bedroom, but she doesn’t close the door, leaving it wide open, so she can go on talking. He sits on the sofa, and watches as she sits at the dressing table and brushes her hair. After a few moments, she stops and smiles at him.
You make me laugh.
Donald Why?
Mona You look as if it’s the first time you ever watched a woman change.
Donald It may well be.
Mona What about Ingrid? Surely you’ve watched her getting dressed?
Donald It’s not the same thing.
Mona gets up and takes off her house-coat, unselfconscious. Seen through the doorway, the image of her is reminiscent of when Donald saw Ray making love to Patricia. Naked, she moves away out of sight. At once Janet appears with a tray of food which she puts down on a side table. As she turns to go out, Mona passes the doorway naked again, but Janet is unfazed and continues away down the corridor. Mona, out of sight now, is heard from the bedroom.
Mona I thought it easier to have lunch here. Do you mind?
Donald Why would I mind?
Mona I imagined you might want to take me out.
Donald You mean, to show you off?
Mona I didn’t say that.
Janet returns with an ice bucket and a bottle of white wine.
Donald I’m happier here.
Mona Ray knew a lot about wine. I’ve picked out something he recommended.
Janet is laying a small table in the middle of the room as Mona reappears at the door. She’s in a dress of fine black wool, with a silver belt.
Am I all right? Not overdressed?
Donald You look perfect, Mona.
Mona is sipping her wine. Janet is preparing the buffet and the napkins and cloth. There is lobster and foie gras.
I’ve never seen you drunk.
Donald You’re wrong. I got drunk at the Ashbridges’. Didn’t you notice?
Mona Perhaps now you say it. I was thinking –
Donald When?
Mona Another time.
Donald When?
Mona Later. When you’d been out to look for Ray. When you came back. You were strange.
Donald looks to her warningly in front of Janet, not wanting to speak. But Janet now goes out. They’re alone.
Donald I wasn’t drunk.
Mona So tell me.
Donald If the truth doesn’t frighten you.
He gets up, knowing he’s about to cross a line.
When I went out to look for him, I didn’t look. I didn’t search.
Mona What did you do?
Donald I went out, the storm was raging. It was pitch black. The wind, the snow were blowing right into my eyes. So I went into the barn, I sat on a bench and I started to smoke.
Mona You were gone –
Donald Two hours. More.
Mona You were in the barn all the time?
Donald I smoked at least ten. Maybe a dozen. Then I came back.
Mona is completely still. She is shaken, but she is not angry. She reaches out a hand. Donald takes it.
Mona Thank you.
Donald For what?
Mona For telling me. I knew something had happened. I thought perhaps you’d had a fight –
Donald With Ray?
Mona Some sort of quarrel.
Donald Of course not. Why would I fight with Ray?
Mona For the obvious reason.
She shrugs slightly.
Because I could see how upset you were.
Donald When?
Mona When do you think? At the party, of course. You’d been to the bathroom. He was in there, wasn’t he?
Donald nods.
With that ridiculous woman?
Donald Patricia.
Mona Yes. Patricia.
Donald The third Mrs Ashbridge.
Mona You saw them?
Donald How did you know?
Mona Because I saw them too. Heading off together. And I could see that didn’t make you happy. You were jealous, weren’t you?
Donald Not because of her.
Mona No. Because of me.
She is crumbling a bread roll in her hand.
Donald I don’t know how to describe it. Except to say it was everything. My whole life. I opened the bathroom door and somehow – there’s a history you
don’t know. At Yale. I was top of the year. The brightest student they had.
Mona Ray said you were brilliant.
Donald Whatever. I was going places. And when Ray went off to Manhattan, I thought, he’ll fail. How wrong can you be? Today I live precisely thirty miles from my father. Why? Because I was frightened.
Mona Frightened of what?
Donald The world. I wanted some sort of – I don’t know – protection? Is that the word? I married Ingrid. More protection. I was frightened and Ray wasn’t.
