“Finished?” I ask, with a quirk of an eyebrow.
“I could look at you forever and it would never be enough,” he says, making my insides turn to mush. Fuck, I’ve fallen badly for this guy. It’s gonna hurt like hell when he realises he’s too good for me.
“Do you want some more to look at?”
“Oh God, what are you wearing under that coat?” I see his eyes sparkle as realisation dawns on him.
“Would you like to see?”
I watch the muscles in his neck flex as he swallows before saying, “Yes,” in a very deep, gravelly voice that makes liquid pool between my legs.
I lift my hands and begin with slowly undoing the knot in the belt around my waist. I keep my eyes on Jax as he begins to squirm in his seat. I love the power I have over him like this; it makes me feel like a goddess.
“Fuck, baby, you’re killing me,” he groans, when I reach up to start undoing the buttons down the front.
I swear his eyes get a darker shade of green with every button I open, and with every inch of skin I reveal.
“I have died and gone to heaven,” Jax says, when my coat eventually hits the floor and his eyes roam over everything I have just revealed. I am wearing a black and red set of lacy lingerie. The bra cups are so small and see through that they might as well not be there; I’m practically spilling out of them. The tiny thong barely covers my newly waxed mound, and the garter belt around my waist holds up the sheer black stockings that are covering my legs. I think it’s safe to say that Jax approves of my outfit.
Once he’s happy he’s taken in every inch of me, he gets out of the chair, sending it off into the room with his force, and pulls his t-shirt over his head and drops it to the floor with my coat. He walks straight up to he and lifts me into his arms. His hands immediately go to my arse and squeeze as his lips crash to mine again. He walks us backwards towards his desk, and just like in the movies, he swipes all the paperwork off before lowering me down on it.
“Wow, that was even hotter that I would have imagined,” I manage to get out, before he’s back on me. He’s like a man possessed and I fucking love it. His kisses are wet and dirty, and his hands are stroking and pinching whatever he can get hold of.
“You’re. Fucking. Amazing,” he says between kisses, as he descends down my neck and on to my breasts, before sucking one of my nipples into his hot mouth after lowering the cups of my bra. He continues his descent, and when he gets to my hips, he wraps his fingers around the waistband of the thong, and ever so slowly drags it down my legs before bringing it up to his face and breathing it in. The sight alone has me squirming with need.
“Jax, please.” And he doesn’t disappoint. He drops straight to his knees and has his mouth on me in seconds. He zeroes in on my clit and sucks on it, making me squeal before grazing it with his teeth.
“Oh fuck, Jax…yesssssss,” I shout, my heels digging into his back. He continues his onslaught on my clit and adds two fingers into me. “Oh God, oh God, oh God,” I chant as my release gets closer and closer. I haven’t got myself off since I last saw him, and I need this like I need my next breath. I feel his fingers brush over that magic place, and it sends me over the edge. “JAAAAX,” I shout as my body twitches uncontrollably as wave after wave of pure pleasure rolls though it.
I don’t even realise Jax has moved until I feel his cock pressing against my entrance. “Oh, fuck yeah, give me more, Jax. Now!” He slams into me in one single thrust, and barely gives me a chance to adjust before he starts pounding into me with such force that I can feel the desk moving under me. His hands are holding on to my hips so tightly that I know I’ll have a Jax brand tomorrow.
“I hope you brought some actual clothes with you as well, because I don’t think Ryan will be too pleased if you turn up at his later wearing that!” Jax says, once we have both got our breaths back after our simultaneous releases.
Chapter Five
Jax
I was making good progress with the project I was working on, but after being asleep for nearly two hours, Abbi has starting moaning and squirming around next to me. There is only one thing that she can be dreaming about, and shit if I don’t want all the details. If she hadn’t just miscarried our baby, then the ending to this particular dream would be very different to what is going to happen in reality. How I would love to find out how wet she is right now, and to give her the release her body is seeking even in its sleep. As is usually the case whenever I’m around this insanely sexy woman, my dick is hard and throbbing at just the thought of being inside her. Fuck, fuck, fuck!
I’m looking down at her when her eyes fly open, revealing dark shiny blue irises, showing just how turned on she really is.
“You having a good dream, baby?” My usually confident and forthright woman actually blushes as she thinks about what I’ve just said. “Oh, that good?” I probe.
“Your office desk,” is all she says before gracing me with her winning smile. Well fuck, that really isn’t helping my situation here.
“Oh yeah, that was damn good. Best surprise I think I’ve ever had. Well, other than finding you stood in Ryan’s doorway last summer. It was like all my prayers had been answered when I looked at you that day.”
Thinking that I really need to change the subject to something a little safer, I put my laptop on my bedside table before turning to look at Abbi. “How are you feeling?”
“Better, actually. I don’t feel as tired,” she says, as she props herself up against the headboard, looking a mixture of cute and sexy in her frilly pyjamas with her bright eyes and messed up hair. She has some colour back in her cheeks, showing me she isn’t lying about feeling better.
“That’s good. Are you ready to have that chat now?” I ask gently, not wanting to push the issue too much, but at the same time trying to make it obvious that it has to happen sooner or later.
