by Shana Vernon
P.S. Would you grab my arm, so I can tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel?
I’d written the same pick-up line he’d used on me months before, but this time it had more meaning. My fingers trembled around the pen. If anyone was worthy of becoming an angel at death, it was Ekon. I sent prayers to whoever was listening, demanding that he was treated with the proper respect.
The fires were lit under the ten bodies which were wrapped in white cloth. A flash of anger flew through my veins, swirls of light flowing out of my body at the thought of those members considered to have died in bravery.
They were wrapped in white as if to say they were somehow untainted, or pure. It sickened me that so many people will never know what really happened that night. They will never know they were mourning murderers of the innocent.
Master Locke announced that it was time for everyone to throw in their notes.
Sofia could not be convinced to write anything, so Ryder held her up as I approached the pyre, my steps feeling weighed down with lead. I reached Ekon’s bonfire, the flames roaring into the sky as people threw their wishes inside, the heat turning them to ash within seconds.
My hand trembled as I reached toward the blaze, the paper almost falling from my grasp. I whispered, “I’m sorry,” and tossed the note into the middle, glad I couldn’t see his body as it melted in front of me. Bile rose to my throat and I ran to the side in time to empty my stomach in the grass.
A warm hand rubbed my back as I finished, and I looked up into Quinn’s red-rimmed eyes. I launched myself into his arms and he buried his face into my hair. “I’m so sorry for your loss, love.”
I sobbed into his chest, my shoulders shaking. “No! I should be the one who is sorry. I should have been —.”
“Don’t you dare finish that sentence. We chose to go on that mission without you. You don’t get to blame yourself for the actions of others. We chose a life that involves a lot of risk, and we accept that blame on ourselves. Don’t take away from grieving him by placing blame on anyone.”
I nodded as tears continued flowing, his shirt becoming increasingly soaked by the second. He tightened his arms around my body and we just stood there, holding each other. Trying to find some comfort in each other’s arms. We waited until our eyes dried before breaking apart, and I saw Cade standing behind him, looking lost.
I walked up to him and opened my arms, folding them around his waist when he pressed his body against mine. No matter what he had almost done to Luka, or what views he had on vampires, he didn’t deserve to mourn alone.
The rest of the day was spent in our quarters, Ryder had pushed his bed alongside ours and we all laid down, our limbs tangled together. Sofia hadn’t uttered a single word since coming back from the funeral and I was concerned. She’d silently excused herself an hour before to go to the bathroom, and I was becoming impatient waiting for her to return.
I needed to make sure she was alright. I knew she hadn’t eaten, and I didn’t want her fainting. Walking over to the bathroom, I tried to push open the door, but it was locked. That was unusual since the bathroom was meant for multiple people and had stalls. It was never locked.
“Sof? Are you okay?” I shouted as I banged on the door.
Silence.
I knew she hadn’t snuck passed me, so she must still be inside. My heart began racing and I pounded on the door. “Sofia, open the door!”
Again, I heard nothing and my knees suddenly felt weak, my chest nearly exploding as I thought about what she’d done the last time she’d lost someone she loved. I took a step back and slammed my foot into the door, stumbling forward as the wood splintered. I pushed through the cracked opening and stopped in my tracks.
So. Much. Blood.
Sofia was lying on her back, immobile as blood gushed out of twin cuts on her wrists, her sai discarded on the floor. I let out a scream and falling to the floor next to her, my hands colliding with her body.
“Please be alive! I can’t lose you too,” I begged, choking on the thickness in my throat. My terror subsided minimally when I felt that her pulse, but I wasted no time blasting my rose healing light into her body.
Ryder crashed into the room having heard my terrified screaming, and fell down to the floor, her blood soaking his pants.
“Sofia!” He yelled, looking at me, his panic evident in his expression. “Is she alive?”
“Y…yes. I’m healing her, but she needs a blood transfusion now, “I said, stumbling through the words. “She lost too much blood.”
“Okay, okay. I’ll go get help.” He said and got up to run out the door, his boots leaving red prints on the floor.
I didn’t understand depression but I knew people could be drowning in it without anyone ever knowing. I thought she would have more to live for this time. I knew with her brother she felt that she had no reason to live, but she had a reason now. She had a purpose and people who loved her.
My healing light went out as the last of her wounds sealed up, and I sat back on my heels. Waiting.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t wake her up.
Chapter 27
It took the Guild healers twenty minutes to bring Sofia back to consciousness, and a full three days before she was coherent enough to form sentences. When she’d first woken up, I’d been so furious with her that if she hadn’t been so out of it, I would have yelled at her instead of hugging her softly and pressing a kiss to her brow.
The yelling would come later once she was in fighting shape again. I rested in the armchair next to her hospital bed, the privacy curtain pulled shut. My head leaned against the cushion and my eyes were closed, though my mind raced as I worried what Sofia would say when she decided to speak to me. An expected sound came from beside me and I cracked open an eye, focusing on Sofia, who’d just woken up and was looking around.
