by M. D. Grimm
"But he fell into the magick fever."
"Of course he did. But he should have died," Master Ulezander insisted, "either from the magickal acts themselves or from the magick fever. Again, he demonstrates such power that he just shouldn't have at his age. I could barely accomplish such a feat without help from outside elements."
I swallowed hard. "And he knows all this?"
"Yes."
I nodded slowly. It vexed me that Morgorth never told me any of this, but I knew how fear made him silent. My voice was quiet when I finally said, "It would scare him more, considering what destiny has written for him."
Master Ulezander's lips curled as he slashed his hand through the air. "I don't believe it."
I blinked in surprise. "Why?"
"It is sheer arrogance to assume what the Mother has written for any one of us. It is just as arrogant to assume what she has planned for Morgorth."
"But the other two--"
"You know him." The mage stared into my eyes, his intense gaze boring into mine. "You see him. What do you say?"
"I--" He must have known what my name meant. I needed to know more before I could answer him. "Is that why you took him as an apprentice? You didn't believe his destiny?"
"When I took him on as an apprentice, all I saw was a young child who needed someone to guide him and protect him until he could protect himself. Only when the Council came to my doorstep and ordered the child's murder, did I learn what they thought he would become."
"And you still protected him?"
The great mage's eyes narrowed. "To punish a child that has done nothing wrong and suffered such agony is detestable. At that moment he was not a Destroyer, he was a child, a child who needed me."
I nodded. My heart contracted when I heard the emotion behind Uzzie's words. "He's fighting it as hard as he can. He doesn't want to become the Destroyer."
"No, he doesn't. He fears it. He also fears his magick as much as he loves it. And that could prove disastrous. If he continues to fear and doesn't learn to control his magick, in the end it will control him."
"That's why he's neglected some of his training," I said, suddenly understanding.
Master Ulezander nodded. "He thinks that if he can stop training, stop himself from becoming more skilled, then he will never be powerful enough to become the Destroyer. The opposite is true. It makes him weak, and weakness will destroy him."
"Have you talked to him about this?"
"I can only do so much, Aishe. You are his confidant now. More than I ever was or could be. You must show him these things."
I saw worry in his eyes, though I could see him trying to hide it. I sensed as well, if just in his essence, his love, his fear, his desire to protect Morgorth.
Master Ulezander eyed me. "Do you understand why he isolates himself out here?"
I nodded. "He removed himself from the Council, from his childhood torment. He has Happy Valley to guard and visit, since he would drive himself insane if he was isolated from all life. And the creatures here," I looked around, "they offer him a companionship that is simple and direct. He doesn't have to worry about them stabbing him in the back. He understands their needs and desires, their natures."
He nodded with an approving smile. "You know him very well. You were well named."
I was humbled. A short silence stretched between us. This was the longest I'd spoken to Uzzie, alone, since meeting him. I didn't want to waste this opportunity. "Did Morgorth ever tell you that the Mother visited him as a child?"
I could tell by the way he whipped his head toward me, the widening of his eyes that he hadn't known it.
I bit my lip, but concern for Morgorth made me speak. "Please, don't tell him I told you. Promise me."
"You have my confidence. Now, tell me."
"She visited him the night before the night he escaped. She comforted him, took away his pain. She blessed his escape. She filled him with hope."
The mage closed his eyes tightly and rubbed his brow. "You idiot," he whispered. I knew he wasn't speaking to me.
"It confuses him," I said after a moment of silence. "His supposed destiny -- and the fact that the Mother guided him. She cares about him."
Master Ulezander nodded. "It would. But it only serves to prove that she has other plans for him. Plans we cannot fathom, ones we are not meant to know yet."
We were silent for a moment.
"He will need you. Will you stay with him?" Master Ulezander asked quietly.
I met his eyes. I whispered, "Always. Our destinies -- whatever they might be -- are intertwined. Whatever happens, I will be with him."
He seemed satisfied with that.
