Luke nodded, but this was news to me. I wasn’t sure yet if it was good news or bad news, though.
“He’s very upset about your revelation last night. He feels like your friends”—he gestured to us—“have brainwashed you, and that you’re throwing your life away.”
“Throwing my life away? Are you kidding me? What does my being gay have to do with my success or failure in life?”
“You’re preaching to the choir here, son. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past year, it’s not to judge people who are different from me. I don’t know a nicer, more compassionate, more genuine person than Nate.”
I blushed. He winked at me and kept talking. “I didn’t get it at first either, but as I’ve gotten to know him and to know his mom”—now Mom blushed—“I just came to understand things differently. Give him some time. Maybe your dad will too.”
“And what if he doesn’t,” I said. “My dad still doesn’t get it. We haven’t spoken since he stood me up for dinner last summer. He wanted me to choose between having a father and being gay.” I laughed without humor. “As if that were possible.”
Adam’s eyes softened as he looked at me, and I wondered again how I ever doubted him. He knew how sad it made me to have my dad throw me away just because I fell in love with someone who peed standing up like me.
Luke looked at me now too with such kindness and sympathy that I felt guilty. Here he was in the throes of one of the most horrible things that can happen to a kid, and he was feeling sympathy for me. I pulled his head to me, careful still not to touch his back, and kissed him on the temple.
“Your dad understands that hitting you was wrong,” Mr. Wolf continued. “He feels bad, and he has assured me it won’t happen again.”
“You believe him?” I said, astounded, feeling quite certain that the angry-faced man who’d stood not ten feet from me half an hour ago was more than capable of striking Luke again.
Instead of answering me, Mr. Wolf addressed Luke. “Son, has your dad ever lost control like that before?”
Luke looked at me before answering, then dropped his eyes. “Not that bad,” he said to Mr. Wolf. “At least not in a long time. Not since I told him I didn’t want to be a Cub Scout anymore.”
I almost smiled at the image forming in my mind of a younger Luke, looking much like his little brother, all wild blond hair and wire-framed glasses, wearing a blue scouting cap and khaki shorts cinched at the waist with a corded belt, a bandana tied around his neck. But as he told us about his dad kicking down the tent he couldn’t quite get to stand right and stomping on the aluminum poles so they’d never support a tent again, all the while berating him in front of the other kids, who looked on in shock and sympathy, I thought about my own dad and similar moments on the football field. The almost-smile morphed into a familiar tightness in my throat.
Luke stopped and swiped at a tear. I fought the urge to do the same. “He’s never hit me before.”
Danial dropped his head back and closed his eyes. Luke laid his head on my shoulder and wiped his eyes with my shirt. “He’s not going back home,” I said. “He can live here with us.”
“Nate, I know you’re concerned, but until Luke turns seventeen, he cannot be legally emancipated in Texas. That means—”
“I know what it means. It means his dad can keep right on hurting him.”
“It won’t be that way. Luke’s dad is not a bad man. He just did a bad thing.”
I made a frustrated noise in the back of my throat. It made me insane how powerless kids were against the adults in their lives. It wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right that someone else’s ignorance could stomp all over another’s right to live free and be happy, not to mention safe.
“It’s okay, Nate,” Luke said, putting his hand on my knee. “I’m not afraid of my dad.”
“He doesn’t have to go home until tonight, right?” Danial asked.
Mr. Wolf nodded. “I’ll talk to his dad and see if maybe he can even postpone it until tomorrow. Luke can stay with me. I can take him to school in the morning.”
“He can stay with me,” I said.
“No, Nate, he can’t.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me. Guys sleep over with guys all the time.”
“You know this is different.”
I knew, but I wasn’t letting it go that easily. I was too pissed to let anything go right now. “What? You think that just because we’re gay we can’t keep our hands off each other? You think we’re going to be rolling around fucking each other’s brains out all night? You think that’s what defines us.” Wasn’t that exactly what my own dad thought? God, he couldn’t even accept that I had been brutalized by those thugs.