“I’m sorry,” Sofia croaked as she noticed me, before lowering her eyes.
I erected myself in the chair. “Sof. I’m going to ask you one time, and I want your complete honesty. Can you do that for me?”
Her eyes stayed trained to her legs, but she bobbed her head.
“Do you want to die?” I asked, my voice trembling as I forced the words out of my lips. The fact that she had locked the door made me feel like she hadn’t done it for attention. Hopefully, it was a cry for help.
She hesitated a moment before lifting her face, her hazel eyes swimming in tear. “I don’t know,” she whispered.
My heart stopped beating in my chest and my stomach dropped. That wasn’t the answer I was hoping for. I didn’t want her to feel like dying is a better alternative than living. I climbed into her bed and wrapped my arms around her. “Can you explain that please?”
Tears lined my eyes and I willed them to remain inside, not wanting to add to her stress. It broke my heart that Sofia wasn’t sure if she wanted to live. Especially when she always seemed so full of life. How could she not see how many people loved her and wanted her around?
She dropped her head on to my shoulder. “When Miguel died, he was my whole life, and I didn’t think I could continue without him. I don’t have any other siblings, so I’m not sure how it would be if we weren’t twins, but Miguel was the other half of my soul. A part of me died the moment he did a while before I tried to kill myself.
“After I was found and saved, I still didn’t want to live. I was given mandatory counseling sessions and I faked it with the therapist. I pretended I was getting better and that I understood I had reasons to live. I didn’t mean a word I said, but I planned for the next time I would try to take my life.” She paused, rubbing her wrists, the scars completely healed again.
I didn't understand why her scars mattered to her, as we never discussed it, but I could tell that they did. I hated being the one to have taken that from her.
“Did you know that women are more likely to attempt to commit suicide, but men are more successful?”
I shook my head, unsure where she was leading
with her question.
“It’s because women try to find the cleaner ways to die. It isn’t so easy to take your own life, but men typically just pick up a gun and blast a hole in their heads. Women are less likely to try that.
“Anyway, I was still convinced I would try again the next chance I got, until I spoke with my neighbors. They were this adorable old couple who would make us cookies and we would help them with bringing in groceries and stuff like that. One day, Ruth, the wife, showed up at the Psychiatric facility I was staying in and told me I needed to get my shit together. She said I needed to get back at the bastards who murdered Miguel. Apparently, I was trashing his memory by wasting my own life.”
She chuckled, as if replaying the moment in her mind. “At first, I was shocked, but then I started getting angry instead of sad. I buried my grief and leaned on my rage, teaching myself how to fight with daggers before going after them. Even though I only got one and ultimately got caught, it seemed like a step to avenging my brother.
“After that, I was immediately shoved into the Guild and didn’t have time to consider it again.”
“And what about now?” I asked, giving her a reassuring squeeze.
She sighed. “Now, I feel the same, but different. On one hand, the grief is almost as intense. It is all consuming, and debilitating. One the other hand, there are other people in my life now, like you, and I have a purpose. We are doing something good and important, but in that moment, I was too overcome. I couldn’t consider everything else I had to lose.
“Now I have considered it, and I want to live. I do, I’m just scared to be without him. I know it seemed like our relationship was somewhat superficial, but it went much deeper than the surface. He healed the fractured parts of my heart, only to break it all over again with his death.”
I rubbed her arm, “Of course it went deeper than that, Sof. We all saw how much you loved each other. We didn’t look at you guys that way. What you had was real.”
She let out a sob. “It really was.” She looked up at me. “How do I move forward from this?”
I held my hand out for her to take. “I don’t know, but maybe we can figure it out together.”
After confirming that Luka was home and could take care of her, I sent Sofia to the penthouse with my car, promising to be there as soon as I could. I wanted to prepare something that I hoped would help her heal.
I finished gathering the supplies and putting them into my bag when Axel entered the initiates’ quarters with an announcement.
“Master Abbott has summoned us all to the training area outside at once.”
Ryder met my curious expression with a shrug and put his shoes back on. “Maybe it’s another funeral tradition,” he offered.
Axel exited the room and we all filed after him, Ekon and Sofia’s absences hitting me hard. Pain twisted in my chest and I tried to block it out to prepare for whatever awaited us.
We walked somberly passed the cafeteria, the loud boisterous noise emanating from within making my rage soar. After so many of their acquaintances met their deaths just a few days before, they were joking around as if nothing happened. As if Ekon’s ashes weren’t placed in a jar and sent to his family the day before.
Bright tendrils of light flew off of my body like steam rising from a mug of coffee on a cold, winter day. A hand slipped into mine, and I looked up into Ryder’s sky-blue gaze. He squeezed my hand reassuringly before letting go. I knew he was right. Getting angry now solved nothing, and it definitely wouldn’t’t bring Ekon back.
We exited into the courtyard, a group of people already clustered around, waiting for us. Masters Abbott, Wilson, Doku, and Locke stood looking serious, with Cade and Quinn by their sides. The mask over Quinn’s emotions slipped, and I saw his worry as we approached.