"Then he stands a fighting chance to take whatever is thrown at him."
I smiled slightly.
"Go to him," he said a short moment later. "He needs you now."
I paused. Since he was being so open toward me, I wanted to ask him a question. But I feared the answer. I tried hard not to think about it, but I must know eventually. "Master Ulezander, I have a question to ask."
"Yes?"
"Morgorth has told me many things about himself. He's told me a little about his childhood, his training with you. His founding of Geheimnis. But he never speaks of the time between leaving you and finding his home."
I met the mage's eyes, but his own were shielded. "Do you know what he did during that time?"
"Yes."
I blinked. "Can you tell me?"
"No."
I knew, just by looking at him, that no amount of persuasion would get him to talk. I knew there was a dark side to my mate, and the words of Dyrc had come back violently to my mind. Those you've tortured, killed. I didn't want to believe that bastard, but I knew the rumors about Morgorth, his reputation. Not all of them were pretend.
I wanted to know what he'd done, but I was also frightened of it. I didn't know when I would ask him about it, but it wouldn't be today.
I turned and took two steps before turning around. "Master Ulezander, he will never say it, not to anyone, but I do believe he sees you as his father, in all the ways that matter."
Master Ulezander beamed for a short moment, looking many years younger, and then his smile shrank, yet his eyes danced. "Aishe, I will never say it to him, but I see him as my son in all the ways that matter."
My heart fluttered in my chest. I bowed my head. He bowed back. Then he clasped his hands behind his back, turned on his heel, and walked away, whistling.
I turned and jogged away.
***
I found Morgorth sitting on the landing outside the front doors of Geheimnis. His legs dangled over the edge, and his chin was cupped in his palm. I said nothing as I walked over and sat down next to him. His eyes were glazed over. I sat close enough to feel his body heat, but not close enough to touch.
I didn't know how long I waited there, but eventually he blinked, his eyes refocusing. He finally realized I was sitting next to him.
He cleared his throat, staring down at his hands.
"Will you be all right?" I asked gently.
"I don't know," he admitted. His hands fisted. "I nearly... Mother's bosom, I nearly killed him." Morgorth stared at me, eyes filled with fear and confusion. "I nearly killed my mentor. The mage who protected me, who gives a damn about me. Who... who's always helped me. What's wrong with me?"
His voice cracked. Damn it.
I scooted closer and wrapped my arm around his shoulders. "Why don't you tell me what happened?"
He shuddered and closed his eyes. "The battle... It started off as usual. I used speed and my youth against him. He stayed sturdy while I kept moving. His voice was in my head as I fought him. He told me to use my strengths, to disadvantage my opponent any way I could. Then... I don't know. Something changed. The excitement got to my head, I guess. I could keep up with him. I could keep up with a mage who has so many years on me, and is so much more powerful."
I rubbed his back, remembering Master Ulezander's words.
> "And then I was winning. And I just..." He sighed. "I had to prove myself, to him, to the damn Council, that I was a mage worthy of some fucking respect. And then my magick just got away from me."
I nodded. "You saw the Council when you looked at him, those who wanted to murder you as a child."
He shrugged, but it was little more than a jerk. "I guess."
I kissed his temple. "You don't need to prove anything to anyone, Morgorth. Not to me, nor to Master Ulezander. But, just like me, you had to prove something to yourself."
"Yeah, well, what did I prove?"
"You have control."
He frowned at me. "Control? Did you see me out there?"
"Yes, I did. And you didn't kill him, did you? You stopped yourself, that's what matters."
He opened his mouth. Then closed it. He looked at the forest below us.
"I lost control of my magick, Aishe," he said softly. "Just for a moment, I lost control. If I keep allowing that to happen, I'll become a monster."
I thought of what Master Ulezander had told me. "You fear your magick."
Morgorth whipped his head to me. He glared. "What the fuck are you talking about?"
