by Anne Douglas
‘Rory didn’t ask you to marry him?’ Rosa asked, worriedly glancing at Daniel, whose eyes were riveted to Lorne’s face, though he said nothing.
‘Never did,’ Lorne replied, producing no more smiles. ‘And when I spoke to him about it, he seemed amazed I’d even thought of it. When I told him I’d always believed we would be wed, he just stared, and by then, of course, I didn’t need it spelled out. I’d been a servant, he was the son of the house – there was never any chance that we would be married. Hadn’t I understood that when we went away together?’
‘Why should you have understood?’ asked Daniel, breaking his silence. ‘Why should you not believe you could be wed? He’d told you he loved you, hadn’t he?’
Lorne laughed. ‘What men say and what men do are two quite different things. Anyway, he soon brought me down to earth when he said he was going to marry Miss Bellamy. He apologized for not telling me sooner, would you believe, but said I’d be well taken care of. He would pay my fare back home and give me money as well, so that would be all right, eh?’
‘The blackguard!’ cried Daniel as Rosa shook her head, her dark eyes fixed on her sister’s face.
‘What did you do?’ she whispered.
‘I told him I’d accept the passage money home because I knew I’d never get home otherwise, but I didn’t want anything else from him ever. I just … never wanted to see him again. Thank God I never will!’
After that, no one spoke for some time, until Rosa finally asked quietly if Lorne had first gone to their father’s on reaching Scotland, because he’d never said. But then he was the worst letter writer in the world.
‘Oh, yes, I went to Dad’s and he was thrilled to see me. But not Mrs MacRitchie, his lady friend, as you’ll guess, and neither were the folk in the village.’ Lorne gave a contemptuous smile. ‘Soon as I walked down the main street, you should have seen all the old cats pointing the finger! As though I cared! The only thing that shook me, really, was seeing Bluff House again. And then I had to get away. I didn’t want Rory’s folk knowing I’d come back, questioning me.’
Her smiles gone, her face bleak, Lorne was silent for a while, her eyes cast down as though she was reliving painful feelings she would not describe, while Rosa and Daniel watched and waited for her to continue.
But she had tired of talking, said she was beginning to feel she needed her bed, if that was all right? But first, making an obvious effort, she asked if they’d mind if she stayed with them for a short time. Just until she got settled?
‘I’d find a job,’ she added quickly. ‘I could find something, pay my way. But if you’d let me, it’d be a great help for me to be with you.’
‘Of course you can stay with us,’ Daniel said swiftly, beating Rosa, who was still hesitating. ‘No need to worry about that. Isn’t that right, Rosa?’
‘Oh, yes,’ she agreed, even managing a smile.
‘We’ll be glad to help.’
‘Even if I don’t deserve it?’ Lorne asked lightly, but neither Rosa nor Daniel would answer that, Rosa only being quick to rise to take Lorne to the spare room where the bed was already made up. The fact that, not long ago, Daniel had been threatening to sleep in that same bed, was not of course something Rosa would tell Lorne. For nothing must ever be told to Lorne that would allow her to guess that Rosa and Daniel had had problems. They were happy – that was all she needed to know.
‘Such luxury,’ Lorne observed, yawning as she looked around the spare room. ‘Never had anything like this at home, did we, Rosa?’
‘You must have had nice enough rooms in America, Lorne.’
‘I’m trying to forget America,’ Lorne replied, opening one of her cases, then suddenly coming to Rosa and hugging her close.
‘Rosa, you’ve been so kind, so good, I do appreciate it. But you were always good to me, weren’t you? I didn’t dare hope you’d still be the same.’
‘Lorne, don’t worry about talking now. I can tell you’re dead on your feet. Are you’re sure you’re all right? You’re so thin, now I come to look at you.’
‘I’m fine, Rosa. Just tired. I’ll be all right when I’ve had a good night’s sleep.’
‘Hope so,’ said Rosa, noting the great shadows under her sister’s eyes and the pallor of her lovely face. Was she really all right? No doubt it was true – she just needed her sleep. Tomorrow would probably see her looking very different.
