by Dana Archer
Panic gripped her. She turned, blocking Maria’s line of sight and praying she hadn’t screwed herself or Nic with the foolishness of her actions. If Riley hadn’t been consumed by her sadness, she would’ve realized the danger. She’d seen enough wet T-shirt contests to grasp what the rain would do to her outfit.
She glanced at Maria to judge her reaction. A neutral expression showed on her face, no hint she suspected anything. Please, God, don’t let her have noticed.
“I’m saying good-bye to a friend.” As far as excuses went, it wasn’t a bad one. The pack burial grounds were nearby too.
“You’re allowed there?”
“No, but he wasn’t buried within the Kagan’s plot.” Ben had been given the next best thing, a resting place just beyond the boundary. “Why are you here?”
“My grandmother was a Kagan pack member. I often come to visit her. I figured I’d stop by for a chat before I met with Nic.”
“You’re one of Nic’s”—Riley curled her fingers into fists—“potential mates?”
“Yes.” A crack of thunder sounded. Maria motioned to Riley’s car. “You should get inside your car. You’re soaked.”
“I don’t mind getting wet. It’s not like I have anybody to impress.”
“No, I suppose you don’t any longer.”
Riley’s chest tightened. “What do you mean?”
Maria’s gaze swept over Riley’s upper body. Riley turned a little more, doing her best to hide the evidence of her bite. “I’ve heard through the grapevine that you’ll be moving to Ohio. Any relationships you’ve formed here won’t matter in a couple of days, will they?”
Riley knew she should agree but couldn’t. She raised her chin and caught the woman’s gaze. Screw the rules. If what Riley suspected was true, Maria had seen the outline of Riley’s scar. It wouldn’t take Maria long to put two and two together and figure out who’d bitten her. If she was going to come after Riley because of it, she sure wasn’t going to cower.
“Real relationships know no boundaries, Maria. The strong ones based on love last an eternity.”
Maria dipped her head, never breaking their stare. “Very philosophical, but do you believe true love can overcome”—one corner of her mouth rose in a lopsided smile, baring a dainty fang—“a shifter’s instincts?”
She knows. Riley’s heart pounded hard, but she’d lived with shifters long enough to keep her fear hidden. She stared into Maria’s softly glowing eyes and matched her feral grin. “I’m betting my life on it.”
With that, Riley opened the car door and slipped inside. She started the SUV and turned the car around. Determination returned along with the first inklings of an idea that just might save her from finding out if what she’d told Maria was the truth.
Nic dropped his head against the kitchen door after seeing Cindy out. Guilt had landed hard in his gut. The tremor in Riley’s hands and the hurt look on her face had cut deep. He pressed a balled fist to his chest and groaned.
A whine from his wolf drew his attention. He reached inside himself and found the animal sitting on its haunches in the mystical field where it spent most of its time. The black wolf with its deep blue eyes met Nic’s gaze. It tilted its head, ears back and nostrils flaring.
Trying to understand Nic’s mood? Or his pain perhaps? He didn’t have an answer. They couldn’t exactly talk to each other, and in the four years Nic had been away from his pack, he’d ignored the animal as much as he could, allowing it out only on the night of the full moon.
The squeak of the doorway leading into the kitchen warned him candidate three had arrived. His wolf stood and stepped forward, pushing once more to be released. Nic closed his eyes and growled. So much for his animal actually caring about what had sickened him.
“Did I come at a bad time?”
Maria Tanner’s voice hit him. His wolf renewed its efforts to assert its wants on Nic. He snarled, his patience snapping.
The click of heels carried over his angry groans. He whipped his head in her direction, got his first look at the woman, and bared his fangs. “Stay over there.”
She froze. “I’m sorry. If I’ve come too late and you’ve already made your selection—”
“I haven’t.” Nic pillowed his forehead on his bent arm. “I just don’t want you near me.”
“Then I’ll see myself out.”
“No, wait.” He glanced at her. His gut churned, and disgust slithered through him. “Did you read over the list of conditions I drew up for this sham of a mating?”