I tilted my head, not concerned by his anger. Not this time. "Your magick was your salvation and your curse. Magick was why your father treated you like a weapon. Magick helped you escape that torment. But magick also made the mages scared of you. You love it, and yet you also fear it."
Morgorth stared at me, his mouth slightly open.
"Sometimes fear is a good thing," I continued. "But when it hinders growth, makes us fear what we are good at, then it's a terrible thing. You are good at magick, Morgorth, and that's not a bad thing. Embrace it. Being a mage is who you are." I tightened my arm around him. "Control your magick, my love, don't let it control you. Understand it. If you do that, you need not fear that you will become a monster. Keep growing stronger and more knowledgeable about magick. It's the only way you won't fear it."
Morgorth continued to stare at me for a few more heartbeats before turning his stare to the forest once more. It would seem it was my turn to protect Morgorth. Protect him from his fears, his doubts. I had to protect his heart, since he said that I was his heart.
"It's not fair," he whispered.
"What?"
He scowled. "Not only are you taller and more muscled than me, have better hair, have a confident warrior's skill, and you grew up with a loving family... you have to be smarter than me, too."
I blinked, and then I laughed. I hugged him before turning his face to me, kissing him all over it. He gripped my back and didn't resist my affection. I finally pulled back to see him smiling slightly, his cheeks red.
"I'm not smarter than you," I said. "I just see you. Remember what my name means? And I know you. I know you very well. And I still love you."
He smiled fully at that. "Well, that proves you can't be all that smart."
"Exactly."
He smirked. "I really don't know if I like you seeing me so well." Then his tone changed, becoming serious. "Thanks for that, Aishe. I needed you right then. I wasn't... feeling too well."
I nodded, serious again. "Yes, I know."
Morgorth continued to stare at me, and then his eyes narrowed. "You didn't follow me right after I left, did you?"
I wasn't going to lie to him. I shook my head.
"You spoke with Uzzie."
It wasn't a question, but I answered anyway. "Yes."
I expected him to be angry, indignant; instead, he just sighed heavily. "Yeah. That mage. He's always sticking his nose in."
"For good reason."
He shrugged. "Maybe."
"Will you apologize?"
He raised an eyebrow. "Are you joking? I beat him fair and square. He said I passed. And I didn't kill him, thanks for pointing out. I don't owe him anything."
I snorted. He kissed me.
We didn't come down for dinner that night.
***
Master Ulezander left that morning. He seemed... jovial. Considering Morgorth nearly killed him, he was in a very cheery mood. We stood on the landing outside the front doors of Geheimnis. It was actually a clear day though gray clouds shown on the horizon. Another storm was brewing, but for now, I was enjoying the blue sky.
"Remember to practice, Morgorth," Master Ulezander said as he gripped Morgorth's forearm in farewell. Morgorth gripped him back, a small smile on his face.
"I don't dare forget." Morgorth jerked his head toward me. "This one will keep me honest."
I smiled.
Master Ulezander and I traded grips, and the look he sent me was full of meaning. I remembered our conversation, and nodded. We let go, and he took a step back.
"Your training is not done, Morgorth." Master Ulezander looked pointedly at my mate. "Phase three will begin sometime in the future."
Morgorth didn't bother to hide his grimace. "Shape-shifting."
His mentor grinned, and I actually saw the light of pure amusement in his eyes. "And perhaps some dreamwalking. But yes. Shape-shifting. I expect you to know the basics before then, maybe even to have shifted once or twice."
Morgorth grunted, his brows furrowed. "Ouch."
Master Ulezander chuckled, inclined his head to both of us, then vanished. He'd teleported himself without even a whisper of sound. Rubbing my arms against the sudden chilly wind, I looked at Morgorth, who was staring out into the distance, a pensive look on his face.
"Dreamwalking?"
Blinking rapidly, Morgorth turned to me, smiled. "Yep. Dreamwalking. Did it once while I was still in Phase One training. Didn't like it."
"You walked in the Dreamworld?" Fascinated, I wanted to know everything he saw.