We halted in front of them, looking around expectantly.
My aunt stepped forward. “You have all been called here for your final examinations before becoming full Guild assassins. If you pass today, you will be allowed to accept your own contracts without a Master overlooking them. I know after recent events some of you might be distracted but do try to give it your all.”
Distracted? Seeing a colorful butterfly was a distraction. Losing a loved one was a heart-breaking disruption in life. I was disgusted by how callous she was.
She gestured to a table with a host of plants on it. “Your knowledge of poisons will be tested by Master Doku over here. Then, you will have a hand-to-hand combat examination completed by Master Wilson. Next, your understanding and skill of weapons will be analyzed by Master Abbott. And finally, your gifts will be examined by myself.
“I know it might seem daunting without time to prepare but worry not. You’ve had the past year to train and ready yourself for this moment. Please advance to the table beside Master Doku and begin your evaluations. Good luck.”
I stepped up to the line behind Hailey, her straight, black hair swinging behind her as she walked. She saw me out of the corner of her eye and sent me a reassuring smile. It was crazy to think how far we’d come since we arrived at the Guild. I certainly wouldn’t call it friendship, there was no more bad blood between us.
I waited my turn, watching as the initiates in front of me answer questions about the various plants and powders spread out, smiling when Ryder walked away looking triumphant. He must have begrudgingly studied in private.
Hailey moved on to the next station and I took a step forward.
My turn.
Master Doku gave me a polite smile and gestured to what looked like a necklace.
“Ms. Bishop, in order for you to continue forward with your next examination, you must correctly identify the poison you see here, what happens to the one who is poisoned, and how lethal it is. After this, confirm if there is an antitoxin and what it might be.”
I leaned toward the necklace, and at closer inspection, I realized it was a string of rosary beads. The red and black beads were not actually beads, but seeds. Clearing my throat I said with confidence, “These are rosary pea seeds, and contain the poison known as abrin. It is more deadly than ricin, but not as fast acting as other poisons. Only three micrograms of abrin is needed to kill a fully grown human, which is less than the amount included in just one seed.” I paused, swallowing the dryness from my throat.
“The symptoms from abrin are difficulty with breathing, fluid in the lungs, nausea and vomiting, overall organ failure, and severe dehydration. The symptoms typically last for around three to four days before the body shuts down. Last I checked, there was no antitoxin or antidote available for treating abrin poisoning.”
I waited; my breathing halted as she observed me. She finally nodded and handed me the string of seeds, which were carefully entombed in a glass case.
“Congratulations, you may proceed forward to the next station.”
I accepted the gift with a smile and made my way to the mats by Master Wilson. He was already waiting for me with a warm smile plastered on his face.
“Okay, Lenna. Time to really let loose and give it your all. I want to see exactly what you can do. No weapons, not even your light.”
Rolling my shoulders, I stepped onto the mat and slipped into a defensive position, considering how I would show my skill level. He moved forward, quicker than a man of his bulk should be able to and aimed a blow to my chest. I shoved it to the side and threw a punch to his right shoulder, which he deflected.
“Come on, Lenna. No need to be shy. Come at me!” He taunted, his fingers gesturing me forward.
I obliged, spinning low to the ground, my leg thrust out to knock him off balance. He saw my move in time to jump over my feet, but I’d anticipated that, and used my position from the floor to balance on one hand and kick up, landing a blow to his diaphragm with all the strength in my leg.
My energy buzzed in my body while my blood pounded in my veins. I was born and raised for these moments.
He grunted and stumbled back, before righting himself and bounding forward. I was a
lready back on my feet and twirled out of the way, landing a jab to his ribs from behind. I didn’t hear a crack, but I could see the pain in his eyes as he wheeled around.
We moved at the same time, throwing punches left and right, each deflecting more hits than landing. I quickened my pace, knowing that was one single advantage while fighting without powers. He landed a harsh jab to my side, and I knew I needed to finish it quickly. The moment I slowed down, his strength would overpower mine and I would be done for.
I fainted toward his stomach, and he took the bait, his arms lowering to block my maneuver, but it was already too late. I spun and delivered a fully charged roundhouse to the side of his face and he dropped to his knees instantly. He shook his head, trying to shake away his dizziness while I waited on the side.
He took a few deep breaths before heaving himself back to his feet and approached me, hand out for me to shake. “Great job, Lenna. That kick was something. I’m still a little dazed.”
“Thanks,” I said, passing him a small current of healing energy, flowing out from our grasped hands.
He nodded his thanks and I moved on. It seemed like everyone before me had passed the first three trials, and yet I had a sinking feeling when I looked into Master Abbott’s smirking face. Something was off with him. He looked way too pleased for a standard examination. I didn’t have a chance to figure out what was going on before he beckoned me closer and pointed to three objects on a table.
“You must give name to each weapon and put on a demonstration of how to use them,” he said, his snide smile stuck to his face. His grey-streaked black hair gleaming along with his soulless eyes. I wanted to slap the look right off his face.