by Dana Archer
“Because Derek Tanner has forced me onto this path.” At her pinched brows, Nic sighed. “The infection my dad got that almost killed him?” He waited until she nodded. “It severed his tie to his wolf and the spirit wolf.”
“Your dad’s heart.” Her eyes widened. “I did CPR on him and restarted it.”
“And left him in limbo and our pack mates at risk. Come the next full moon, the spirit wolf will seek out a new host. If I’m in the circle, it’ll naturally come to me as I carry Kagan blood, but if there are other dominants in there, we’ll have to fight for the right to house the wolf spirit. To the death, Riley. Once in the circle, only one shifter leaves it. I’ll have to kill my friends. My cousins. And I won’t care. I’ll be caught up in the fight. So will the other dominants. And those who die”—he closed his eyes—“will be lost to the pack forever.”
“What do you mean?” Her voice held fear. “Shifters are reborn. They’ll always get another chance.”
He wanted to shield her from the harsh truth. He couldn’t. She needed to understand the severity of their situation. He pressed his cheek against hers. “Maybe as humans, never again as shifters. The spirit wolf isn’t on this realm. It’s with the gods and will remain with them until the full moon.”
“A shifter needs its animal.” She turned her head, catching his gaze. “Their souls are joined, right? And without it…”
“They’ll be half of what they should be, always searching for the connection they once shared with their animal and pack.” The very idea of his pack mates suffering that way churned his gut. He swallowed hard. “I won’t be able to live with myself knowing my pack would face death or loneliness in another life because I turned my back on the role I was born into.”
“Your dad plans on keeping this a secret, right? He’s going to walk into that circle with you and allow everyone to think he’s handing the spirit wolf down to his son.”
“Yes.”
“And your wolf won’t relinquish the spirit for me. Because it doesn’t want me. That’s what you said, isn’t it?”
She was repeating his earlier words. He knew why too. She was looking for some flicker of hope, that maybe she’d misunderstood him. He wanted to give it to her, but if his plan of convincing his wolf of her worth didn’t work out, he’d end up hurting her. Of course, he’d already had hurt her. Was still hurting her. It had to stop. Unfortunately, Nic didn’t see that happening anytime soon.
He had from now until the full moon to convince his wolf that Riley was more important than being alpha. That handing the spirit wolf over to Hannah’s mate was the right thing to do.
Nic would do everything in his power to make that happen, but it’d be irresponsible to ignore the possibility that he wouldn’t succeed. He had to continue to prepare for the outcome he dreaded—that he’d be forced to take a shifter mate and lead the pack.
He eased back and let her see the truth in his eyes. “Power is everything in my world. No matter how much I love you, it doesn’t change what I am.”
Moisture pooled in Riley’s eyes and collected on her lashes. She didn’t blink it away. She held his gaze, demanding he tell her the truth. “And what are you, Nic?”
“The alpha wolf.” How good of one depended on his ability to beat his baser half into submission.
* * *
Riley stared at Nic while his features turned blurry. She wanted to scream, cry, or maybe rant. None of those reactions would do any good. The truth stamped onto Nic’s beloved face wasn’t one she could deny.
He loved her.
His wolf did not.
Biology had screwed them over—man, woman, and beast.
She cleared her throat. “Answer me one question.”
“Anything. No more secrets between us. I should’ve been truthful with you years ago. I just…” Nic squeezed his eyes shut and licked his lips before focusing on her. “I didn’t want to admit my wolf considered you unworthy.” He cupped her face in his big palms. “In my eyes, you’re everything. My equal. My partner. My angel.”
Her tears spilled over. Ugh, she did not want to cry.
She couldn’t stop it.
Nic kissed her eyelids, licked away the twin paths from her cheeks, and held her close. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to make you cry.”
Riley tipped her head back. “No, you wanted me to hate you so I’d move on, didn’t you?”
A single dip of his chin answered her.
“I tried, Nic. I failed.” Her confession came out as a strained whisper.