Maria raised a brow. “The ones that demanded a complete separation of our living arrangements after the night of our mating, including planned visitation rights for our child?”
He nodded. “And do you agree to them?”
She closed her eyes on a sigh, but opened them a moment later and met his gaze. “I had questioned why, but I now understand the reason behind it.”
He didn’t care what she understood. “Do you agree to them?”
“I do, on one condition.”
Nic tensed. “If it’s about the sex, we’re only doing the deed once—”
“No.” She raised a hand. “Quite frankly, I prefer it that way. I don’t want to grow attached or possessive of you if our lives will be lived separately.”
He breathed a sigh. “Then what is it?”
“One of our dominants plans to challenge my father. I don’t doubt his ability to take the pack spirit from him, but I do worry about the reception and support our neighboring packs will give him. I want your promise to stand by him. If you do, others will.”
Nic turned and crossed his arms over his chest. “I can only offer my backing if I find him worthy. If he’s anything like Michael, I won’t give it.”
“He’s a good man. Honorable and strong. I vouch for his integrity with my life.”
He studied her with narrowed eyes. “You love him?”
She chuckled. “No, he’s a friend only. Plus, he has his sights set on someone else.”
Trepidation settled over him. “What’s his name?”
“Ethan.”
“Consider it given.”
“Then you agree to our”—she dropped her gaze to the floor—“mating?”
Nic glanced out the window and focused on the ceremonial circle in the distance. His shoulders slumped more. “Yeah, you know when and where to meet me. Don’t approach me beforehand.”
“So be it.”
He waited until the door squeaked before glancing over his shoulder. “Maria?”
“Yes.” She answered without facing him.
“What’s the real reason you’re doing this?”
“Sharing my secrets is not part of the stipulations you demanded. Do you plan to change the rules of our binding whenever you see fit?”
“No, not so long as your secrets don’t endanger my pack.”
“Then we’re safe.” Maria walked out, the door banging shut behind her.
Maybe he should care to learn what drove her to accept the pathetic mating he offered, but he didn’t. He was only glad she’d left when she had. The pain in his chest from his wolf trying to burst free threatened to rip a scream from his chest.
Nic slid to the floor, arms wrapped around his knees, and let his new plan, the one Hannah unintentionally gave, comfort him.
One night. Surely, Riley will forgive him one night.
Chapter 16
The deluge that had opened up hours ago had eased to a steady light rain. Nic hopped off the deck of his house and made his way across the backyard. Lightning no longer flashed over the hill, drawing attention to their ceremonial circle, but the faint call of his pack’s spirit reached out to him from the realm of the gods, luring him closer with promises of power. He felt it as a low, steady heartbeat in his veins. Every inch of his skin tingled and itched. The temptation to embrace the baser half of his psyche grew with each step he took.
He didn’t hurry, despite the insistence of his wolf to close the distance and stand gua
rd over the pack spirit who waited inside the circle for its new host. The louder the whispers got, the slower his steps. He breathed deeply and allowed the natural display to cleanse and strengthen him against its seductive call.
The afternoon had left a stain on his soul. The cold rain helped ease the burn just under his skin. He whipped his shirt off, needing to rid himself of the stench of the female shifters who’d come to see him today. The water ran over his muscles, washing away the physical reminder of his sin, but it didn’t wipe the memory of Riley’s pained expression from his mind. The look of hurt she’d worn was imprinted upon him. Each time he closed his eyes, it greeted him.
Tormented him.
Drove home the truth.
Coming home to Hollow’s Grove had sealed his fate. He was hers, utterly and completely. It wasn’t just his heart he’d given Riley, but his body and soul, at least the half that belonged to him. He couldn’t give it to another woman.
He couldn’t betray Riley, his angel.
Not for one night. Not for the length of her life. Not ever again. The price was too much. He couldn’t pay it and remain a male worthy of his pack’s spirit.
