by Penny Jordan
When at last Raoul moved over her, her body quivered ecstatically in response, glorying in the surge of pleasure fusing between them as she arched to welcome his body into hers, her fingernails digging deep into the muscles of his sweat-slick back, the fierce sound of pleasure emitted from his throat echoing the elemental urgency she could feel soaring deep inside her.
All the delight in the universe seemed to be concentrated inside her; their bodies were no longer two separate entities, but one united whole, seeking and finding together the pleasure which was the nearest the human race could ever come to savouring eternity.
Afterwards she slept, deeply and dreamlessly, waking with the dawn, drowsy and satiated with satisfaction, her body as sleek and supple as a mountain cat's—until she turned her head and found that at some time during the night Raoul had left her.
CHAPTER NINE
IT was Zenaide who told her that Raoul had gone to see his uncle, the Sheikh, and that he had left a message to say that he might be gone for several days. His uncle—or Nadia—Claire found herself wondering bitterly. He might have made love to her, but that didn't mean that he loved her. Her hand brushed against the flat curve of her stomach as she remembered the feeling of nausea she had experienced earlier, and her haunting fear that she might be carrying Raoul's child returned. Up until now she had managed to keep it at bay, reassuring herself that she could not possibly be pregnant, but now she wasn't so sure. And there was Saud to worry about as well. How could Raoul leave them now, after what had happened? And moreover leave them so that he could be with Nadia?
He had been gone three days before Claire could bring herself to admit that she was pregnant. Her persistent sickness and the growing fullness of her breasts made it impossible for her to hide from the truth, and she was sure that Zenaide too had guessed. On one front at least, though, she could not accuse Raoul.
She had noticed how closely Ali stuck to both Saud and herself, remaining in the vicinity even while they were in the courtyard, and Claire had become particularly careful about Saud's food, making sure that no one apart from herself had access to it.
The knowledge that she was to have Raoul's child pushed aside some of her overwhelming anxiety for Saud, her mind grappling with new problems and fears. How could she leave her child behind with Raoul when they were divorced? But how could she stay, even if Raoul were to permit her to do so? The ideal solution would be for her to leave before Raoul guessed that she was pregnant, but that would mean deserting Saud. Her problems seemed insoluble.
On the fourth day of Raoul's absence, Claire woke to the familiar nausea striking her as she tried to leave her bed. She had learned to move more gingerly, taking her time in dressing and leaving her breakfast until she was sure the sickness had subsided. She was down on the beach playing with Saud when she heard the sound of feet crunching along the path. Tension feathered across her nerves instantly, the fear of danger to Saud never far from her mind, but it was Raoul who was striding towards them across the sand.
It was only when she shaded her eyes from the sun to study him properly that Claire saw the glitter of anger darkening his eyes. Fear trembled through her as she wondered at the cause of it. Was he angry because they had made love? Had Zenaide perhaps said something to him that had made him realise she was pregnant? She hadn't intended to tell him yet, not until she was properly sure, but his first words drove all thoughts of the baby out of her mind.
'I am surprised to find you still here when your lover has been so anxious to contact you—even to the extent of contacting our London Embassy. Have you any idea how I felt,' he continued bitingly, 'when I was summoned from an important meeting to be told that someone had been making urgent enquiries about you?'
Someone? Fear struggled with incomprehension, until the truth dawned. Teddy must have been trying to contact her, or someone on his behalf. Had he had an accident, was he hurt? Anxiety took the place of fear, her emotions mirrored clearly in her eyes as she struggled to her feet.
'Teddy…' she began urgently, only to fall silent as Raoul said thickly:
'So it's true, you do love him, so much so that I merely have to mention his name and you are filled with concern for him.' A muscle beat spasmodically in his jaw. 'I wonder if he will still feel the same about you once he learns that you have given yourself to me… abandoned yourself to me would be a better description,' he added softly, 'because there was total abandonment in the way you offered yourself to me, wasn't there, Claire?'