“Let me go use the toilet and get a drink, then I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”
“You go sort yourself out, and I’ll get you another drink. Coffee?”
“Please,” she says, before disappearing into the en suite and shutting the door behind her.
When I get back, I find her sat crossed legged in the middle of the bed, waiting for me with a look of apprehension on her face. I sit up against the headboard and grab her hand in mine while I wait for her to begin. I can see that she is trying to come up with where to start.
“I should warn you that this is probably going to make you angry – like, really angry.” I think I sort of already expected that from how whatever it is has affected her mother.
“Okay, I’d like to say I’m prepared, but seeing as I really have no clue as to what you’re about to tell me, I can’t.”
I watch her nod her head before she looks down at her lap and begins. “I met him through a friend of a friend’s brother. We were at a party and they crashed it; unbeknown to us at the time, they spiked all the drinks when they got there and set about enjoying the effects the vodka had on a bunch of fourteen year olds.” I clench my fists at my sides to try to stop me interrupting her. The pain she is showing already at just reliving the beginning is pouring from her.
“I remembered them from school. They were a couple of years older than us, but a year younger than Ryan. The one that we all used to fancy when he was at school, Charlie, although everyone called him Spike, took a liking to me straight away. I thought it was great, because he was the one all the girls wanted, and there he was with me. He was different from when he was at school, because he was now well and truly inked up. He was covered in what I now think of as menacing tattoos - you know, the skulls and imagery of death sort of things.” I just nod at her encouragingly, even though I already want to go and rip this guy’s head off without even knowing what it was exactly that he did.
“He was really sweet. He was for months, actually. He would take me out to the cinema, MacDonald’s, bowling - that sort of thing, or we would just sit somewhere and chat for hours. He’d
tell me about college and the courses he was taking, as well as asking me about school. He seemed to really care. Mum and Dad knew I was hanging around with him, because they’d seen us together, but they thought we were going out as a group. He never came into the house, though; he only ever picked me up from the door. I wasn’t brave enough to let Mum, Dad, or, more importantly, Ryan, anywhere near him. Ryan was seriously unimpressed with my friendship with him; he had an idea as to what they were like, but he didn’t fully understand it. Plus, he was so busy trying to get into uni that he wasn’t paying as much attention to what I was doing.
“He started taking me to more and more parties, plying me with drink. Everyone was doing it, so I thought it was normal. I was fifteen by then, and getting drunk was what everyone at school was talking about, so I just went with it. There were many, many mornings I would wake up with no recollection of what happened the night before.” The more she says, the more I can feel my heart rate quicken and my anger start to flow through me. I’m trying to keep my cool for her sake, because the last thing she needs is for me to lose my shit over this.
“I knew they were doing other stuff, but I thought it was just weed and I turned a blind eye to it, always refusing to do it myself. He got me to trust him more and more. I thought the sun shone out of his arse and would do anything he said. Well, it got to the stage where he was telling me that his mate wouldn’t give us any booze unless we made it worth his while. He’d had me giving him blow jobs and hand jobs for months, and he used to tell me how amazing I was at it and how he wanted his mates to know how good I was.” I’m now struggling to sit still; every muscle in my body wants to get up and move, punch something, but I need to stay with her. She’s clinging on to my hand - I can only guess for strength to help her get through this.
“So when he suggested I do it for his mate in exchange for drink, although internally knowing it was wrong, I did it.” She looks up at me briefly, and I can see fear and disgust in her eyes - but more than that, I can see her begging me for understanding. I somehow manage to nod and twitch my lip at her in encouragement.
“It continued like that for a while, but soon he was asking for me to do more and more. I hadn’t slept with him, but I could sense it was coming. He continued being so sweet to me and I kept lapping up the attention. Well, it went as I expected, and he got me drunk one night at a party, before telling me that he wanted to make love to me,” I feel her shudder as she says it. “He told me how much he loved me, and if I loved him I’d do it. So, being the naive little girl I was, I did. It was fucking awful, hurt like hell, but he didn’t care; he was getting what he wanted.” She is shaking so bad that I pull her onto my lap and start rubbing her back in comfort.
“I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to listen to this.” I just hold her tighter, scared what of what might come out of my mouth if I open it.
She takes a big breath and continues. “This continued, and I just got used to it, I guess.
“It was Ryan’s nineteenth birthday and he’d come back from uni for the weekend. I had promised him and my parents that I’d be back in time for breakfast on the Saturday morning before spending the day with them. They thought, as they usually did, that I was spending the night at a friend’s, so didn’t really bat an eyelid. Well that night, from what I can remember, was…extreme. There were so many people at this party, most of whom I didn’t know. We started drinking, and him doing whatever else he did that I tried to ignore. As the night went on, the more drinks we had, the wilder people got. He’d already had sex with me in someone’s bed, but that wasn’t all he had in mind that night. He came back up from getting drinks with another guy in tow and told me he wanted me to let him have sex with me. I refused, because that was just too much. I begrudgingly did other stuff with his ‘mates’ but I was drawing a line. I don’t really remember anything else of that night.
