by Anne Douglas
His eyes, still bright, were fixed on her face. ‘There’ll be no need for you to miss me, Rosa. You could come with me.’
Go with him? The world spun as she tried to understand him, to read what he wanted of her. It couldn’t be what it might be – could it?
‘What do you mean, Daniel?’ she asked bravely. ‘How could I go with you? You want me to find a job in Edinburgh?’
‘Of course not! Rosa, listen—’
He was leaning forward, totally concentrating on her, when their waitress came to them, her tray at the ready, her smile fixed.
‘Mind if I clear? There’s a lady and gentleman waiting for this table.’
‘Oh, God – sorry!’ Daniel snatched up the bill she had laid down and left a handful of coins beneath a plate. ‘Sorry about that, we were just going …’
‘That’s quite all right, sir. Just pay at the door, eh?’
As a sour-faced, sombrely dressed couple took their places, Daniel and Rosa, heads bent, hurried to the cash desk, where, as soon as Daniel had paid the bill, they were able to leave the café with sighs of relief.
‘How embarrassing,’ Rosa murmured. ‘We’d stayed too long.’
‘What does it matter? I wanted to get out of there, anyway. Let’s walk by the river.’
‘I’m worried about the time—’
‘This is not a day to be worrying about time.’
Daniel’s face was unsmiling as he took Rosa’s arm.
‘We have things to talk about, you and me. Where no one will be listening.’
Nineteen
‘What a relief to be out of there!’ Daniel went on fervently as he took Rosa’s arm and walked with her again by the loch. ‘I was going mad, thinking of what I wanted to say and how I was going to say it, stuck there among the teacups and the gossipers and the waitress hovering—’
‘What – what did you want to say, then?’
Rosa, churning with suspense inside, was mystified by the way Daniel seemed to have changed in a few moments, from being full of excitement over his new job to fretting that he hadn’t yet said whatever else it was he wanted to say. He’d said something, though, and it didn’t make any sense. Suggesting that she should go to Edinburgh but not for another job? How could she do that? What was in his mind?
‘We have things to talk about’ he had said, and here he was, walking with her, just the two of them as he wanted, yet he was saying nothing while she was on pins, longing to know what he might want to say and trying not to worry about the time and whether she would be late back or not. Well, if she was, she was, and that was all there was to it. Here, on the banks of the Ness, was where she must stay until Daniel told her whatever was in his mind. Or heart.
His heart? Why had she thought of that when there could be nothing in his heart for her? He had given it to Lorne.
‘What do I want to say?’ he said now, turning his look on her. ‘I know what it is, but I’m not sure I dare say it. I mean, I don’t know … how you’ll take it.’
‘Try me,’ she said breathlessly. ‘There’s nothing you could say to me that would upset me, Daniel. I know that for sure.’
‘Maybe you’re worrying, though, about getting back? I don’t want that.’
‘I’m not worrying. Not really.’
‘Let’s go back to the van, anyway.’
How he was putting things off, wasn’t he? As they made their way to the van and drove off for Inverness, Rosa was almost trembling with anticipation of whatever it was he wanted to say. She would not allow herself to guess, would not face the disappointment of getting it wrong, would prepare herself … Oh, but for what?
Suddenly, when he had parked the van, he turned her to face him in their cramped seats, his blue eyes on her seeming dark in the shadows of the van, his hands on her shoulders very firm.
‘Rosa, I want to ask you—’ He halted and took away his hands. ‘Will you … marry me?’
There it was. Something she had not had the courage even to imagine. Had not even permitted herself to dream might happen, for even in her dreams she would have thought what he’d just asked was quite impossible. He belonged to someone else, didn’t he? Whether that person wanted him or not.
At the look on her face, he laughed uneasily. ‘Does it seem as bad as that, Rosa? What I’ve asked you?’
Keeping her gaze away from him, she shook her head. ‘It’s just – it’s so unexpected.’ Not to say, a shock.
‘Because we haven’t been out together very much? That’s what some folk might say. But we’ve known each other all our lives, haven’t we? We lived in the same village, went to the same school. And I have to ask you now because I’m going away and I couldn’t bear to go without knowing … if you’d consider me.’
