by Marni Mann
But the pounding in my chest was identical.
“Is this what you want, Kyle?” His hands were suddenly on my throat. His grip was tight. His skin felt like it was scorching mine. “You want to feel me?”
He knelt in front of me, pushing me onto my back. Once I was flat, he hovered over me.
I had a hard time breathing. “Yes,” I finally answered.
“That’s all you want?”
My mind took me back to the hallway outside the restroom, to the cement floor inside the cell when Garin was peeling off my clothes. The dream and my reality were overlapping, and I couldn’t stop it inside my brain. But here, on this beach, it was just us. Nobody walking by on their way to the bathroom, no Breath, no Beard. Just darkness with the feeling of the sand beneath me and the sound of the waves in front of me. His exhales filled me with his scent, his body almost covering me.
“I want more,” I said.
He came a little closer and sucked my bottom lip into his mouth, his teeth grinding into it. He’d done that in the cell. It had felt so good then; it felt even better now. “Can your body take more of a beating? Because I’ll hurt you, Kyle.”
“Hurt me.”
His other hand gripped the top of my tank, both hands now tightening in different spots, my breathing only getting worse. “I don’t know how to be gentle.”
“Then, don’t be,” I panted.
“I’ve wanted to fuck you for so long, to feel your cunt dripping over my cock. I almost want to punish you for making me wait all these years.”
He was as gritty as he had been inside the prison, as dirty, as feral. And I was as turned on as I’d ever been. I didn’t want to wait until we got back to my house where there was a cozy bed waiting for us. I wanted him here, on this beach, right now.
“The wait has been my punishment. Give me what I want, Garin.”
I heard the fabric rip as he shredded my tank top right down the center. Then, he unhooked the front clasp of my bra, stripping it off me.
“This body…how did you keep it away from me for so long?”
As I heard his voice from inside the cell, I moaned, “Garin…”
His hands left my body roughly to take off his shirt, yanking it over his head. When they returned, one of them squeezed my nipple while the other held my face still. From the way he was positioned, my arms were pinned down to my sides. I couldn’t drag him closer. I couldn’t use my fingers to emphasize what I wanted. I couldn’t touch him.
“Kiss me,” I demanded.
The moonlight streaked across his face, showing me that his eyes were locked with mine. I felt the need, the desire. And I felt his hesitation, as though he were battling something deep inside the same way I was.
“Kiss me—”
His lips crashed against mine before I even finished speaking, and I moaned again. I had his tongue in my mouth, his scent in my nose, his body on top of me. It caused the deepest, strongest, fiercest throbbing in my clit.
As he adjusted me beneath him, his movements were so rough that I winced. I was sore. My skin hurt. My muscles had ached since the hospital. If he heard me, he didn’t stop. He didn’t lighten up at all.
I didn’t want him to.
I never wanted him to.
“I’ve wanted to fuck you for more than half of my life. Do you know what that kind of want does to you after a while?”
I knew. And I felt it, too.
He shimmied my pants down and unhooked his belt, pulling his jeans just low enough that his cock sprung free. I wasn’t able to see it; I only felt it slap against my pussy. Then, in one swift, furious movement, he was fully inside me.
“Oh my God!” I screamed.
I wasn’t at all prepared for his size, how he filled me completely, how it caused quick flashes of pain. I wasn’t prepared for this level of closeness and how much I would cherish it. I definitely wasn’t prepared for how much power he had and how much he used when he stroked me.
I didn’t tell him to stop.
Garin fucked me like there was an anger inside him. Like his anger made him drive his hips into me, dig his teeth into my flesh, press his fingers into my body. Like he wanted his anger to spill into me.
I would take it. All of it. I deserved it.
And I would enjoy it.
My pussy had finally stretched just enough so that I no longer felt any pain. His hand was off my throat, so I could breathe. I wrapped my legs around his waist. His long, hard, dominant thrusts took over me. He didn’t pull out to the tip; he just went halfway and shoved back in. And it didn’t happen slowly or gently. There was nothing gentle about this.
“Is this what you wanted?” He didn’t wait for me to answer. He just lifted me off the sand and flipped me around, putting me on all fours. Then, he gripped my hips, angling me to his head, as he forced himself back inside.
I tasted sand on my lips as I licked them. “Yes.”
This new position seemed to open me up even more, allowing him in deeper. The pain returned, but it was the good kind—the kind that added to the pleasure. And it caused me to shout even louder.
“Am I going to break you?”
My ribs ached from where the drain had been. My muscles threatened to no longer hold me, but I didn’t want him to stop. I wanted him to know I could handle whatever he wanted to give me.
He didn’t wait for my answer. He just pushed me onto my stomach, taking all the weight away from my limbs, and drove into me with so much power I couldn’t stop screaming.
“Am I going to fucking break you, Kyle?” he growled in my ear.
There was nothing to hold on to. The sand slipped through my fingers. The rocks and shells were too small. All I had was the chilly air, the darkness surrounding us, and the incessant pounding of his massive cock.
“No,” I panted.
“Then, I’m not fucking you hard enough.”