What could she say? She was too worried about Teddy to bandy words with him. 'I must go back to the palace,' she mumbled unsteadily, her mouth feeling as though it were full of marbles. 'I must ring…
'Teddy?' Raoul interrupted viciously. 'By all means, if only to tell him that he will make no further attempts to get in touch with you while you are living here as my wife. Indeed, I shall be surprised if he wishes to once he knows the truth, and you will tell him Claire, otherwise I will do it for you.'
With that threat ringing in her ears, Claire followed him blindly back up the path to the palace. Saud was balanced easily in his arms, chattering away in his as yet indecipherable private language, unaware of the tense atmosphere existing between the two adults.
Mentally checking the time difference, Claire worked out that she ought to be able to get through to Teddy's school. She knew the number, but because of the language difficulties she was forced to ask Raoul to ask the operator for it. He had told her she could make the call from his study, and although she had never been in the room before, apart from noticing that it was furnished functionally rather than anything else, she paid little attention to her surroundings.
She had expected Raoul to leave once he had requested the number, but to her dismay after handing the receiver over to her, he lounged on one of the divans, watching her twisting the telephone wire in nervous fingers. Willing him to leave, Claire turned her back on him. Why was he staying? To make sure that she told her 'lover' about her marriage? Dear God, how was she going to be able to speak to Teddy properly with Raoul there?
At last, when she was on the point of giving up, someone answered the phone. A voice she dimly recognised as belonging to the headmaster's secretary spoke into it, and haltingly Claire asked for the headmaster, too pursued by fear for Teddy now to worry about what conclusions Raoul might draw.
'Ah, Miss Miles,' she heard the headmaster saying calmly. 'I'm so glad you've got in touch, and you must excuse me for not using your married name by the way, but I'm afraid I don't recall what it is…' He sounded so normal and calm that Claire felt a little of her tension easing away.
'Teddy,' she blurted out. 'Is he all right? Someone's been trying to get in touch with me, I believe…'
'And you thought something was wrong? I'm so sorry my dear. Teddy is fine. No, we've been trying to contact you about the holidays. Teddy wrote to you, I believe…' He broke off and murmured something which Claire didn't catch, her mind recognising with appalled dismay that she had never replied to Teddy's last letter. 'Look, I'm getting him to come to the phone. I know you'll feel more reassured if you speak to him yourself. He badly wants to come out and see you,' the headmaster was continuing, 'and if it's at all possible, I should strongly recommend it.'
'But…'
She was about to protest when the receiver was put down and then she heard Teddy's familiar voice, weak tears of relief pouring down her cheeks at his, 'Hi, sis. You've remembered that I exist at last, have you? Look, can I come out and stay with you?'
'Look, Teddy, I don't think it's a good idea,' she managed to interrupt before he could continue. 'It's terribly difficult getting out here, and…' She broke off as the receiver was wrenched out of her hand.
Raoul was towering over her, his face almost white with rage. Before she could stop him, he muttered thickly, 'I told you what to tell him and what I'd do if you didn't…' And then as he raised the receiver to his ear, Claire distinctly heard Teddy's reedy voice exclaiming anxiously, 'Claire? Sis, a
re you still there?'
For a moment there was deadly silence, Raoul's eyes locking with hers. Claire trembled, knowing that he too had heard what Teddy said, and then he was speaking into the receiver, his voice oddly warm and reassuring as he intoned, 'Teddy? This is Raoul speaking, Claire's husband.'
Teddy must have said something, because there was a silence from Raoul's end, and then he was saying, 'Of course you can come out. Yes, that's right, there can be problems with flights, but we'll organise something. Yes, I'm looking forward to meeting you too…' He handed the receiver back to Claire. 'He wants to say goodbye to you.'
Numbly she spoke to Teddy, letting Raoul take the receiver from her when she had finished. Again a tense silence filled the room, and then Raoul said quietly, 'I think we'd better have a talk, don't you? No more lies, please, Claire,' he continued curtly when she would have spoken. 'You can't honestly expect me to believe that your supposed lover is a boy with his voice still unbroken, who calls you "sis". And I can't understand why you should have allowed the misconception in the first place.'