His truly handsome face was serious, his eyes searching hers when he added quietly, ‘I know we’d be right for each other, Rosa. I know we could be happy.’ He put out his hand to take hers but she drew away.
And, before he could speak again, said in a voice she hardly recognized as her own, so clear was it in putting into words what she didn’t want to say, ‘You shouldn’t be asking me to marry you, Daniel. You love someone else. You’re not free.’
‘But that’s it!’ he cried eagerly. ‘I want to be free! And you could help me, Rosa, if you would accept me as I am, as someone who loves you. In a different way from … your sister.’
‘A different way? There’s only one way, Daniel.’
‘No, there’s a right and a wrong way, and I love you the right way. I told you we could be happy and I believe that, because we’re right for each other in the way Lorne and me never were. Now she’s found love elsewhere, she needn’t come between us, which means I can build my life with you and forget her.’
Gently, Daniel touched Rosa’s face. ‘Won’t you help me, Rosa? I knew as soon as I met you again in the park that you were right for me, the one I should have loved from the start, only I met … well, you know how it was. I met Lorne and became … entangled.’
‘And still are,’ said Rosa, her voice low.
‘I am, I admit it. You see, I’m being honest. I’m not free, but I want to be. I want to be married to you and make you happy. If you take me, we can make things work, I know we can.’
As she said nothing, he took both her hands and held them fast. ‘Please, won’t you put me out of my misery? I know it’s a lot to ask and you deserve someone better than me, the sort of man I wish I was who could come to you with no past to remember. If you say you don’t want me, I’ll understand, I will. Only, Rosa, say something!’
What to say? Rosa pulled her hands from his, twisting them together, her eyes cast down as she tried to gather her thoughts under his blue stare. If this was truly no daydream and Daniel really wanted to marry her, shouldn’t she have been over the moon, have been crying, ‘Yes, yes, Daniel, I will marry you, I will!’
But she could say nothing. Not while the pretty face she knew so well danced before her eyes and kept her silent. Its owner might be in America, might never be seen again by either Daniel or Rosa, but she would always be there, always be between them. Did Daniel think he could escape her? Not while he loved her.
He might say he loved Rosa, too, though in a different way, and she believed he did, but was it what she wanted? To be married with her sister’s image in the background? To have to trust that that would fade and she and Daniel would be true lovers at last? Would that happen?
‘Daniel, I must go,’ she said quietly, putting her hand on the handle of the van’s door. ‘Let’s not say any more just now.’
‘You want us to part, Rosa? Go our separate ways? I thought we’d be engaged.’
Engaged? The word had such emotional waves about it, carried such meaning for women who wanted marriage and could see it on the horizon, Rosa caught her breath. Only a short time ago, wouldn’t she have given all she had to be ‘engaged’ to Daniel MacNeil? If she refused him now, turned him down, what would be left to her? A world without h
im? Without even hope of happiness? Wasn’t it possible instead, that married to her, Daniel would gradually forget Lorne as he was so desperate to do?
Supposing he didn’t?
Rosa turned away her head and sighed a long, painful sigh. ‘Daniel, I don’t know what to say,’ she told him slowly. ‘I want to marry you, I do, but maybe not this way. I mean, Lorne would be with us everywhere, even if she doesn’t know we’re married, because she’ll be in your mind.’
‘If I forget her, she won’t be, and you will be there to help me make it happen, make our marriage strong. Couldn’t you do that, Rosa?’
His blue gaze on her was pleading and as she met it and thought again of how her life would be if she let him go, suddenly, with one last sigh, she gave in. Fell into his arms and let him hold her, returned his kisses, never smiling, only taking in the seriousness of what she had chosen for her future – and of the strength she would need to make that future work.
‘I’ll have to tell Da,’ she said, releasing herself at last.
‘And I’ll have to tell my mother,’ said Daniel.
‘Whatever will she say?’
‘We know what she’ll say, but don’t worry – she’ll have to accept things in the end. And we won’t be seeing much of her anyway.’
‘I’d like to be on good terms with her.’