“The next thing I knew, I was waking up in hospital with my parents and Ryan sat around my bed, looking distraught.”
“Fucking hell, Abbi.” I turn her around so she is straddling me and hold her to me as tight as I can without hurting her while she cries.
When her tears subside, she pulls back to look at me. Her hand comes up to my cheek and as she wipes it. I realise I have tears running down my cheeks as well. “I’m so sorry, Jax, please don’t hate me.”
“Oh, baby, what I feel for you is not in question here; it never will be. I love you, no matter what, okay?”
I feel her square her shoulders and swallow down some strength before she continues after telling me she loves me, too. “I only know what happened from what Ryan has told me since.” She takes another deep breath. “Apparently, me saying no wasn’t really an option, because they spiked my drink and did what they wanted anyway. When I was over an hour late for breakfast the next morning, the alarm bells started ringing, especially when Mum rang my friend’s house and they explained how I’d never been there. Ryan knew instantly that I was with him, so he got online and started looking at people’s profiles that he knew socialised with him. It didn’t take him long to come across where the party was the night before. Someone had apparently posted its location; that explained why there were so many people there. He called some of his mates and they came to find me. Apparently, the house was completely trashed and there were people passed out everywhere. They found me in one of the bedrooms, totally out of it. They rang the police and ambulances, wrapped me up in the duvet, and Ryan carried me out while waiting for the paramedics. They’d really gone to town; I was covered in bruises and scratches, and everything hurt like hell when I came to. Worst of it was, though, they’d done blood tests while I was out and it turned out I was pregnant; only a few weeks, but I was.”
“Motherfucker,” I say under my breath, but it’s enough for Abbi to start trying to comfort me instead of the other way around.
“As you can imagine, I wasn’t in the right state of mind to be making any decisions, but Mum went on and on until I eventually caved and had the pregnancy aborted a few days later. I was a nightmare after that, because once I’d come to terms with what had happened, I resented my mum for making me kill my baby. Now, I’m not saying I would have kept it, but I wasn’t allowed time to make my own decision. I completely fucked up what time I had left at school, and then had to retake everything at college the year after, which is why I’m a year behind graduating.”
“Fucking hell, Abs…that’s…fuck…” I’m so overwhelmed by all of that that I don’t really know what to say.
“So, I guess it’s all karma, really. I killed that baby’s chance of life without a second thought, and now I’ve lost one that I wanted,” she says quietly.
“Wait…what? You cannot actually believe that. Whatever the reason for your miscarriage, your past decisions are not to blame. It just wasn’t meant to be this time.”
“It doesn’t really matter, Jax; it’s all in the past now. I don’t want to dwell on it. I’ve moved on, and I am not that person anymore.”
“I can’t even begin to imagine how you managed to move on after that, but you have. Abs, you are by far the strongest person I know; I had no idea something like that had happened to you. You’re so…normal.” She raises her eyebrows in question to that comment. “Okay well, maybe normal isn’t the right word,” I say with a laugh. Christ, I would never have thought I could laugh so soon after her telling me that, but this woman in front of me is fucking magic. She absolutely astounds me.
“I’m sorry to ask, but what happened to him?”
“Well, turns out he was a heroin addict, and that night he was trying to buy some off the guy he wanted me to have sex with. Well, once he got hold of some, they both took a shit load but it was cut with a load of stuff it really shouldn’t have. They were both well dead before the sun came up that morning,” she says with a shrug.
“Fuck.” I let her words settle before saying, “Now, right there is your karma, Abbi.”
“True.”
Abbi
/> Jax spent a long time just holding me after my revelations. I can’t blame him; he didn’t see that coming at all, and it is more than a little bit shocking. Talking about it all now feels like it happened in another life; that, or I’m describing something that happened to someone else. It took me a good few years and a number of professionals to deal with it all, but I can say without doubt that I am over it now. Some would say that something like that should scar you for life - and yes, it’s always going to be there, but it doesn’t take up my thoughts or nightmares anymore. I have so many good things in my life, Jax being front and centre, and I allow myself to focus on those things instead. Yes, there have been moments over the past few months when I tried to leave him behind that it’s haunted me and dragged me down, but now I’ve got a second chance with him, all my time and effort is going to him, to prove I’m worthy of him despite all my previous bad decisions.
“No wonder your mum hates me!” he eventually says, releasing his hold on me slightly.
I pull back to look at him. I’m still sat straddling his lap where he put me a while ago, and I see some of the stress and anger leave his features. I don’t want this to weigh him down, either. I want us to move forward together.
“She can’t hate you, Jax; she doesn’t know you. But she’ll come around eventually, and she will love you because you are the kindest, sweetest, gentlest and most loving person I have ever met, and you make me so happy, Jackson Parker. Happier than I ever thought possible. Promise me you won’t let this affect us or bring you down. It’s so in the past, and I want it left there, please.”
“I’m probably going to be angry for a while, but I promise to let it go. I need to worry about you right now, and focus on the future. You’re right - the past is the past, and there is nothing we can do to change it or the decisions we, or others, made.”
Falling For Jax (Falling Book 3) Page 6