He stood and kicked a pebble into the fire before turning away in disgust. Disgust with everything he’d ever done. Disgust with what he’d become.
There was no going home for him.
Twenty-four
Mairi floated in the warm, turquoise waters of the Indian Ocean, gentle waves lapping at her body, soothing her, rocking her.
It seemed only a short time ago she’d fought the nightmares, horrible dreams of cold and pain and shivering so hard it made her teeth ache. Dreams where the darkness closed in on her, trying to suffocate her.
Then Ramos had invaded the dream, driving away the dark and the stinging needles of pain in her hands and feet and face. She’d looked up into his eyes and had known she was safe, even without the small crooning sounds of comfort he’d made. All her pain and fear had melted away in the rejuvenating softness of his embrace. There in the depths of his blue-green gaze, she’d drifted off to her favorite dream haven, complete with glistening white sand and warm, aquamarine waves.
She reveled in the cocoon of warmth around her, not wanting to fully awaken. But the call to reality was persistent, and little by little, perceptions of her surroundings intruded on her dream paradise. Tiny bits of information at first, all jumbled together as she fought to remain under the surface of wakefulness: the enticing smell of Ramos surrounding her, the comforting security of his arms enfolding her, the intoxicating feel of his skin next to hers.
Her eyes fluttered open as she realized the sensation of Ramos’s warm skin against hers wasn’t part of the dream. It was real. The darkness that engulfed her only added to her confusion.
“Ramos?” The last thing she remembered was lying in the snow after falling from her horse. Now she rested next to him, both of them tightly swaddled in what appeared to be his plaid. “I dinna remember finding you.”
“You didn’t. I found you.”
Her heart skipped a beat at the sound of his voice. His chest, pressed against her ear, rumbled with the words. His muscles flexed under her as he reached to loosen their covering, allowing her access to the dim light of their surroundings.
“Where are we?” Though she didn’t recognize what little she could see, she felt no alarm. Instinctively she knew there was nothing to fear while she was in Ramos’s protective embrace.
“I believe it’s one of the shelters built for shepherds. It’s not much, but at least it’s dry.” Almost imperceptibly he tightened his hold on her. “How do you feel? Are you warm enough?”
“I’m fine.”
Mairi’s awareness of their skin-to-skin contact heightened her sense of well-being. Curving the sole of her foot to his leg, she slowly stroked up his calf, pausing as she felt his body stiffen.
Better than fine.
Nestled close to the only man she would ever want, she could think of very little that might make her feel better.
“Stop that. Be still now and rest. It’ll be first light soon enough.”
Other than having him feel the same way, of course.
“I’m well rested.” Sleep wasn’t the activity on her mind at the moment. She was wide awake. Turning her head slightly, she swirled her tongue around his nipple.
His body jerked and he grabbed her upper arms, pushing her away from him.
“I said stop that. I told you before, what happened between us won’t be repeated. I meant what I said.”
Leaning her head back, she looked up at him. Firelight glinted off his broad, bare shoulders, long silky strands of shining black hair their only cover. That husky tremor in his voice, the jaw muscle clenching, the desire in his eyes—Mairi took it all in. Ramos may think he meant what he said, but she knew differently.
“Oh really? Then why am I bundled up against you, no a stitch of clothing on either one of us?” She smiled up at him, sliding her hands along his chest, enjoying the twitching response of the hard muscles under her fingers. “I’m no complaining, mind you.”
“You were suffering from hypothermia. I needed to get your core temperature up if I wanted to save your life and that was the only way available. Believe me, Mairi, that’s all there is to it.” The muscle at his jawline worked still, a telltale sign of the force of will he exerted.
Again she smiled at him, tugging her arms from his grasp and sliding them around his neck, she pulled her body up against his until their faces were level. “I’m no convinced that’s yer only reason.”
“It is. What I allowed to happen before was a mistake. One that I don’t intend to repeat.”
“Dinna you now?”
Again she curved the sole of her foot to his leg, sliding it up his calf as she shifted over his body.
“Mairi.”
He growled her name in warning and she smiled down at him, slow and sure, when she heard the stress in what was supposed to be his reprimand.
“Shhh,” she whispered, lowering her mouth to his, tasting him, capturing his full lower lip with her teeth, running her tongue over its surface.
He groaned, his hands back on her upper arms, but he didn’t push her away this time.
She kissed her way to the side of his face, burying her nose in his neck, breathing him in, wanting to lose herself in the essence of him.
She traced the chiseled plain of his chest with her fingers, down his body, down to the ripples of muscle on his abdomen.
Lower. Down to the heated evidence of desire he couldn’t disguise from her. Feathering her fingers over the stretched, velvety skin drew another groan from him.
“Mairi, we can’t…”
The words sounded as if they’d been torn from his body against his will. She brushed them away, knowing she would have him.
He is mine.
“Oh, but we can. Dinna deny me, Ramos. No this one time. I need you. Here. Now.”
She tightened her grip, slowly sliding her hand up the length of him, pausing to stroke the tip of his shaft with the pad of her thumb.
