by M. D. Grimm
He was all I had in the world. He was everything.
I continued walking, lost in thought. There was some hope for us, I knew there was. Morgorth told me about the Mother visiting him as a child, the night before he escaped into the woods by his house. The Mother had been kind, loving. Why would she want to help a Destroyer? Someone who would ruin the world she had built with her loving magick?
I couldn't believe it. I knew it confused Morgorth, this seemingly contradictory evidence concerning his destiny. It gave me hope, lessening the fear around my heart.
She had plans for Morgorth. Plans that we simple creatures couldn't yet fathom.
After searching a short time, finding the materials I needed to create more arrows, I settled myself on a large boulder. I'd been neglecting this of late, and knew the simple process would calm my mind. I found sturn, a hard, green stone perfect for arrowheads. Scattered twigs and branches were abundant under the snow, and I eagerly grabbed them, making a small pile. Only the best would be made into the shaft. Any flaw in the materials to make the arrow could cost me my life in combat. I chose carefully, using several different knives to skin the bark of the twigs, and my carving stone to break chucks off the sturn.
I worked diligently, the cold sun rising high in the sky. I sat cross-legged on the boulder, shivering now and then when a stiff wind managed to weave its way through the thin places between the trees. There wasn't much noise around me, but every now and then I would sense a wichtln or a trul, watching me. Then they would move on.
My thoughts turned to my father. He'd not been my master in archery, hand-to-hand combat, or swordplay. But he'd taken the time to show me the best techniques to create an arrow, and to care for my bow. His gentle voice, strong and deep, had instructed me. His large hands, callused and scarred, had guided mine through the processes.
My chest tightened, my gut clenched. I swallowed hard and looked up, feeling my eyes burn. As chief of my tribe, my father had been a great leader. He'd led our warriors into battle where each time he'd come out victorious. He'd loved my mother, always calling her his spark of life, and he never failed to show his children how much he adored them.
And my mother... oh, by the Hunter, my mother.
My eyes closed, and I struggled to swallow against the lump that formed in my throat. I slammed my fist against the boulder I sat upon, letting the pain distract me. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fucking fair that so much had been taken from me. My entire life had been shattered into bloody pieces that stained the ground. My soul had been hollowed out, and my heart had become a shriveled, bloodless sack.
Well, not completely.
But the light left inside had been small and weak. Darkness had ruled; the thirst for vengeance, for blood had filled my every thought, either awake or asleep. The rage had kept me going, had kept me fighting and hunting. It had driven me to find Kayl, the murderer, and Morgorth.
"Commander!"
I sprang to my feet just as Grekel charged out from behind the trees. His fur stood on end, and his eyes were large, his pupils mere pinpricks. He looked... afraid? What could put fear in the heart of a wichtln?
"Grekel, report."
"A kellpy!" He growled with such venom, I was slightly taken aback. Recovering quickly, I grabbed my bow and quiver. I couldn't use the new arrows yet; they weren't finished. I hoped I had enough.
"What happened?" I ran after the wichtln, easily keeping pace with him. He weaved through the trees, leaping over roots. I did the same, the trees seeming to know the urgency as they did not hinder us. I heard some of the pack following us on all sides. Instinctive fear crawled over my skin, but I reminded myself that they were on my side.
Grekel's voice was so growly I could barely understand him when he spoke. "Unknown kellpy stole Drussa's pups."
Cold froze my gut. I knew what kellpies were: vicious monsters that lived in lakes, often taking the form of white horses with red eyes. They were related to the revenai of the Underworld but with enough form and substance to exist on the surface of Karishian. I'd never seen one up close. That was about to change.
"Morgorth--"
"Iger will find him. Move now!" Grekel commanded in a way I had never heard from him. I hoped Morgorth would come soon; we didn't have much time before the pups would be drowned and devoured.
The trees thinned, a large river revealing itself. It had been frozen, but the ice had recently been shattered in a large circle. Underneath the ice, the water flowed swiftly. That was how the kellpy had traveled here. It most likely saw the pups playing near the water and couldn't resist.