Mona Drink.
He takes a sip of wine.
Donald You can guess the rest.
Mona I can now, yes.
Donald Somehow – I opened the bathroom door –
Mona I understand –
Donald Ray had whatever he wanted. There it was. Whatever came to hand. Even when he didn’t want it. Not just you, it wasn’t just you – his whole life was easy – any woman, at any time –
Mona smiles.
I’m disappointing you, I’m sure.
Mona Not at all.
Donald This is not who you wanted me to be. It’s as if I’ve lived my whole life with the handbrake on.
Mona reaches out for his hand and grips it tighter.
Mona It takes tremendous courage.
Donald Courage?
Mona To tell me these things. And not to care what I think.
Donald I do care what you think.
Mona You hated Ray, didn’t you?
Donald No. Only that night. Seeing him with that woman.
Mona Is that why you drove off the road? Because you were angry?
Donald No. No, I promise you, that was the snow.
He stops, intense now.
Mona But when we got home, then what happened?
Donald I knew I had to go out and look for Ray. When I went out searching, I reached the barn and I thought ‘Why don’t I sit for a few moments before I go any further?’ But a few moments became a couple of hours. I went in as one man, and I came out as another.
Mona How is that possible?
Donald Oh it’s very possible, I promise you.
Mona How?
Donald It was as though I was lucid. I could see.
Mona See what?
Donald I’d always been in control. Or so I thought. But I wasn’t. I never had been. I thought I despised Manhattan. Oh, the stupid life of the city and the stupid people who take it seriously. The ones who care about whether they get into restaurants or not, and then whether they have the right table, the right seat. Tickets for the right show. Whether the right people say hello to them. I thought I’d rejected that life. But in the barn I realised I hadn’t rejected it. It had rejected me.
Mona Donald …
Donald Truly. I went into a kind of trance. The wind was blowing so hard I thought the roof would blow off. And the door was off its hinges, and it was banging. Banging. I knew I’d fooled myself. All my life. When Ray disappeared, oh, at once, I was sent to look for him. We all agreed it was urgent. When I disappeared, nobody cared.
He shrugs, as if that sums things up.
At the party I’d been standing beside Ashbridge when he met Ray, and to Ray of course he was effusive. But when he looked at me, it wasn’t contempt. It was barely even indifference. Because to people like Harold I don’t exist. When he first arrived in town, Harold said to me, ‘I must talk to you one of these days. About business.’ But he forgot. He never talked to me. Of course not. Why would he? I didn’t mind. I’d never minded. Because I thought he was an idiot. A rich idiot.
He shakes his head.
Then Ray took Harold’s wife into the bathroom. As if it were nothing, as if it were just what you do. You take a woman into the bathroom and fuck her. And, for me, everything began to hurt. For the first time. All the slights that had meant nothing, now they did mean something. They meant I’d lost, lost in life, and lost profoundly. So later I admit, I found myself thinking ‘I’m not going to look for Ray. Why should I? It’s pointless anyway. I’m never going to find him. He’s dead. The storm is blowing and he’s dead.’ I thought, ‘I can fool myself that I’m going to find him, like I’ve fooled myself about everything all my life. Ingrid wants me to look, so I’ll say I looked. But I won’t. I’ll just sit here. It’s easier.’ And somehow – can’t say why – it was comforting to sit in the snow and know that I’d been wrong. Wrong about everything. And one of the things was – I’d always thought of Ray as my best friend. And now I was thinking, ‘If he’s your best friend why are you letting him die?’
He looks at Mona and nods slightly.
Oh, I didn’t murder him. No. But it was as if I did.
Mona is looking him straight in the eye across the table.
I’ve always been frightened my heart will stop. Since I was a child, I’ve had that fear. One moment it’ll be beating and then it won’t. It’ll just stop. If I hadn’t been worried about my heart, perhaps I’d have stayed in the barn all night.