What might have been a sigh shook his chest and he enfolded her in his arms. His hands slid up behind her into her hair, cradling her head like something precious as he rolled over on top of her. His eyes burned with emotion as he looked down into her face.
“God help me, but I don’t seem to have the strength to deny you anything.”
He crushed his lips to hers and she opened her mouth to capture his thrusting tongue, savoring the feel of him, the taste of him.
He raised his head, kissed her eyes, her cheeks, her chin, her neck. Down he moved, outlining the tingling mark on her breast with his warm tongue, fueling the burn of her need.
His hands slid down her back, down to her waist, down to her hips as his mouth moved lower, licking a trail of fire down her center.
Her hips seemed to lift of their own accord when his tongue flicked over the core of her need. Back and forth in sharp little attacks until she could hardly catch her breath.
A sound, low and needy, hit her ears. Had that moan come from her?
She thought she might have heard Ramos chuckle before his mouth captured the hardened nub of her desire, suckling as if she were some delicacy he sampled.
But she had no time to be sure because almost immediately his finger slipped into her, probing, pushing her over the edge, beyond her ability to control. Her body clamped onto him in a series of mind-numbing pulses.
He slid up her body, peppering kisses over her breasts, her shoulders and then her face as she panted, struggling to come back into herself.
He lifted over her, a sexy, knowing, self-satisfied grin on his face.
She didn’t care. He’d earned the right to wear that look.
His long silky hair curtained around them, tickling over her breasts, and suddenly she was filled with the need to earn that right herself.
She pushed against his shoulders, and he lowered himself to his back, carrying her over with him.
Straddling his body, she sat up, allowing her hair to cascade over her shoulders and dance against his skin as his had hers a moment befor
e.
His hands skimmed up from her waist, past her ribs, stopping to knead her breasts. She let her head fall back, giving him access, enjoying the pleasure his fingers brought before pulling away.
She bent over him, tormenting the skin of his chest with her tongue as he had done to hers. Slipping in between his legs, she nibbled over his abdomen, his erection warm between her breasts as she pressed against him. The hard ridges that formed across his stomach as his muscles tensed in response to what she did delighted her, gave her a sense of power and control.
Moving down his body, she ran her hands over his steely thighs, dragging her thumbs to the inside of his legs and back up to his solid, flat stomach.
She wanted to laugh with sheer joy when his entire body jerked as she ran her tongue the length of his shaft.
“Christ, Mairi, what are you…?” His voice faded into a low moan when she took the head into her mouth, swirling her tongue around the swollen tip.
“No more.”
He sounded breathless as he hooked his hands under her arms and pulled her up his body, the slide of her breasts against his chest inflaming her need for him.
She hooked her legs behind his, and once again he rolled her to her back, lifting himself onto his elbows to look down at her. Slowly, slowly he lowered his head, his mouth hovering over hers, his breath feathering over her lips.
So close she could almost taste him.
He dipped his head, and as his lips met hers he entered her. She wasn’t sure if the gasp she breathed in was his or hers, and she didn’t really care anymore. She only knew that she wanted more of him. Deeper. Harder.
She raised her legs, locking them behind his back, lifting her hips into his next push.
“Ah, Mairi. You feel so good,” he panted. “It’s like I—” His words ended abruptly and he crushed his mouth to hers again, stealing her breath with his kiss.
Like you belong here.
Abandoning her mouth, he rose back up on his elbows, capturing her eyes with his own as he moved in and out, slowly, deliberately, fully, until she writhed under him, meeting him stroke for stroke.
She felt it building then, the power of release only he could bring her. She gave herself over to it, riding the crest of the sensations as her body convulsed around his, only peripherally aware of his shuddering release.
The light that shattered around them into a million colored shards had to have been her imagination.
She cuddled into him, his heart pounding rapidly under her ear, a match to her own. As it began to slow, she felt him move and tense next to her, so she shifted her weight onto one elbow and gazed down at him.
“We can’t allow this to happen again, Mairi. Can’t continue to allow ourselves to be caught up in the moment. You’ve your whole life ahead of you when you return home. You don’t want to make the mistake of wasting it on someone like me.”
Mairi ran her finger down the stubborn jaw, stopping at his chin to gaze into the eyes of the man she loved. She had freely chosen to forsake her family and her home to remain in this time with him, even knowing he might never accept what was meant to be between them, might never again offer her more than his protection.
Now she realized that would never be enough. And like Sallie, she wasn’t patient enough to wait for her one true love to come to her. But was she strong enough to follow her own advice—the counsel she’d given Sallie just yesterday? Could she swallow her pride and simply talk to him?
“What if I think yer wrong, Ramos? What if I dinna believe what passed between us to be a mistake? What if I were to tell you I love you?”
“Don’t say that!”
Ramos could barely force the strangled response from his mouth. Mairi had no idea what binding power those words could have. He had never used them. Never.
Neither would she if she knew him better. Knew what he really was. Knew the awful things he assisted his father in doing. If he were only brave enough, strong enough to tell her. But he wasn’t.
He wasn’t even strong enough to keep his hands off her.
“Why should I no? I love you.”
She placed her soft fingers on either side of his face, holding tighter when he attempted to pull away. “I do. Dinna argue with me. Instead”—her lips curved in that slow, seductive smile that sent ripples to the core of him—“tell me about this.”