He shrugged, the way he always did when I asked about magick. Will he ever understand the master of magick he really was? He had power, yes, but also skill. Did he ever just stare at what he'd created -- Geheimnis, the trees and gargoyles he infused with life -- and wonder at himself? Those crystals he used to sustain enchantments, all the beasts who owe him loyalty? I was convinced I'd seen barely half of what he could do with magick.
The very fact he could shrug off walking in the Dreamworld was also a testament to how much knowledge and experience he had. It was at times like this that I felt inadequate.
He must have sensed something, his dark eyes suddenly bored into mine, his head tilted slightly. "What is it?"
I shook my head and turned to stare at Vorgoroth. "You amaze me, that's all."
A soft silence fell between us. Then he sighed. "You have to know, the feeling's mutual."
I couldn't help but smile. Yes, I knew that. Somehow, someway, this dark mage found me amazing. I was just a dialen warrior, one with only healing magick to offer, but even that was so very different from the magick he wielded. I was really no one special in the grand scheme of our world. Not like he was.
The seventh son of a seventh son. The Destroyer. His destiny.
And yet, he'd chosen me. He needed me.
"Come." He held out his hand to me. I took it. He then grabbed my other hand and his eyes began to glow, becoming that wonderful shade of amber. I felt the magick hum against my exposed skin, twinkling like strange stars around us.
Then I could see nothing, but I felt compressed on all sides, not painfully, but it was certainly not comfortable. I couldn't breathe, nor could I feel heat, cold, or even Morgorth's hands gripping mine. I felt alone and panic caused my heart to leap painfully in my chest. I couldn't hear even that strange buzz of silence that often happened after listening to a loud sound for a long time.
Even as I registered all these things, even as my body was deciding whether to fight or flee, I was standing in Vorgoroth. The wind bit into my flesh, I could hear it whisper between the trees. I could feel Morgorth's hands gripping mine, and I could see him, his eyes returning to their usual dark brown. The magick dissipated from the air, back inside him.
I gasped and pressed my hand to my chest, staggering ba
ckward. I gulped in air as my body stood confused and bewildered. But my mind knew what had happened. He'd done this to me before, and I really didn't like it.
"You just teleported me." My voice came out in a croak. I cleared my throat.
Morgorth winced. "Yeah, sorry." He scratched his head.
"You could have warned me."
"We've traveled this way before, remember? It's nothing new."
My heart calmed even as my anger rose. I didn't care for his flippant tone. "You could have at least told me we were going to teleport. Then I wouldn't have panicked. I told you before I didn't like it. I was close to fighting my way out of that... place. What would have happened if you'd lost your grip on me? Would I have been stuck there?"
"I would never have let you go."
The factual tone, spoken calmly, seriously, stopped my tirade. I forced myself to breathe slowly, to look around at the cold beauty of the forest. My anger lessened; it had only been brought on by fear.
"Just warn me, would you?" I said softly. "Even if it's just to tell me what you're about to do."
"Promise."
I nodded. Kneeling down, my back to him, I began building a small snowball. Then I stood and swiftly spun around, trying to catch him off guard. It appeared he'd anticipated me though, and dodged my ball. He launched one of his own at me -- most likely made the same time I'd made mine -- and caught me full in the face.
"Score 1 for the mage!" He laughed.
I laughed even as I spit snow from my mouth. I dodged his next ball, and made one as I ran behind a tree. Now my heart raced for a much more pleasurable reason. I peeked around the tree, quieting my presence. I wondered when he would start cheating with his magick.
I sensed him behind me even though I couldn't see him. I spun around, one knee hitting the ground. The snowball flew over my head even as I launched my own right at the spot where the snow was flattened by two boot prints.
My snowball hit its target, and seemed to splatter into an invisible barrier. I heard an "oof" just as Morgorth flickered into visibility. He cupped his hands around the sensitive area between his legs. Somehow I'd managed to hit his groin, and I'd been throwing at full strength.