I realized only half the pack had followed Grekel; the other half was currently fighting the kellpy -- it was a lot bigger than I imagined. Its body was pure white, while its hair was a light, frozen blue that seemed to be blown by wind. But there was no wind at the moment. Its red eyes had square pupils that flickered and twitched, keeping all its enemies in focus. Its hooves were black and sharp, standing impossibly on the flowing water. I skidded to a stop and nocked an arrow, aiming for the blood red eyes. The kellpy stamped and kicked, keeping the pack away. The pack was snarling and snapping, using every means they could to distract the beast from its target. That was when I noticed the puppies. Their little paws were iced over, latching them to the sheet of ice over the river. They whined and struggled against their bonds, but every time an adult got close enough to free them, the kellpy would send ice spikes at them. Then other adults would snap at the kellpy's legs.
Neither side could keep this up for much longer.
The pups looked drenched, and they were shivering. If they didn't get dry soon, they would die, saving the kellpy the trouble of drowning them.
I took a breath, held it, then let loose my arrow. It whistled through the air, and for a moment I thought that my aim would prove true. But the kellpy noticed it just in time to flinch. The arrow still struck its thick neck. It reared up on its hind legs, sending out an ear-shattering scream.
"Grekel!" I shouted, running forward. "Distract it! Everyone!"
The entire pack risked death by sliding across the cracking ice. I dropped my bow, shucked off my quiver and heavy coat, called myself a fool, and dropped to my knees on the ice. My momentum slid me forward, and I used my hands to steady my speed. I reached the pups in a heartbeat, and yanked out my dagger, hacking ruthlessly at the ice manacles. The pups whimpered and struggled but didn't attack me. They knew I was there to save them.
I kept part of my attention on the kellpy, knew the moment it realized what I was doing. It shrieked again and charged me, the pack close at its heels. I got one pup free and tossed him none-too-gently to the shore. He landed with a whimper of pain but quickly got up and immediately turned around to start barking madly at the kellpy. He didn't have much sense.
I barely managed to dodge getting pummeled by the kellpy's hooves. I rolled and slid awkwardly, but quickly steadied myself. Sweat slid down my face, my limbs shaking with fear and cold. The kellpy was now on the ice, its weight barely making a dent; whereas I was making the ice crack underneath me. I swallowed hard, my breath forming clouds of mist in front of my face.
Similar mist was being formed by the kellpy as it stared me down. I bared my teeth, carefully stood, and lifted my dagger.
I said something I'd heard Morgorth say a couple of times. "Bring it on."
The kellpy shrieked and charged me again, hooves clattering steadily on the ice. I threw myself, knowing I couldn't run on ice, to the side and rolled, coming up on my knees. The kellpy now had its back to the pup and the pack. I didn't even glance to see what the pack was doing, knowing they were taking the advantage of me being the distraction to free the pup.
The kellpy was no longer thinking about food. It just wanted death. My arrow still stuck out of its neck. Pinkish blood oozed from the wound. It bared its teeth -- they were sharp, black, and unnervingly big.
Mother, protect me.
"What are you waiting for?" I said, my taunt clear.
But just as the kellpy was about to charge me again, a streaming ball of red came shooting out of nowhere, striking the kellpy hard on its side. It flew off its hooves and slammed hard onto the opposite shore, letting out a scream of pain.
My head whipped around. Morgorth stood on the shore, his hand outstretched, his eyes burning. The wichtln who had to be Iger ran past Morgorth, joining the rest of the pack. The little puppy I had saved was dancing around Morgorth's legs, apparently thrilled. But then he raced back to the edge of the water and started whimpering, obviously wanting his sibling back.
Master Ulezander stayed near the tree line, his arms crossed, his eyes missing nothing.
The kellpy got to its feet slowly. It rounded on Morgorth and charged across the ice. Obviously, it was a kellpy who didn't know what forest it had traveled into or who ruled it. It was about to get a hard lesson.