He pressed an openmouthed kiss to her forehead. “Me too.”
“But you will, won’t you? Your wolf will need your agreement too, and you’ll give it.”
“Yes, if it comes down to it, I’ll take a mate”—he stared into her eyes—“but she won’t replace you, not in my heart, soul, or life.”
If it comes down to it? Did that mean he was having second thoughts? She wanted to ask but knew doing so would be worthless. The picture of their situation he’d painted for her didn’t allow for any hope. She couldn’t seem to let hers go, though.
Frustration built, leaving her trembling. “So what? You’ll just have sex with her?”
He ground his teeth. “I want nothing to do with her. I don’t even want to associate with her.”
“But you will, won’t you? You’ll make love to her just like you did to me.”
“Never! I won’t love her.” His chest rose and fell on his rough breaths. “Once. I need to be with her once. That’s it. Love has nothing to do with it.”
Riley opened her mouth but closed it without saying a word. What good would it do? No matter what Nic thought he wanted, when the day came for his kid to be born, things would change. His mate would be a part of his life, and the child they created would bind them together. He’d be protective and possessive of her.
Just as he had been a few minutes ago with her.
She brushed her fingertips along his jaw. He closed his eyes on a sigh as if the simple caress meant the world to him.
“Does your wolf hate me? Or is it that he doesn’t want you to mate me?”
“He cares for you.” He mimicked the caress along her cheek. “You’re pack.”
“Cares for me. I see.” And how was she supposed to make an animal she couldn’t talk to love her? Especially when she wasn’t the same species and couldn’t be more than…what…a friend to it? A companion? She didn’t have an answer.
He turned away from her and walked toward the hall table where Ben had dropped his key. Nic picked it up and curled his fingers around it, squeezing it tight. He glanced over his shoulder. “I need to go and deal with Ben. Make sure he’ll keep his word.”
With a blood oath.
She’d heard of the practice. Normally given between the pack protectors and the alpha, it ensured complete loyalty from the one giving the vow. Any order from their alpha would have to be followed, or they’d suffer physical pain and ultimately death.
She nodded, knowing Nic would never abuse the privilege.
“I’m sorry things turned out the way they did.” He opened the door, gaze straight ahead, and stepped out.
She waited for the door to slam before making her way to the bathroom. She went through the motions, turning on the shower and washing the evidence of their loving away without allowing any thoughts to take hold. The few precious minutes of nothingness were necessary. She needed to think clearly, not react solely on her emotions because her decision was made. She was going to fight for what belonged to her.
Nic.
In light of everything he’d said to her, however, she wasn’t quite sure how she’d accomplish it. Human-shifter matings were rare. She knew of only three in the States. All the reasons Nic gave explained why. Even the beta wolves wanted to procreate. It was a drive they couldn’t ignore. Animalistic. Primal. All-consuming. The primitive need to continue the bloodline was something every animal species experienced, and love wasn’t necessary for bre
eding.
Shifter reproduction hadn’t been a topic that had been shared with her, but she knew the basics, including that only mates could procreate because there was a mystical side of conception that tied the baby to the pack, making it necessary the male shared a piece of his soul with his mate.
Humans could not conceive or impregnate a shifter even if they were soul-bonded to a shifter. Their eggs and sperm weren’t compatible, and not once had a half-breed ever been born.
Riley choked on a sob and slid down the tile wall of the shower stall.
She was screwed. All she had to offer Nic was love, and only half of him cared about the emotion. Or her.
Chapter 8
Nic’s family home, a large, historic, five-bedroom farmhouse, had served as the Kagan pack’s meeting place since the mid-1800s. With its woodwork and high ceilings, it was beautiful and inviting. The gardens and walking paths surrounding it added to the welcoming atmosphere. He’d enjoyed growing up on the estate and always felt at peace on the property.
Tonight, though, he paced.
Ben hadn’t shown up.
Anxiety tightened Nic’s muscles and set him on edge. Hannah had picked up on his unease as soon as he’d arrived. He’d told her what had happened and his plans to deal with the young shifter, but remaining inside under her judging eye had been impossible. He’d retreated to the woods. That was ten minutes ago.