He positioned me just the way he wanted and rocked into me harder than I ever thought I could take. I didn’t need to put my fingers on my clit, rubbing it in circles to make the build start. The friction between us was enough, the added closeness, the way he took command of my body, the feeling of him on me.
He gnawed on my neck, chewing the skin around the side of my throat, and across my shoulder. “So fucking tight,” he groaned. “And so wet.”
The power increased in his thrusting, in his biting.
I couldn’t move. I was paralyzed with pleasure, with pain, and both were spreading throughout my entire body.
“Garin, I’m so close…”
I found myself in the air again as he flipped me onto my back. My lungs had a chance to fill, my muscles a moment to relax, but it didn’t last long. Seconds later, his power and size were driving right back into me.
“I want you to look at me when you come,” he demanded. His thumb landed on my clit, circling my swollen bud.
I moaned so loud that it shook my chest. “Oh my God.”
Each time he rocked his hips forward, his abs constricted. They were as tight as they had been in the cell, and the hair on his body was just the way I had dreamed it. He stayed fully inside me, his hips now swiveling, reaching that spot so deep, so sensitive. I knew it wouldn’t take much more movement before I was coming.
“Garin…”
“You want more?”
He took my moan as a response, and suddenly, his hand was at my other hole, a hole he had entered in the dream. It was just another similarity that felt as carnal as before.
“Jesus fucking Christ, Kyle. Your ass is so tight.”
“That feels”—his entire finger was in me, plunging in the same speed as his cock—“so good.”
His movements changed again. They became sharp, hard. So deep. And then there was his sounds, his throaty groans. His growling.
I couldn’t get enough of it. My body couldn’t either.
“Garin,” I moaned, “I’m going to come.”
His hand left my clit for a second as he pulled me on t
op of him, but his finger stayed in my ass, his cock in my pussy. I landed upright, straddling his waist, holding his shoulders so that I wouldn’t fall.
“Ride the cum out of me.”
I bounced up and down on his dick. The fullness was just what I needed. The stimulation on every sensitive part was what brought me to the edge.
“Garin!” I shouted as the burst blasted through me. Just as my navel began to shudder, I felt his long, thick streams of cum enter me.
He rubbed my clit until the screams stopped. Then, he locked his hand around the base of my neck until I had pumped everything out of him. When we both stilled, his face dropped to my breast, his cheek pressing right over my nipple. It was the softest he’d been since my clothes had come off. The very first bit of tenderness I’d felt from him.
He grazed his whiskers over my skin, scraping each of the cuts that the glass window had left. Then, he kissed the same spots. Once his lips had covered them all, he lifted me off him and pulled up his pants and then his shirt.
“Here,” he said, handing me my clothes. “Get dressed, and I’ll carry you home.”
“You don’t have to.”
“You’re bleeding, Kyle.”
The light hit him just enough that I saw the blood on his face. It was on his scruff, and there was a swipe of it over his lips. I looked down and saw it was all over my breast, and there were streaks of it on my chest. I didn’t know where it had come from—if he’d bitten me or if one of my scabs had opened up.
It didn’t matter.
I was such a mess either way.
“Come on, Kyle.”
I slipped my arms through the bra straps, wiggled my pants on, threw the shredded tank over my shoulder, and clasped my fingers around his hand. I was only on my feet for a second before he lifted me into his arms.
I didn’t say a word. I didn’t make a sound. I just tucked my face into his neck and took a deep breath while he walked us home.
Thirty-Three
Kyle
“The only thing we have inside this cell is words, Kyle. Don’t hold them back from me.”
That line kept repeating in my head. I couldn’t get it to stop. I heard it while I was in the shower. I heard it again when I climbed into bed. I even heard it when Garin slipped under the covers, his skin still wet from his shower.
We hadn’t spoken much since the beach. He hadn’t touched me again. He hadn’t asked if I wanted him to sleep in my bed. He just walked out of the bathroom, naked, and got in. He lay on his back and folded his arms under his head.
I didn’t want him to leave in the morning. I wanted to tell him that, but I couldn’t. I wanted to be with him, but I couldn’t tell him that either.
There was no future, no us.
Why couldn’t I just accept that?
These were the same thoughts that had haunted me in the cell. They hurt even worse out here because I was lying in a bed that could possibly be ours. One that I could share with him forever.
But there were bars between us.
Bars I had created.
I just had to tell him what I wanted.
And I had to tell him what he needed to hear.
“Billy didn’t OD,” he said.
And then, suddenly, it felt like his hands were back on my throat. But, this time, there was no give; he was squeezing to strangle every bit of air out of me.
I couldn’t breathe.
“What do you mean?” The air shuddered out of my lungs. My heart pounded like it was going to break through my skin.
“He was murdered.”
No…not again. Garin had to be wrong about Billy’s death. Billy was a junkie; he had overdosed on heroin. That was what Anthony had told me. That was what people had said at the funeral.
“I thought they found a needle in him?”
“The needle was in his heart, Kyle. We both know that isn’t where an addict shoots up.”