With a flick of his hand and a murmured word, Morgorth sent the kellpy shooting up into the air, and then down to the ground, slamming it once again on the opposite shore. The wichtln were now all off the ice and surrounding their puppies, who were shivering and whimpering. Grekel stood outside that circle, watching the kellpy, noticeably closer to Morgorth than the others of the pack.
I was now the only one on the ice. I stood carefully, sheathing my dagger. A muscle in my leg burned, and I suspected that I'd pulled it. Wincing, I carefully stepped toward the shore, but the ice had had enough. I gave a shout as I plunged into the cold water, which lashed at my flesh the moment it touched me. The air was sucked immediately out of my lungs as I scrambled for the surface. But the water still moved swiftly under the ice as it tried to pull me to my death. I managed to grip the icy edge above me with one hand, but without air, I wouldn't be able to pull myself up.
While it felt like a panicked, terrifying eternity, it was only a few seconds. I suddenly felt pressure all around me, and the sensation of being lifted. I gasped in breaths of air as I broke the surface, shivering violently, my muscles clenching. I vaguely realized I was in a bubble of force -- something I'd seen Morgorth create at times -- and it was Master Ulezander who had formed it around me. I reached the shore, and the bubble disappeared.
I coughed and gasped, desperately wanting warmth, unable to move beyond curling tighter into myself.
"Easy." Master Ulezander wrapped my own winter coat around me before warming the air around us.
"Th-th-th..." Damn it! I couldn't even speak.
"You're welcome." Master Ulezander rubbed his hands up and down my arms, the friction creating heat. I welcomed it.
My eyes sought out Morgorth, but when they found him I cringed for an entirely new reason.
The kellpy was on fire.
For some reason I couldn't hear its cries of agony. I couldn't see exactly what Morgorth was doing, but the flames were orangey-red, and the creature was flailing upon the ground, right in front of him. I couldn't see my mate's eyes, but I knew they would be fierce and cold.
His voice floated to where I lay shivering.
"...you harm him." His voice was low, quavering with fury. "He is mine, kellpy. This entire territory is mine. The pups, the river. You made a grave mistake coming here."
The flames turned blue. I looked away. I couldn't watch. I just wanted warmth. I wasn't adverse to violence. I've killed, maimed. I've been in battle. But torture... I couldn't stomach that. And I heard the pain in my mage's voice. The fear for me. It was his fear that made him angry enough to make an example out of the kellpy. An example to everyone and everything -- I was his. To harm me would bring Morgorth's wrath upon their heads.
Generally, that would fill me with pride. But right now, it was scary.
I didn't know how long it was before I heard his footsteps. I managed to sit up, but I was still hunched over and shaking.
Small noses touched me. I looked down. The two puppies stared up at me with big yellow eyes and white fur speckled with black, making it easier for them to blend. I smiled and managed to make my fingers scratch each their heads in turn.
They licked me, then ran off to their pack who immediately surrounded them before they all disappeared into the forest. Grekel paused and turned to me. He flung back his head, letting out a haunting howl, one that made my bowels shake. But I understood what it was.
Thank you. He ran off.
Morgorth knelt beside me. His face was paler than usual, his eyes worried. "Is he all right?"
"He just needs to get warm," Master Ulezander answered.
"I'm f-fine." I was relieved I could form words again.
He met my eyes. His own narrowed. "What the fuck were you thinking?" he hissed it through gritted teeth, his voice quavering with fury again.
"I just--"
"Shut up!"
I jerked at the violence in his voice. He looked at Master Ulezander. "Lessons are over today. We'll resume tomorrow."
His mentor didn't argue.
I was suddenly in his arms. He murmured a word, activating his magickal speed, and we traveled to Geheimnis. I stayed silent.
Chapter Eight
"What the fuck did you think you were doing?" Morgorth shouted again.
I sat huddled in several blankets on our bed, watching him pace in front of me. A cup of steaming tea was held between my hands, and my hands loved the warmth.
"I fucking thought I was saving two pups from becoming kellpy chow." I scowled. I had my voice back, and I was nearly warm enough to stop shivering. It was hard to argue when my very blood had nearly frozen.