'Can't you?' Her voice was bitter. 'Perhaps it just seemed easier to let you go on thinking the worst about me. You'd already made your mind up…'
'And you didn't care enough to change it?'
Why should he sound so tired? Honesty compelled her to admit a little of the truth. 'It wasn't that. I just thought it would be easier… safer…' He looked at her and she forced herself to meet the look in his eyes.
'Safer? But it wasn't, was it, Claire? Do you honestly believe if I had known that, I would have…'
'Made love to me?' she ventured with a brave smile.
'Among other things. But what's done is done, and now I want the truth. All of it,' he added implacably.
Slowly she told him, taking a deep breath and speaking in a low, husky voice.
'So the money was for Teddy's school fees?'
Claire hung her head. 'Yes… I would have helped without any sort of payment… I wanted to help because of Saud, but you were so cutting and unkind, and I'd been worrying for months about how I was going to afford to keep Teddy at school. It's almost his home to him, you see,' she added unconsciously, pleading with him to understand. 'Since we lost our parents he's been so insecure. I wanted to provide him with all that he would have had if our father hadn't died.'
'And what about you, Claire?' Raoul asked huskily when she finished. 'Was there no one who could have lifted the burden from your shoulders? You were what when you lost your parents? Seventeen? Eighteen?'
'Eighteen,' Claire admitted, swallowed hard, hardly able to believe that it was tenderness she heard in his voice. 'I… I was just about to start university, but of course that was impossible. My godmother helped as much as she could, but her second husband has a family of his own… She often gave me little treats… That visit to the Dorchester…'
'Foolish, selfless Claire,' Raoul murmured over her downbeat head, 'so ready to deny herself for the good of others. I will arrange for Teddy to come out and stay with us, and you need no longer concern yourself with his school fees.' His mouth tightened when he saw her expression. 'No, Claire. Teddy is now my responsibility.'
'But… but our marriage is only temporary,' Claire reminded him breathlessly, 'and he can't come out here. I had to tell him something,' she reminded him. 'I couldn't just disappear, so I went to the school and I told him we were getting married, but…' She licked her lips, suddenly frightened to admit to Raoul the lie she had told Teddy.
'But?' he prompted, frowning. 'You didn't tell him you were marrying a man of mixed race, is that what troubles you? The shock he will have when he sees me?'
'No!' Her protest was vehement and instantaneous. 'Of course not. Teddy wouldn't worry about a thing like that. No, I told him we were in love,' she admitted miserably. 'I didn't want him to worry, or suspect anything you see. There are several Arab boys at the school and if I had told him the truth, he might have let it slip and it could have endangered Saud… Raoul, what's wrong,' she asked uneasily, watching the slow tide of dark colour creep up under his skin. 'I shouldn't have lied to him, I know, but it seemed the most sensible thing at the time. Are you… very angry?'
'Only with myself,' he told her in a voice tight with pain. 'I was judging you by my own standards, Claire, and I find it humiliating to see how ignoble they are compared with yours. Of course Teddy must come out to see you, he has been anxious about you. You haven't replied to his letters.'
'I forgot,' Claire agreed, gnawing her lip gently, thinking how wonderful it would be to see her brother—and how impossible. Surely Raoul could see that?
'I'd love to see him,' she admitted, 'but we, I… we can't, Raoul. He's not naive. He's bound to realise that… that…'
'We aren't in love?' Raoul supplied for her. 'I think you are worrying far too much. Children tend to accept things very much at face value. Once he knows that we are sharing a bedroom as do other married couples, I doubt he will give the matter another thought.'
'But we aren't,' Claire protested, 'I mean we don't share a room.
'No, but for the duration of his stay we shall do so. He can have my room and I shall share yours. No more protests, please, I assure you I shall not take advantage of the opportunities such intimacy will afford me. You are quite safe, Claire, you may accept my word on that.'
'And Saud?' Claire pressed. 'What…?'