From the corner of my eye, I saw my mom wince. I didn’t dare look at Adam.
But Mr. Wolf was not my dad, a fact he reminded me of when he said, “Nate, stop it. That’s not fair. You know that’s not what I think. I’m trying to help Luke here. Let me help him. I think his dad will agree to a little longer cooling-off period. But Luke would have to stay at my house. His dad will never agree to his staying here.” When I balked, he said, “Come on, Nate, you have to look at it from his perspective. It doesn’t matter if you and Luke are intimate or not. It’s just not appropriate.”
Luke collapsed on my bed, facedown, exhausted, and fell immediately to sleep, his mouth slack and drooling on my pillow. From the armchair, I watched his back rise and fall, covered now in a clean T-shirt, one of mine. I couldn’t shake the guilt. Danial had warned me. But I didn’t think either of us had considered just how badly things would turn out. Last evening Luke had been a giddy sixteen-year-old, his only worry that he’d wet his pants in all his excitement. And now ... I wanted to save him. God, how I wanted to save him. I propped my bare feet up on the bed and quietly strummed my guitar. At my desk, Danial was showing Adam how to optimize a computer’s performance by tweaking mine. I turned my attention to them as they got acquainted over caches and cookies and found myself almost surprised to see Adam there, as if the past twelve hours or so had merely existed in my head. But he was there.
As if he knew I was watching him, he glanced back at me and winked. He said something to Danial, then came over to me. “Scooch over.”
I edged as close to the armrest as I could to make room for him. Not nearly enough, but he wedged himself in anyway, settling on one hip and facing me. I barricaded him in with the neck of the guitar.
He ran his fingers down the side of my face. “Every orifice in my body hurts right now,” he said quietly. At the desk, Danial muttered, “Oh God.” Adam grinned slyly at me and worked his lower jaw. I grinned back, flicked my eyebrows at him, then placed my fingertips on his temporomandibular joints and massaged them. “Hmph. How’s your grip?”
Danial groaned. “I’m gonna throw up.” Then more loudly, “I can hear everything you say, you know.”
Adam winked at me again, groped me—“Strong”—kissed me on the mouth, and went back to the desk. He slapped Danial on the back. “Jealous?”
“Uh-huh.”
When Mom showed up at the door with a tray of grilled cheese sandwiches cut into little triangles and stacked bowls of tomato soup—comfort food—Adam was on his feet again.
“I thought you boys”—she took in Luke’s sleeping form on my bed and dropped her voice—“might be hungry.” She handed Adam the tray. “You might want to wake him up. He’ll never sleep tonight if you don’t.”
Adam set the tray next to the computer and followed Mom back downstairs for drinks so she wouldn’t have to make the trip back up. Danial grabbed one of the bowls of soup, dunked a triangle in it, then popped it into his mouth.
I unfolded myself from the chair, but he got up and wiped his hands on his jeans. “I’ll get him,” he said through a full mouth. He grabbed Luke’s bare foot and wiggled it. “Come on, sleeping beauty. Time to wake up.”
Luke pulled his foot away and planted his face in the pillow. Danial grabbed the other foot and s
hook it more firmly. “Come on, stud. You can’t spend your whole day in dreamland.”
“Leave me alone,” Luke groaned, kicking out at Danial.
I could empathize. I wanted to crawl into bed right next him. I hadn’t had much sleep myself the night before. My eyes were scratchy and my brain slightly lethargic. The rest of me, like Adam, apparently, was pleasantly sore.
“What are you smiling at?” Danial asked, shifting his gaze to me. He rolled his eyes. “Figures. Come on. Help me get this boy out of the sack.”
Between the two of us, we managed to cajole and taunt Luke into wakefulness by the time Adam got back with drinks.
It was one of those perfect mid-December days in the Gulf Coast area of Texas, the kind that almost made you forget the stifling, heavy summer heat. The sky was a deep blue, the breeze blowing in through my open window crisp and cool. We took turns looking longingly out the window as we ate.