‘Goodnight, then,’ she said a little awkwardly, the strangeness of having her wayward sister back from America and here, in Rosa’s spare room, striking her afresh. ‘If there’s anything you want—’
‘Just want to get to bed. Goodnight, Rosa – and thanks again. For everything.’
Later, in bed with Daniel sleeping soundly beside her, Rosa lay awake, wondering how things would work out now that Lorne was with them in their home. They weren’t used to having a third person to share their lives, had hardly even had any visitors, except Daniel’s mother that time. And then there was the worrying memory at the back of Rosa’s mind that Daniel had been in love with Lorne, would have married her if she had not run away with Rory Thain. Now that she was to be sharing his home and he would be seeing her every day, how could Rosa be sure his old love would not return and burn as brightly as it had used to?
Moving restlessly, it was not long before she woke Daniel, who suddenly put his lips to her face and asked her if she couldn’t sleep.
‘You might guess I can’t sleep,’ she answered, sighing. ‘Is it surprising? When my sister comes back out of the blue and is sleeping in my house instead of America? Why aren’t you lying awake too?’
‘You’ve no need to worry about me, Rosa. I’m not going to be losing sleep over Lorne.’
‘Is that true?’ Rosa whispered.
‘Of course it’s true. Look, you needn’t worry about me and your sister. My feelings for Lorne – they don’t exist. They’re dead. You’re my wife. I only care for you.’
‘But when you see Lorne every day—’
‘It will make no difference, I promise. We’ll do what we can to help her get settled, then let’s hope she moves out to her own place. Can’t stay with us for ever.’
‘Daniel, you don’t know how much better I feel to hear you say that.’
For some time, they kissed and caressed, until Rosa said she thought she might sleep after all, at which Daniel sighed and asked if she was sure that that was what she wanted.
‘Yes,’ she answered firmly, pushing him away. ‘Tonight I need my sleep.’
And finally, sleep came to both of them. While they slept entwined together in their double bed, in the next room, in her single bed, Lorne slept too, though not as peacefully. Dreams she would never remember persisted through the night and though, in the morning, she woke feeling she must be refreshed, she really didn’t feel like getting out of bed. Only when Rosa brought her a cup of tea did she rally and put on her act again, which was enough to set Rosa’s mind at rest.
Forty-Five
It didn’t take long for the people of the tenement to notice the attractive young blonde woman staying with the MacNeils, and speculation was rife concerning her. Was she just a visitor or had she come to stay permanently was the question, easily solved by Molly Calder, who simply asked Rosa outright on the stairs one morning, and on being told she was Rosa’s sister and might be staying a while, expressed even more interest.
‘Why, is she no’ the one who was in America then?’ she asked at once. ‘Why ever did she leave? Don’t folk say it’s the land o’ milk and honey?’
‘I think she just wanted to be back in Scotland, Molly. And she’s got no ties; she’s free to do what she wants.’
‘No’ married, then? Was there no fella in America wanting her to stay?’ Molly asked with interest, but at the closed look on Rosa’s face, apologized for seeming ‘nosey’. She knew it was none of her business to be questioning Rosa about her sister.
‘But she’s a lovely girl, eh? Though no’ like you, Rosa, an
d you’re lovely too. But all the fellas here are talkin’ about her, and no’ just the ones that are single.’
‘I daresay they are, but Lorne won’t be interested. She’s wanting a job. She’s out now, as a matter of fact, answering an advertisement for someone needed in a dress shop. She’d be good at that; she always looks good in what she wears.’
‘Awfully thin, though.’
‘They like thin girls for that sort of work.’ Rosa turned to leave and said she’d best get on, at which Molly hastily said she must go too. Maybe, she added, she could meet Rosa’s sister some time? Just to wish her well, eh?
‘I’ll arrange it,’ said Rosa, relieved to be taking leave of Molly, someone she liked to talk to, though not about her sister. Why was everyone always so interested in Lorne? Somehow, she drew folk without lifting a finger, and could usually get them to do her bidding. Not Rory Thain, though, for after the first mad falling in love, his holding himself apart probably came down to class. Lorne was good enough to run away with but not to marry. How foolish of her not to realize that! If she had, though – a little shiver ran down Rosa’s spine at the thought – she would have married Daniel. And where would Rosa be now?