He stepped into the ceremonial ring. Power radiated from the balls of his feet to his head. The communal spirit recognized Nic. It would rush to him tomorrow night, eager to be rejoined to a Kagan. If he entered the circle, that was.
Nic would not.
He dropped to his knees in the soggy grass, water squishing out and soaking into his pants. Arms stretched out and eyes closed, he offered his ancestors his regret for not being the strong male he was supposed to be.
The wolf he held within him growled. It sensed his intent and didn’t approve. Nic ignored it and the tempting licks of energy dancing over his skin. To give in to either would damn him and his pack.
His decision was the only one he could make. He could not live torn between his obligation to a mate and his love for Riley. He had to choose one. Riley’s betrayed expression had made it for him. He couldn’t take the chance she’d refuse him in the afterlife because of the sins he’d committed on earth.
Nothing was worth the loss of his angel or his heaven. They were one and the same.
And her name was Riley.
Peace settled over him with the sparks dancing over his skin. Different from what he’d experienced moments before, the pack’s energy caressed him, easing the tightness in his shoulders and taking with it the heaviness that had weighed him down. Crazy or not, he couldn’t help but wonder if the wolf spirit hadn’t taken away the burden he’d been born with.
Nic stood and strode from the circle, but the drive to protect and provide for his pack still overwhelmed him. There was only one way he could see to do that, but he’d need his father’s cooperation. After his insistence that Nic accept the pack spirit or die, he wasn’t sure he’d get it. Then again, his father would want what was best for the pack. Nic hoped, at least.
First, he needed to fix his mistake, and it wasn’t in loving Riley. It was in walking away from her.
He made his way deeper into the woods and headed in the direction of her house. Although tempted to shift and reach her sooner, he remained in his human form. He couldn’t trust his wolf with any freedom. It wanted what Nic had turned his back on. Too bad. His wolf needed Nic’s agreement too, and he wasn’t giving it. Another snarl from his wolf echoed within him. He ignored its displeasure.
The short walk to Riley’s house tried his control, however. His chest ached from the beast’s attempts to force a shift upon him, but as soon as he reached Riley’s backyard, her lingering scent on the air hit him. He dragged in a lungful and let her sweet fragrance soothe him.
Eyes closed, he conjured her image. Combined with her scent, strength seeped into him. Not the physical kind, but the intricate and delicate power her smile brought. Hannah had been right. The knowledge that Riley was alive and well had been the only thing that had allowed him to survive without her. No longer, though. His decision was made.
After what he had done to her, both four years ago and today, he didn’t know how easy it’d be to convince her he was worth fighting for. He was patient, though. Nic knew what he needed, and he’d win her.
Riley was his.
Darkness had fallen by the time Riley forced herself to go home. She’d spent the hours after her encounter with Maria wandering aimlessly around the Kagan pack lands. No, that wasn’t the truth. She’d gone to very specific places, but her reasoning behind visiting the spots where she and Nic had often spent time together wasn’t one she’d acknowledge out loud. If she voiced her worry over never seeing the land or any of her pack members again, then she’d have to admit defeat.
Riley refused to do so.
She would not lose Nic or her own life, not to Maria Tanner or whichever shifter thought to steal him from Riley.
Thoughts whirled in her head, and the idea she’d gotten while speaking with Maria had grown. She needed her computer and to speak with a mated female shifter, but for the first time in weeks, hope surged.
She made her way to her front door, but the sensation of someone watching her froze her on the steps leading to the porch. The memory of Maria’s glare and Nic’s warning of what the unmated wolves might do to her came rushing back. Her blood chilled. For the second time in a matter of a week, fear gripped her. She swallowed hard.
Conscious of the tremor in her hands, she dropped her arms and pivoted. She scanned the woods. Nothing unusual caught her eye. Not surprising. Under the cover of night with the misty fog creeping over the ground, she couldn’t see far. She waited a moment more, but nobody rushed her nor did she hear anything unusual.