"And nearly getting yourself killed because of it!" He stopped pacing, and stood in front of me, his hands clenched into fists, his body vibrating. His face was too pale, and his eyes were too dark.
"I had to--"
"You had to keep safe!"
"By the Hunter, Morgorth!" I screamed. I tossed the cup into the wall, and it shattered. I struggled out of the blankets, stumbling to my feet. "I am not some fucking child, and I won't have you treating me like one. I'm a warrior, Morgorth. This is my home. What did you expect me to do?"
"Oh, I don't know. Call for me!" He flung his hands in the air.
"Iger was tasked with finding you, and he did. But there wasn't any time to waste. I had it under control."
"You didn't have anything under control." He shoved into my face. "You were reckless, and you nearly got trampled."
"Reckless?" I let out a harsh laugh. "You're one to lecture about being reckless."
Morgorth grew paler. I grew resentful.
"Grekel came to me for help. Two puppies were in danger. It's my job to protect them."
"No, it isn't. It's your job to stay safe. This is my home, not--"
My gut clenched. He stopped talking. Morgorth looked away.
"Finish it," I whispered, my throat raw.
"No."
"Finish what you were about to say."
"No. Aishe, I didn't--"
"You were about to say that this was your home but not mine. Right?"
He backed away from me, looking at the floor. I saw shame in his eyes, but at that moment I didn't want to soothe. I didn't want to comfort. I wanted to hurt. I wanted him to feel what I was feeling at that moment.
"After everything... after those mages came here," I continued, my voice soft but cutting like a blade. "After I stood by your side, protected you from Dyrc. Protected you from their treachery. Cared for you when you were in the magick fever. Loved you. Was loyal to you." I paused. "After all that, what do you want from me? What do I have to do to prove that I belong here?"
His eyes shot to mine. "Aishe, my love, you do--"
"Do I?" I growled. He flinched. "Do I, Morgorth? You said yourself once that your world wasn't mine."
"I was wrong."
"You're right. You were wrong." I spread my hands. "Where is my home, Morgorth? If not with you, then where?"
"Aishe--" His voice broke.
"What do I have to do for you to accept me into your home? Your life?" At that moment I felt helpl
ess, confused. Tired. "You still see this as your home. Only yours, and me as a guest."
"No."
"Yes." It sent pain searing through my heart to realize it, but it was true. "You still see Geheimnis, Vorgoroth, Happy Valley -- you see it all as only your home. Not mine. And until you do..." I swallowed. "Until you do, I'm homeless. You're making me homeless, Morgorth."
He looked speechless. He'd turned ashen, his eyes looking sunken. Shivering, he crossed his arms tightly against his chest.
He looked away again. "I don't mean to," he whispered.
"I know," I said. "But that's the truth. My first home was wrenched violently away from me. And when I'm trying to make another home..." I couldn't finish.
I walked past him. He lashed out and gripped my arm. "Wait. You're not... leaving?"
Panic was in his voice, in his eyes. Fear. At least that was something.
I lightly touched his hand, removing it from my arm. I kept my voice calm. "No. I just need to be alone."
I heard him swallow. "Okay."
I briefly met his eyes before leaving our bedroom. I walked down the corridors, not caring where I ended up. The elation after rescuing the wichtln pups had long since disappeared, and in its place was a cold, hollow feeling. Something I've felt before and never wanted to again. But, only that time, I had a light, something that propelled me forward. Something that filled me.
Now, I didn't even have that. I didn't know what to think. Hadn't I shown through my own actions that he was my mate? That this place was my home as well? Didn't I have a right to protect my home?
I stopped walking and turned and pulled out my sword, striking it again and again against the stone wall. The ringing sound echoed down the corridor, the blade leaving scratches upon the stone. My blood burned, my heart throbbed. I suddenly felt helpless once again, and I detested that feeling. Suddenly exhausted, panting, I leaned against the wall and lowered my head.
There'd been times during our hunt for Kayl that I'd wondered if Morgorth and I could work. I had almost doubted he would ever love me. There were times I wondered if I should give up. But I hadn't, and I was here. I couldn't give up now.