Thank God Lorne had turned him down! Thank God he was Rosa’s to make happy. And when he’d said he had no feelings now for Lorne, he’d been quite definite. His feelings for her did not exist. They were dead – his very words. May they be true, always true, Rosa prayed, as she went about her duties, and then was happy to have her mind occupied with something else when Lorne came back, all agog, to say she’d got the job and was to start on Monday.
‘Oh, I’m so relieved!’ she cried, looking flushed and excited. ‘They don’t pay much – shops never do, but I’ll be getting enough to pay for my keep and have something left over. What a relief!’
‘I never wanted you to be worrying about paying anything,’ Rosa declared. ‘We’re family, we do what we can for each other, and that’s the way it should be.’
Lorne’s smile was suddenly rueful. ‘I didn’t always live up to that, did I? I seemed to remember I – well, used folk. Used you, Rosa.’
Rosa hesitated, unable to deny Lorne’s words and feeling again something she’d felt since Lorne’s reappearance – that she was very different now from the Lorne Rosa remembered. What had changed her? Leopards didn’t change their spots went the old saying, and Rosa had always thought it true, yet Lorne did seem to have turned over a new leaf since she’d returned from the States. Why should that be?
Maybe because for once she hadn’t got her own way, had had to come face-to-face with rejection and learn how to accept it? Or maybe she’d just grown up and found the world not quite what she’d thought it?
Whatever the explanation, she was much easier now to talk to, much more thoughtful than she’d ever been, and if she wanted to stay in Edinburgh for some time, well, Rosa could accept it. Daniel seemed to think that Lorne should find her own place to live, but Rosa was now becoming quite reconciled to her sister’s company, and with Daniel’s promise that his old love for her was gone, why shouldn’t they all three be happy for a while sharing the flat?
‘I’ll put the kettle on, shall I?’ Rosa asked, putting aside her thoughts. ‘Tea’s not exactly much of a celebration, I’ll admit, and you were probably used to something much more exciting in America—’
‘I wouldn’t say that,’ Lorne said quickly. ‘Later on, when Rory’s friends got him the bank job, things were easier, but in the early days when we first went off together, to be honest, it was tough. They stopped his allowance, you know, his folks, and seeing as he couldn’t have a proper job, I was the one who had to earn some money doing what I could find.’
At the expression on her sister’s face, Lorne nodded.
‘I can tell you’re surprised I wasn’t living the grand life over there in the States. But that’s the way things were and I didn’t mind because I did love Rory. I did think one day we’d be wed.’
For some time, the sisters were silent, Lorne seeming lost in thought and Rosa wondering if she would ever mention Daniel. Didn’t he come into her mind at all, then? Didn’t what she’d put him through matter to her? Or had she just forgotten him?
Slowly raising her eyes, Rosa found Lorne’s green gaze fixed on her, and as though some sort of telepathy existed between them then, heard her quietly ask, ‘Rosa, are you thinking of Daniel?’
‘How did you guess?’
‘Maybe because I’m thinking of him too. I know you’re wondering why I don’t talk of him, but the truth is I just feel too bad about him to say anything. It was only when Rory gave me up, you know, that I realized what I must have put Daniel through. Do you believe me?’
‘All I know is you left him, Lorne. I’ve no idea what you think about him now.’
‘I daren’t think of him because I know he must hate me.’ Lorne heaved a great sigh. ‘It was awful cheek of me to ask you to let me stay for a bit, but I just had to hope he wouldn’t mind me being here. Do you think he’s forgiven me?’
It was Rosa’s turn to sigh. ‘I don’t know, but he was happy for you to stay with us, so I suppose he must have done. Look, let’s not worry about it any more. You’re here until you want to go and we’ll just leave things like that, shall we?’
‘Oh, Rosa,’ said Lorne, shaking her blonde head. ‘What would I do without you?’