I’d seen Billy use plenty of needles in the past. I knew how he prepped; I knew where he injected. His heart definitely wasn’t one of those places.
My stomach started to churn.
“So, if Billy didn’t do it then…” I had a feeling I already knew the answer to that question. I may have been silent, but inside my head, I was screaming.
“Billy was looking into Paulie’s death,” he said. “I think he found something out, and I think whoever killed Paulie killed Billy because of that.”
Why would my brother do this? I wanted to ask Anthony, but I feared the truth.
The truth would mean I would have to hold in another secret.
I couldn’t take another.
I couldn’t handle more guilt than I already carried.
Anthony knew that. He knew I had barely kept it together at Paulie’s funeral, and Billy’s would have been even worse had I known he had killed again.
“The bosses are looking into it,” Garin said. “They’ll find the murderer, whoever the fuck he is, and they’ll gut him for this.”
The bosses would find Anthony. They would kill him. And then they would bury him, so he wouldn’t ever be found.
He would finally get what he deserved.
But what about me?
It had only been a few seconds between admitting the truth to Breath and having that needle stuck in my neck, but during that short amount of time, the weight of my guilt had been gone, my conscience cleared.
If I told Garin about Anthony, I would be in that position once more.
I would be facing death, and Garin would more than likely be pulling the trigger.
I sat up and tucked my knees into my chest, hiding my face between them. As I tried to find some air and calm the pounding in my heart, I rocked back and forth.
“Kyle?”
I didn’t answer him. I didn’t look up.
“Kyle, tell me what’s wrong.”
“I…” My voice sounded like a whisper. “I can’t…breathe.”
His hand slipped inside the cave I had made, and it clasped around my chin, slowly lifting, as I made my way out of the darkness. “Did Billy trigger this?”
When I opened my mouth, he pulled me on top of him. I was straddling his lap, his hands gripping high on my throat, but he wasn’t squeezing. He was just holding me there, so I couldn’t move. I felt his stare through my whole body.
“Tell me.”
“Nothing. I—”
“Then, tell me what was on your mind that night in the bar before you disappeared into the restroom.”
I tried to remember when we had been sitting at the table together. The details were cloudy, but they began to surface through the fog.
“Even when I slept, I always wanted to be close to you. And then I left your apartment, and I just couldn’t stay anymore. It hurt too much. I struggled so much with it, and I was only…”
I was only a witness, I had wanted to say. But I didn’t have the courage. And because he had wanted an answer and I couldn’t give him one, I had rushed off to the restroom.
“I don’t remember.”
“I don’t believe you.” When I tried to look down, he stopped me. “There was something you wanted to tell me that night, and there’s something you want to say to me right now. Stop holding back.”
“The only thing we have inside this cell is words, Kyle. Don’t hold them back from me.”
My eyes scanned his. The air hadn’t returned, and I was starting to get light-headed. My limbs were all tingling. I didn’t know if I would have a voice, so I whispered, “I can’t.”
“I won’t hurt you.”
He wouldn’t hurt me…until he found out I had been lying to him, until he found out what I had been lying about. But how much longer could I let this eat at me?
And how many more people would die because of Anthony?
Thirty-Four
Garin
Twelve Days Ago
I sucked Kyle’s lip into my mouth, so she would stop biting it. “I want to torture this fucking lip,” I said. “
Let’s get the hell out of here.”
“And go where?”
I kissed around her cheek. “To a place where I can give your body everything it needs.” I set her back on her feet, still keeping her against the wall in the hallway, and moved my hands to her throat. I squeezed just enough to show her how serious I was but not enough to scare her. I’d tried that earlier. For only a second, fear had passed through her eyes. Then, she had seemed to fucking love it, moaning even when I’d tightened my grip.
She liked it rough.
That was the way she was going to get it, too. Nice and fucking rough. After all those years of waiting, I was going to tear up her pussy when I finally got a piece of it. But I wouldn’t be tasting it tonight.
Tonight, I had something else planned.
She grabbed my hand and brought me outside, to where the car was parked. Fuck, she was making this so easy on me. She’d been in it earlier when I drove us to the bar. But, while we were inside, one of the bosses’ mechanics had stopped by. He made sure the car was ready for what was going to happen to it.
“My feet hurt,” she whined as she got into the passenger seat.
I started the car and shifted into reverse. “Take your shoes off.”
She put her bare feet on the dash and turned up the radio, rubbing the back of my neck with her nails. She was dancing in her seat and singing, her hand going lower into the collar of my shirt.
I wished I didn’t like the feel of her.
I liked it too fucking much.
I took her fingers off me and pointed at the seat belt. “Put it on.”
She wouldn’t be wearing it for long. But, for now, it needed to keep her safe before it was ripped from her body.
She laughed like I was messing with her and buckled it over her chest. “Where are you staying again? I can’t remember if you told me.”
It was all working just the way I wanted it to.
“You’ll remember the place when you see it.”
But she’d never see it.
“Do we have to wait until we get there?” She leaned across the seat and kissed the side of my face, her mouth dropping to my neck and back to the corner of my mouth.