Mona And if he had been there – if you could – would you have saved him?
Donald I don’t know. I’ve asked myself that. I really don’t know.
He’s slightly hoarse. He takes another drink.
Mona I could tell something was peculiar when you came back. Something jarred. Ingrid sensed it too.
Donald I’m sure. Because next day she went to the barn – she found my cigarette butts –
Mona She found your cigarettes?
Donald Yes.
Mona She’s something, isn’t she?
Donald Brought them back to the house.
Mona She protected you?
Donald In case Olsen found them.
Mona But did she think –
Donald What?
Mona Does she think – you know what I’m saying –
Donald Does she think I pushed Ray over a rock? I don’t know. These past few days, she’s certainly been looking at me as if – as if I’ve changed.
Mona You have changed.
They both smile slightly.
Donald Yesterday we went to see the girls. And I was happy to see them. I don’t know what else is real to me, but the girls are real. I love them.
Mona I’m sure.
Donald I love them very much. And I like to think I’ve been a good father.
Mona I’m sure you have.
Donald But yesterday I felt I was acting. I’ve been acting since that night.
He looks at her a moment.
Does that sound stupid?
Mona Don’t you get tired of your character? Ray did. I’ve got a feeling I may be a bit tired of mine.
Donald I can’t see why.
Mona Oh –
Donald I can’t see anything wrong with you at all.
Mona There’s plenty wrong. I’d like to change.
Donald Then what’s stopping you?
Mona I don’t think I can do it alone.
Donald looks at her, the decisive moment reached. Then he looks down.
Donald I’m not sure what you’re asking. I can’t leave Ingrid if that’s what you mean.
Mona wipes some crumbs from her dress, and then gets up.
Mona Thank you, Donald.
Donald Not now.
Mona Look, I don’t –
Donald Not straight away –
Mona It’s all right.
Donald Just to be clear. After so many years. Please. Imagine. When we’ve only just – it’s not like –
Mona Don’t say any more.
She gets up, slightly panicky.
Do you want coffee?
Donald Yes, please.
Mona (raising her voice) Janet!
Janet appears at once.
We both want coffee. Thank you.
Janet goes.
Shall we talk business?
Donald Why, yes.
There’s no bitterness in her voice, and in fact Donald is already up getting his briefcase.
First of all, do you know how you stand
?
Mona No, I don’t.
Donald No inkling?
Mona Ray never talked about money.
Donald is getting out some papers.
Donald I went to see his partners.
Mona When?
Donald This morning. First thing.
Mona Were they friendly to you?
Donald Polite, anyway. Wondering, I’m sure, why I’d been chosen. They gave me a copy of the partnership agreement. The Millers are deleting his name from the plate.
Mona Already?
Donald I looked at the papers on the way here.
He holds up the relevant paper.
I’ve also looked at your life insurance.
Mona Oh yes, I’d forgotten about that.
Donald Did you know it was worth two hundred thousand dollars?
Mona No. I didn’t.
Donald And the partnership agreement means another five. That’s what the Millers are offering to buy Ray out. You’re a rich woman.
Mona Seven hundred thousand?
Donald Exactly.
Mona As much as that?
Donald Yes.
Mona It’s amazing. It’s going to take a moment to sink in.
She seems dazed rather than pleased.
Donald I think perhaps I should stay at a hotel tonight, get all your business sorted out.
Mona Does it have to be a hotel? You could stay here. Well?
Donald I was thinking of Janet.
Mona Do you think she doesn’t know already? Lunch?
They smile and sit down for lunch opposite each other.
Donald I’ll call Ingrid. I’ll tell her I’m at the Algonquin.
Mona What if she calls you back?
Donald Do you think she doesn’t know too?
FOURTEEN
Darkness. The sound of a phone conversation.
Donald (voice) Ingrid, it’s Donald.
Ingrid (voice) Donald.
Donald (voice) Well, you were right.