Her finger traced the tattoo on his arm. The mark of a Guardian in service to the Elite Guard. He vividly remembered the day he’d been granted the right to wear the mark.
“You have earned the right to bear our symbol,” Dallyn had said. “You are one of us now. Display it proudly. It is a distinction of honor in the Realm of Faerie.”
Honor. He clearly had none. What would his general say if he could see him now?
He gently grasped Mairi’s finger, lifting it from where she traced the design. The outline burned in the absence of the contact, as if her gentle touch had freshly etched the mark into his skin.
The burn of my own conscience.
“I bear the mark of a Fae Guardian.” And because of that, he couldn’t let this go any further. “Listen to me, Mairi. What you feel for me is only temporary.” It would dissolve the moment she learned of his past. Of the years he had spent in service to the Nuadian Fae. Of all he had done, however unwittingly, to aid in bringing death and destruction to the World of Mortals.
“You’re wrong, Ramos. We’re meant to be together. I know it. Here.” She placed her hand over her heart.
What had he done?
“No, Mairi. You’re simply overcome by the circumstances we’re in. Once I’ve found Sallie, we’ll figure out the exact words you used that trapped you in this time and we’ll send you home. You don’t want things said here that you’ll regret later.”
She’d forget all about him once he had her safely home. He didn’t doubt that for a moment. That was as it should be. She was too good for someone like him.
“The only thing I’d regret forever would be if I dinna tell you how I feel.” She gently kissed his lips, her touch lighter than a breath. “Anyway, I canna go home.”
It would be so easy to lose himself in her kiss. But he wouldn’t. He would be stronger than that. “Don’t worry. We’ll figure out what’s keeping you here. I will get you home.” No matter what it might take. “I swear.”
She glanced away, pursing her lips before responding. “I’m afraid it’s too late for that.”
“What?”
She was hiding something from him. He could tell by the determined glint in her eye when she looked back at him. Something she knew he wasn’t going to like.
“What have you done, Mairi?”
“I already know what words I said, because I’ve already accomplished what the Faeries wanted of me. But I canna go home until…” She stopped, chewing at her bottom lip.
“Until what?” He grasped her hands, holding them together against his chest as he sat up, pulling her along with him. He spoke more roughly than he intended, but he didn’t like at all where this was going.
Her words poured out in a rush. “It’s no about just me. You still haven’t done whatever you need to do. So”—she lifted one hand from his, traced her finger up the wound on his cheek and tucked an errant strand of hair behind his ear—“until you’ve fulfilled whatever bargain you made with the Fae, I’ll be here with you. So you see, we only need to figure out what the Fae want of you.”
“Whatever bargain? I made no…” He came to an abrupt halt as he remembered his request, uttered at the moment the magic was strongest.
Grant me only that I might stay until I fulfill my destiny. His destiny. He had wanted nothing more than to stop his father. Wanted so desperately to atone for all that had happened, all that he had done.
And now Mairi’s future rested on his accomplishing that task.
He dropped her hands and rose to his feet, walking the short distance to the fire, where their clothes were hanging to dry. He pulled on his pants, trying to thi
nk of something to say, some reason for why Mairi had been dragged into the quagmire of his pathetic life. She deserved so much better than this. At the very least she deserved an explanation.
As he finished dressing, he spoke to her without turning. “There’s nothing to figure out. I know what I have to do. It’s my destiny to destroy Reynard Servans. I am, however, at a loss to understand why the Fae chose to punish you by tying your fate to mine. But don’t worry. As soon as I find Sallie, I’ll come back for you. Then I’ll take care of my end of this bargain and you can go home.”
Her silence didn’t last long.
“You cavemen types are pretty slow-witted, are you no?”
He turned to find her standing, hands on her hips, shaking her head. She’d already slipped into the large shirt he recognized as having come from his things. It struck her midway up her shapely thighs.
He wiped at his face in an attempt to banish the thoughts the sight brought with it.
“Nobody did anything to punish me. This is all of my own choosing. My magic returned. And when it did, I refused to leave. I could have gone home, Ramos. But you had to stay, and there was no way I was leaving you here. So I chose to give up the opportunity to return until you fulfilled yer task.”
The woman was completely insane. She had to be.
“That makes no sense. Why would you do that?”
She huffed out her breath, rolling her eyes as she sat down on the stool by the fire to pull on the pants she’d worn. His also, if he wasn’t mistaken.
“I already told you why.” She stood to tie the pants and smiled up at him. “Because I love you.”
“You don’t love me. You know nothing about me. If I were to tell you…” He couldn’t deal with this now. “After I find Sallie—”
“After we find Sallie,” she interrupted.
“No. You’re staying here, where you’ll be at least moderately safe.” He wasn’t sure he could stand another round of what he’d gone through last night. The very thought that Mairi might have died…
“No, I’m coming with you. Because”—she held up her hand to forestall his response—“you need me. I can lead you to them. And for the record, Ramos, I know everything I need to know about you. There’s nothing you can tell me that will change how I feel.”
Soul of a Highlander Page 24