‘I told you, don’t worry.’
They exchanged quick kisses and gazed into each other’s faces, finally letting a little radiance shine through before Rosa left the van and Daniel went with her to the gate.
‘Let’s meet again on your next half day, Rosa, same place, same time, and we’ll discuss our plans.’
‘Our plans,’ she repeated softly, thinking how strange, how amazing it was that suddenly they had them. But then, so much had become amazing in so short a time, it was difficult to take it all in. Whatever would they say, back at number twenty-five, when she told them?
‘I hope the folk you work with will approve,’ Daniel remarked, perhaps reading her thoughts. ‘Don’t let them put you off me, will you?’
‘Of course they won’t do that, Daniel! Why should they? They’ll be happy for me.’
‘Well, don’t forget to hand in your notice.’
With one last kiss, they parted, Rosa to run down the area steps, Daniel to turn back to his van, the thought in both their minds being the same – that their lives had changed for ever.
Twenty
How lightly she ran down those area steps! How radiant was her face as Hattie let her in the back door! The women in the kitchen didn’t need to be detectives to see that she had some exciting news, but when she lost no time in telling them what it was and stood back, ready to receive their congratulations, a little smile curving her lips, nothing happened. There were no congratulations, no smiles, no cries of surprise, no hugs or kisses. Only silence.
Looking from one face to another, she couldn’t believe they were taking her news in this way, with not a word, not a smile from any one of them. Worst of all, for some time they didn’t even look at her – until Mrs Banks, her face twisting with disapproval, did move her gaze to Rosa and began to speak.
‘Well, who’d have thought it, Rosa Malcolm! That you’d let yourself get engaged to your sister’s cast-off! Whatever were you thinking of? And what sort of a man is he, then, making out he’s broken-hearted one minute and the next marrying his sweetheart’s sister, eh? Tell us that!’
‘Aye, it doesn’t bear thinking about,’ Agnes put in, staring at Rosa as though she were a stranger. ‘After all I said to you, Rosa, about not getting involved, you’ve just gone ahead and taken on a man like that. It’s so upsetting!’
‘Why?’ cried Rosa, catching her breath. ‘Why should it be upsetting? Daniel was very deeply hurt by my sister – he still is hurt – but he thinks I can help, that I’m right for him. Why should we not be married?’
‘It’s like Mrs Banks says,’ Greta declared solemnly.
‘He’s your sister’s cast-off, Rosa. I tell you, I’d want something better than that if I wanted to get engaged.’
‘Me too!’ cried Hattie, keen to add her piece.
‘Why, seems to me, Rosa, your young man just wants somebody to look after him, eh? Anyone’d do!’
‘I’m going to get changed,’ Rosa said stiffly, thinking she would not, whatever she did, cry in front of these people she’d thought were her friends but who only seemed to want to hurt her. Well, she was going upstairs to see the mistress – just let them all see what she made of her engagement, then! Mrs Fordyce at least would understand!
Yet even Mrs Fordyce was a bitter disappointment to Rosa, for it seemed she was no more approving of the engagement than her staff in her kitchen. Rosa’s fiancé must have all too quickly got over his broken heart if he could be offering marriage to the sister of the girl who’d broken it. Had Rosa really seriously considered his proposal? Could she be sure he would be, well, faithful?
‘I trust him, ma’am,’ Rosa declared, only just preventing her eyes from flashing. ‘And I love him. I know he will make me happy.’
Mrs Fordyce sighed heavily. ‘Oh, well, if you’re sure and your father is happy about it. I suppose the young man has spoken to your father in the correct manner? And is your father happy about the engagement?’
‘I’ll be writing to him, ma’am, and I know there won’t be any problems. He’s very fond of Daniel – I mean, Mr MacNeil.’
‘You’re sure of that, Rosa?’
‘Oh, yes, ma’am, very sure. And I’m sure I’m doing the right thing.’
But Mrs Fordyce’s young face had not lost its worried expression. ‘If that’s true, Rosa, we must just wish you every happiness. You will certainly be missed. You’ve always been an excellent worker, and it has been appreciated. When do you wish to leave?’