And still no Ben.
A growl crawled up Nic’s throat. He stood there vibrating with anger and worry. His instincts had told him the young wolf could be trusted. It was the only reason he’d let him go.
At the time, it’d seemed more important to calm Riley. Her emotions had beat at him, demanding he see to her needs. The urge had been too powerful to ignore. He should’ve. Nothing he had said helped. He’d only made it worse. Then again, he shouldn’t have expected anything different. He was an expert at hurting the woman he loved. And himself.
Hands balled, he swept his gaze over the area once more. Nothing. With a head start, there was no reason for the delay, and Nic couldn’t stand around waiting for him. He yanked out his phone, sent Hannah a text telling her his plans, and then dialed Sean.
“Yeah?” Sean’s groggy voice was barely more than a whisper, probably so he didn’t wake his mate.
Nic ground his jaw. Resentment he knew he shouldn’t feel added to the tension already gripping him. “I need you to help me find Ben.”
“What for?”
“He saw Riley’s scar.”
“Hold on.”
Silence filled the line while Nic kicked off his shoes and made his way across the property.
“Okay, I’m back. How did he see it? And when? Riley’s been careful all these years.”
“I was at her house. Ben walked in on us.”
“Ahhh…”
Another long pause. Nic yanked off his sweats while he waited for Sean to finish speaking.
“I’ll go to his house first then sweep outward and meet you at the circle.”
Nic glanced in the direction of the ceremonial ring. He couldn’t see it from where he stood. It was at the top of the hill behind his house. In a little over a week, he’d step into it, and the future of the pack would become his to ensure. The weight on his shoulders grew a little heavier. “Thanks, and I’m sorry to pull you away from your mate.”
“Jenna understands. She’s good friends with Riley.”
Nic closed his eyes. “Maybe she can go over to her. Riley probably needs a friend right about now.”
Sean’s sigh carried over the line. “Yeah, I’ll send her.”
Nic ended the call and dropped his cell on top of his sweats. His wolf pushed at him, demanding to be released. The beast he’d been born with might not love Riley, but it wanted to protect her.
If only that was enough for the primal animal, Nic wouldn’t be so messed up.
He pushed the thought away. Riley’s safety was more important than his sanity. He opened himself to his wolf and shifted. Fur sprouted, bones shortened and muscles compacted. On a rush, his wolf’s soul merged with his. Its anger whipped through him, stronger than what he felt in his human form. It wanted to kill Ben. In its mind, Ben was an outsider who’d threatened its pack mate, and the Kagan wolves always protected their own.
Scents assaulted him, providing information he’d never pick up on in his human form. Ben’s unique scent wasn’t among the ones he smelled, proving he hadn’t come and chickened out. Nic growled. He lowered his head and ran toward Riley’s house.
He stopped several times to study the markings left by the members of his pack. All the dominants had added their claim to the area surrounding her property. The evidence of his pack’s loyalty to Riley was clear. She’d be missed, not only as pack doctor, but as an integral member of their extended community.
The knowledge only added to his guilt. Nic let it settle over him and turned his focus to protecting the honorary member his pack loved. He should’ve done so in the first place, not worried about his wants.
Sides heaving with his rough breaths, he dragged in air, automatically gathering information. The first whiff of shifter blood added a tang to the early morning air. Nic stopped, his paws skidding on the damp forest floor of old leaves and moss. On another deep inhale, he pivoted. The scent of death carried on the breeze, weak but distinctive.
Curses zinged through his head. He’d injured the young wolf before he’d been able to get his jealousy under control, but the wounds he’d caused weren’t fatal.
Nic pushed his wolf harder. For the second time in two days, he ran full-out, not out of frustration as he had last time, but out of trepidation.
He had a bad feeling about the growing scent of death on the air and prayed he was wrong. The closer he got to the edge of their pack lands, the more his unease grew. He shouldn’t have allowed Ben to walk away.