Forty-Six
As time went on, it seemed that all was working out well for the threesome in the MacNeils’ flat. Lorne’s new job at the dress shop suited her perfectly and she had already been told that the owners were delighted to have her, while Rosa, rather self-consciously, had taken up her artwork again and was doing well selling her drawings with the advice of the agent Jack had recommended. As for Daniel, he had said no more about Lorne’s finding a place of her own and appeared to have accepted her presence in the flat without complaint, which was a great relief for Rosa.
Sometimes, Rosa couldn’t believe how smoothly her sister had fitted into her new life. They got on really well, taking turns at cooking and enjoying exciting news in the newspapers, when they followed, among other things, features on the trial of Dr Crippen, who had been found guilty of murdering his wife and running off with a young woman, for which he’d been hanged, vying for the headlines with the news of the suffragettes clashing with the police when protesting over having no votes.
‘I mean, it’s so ridiculous that we can’t vote in elections when we know as much as any of the men!’ Lorne would cry, and Rosa, though not politically minded, didn’t hesitate to agree, while Daniel looked on politely, saying nothing. He didn’t argue with the women, perhaps because he didn’t want to upset Lorne, Rosa thought, being happy if that were true, for her main hope was that the two would get on, even after all that had happened in the past. Certainly, so far, the sharing of the flat had worked out well. Daniel must have meant what he said about his lack of special feeling for Lorne; maybe it was time to believe him.
She could never pinpoint when the change came, but suddenly it dawned on Rosa that Daniel was no longer looking at Lorne when they had occasion to speak. Being very polite, yes, but always when she turned her face to him, not meeting her gaze.
What did it mean? Rosa asked herself. Why shouldn’t he want to look at Lorne? She didn’t mind looking at him, but when she talked to him as they’d talked in the past, Daniel’s fine eyes were always somewhere other than on her face.
She wouldn’t mention it, Rosa decided, wouldn’t ask why Daniel should no longer want to look at Lorne. Had he taken against her? No, Rosa didn’t think that was it. He was just somehow ill at ease in her presence, which he hadn’t been when she’d first arrived.
Was it something to worry about? Rosa couldn’t decide whether it was or not. Daniel had never said anything to her that might explain his new reaction to Lorne, and indeed, the last time he had discussed her sister, it was to say that his old feelings for her were quite dead. What a relief it was for Rosa then
to remember that! In fact, so increased was her confidence, she decided she needn’t ask Daniel why he had somehow changed in his attitude towards her sister, and was beginning to feel happier in herself. Until the next worry surfaced: Daniel was spending too long at work.
So long, in fact, that by the time he came home he appeared exhausted and only wanted something to eat, which he usually didn’t finish, before going early to bed.
‘Goodnight, Lorne,’ he would say very formally, still not looking at her before retiring to bed, leaving Lorne one evening to exchange glances with Rosa and ask if she thought Daniel was all right. Perhaps he was overdoing things? Needed a tonic from the doctor? Like me, she added, lying back in her chair, while Rosa, for the first time in weeks, put Daniel from her mind and looked at her sister.
Why, she’s thinner than ever, she thought. There’s nothing to her; she could be blown away on a puff of wind. Why haven’t I noticed how she’s begun to look? Because I’ve been thinking of Daniel, only Daniel. But here was Lorne looking so thin she could only be unwell.
Overcome by remorse, Rosa asked at once how Lorne was feeling. She’d lost weight, she didn’t look well, had she thought of going to see the doctor?
‘Good Lord, no!’ Lorne replied. ‘I don’t need any doctor. I’ve been thin for years – it’s natural for me. Nothing to worry about.’
‘I don’t agree, Lorne. At least see Doctor Napier for a check, just to make sure. He’s very kind, very sympathetic.’
‘Maybe, but should I see him if I feel all right? What’s wrong with being thin?’
Rosa, unwilling to say she’d been reminded of their mother’s loss of weight in her last illness, shrugged and said all she wanted was for Lorne to see the doctor for a check. It would be worth his fee if he could set their minds at rest. Why shouldn’t Rosa go with Lorne to his surgery the following evening? Get it over with, eh?
‘Anything to have you give up nagging,’ Lorne said, adding that she felt a bit tired, she’d be away to her bed.