When the sandwiches were gone, I grabbed a football out of the back of my closet and tossed it to Danial. He caught it easily. Adam groaned. “No.”
“You’re kidding, right?” Luke said.
Danial laughed. Not a one of them was much into sports, but the desire to stretch our limbs and do something to slough off the multiple frustrations of the last twenty-four hours finally overcame their aversion and we walked to the park half a mile or so from my house.
Before we left I dabbed some more aloe vera on Luke’s welts and gave him a few more ibuprofen, hoping that would allow him to enjoy the day without his back bothering him too much. He was stiff, but I could tell he felt better.
After a little instruction—this is a football; this is how you hold a football; this is how you throw a football; this is how you catch a football; this is how you [fill in the blank] a football—we ran some plays. I learned one thing quickly—while they might not be into sports, they were natural athletes. Adam was lithe and quick and would have made a great quarterback. Plus he liked being the center of attention. Danial was big and tough and fearless—perfect for a linebacker. And Luke, well, okay, maybe they weren’t all natural athletes. But when it came to the touch part of touch football, he was certainly motivated. When I teased him about that, he grinned and smacked me on the ass. “See what I mean.” I laughed.
As we warmed up we shed our sweatshirts and hoodies and then chucked our shirts altogether. Luke kept his on, but gave us a good laugh when he looked us over and announced, “God, I think I’ve died and gone to heaven.”
“Two on two,” I said, still chuckling. I pointed to one end of the field. “Me and Adam against you guys.”
We attracted a small group of female fans who giggled and watched from the sidelines. I snapped the ball to Adam. He fell back and tossed it to me before Danial could grab him. I dodged Luke and went in for a touchdown. Adam jogged over, bumped my fist, and pulled me in for a one-arm hug. Then, because Adam was never one to shy away from a good PDA, he grabbed my face in his hands and kissed the hell out of me.
One of the girls said, “Eew, gross,” and they left.
“Okay, knock it off, guys,” Luke shouted from the other side of our field. “You’re making me horny.” A couple riding by on their bikes peddled faster.
“Keep it up, you three,” Danial said, “and we’ll have the park all to ourselves pretty soon.”
Adam ignored them. I ignored them. The world around us seemed to fall away, and for a few needful moments, there was just him and me again, bare chest to bare chest, loose and hungry, not thinking.
“Come on, guys,” Luke yelled again. “If you’re not sharing, you’re not pairing.”
That cracked us up and I pulled away, feeling slightly drunk, but underneath a little ashamed too at being so inconsiderate of Luke’s feelings. Adam lifted his eyebrow in a silent communication that I understood perfectly. We ran for Luke. Careful not to hurt his back, we assaulted him, in a good way. He wrinkled his nose. “Okay, okay. You can stop now.” He laughed.
Danial picked up the ball, planted it on his hip, and groaned. “Oh, God. I’m in homo hell.”
We walked home, laughing, tossing the ball around, and cutting up with each other like we’d been friends forever, until we saw Mr. Wolf’s car in the driveway. Luke’s face screwed up, and I cupped my hand behind his neck. I shifted my gaze over his shoulder to Adam and Danial. They seemed to move infinitesimally closer to Luke, as if to protect him from whatever was to come. We were quiet as we crossed my yard to the front door.
“I tried, Luke,” Mr. Wolf said. “Your dad won’t allow you to stay at my house tonight. He wants you home.”
I glared at the assistant principal. He could have done better than that. I felt like he’d betrayed Luke, betrayed me. “He’s not going,” I said.
“Yes, Nate, he is. That’s his dad. He has rights too.”
“Yeah, well, as far as I’m concerned, he gave up those rights when he picked up that arrow.”
“You’re overreacting. It’s over. Let it go.” I held his eyes for a moment, trying to convey with everything I had that I could not, would not, Let It Go. I knew he got the message when he said my name and shook his head. Then he turned to Luke. “Are you okay with that?”
Luke nodded.