She breathed a sigh. No doubt it had been one of the protectors. Still, she waited a moment more. Only the patter of rain on her tin roof broke the silence of the night. She reached behind her, turned the knob, and backed into her home.
Once the door closed, she dropped her cell phone and keys on the table, then kicked off her shoes. Her wet clothes clung to her body. Chilled, both from being out in the cold rain and from the emotional encounters she’d had, she shivered.
She wanted dry clothes, her computer, and a pot of coffee, in that order. She needed to figure out the details of her plan. Nic would want her reasoning before he even considered risking his pack.
Riley gripped the hem of her shirt and yanked it over her head. A flick of her wrist tossed it behind her. Her pants, bra, and undies followed. She let them drop, flopping onto her hardwood floor, not caring about the mess. It was the least of her worries.
Her steps quickened, excitement fueling her. She jogged up the steps and rushed into her bathroom. She started the water and stepped into the shower stall. The hot spray pounded against her back and filled the bathroom with steam. It tempted her to luxuriate in the warmth it offered, but she hurried through the motions and climbed out.
She grabbed a fresh towel, wrapped it around her body, and slipped out of the bathroom. An open notebook lay on her desk next to her laptop. She made her way over to it, turned the computer on, and jotted down some the notes. Her idea of what might help Nic get the kid he wanted looked good on paper. She couldn’t see why it wouldn’t work…biologically speaking. Except, shifters weren’t human. They housed an animal spirit. Not an animal per se, but the soul of one.
If what she’d guessed were true, the reason shifters didn’t breed well was because two conceptions needed to occur simultaneously for a shifter child to be created. On top of that, they had a one-hour window when the moon was at its highest for the dual-natured pregnancy to be formed, infusing the baby with both its halves, human and animal.
She and Nic had the additional issue of a species difference, but… But if her plan worked, they might be able to overcome it.
Might.
One word. It scared her. Might wasn’t a guarantee, and for Nic, he needed one.
Riley dropped her head into her hands and groaned. Why couldn’t love be enough for him? Why did he have to pu
t the stipulation of an heir on their relationship? As much as she wanted to be able to give birth to Nic’s kid or even raise his little one as her own, she couldn’t help feeling…well, resentful.
And… she hated the growing emotion. She did not want to feel bitter toward an innocent child, especially Nic’s. Whether his baby came from her body or that of another woman’s, Riley would love him or her as much as she loved Nic. It was just that…
She wanted Nic to pick her, knowing full well they might never conceive.
Was that really so much to ask?
In Nic’s eyes, it was.
She scrubbed at her tears, hating herself. Hating Nic. And hating the beautiful child that had not even been conceived yet.
She closed her eyes and tried to imagine what Nic’s son or daughter would look like. Both would have his black hair and deep blue eyes. His son might inherit his rough features, the straight nose of the Kagan males, and maybe the cleft Nic’s dad had denting his chin. His daughter, on the other hand, would probably have her mother’s features. They’d never match Riley’s.
She waited for the anger or hurt the thought brought. It never came. The hours since walking away from Nic’s house today had given her the chance to think.
To plan.
And decide what truly mattered.
What it all came down to was that she was in love with a shifter. If she wanted to wake up in Nic’s arms, she had to make some concessions and accept the limitations of their biology.
Why couldn’t Nic do the same?
Riley shoved from the table on a groan. She had to let it go. She couldn’t hold this against him, not completely.
She understood what drove him. The past few days struggling to keep Nic’s dad alive had driven home the point. They were not human. Their rules were different for good reasons. Strength was necessary for the health of the pack, and without their animal half fully integrated into their psyche, shifters were broken.
Weak.
Trying to help Nic’s dad eat and make it to the bathroom had hurt her, but his demands had driven her to tears. He’d begged her not to save his life after the full moon. He wanted to die. He felt his mind and body unraveling. The harsh reality was shifters too made concessions to claim longer lives and power, only theirs weren’t a choice. They were born with a separate soul inside them, an animal driven by the raw and unforgiving world of nature where only the strong survived.