'Leave that to me. I shall explain to him that Saud had been orphaned and that as I am his legal guardian he will be brought up by us. In fact, I have been thinking…' he glanced at her and smiled mockingly. 'Poor Claire, you have far too soft a heart, how are you going to deny the claims of your three "children" when the time comes to leave me and make your own life?'
'Three? But…' Her heart started to thud erratically, her hand going protectively to her stomach. Surely he didn't know?
'But we do not know yet that you have conceived my child?' Raoul taunted. 'Ah, Claire, I am hoping that you have.' He saw her thunderstruck, disbelieving expression and laughed. 'I want to keep you with me, Claire, and I will use every means I can to do so. You already love Saud, you can't deny it, and I have been thinking that even when it is safe to reveal his true identity he could have no safer or more secure home than one presided over by you. And your brother. He is how old? Twelve? He will need your care for many years yet, and not merely financially. And lastly there are our children, Claire. If you give them one tenth of the love you shower on Saud, they will indeed be fortunate…'
'I am surprised you want me as the mother of your children,' Claire said bitterly. 'You were betrothed to Nadia…'
'Who is of a different religion, and a world away from the warmly maternal creature that is you, Claire. Nadia leaves her sons to be brought up by others. I suffered from that myself and have always sworn that I would not allow a child of mine to be torn in the way that I was. That is why…' He broke off, and said instead, 'My uncle, the Sheikh, will approve. He has liked you from the start.'
'And because of that, and two children, you expect our marriage to continue? You don't even…'
'Even what?' he taunted. 'Want you? You know that is a lie, Claire. My body finds a pleasure in yours that heats my blood just to think of it, and you are not, I think, indifferent to me. It need not be a bad life. You will be financially secure always, you will have the love of your children, and the…'
'Desire of my husband?' Claire demanded bitterly. 'At least until he tires of me and turns back to his mistress. Oh, you need not deny it, Nadia told me that you were still lovers…'
'You are overwrought, and now is not the time for us to argue. Think about what I have said, Claire.'
'But are you sure you want it?' she murmured, almost beneath her breath. 'I thought you loathed me and that you couldn't wait for me to leave.'
He bent his head, his breath fanning her temple. 'If that were the case, would I have sought to ensure that you remain with me?' His hand pressed against her stomach as he brushed h
is mouth across her surprised lips, making his meaning quite clear. 'The first time I must admit I did not think of the possible consequences until it was too late. But the second…' He smiled teasingly, stunning her with the amusement she read in his eyes. 'Ah, the second time, I must confess that I hoped your womb might be receptive to my seed and that there might grow in it the child who would keep you here at my side.'
Later, alone in her room, Claire found herself dwelling on what he had said. There had been no mention of love, and her heart ached over that, but it was tempting to think he might be right when he said they could build a life together—Saud and their own children growing up, perhaps some tenuous emotion growing inside him for her once she was the mother of his sons… And wasn't it too late anyway to make any conscious choice? She was already carrying his child and she sensed that once he knew that he would never let her go. In his way he was to be admired, because he wasn't just denying her love, he was denying it to himself as well, and she sensed that, while Nadia would always hold his heart, as his wife he would accord her respect and outward support. But did she have the strength to settle for that? Did she have any choice?
After that the day slid lazily into one another, and although nothing more was said Claire knew she had made her decision, and that Raoul was aware of it. She still hadn't told him she thought she was carrying his child. They were due to collect Teddy from the airport at the end of the week and Claire intended to ask Raoul if it was possible for her to see a doctor at the same time.
He had not been able to discover who was responsible for the snake in Saud's cot, but no other attempts had been made to injure the little boy, and Claire was beginning to wonder if it had been merely an unfortunate incident after all.
The day before Teddy's flight was due, Raoul walked into her room unannounced, frowning heavily. 'I have to go away for a few days. It can't be helped, unfortunately,' he told her. 'There's been an uprising in one of the remote villages on the border. Someone's been stirring up political problems, casting religious doubts on the new education plans and I have to go and see if it can't be sorted out.'