This wasn’t over. He’d seen Luke’s back. His dad hadn’t hit him just once. He’d hit him over and over and over again. He’d been out of control. And then he’d had plenty of time to work up some regret before Mom called him, but that was not a repentant man who showed up on our doorstep. My teeth ached from clenching my jaw. Adam put a hand on my arm to calm me. It wasn’t working, not this time. I hated feeling so powerless.
Luke turned the football round and round in his hands, then handed it to me. “I’ll see you at school in the morning. Maybe you could wear the T-shirt I gave you.”
I nodded and bit my lip to keep from screaming. “Give me your phone,” I choked out finally.
He looked puzzled but handed it over. My number was already programmed in. I added Danial’s and Adam’s and set them to speed dial. I showed him which buttons called whom. “You call us if you need anything, if you’re afraid, or if you just need to talk. Okay?”
“Okay.”
I made him promise. We watched as they drove away, and I realized that Mom hadn’t taken any pictures. I hoped we wouldn’t have an occasion to regret that.
Adam went home to sleep, but Danial hung around, both of us silently hoping Luke would call. Finally around nine I couldn’t stand it anymore and called his number. The call went immediately to voice mail. I didn’t know what that meant, but it scared the hell out of me.
I looked at Danial. “Will you drive by his house on your way home?”
He called me later to report absolutely nothing. The house was dark. As tired as I was, I slept little that night.
Chapter 48
Adam drove me to school the next morning, hoping to see Luke too. He said he’d worry all day until he knew he was okay. Adam was technically a visitor now and no longer allowed to roam the hallways, so we sat on the steps outside the school and watched for Luke’s car. I was surprised when his dad pulled up to the curb and Luke got out.
I stood up. His dad glared at me. He said something to Luke, forcing him to stick his head back into the car for a minute. Then Luke slammed the door. His dad didn’t move until the car behind him honked its horn. He pulled out, but not without one last backward glance.
I rubbed my hand up and down Luke’s arm and studied his face.
He gave me a weak smile. “I’m okay.”
“I called. You didn’t answer your phone last night.”
Luke huffed and shook his head. “He took away my phone, my computer, my car keys. He hits me and I’m the one grounded.”
Adam fished his phone out of his pocket and handed it to Luke. “Take mine. It already has Nate’s and Danial’s phone numbers in it.”
I looked at him. He had Danial’s phone number programmed in his phone?
“Keep it on si
lent, okay? And don’t let your dad see it.”
Luke took the phone. He stared at it for a minute and looked up at Adam from under his lashes. “Thanks.”
Adam smiled, then jumped to his feet. “I’ve gotta go, and you two need to get to class. You take care of this sexy bitch for me, Luke,” he said, winking at him.
I pulled my jacket wide so Luke could see I was wearing the T-shirt he’d given me. “You did ask me to wear it.” I laughed.
Luke smiled back and I felt a whole lot better.
Mr. Thornton caught me as I entered the front door and insisted on inspecting my shirt. Just to be pissy, I handed him my backpack. He took it—a knee-jerk response—then clearly regretted it almost immediately and dropped it to the floor. I yanked off my jacket, then my shirt, turned it inside out, and tugged it back on, holding his eyes with mine the entire time. Without a word, I picked up my jacket and backpack, grabbed Luke’s hand, and walked off.
I’ll flaunt it if I want to, Mr. Thornton.
“Nice,” Danial said. He’d been waiting for us in the main hallway and caught the whole thing.
“I don’t like him.”
“I can see that.”
I had Luke repeat what he’d told us outside. I added the way his dad had acted when he saw me waiting and how Adam had given Luke his phone.
Luke was carrying his backpack by the handle, instead of over his shoulder like he usually did. Danial noticed and took his backpack and slung it over his own free shoulder. “If you need me, you call me,” he told Luke. “I don’t care what time it is. I’ll be there. And you keep that phone hidden.”
“I will.”
We tried to spend as much time with Luke as we could during the day. But he was a sophomore and we were seniors, so our paths didn’t cross too often. At the end of the day, we waited with him until his dad got there. I hated letting him out of my sight. His dad glared at me again, just the way he had that morning. It creeped me out.
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