‘I’d like to give a week’s notice, ma’am, and then go back home to see my father and prepare for the wedding.’
‘So soon! Surely you should wait, at least have a long engagement?’
‘Mr MacNeil has to leave for a new job in Edinburgh at the end of the month. I’d like to go with him.’
‘I see. Oh, well, then—’
There seemed to be no more to say and Rosa, having bobbed a curtsey, left her mistress to change reluctantly into her uniform and go downstairs to face those in the kitchen and give as good as she got, as she’d already decided she would. She wouldn’t let them say one more word against Daniel!
As it turned out, however, there were shamefaced looks greeting her when she went into the kitchen, and though Mrs Banks said nothing as she began to put out the pans she needed, Agnes said quietly, ‘Rosa, we’d like to say we’re sorry, about, you know, speaking to you like we did. It’s none of our business what you want to do and if you’re happy, well, we wish you all the best, eh? Is that not so, girls?’
‘Quite right,’ Greta and Hattie agreed, while Mrs Banks, in the background, gave a sniff and quick nod.
‘Don’t worry about it,’ Rosa said quickly and warmly, relieved that the atmosphere had now lightened. The others were sorry they’d spoken as they had, which made them still her friends who wished her well, and she felt a great rush of regret that she would very soon be bidding them goodbye. As she readily submitted to hugs from Greta and Hattie, while Agnes looked on, smiling, Mrs Banks remembered to find her usual nerves over dinner for the Fordyces.
‘Now, are we going to get this dinner ready and the table laid or not? Greta, you and Rosa away to the dining room, Agnes be sorting out the silver, Hattie, you make a start on the tatties, eh? Time’s getting on.’
All was back to normal, routine enfolding them, everyone happy, though as soon as dinner was over and the work done, Rosa let feelings of amazement again wash over her. It seemed to her, as she lay at last in her narrow bed, that she was still living a dream. Had Daniel MacNeil actually asked her to marry him? No, that was something so impossible, she hadn’t even let herself imagine it. He loved Lorne; he didn�
��t love her. How could he have asked her to marry him?
Yet he had. He had! They were to be married within a month, they were to go to Edinburgh together, Lorne was to be forgotten …
‘Oh, Rosa, what a sigh!’ cried Greta. ‘I could hear it right across the room! What’s up?’
‘Have you been dreamin’?’ asked Hattie. ‘Did you just dream you were getting wed?’
‘No, I did not just dream it!’ Rosa snapped. ‘What a cheek to say such a thing, Hattie!’
‘Aye, Hattie, you just keep your mouth shut,’ ordered Greta. ‘You’re getting far too big for your boots – remember, you’re just a kitchen maid.’
‘Well, I’m thinking of applying for Rosa’s job,’ said Hattie coolly. ‘So there.’
‘Looks like you know Rosa’s not dreaming after all, then,’ commented Greta. ‘But can we all get to sleep now? You know what time we have to get up.’
Good advice, thought Rosa, but though Greta and Hattie soon drifted off, it was some time before she herself could find any sleep at all.
Twenty-One
Once she’d convinced herself she really was going to be married to Daniel, Rosa had been looking forward to going with him to Edinburgh as his bride. But it was not to be. As soon as they met on her next half day and were settled in his van, he told her, with a darkened look, that they couldn’t be married in time for her to go with him to Edinburgh. All the fault, it appeared, of the damned registrar.
‘He’s insisting we give at least four weeks’ notice of the marriage,’ Daniel snapped, ‘when it need only be fifteen days if he were willing to make things easy for us.’
‘But why should he not want to do that?’ Rosa asked sharply. ‘He can’t have any reason!’
‘It’s because of what happened before.’ Daniel lowered his eyes. ‘You know, when I had to cancel … the previous wedding.’
‘Oh.’ Rosa frowned. ‘Why should that matter now?’
‘Because the registrar says it means they’ll have to take extra care with their checks, so will need the full notice for the marriage to go ahead. A load of rubbish, if you ask me.’ Daniel shook his head. ‘What on earth are they looking for, anyway?’