Regret landed hard in his gut, but with each foot closer he got to the body, rage choked him. The young male he’d trusted had betrayed him, going to his old pack. It was clear from the direction Ben traveled that he’d returned to the Tanner’s territory.
No. Nic pushed the fury back. Too young to shift, Ben would’ve had to drive to Nic’s house. From Riley’s place, the main road between their pack lands would’ve been the quickest route. Nic had rarely used it when he’d lived here, preferring to walk the half a mile between their homes or use the unpaved back roads that weaved through the countryside.
He found Ben at the edge of their territory. The young shifter lay on his back in the drainage ditch on the Kagan side of the road. Blood trickled from a single gunshot wound between his open eyes. Dirt and leaves covered his body, no doubt from where he’d rolled down the embankment. An equal section of disturbed earth marked the path he’d taken.
Nic snarled. Inhaling deeply, he scanned the woods but didn’t see anything unusual. He approached in a crawling slink, sniffing the ground and finally, Ben’s clothes. One whiff and Nic knew he’d reached a dead end. The stench of ammonia filled his lungs, making it impossible to pick out any individual scents. Common in shifter related crimes, ammonia or another strong chemical was spritzed over the body to camouflage any identifying traces.
He eased back, shaking his head to clear it of the offending smell, and focused on looking for clues, but found none. Whoever had dumped Ben had been careful. It didn’t take a genius to guess who’d shot him, however.
The Tanner wolves. Nic would bet money on it.
One question remained—did Ben betray Riley, or had it merely been a coincidence that he’d died?
Without knowing the extent of the Tanner pack’s issues, Nic couldn’t be sure.
Snapping twigs behind him warned of the approaching wolf. Nic returned to his human form but didn’t turn to meet the other shifter. Sean’s scent was one he knew well. Nic knelt next to Ben’s body and closed the young shifter’s eyelids. Sean joined him a moment later.
“Dear G—” Sean dropped to his knees, hands bal
led into fists. He lifted his gaze from Ben’s body to stare into the woods across the road. “I’ll kill them.”
Nic sighed. “For the moment, we can’t act on it. We go accusing the Tanner pack of Ben’s murder, and we’ll have a pack war on our hands.”
“After what they’ve caused lately, they deserve to be knocked down.”
Nic tensed. “What have they done to us?”
Sean glanced away. “Nothing directly, but rumor has it Michael Tanner is cleaning house. Betas and older females from his pack have been mysteriously vanishing along with any of his dominants who haven’t showed him loyalty. He believes the weaker members bring down his pack’s communal strength and should be purged.”
“And Ben was a beta from the Tanner pack.”
“Yeah, and next month he would’ve joined ours.” Sean faced him. “Jenna’s been worried about it for months, wondering when they’d make a play for him.”
“So they wouldn’t lose his wolf to our pack.” Nic finished his friend’s thought.
Sean nodded. “They’re vicious cowards.”
“Which is why we can’t start a pack war while our alpha is in the hospital.” And couldn’t shift to take out their alpha.
Sean cracked his knuckles. “As soon as he—”
“I will deal with the Tanner pack once I take over.” Nic leveled a hard look on his friend, daring Sean to question him.
Sean dropped his gaze, conceding the point. “We have to do something to avenge Ben’s death.”
“Do we? Or do we need to worry that he betrayed the secret Ben learned tonight?”
Sean closed his eyes on a long sigh, mirroring Nic’s thoughts. They had no way of knowing what Ben had divulged before his death.
“I want to defend him, but we can’t take the chance.” Sean motioned toward Ben’s body. “He was a good kid, but he feared the dominants of his old pack. They tormented him growing up. I don’t know if the friendships in our pack he’d developed over the past two years would override the fear he held for his old pack.”
Nic curled his fingers into a fist and pushed back the anger. He couldn’t control how other alphas ran their packs. All he could do was fight for his. “We’ll bury him on the outside of our pack’s burial plot. It’s the best I can do for him.”