by Elisabeth
Healing Words. Healing Hearts.
by Elisabeth
©Elisabeth Umba 2019. All Rights Reserved
Published by Imperial Publishing House
www.imperialpublishinghouse.com
All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above stated publisher. The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Cover Model: Reeff Kuhn IG: @the_wilding
Photographer: Ashley Nielsen
Cover Designer: Kenya Redd
Contents
Glossary
Chapter One
Dragos
Chapter Two
Dragos
Chapter Three
Dragos
Chapter Four
Dragos
Chapter Five
Dragos
Chapter Six
Dragos
Chapter Seven
Dragos
Chapter Eight
Dragos
Epilogue
*Two years later*
Neema
Glossary
Hayatim- My life
Balim- My honey
Sevgilim- My darling
Tatlim-Sweetie
Seni çok seviyorum- I love you
Pek çok- Immensely
Canim- My soul
Meleğim- My angel
Wami- Mine
Hayir- no
Günaydın- Good Morning
Annecim- My mother
Lütfen- Please
Aşkım- My love
Uff, Uff-an expression of annoyance.
Amcam- My uncle
Küçüğüm- little one
Tamam- Okay
şimdi buradayım- I’m here, now
Tanrı seni korusun oğlum- God bless you, my son
Aradığında hep gelirim annecim- I’ll always come when you call, mom
Evli misiniz- Are you married
Hayir, Ben evli değilim- No, I’m not married yet
Inşallah, şimdi buradayım- God willing, little one
Küçük kız kardeşimi özlüyorum- I miss my younger sister
Eline sağlık- God bless your hands
Kocam- my husband
çik, çik- basically tsk
Chapter One
Dragos
I stood there staring at Neema after she asked me that question. I wondered if I was ready to tell her everything that I had done. Should I tell her what I went through to be here today?
“What did you do?” she asked me again. This time, there was some fear in her voice, and the expression on her face wasn’t helping either.
“Any and everything to protect what was left of my immediate family, and what could’ve been my future family,” I answered.
I was angry now. I shouldn’t have been, but the patient Dragos had been left in Toronto with her. This was a whole new man who got angry easily. He expressed his feelings less and couldn’t bear the thought of losing someone else again.
I sighed.
“Please, Neema. Don’t ask me to tell you things that you could never stomach. Just know that I did what I had to do because I loved you. I protected you because you were everything to me!” I shouted.
Neema shook her head.
“I need some space… and time,” she answered. “I just, I don’t know what to do or say right now. All of this, had you told me, I would’ve,” she started to say.
I interrupted with a deep chuckle.
“You would’ve what?” I questioned her. “All you would’ve done was follow me and put yourself in the line of danger. You would’ve stood right in front of the target and let them pull the trigger.”
She glared at me.
“How do you know that’s what I’d do, Dragos?”
“Because,” I started. “That’s exactly what I did for you. You loved me just as much as I loved you. There is no way you would’ve been okay with me getting threatened even if you didn’t have the power to change it. You would’ve tried, hayatim. I know you would’ve, and that’s why I did it. That’s why I chose to break your heart for fear that if I told you, you’d break mine even more by sacrificing your life for mine. I could never do that to you or your family. They mean everything to you, and for me to just place them in harm’s way, no. Never!”
I didn’t mean to be so angry, but all of the feelings and memories of what I had to do came back full-blown. The kind of resentment I had to channel in order to lay waste to men, and even women, who were involved in the destruction of my family. My uncle was left alive because I needed him to understand, to listen and follow the hierarchy. I was his boss, his don, the man that made the decision on his life. I was his god. Even though that was blasphemy, I made sure of it. All of those bodies that were either blown up, shot up, or tortured weren’t ever going to leave my subconscious, but I accepted them as they were. They could haunt me and be my penance or punishment. I didn’t will them to disappear. If anything, it reminded me of who I became and how I got here. This would give me the assurance and the strength that I needed when I had proof about my sister’s death. They’d all suffer. Every single human being involved. Then, I would be able to lay my demons to rest.
****
I didn’t know what to do at first, but her words sunk in. Neema said she needed time and space. That I could give her. Did that particularly mean I completely understood that? No, but she needed time to process. I wasn’t a blockhead, I understood.
I took a deep sigh as I let her pass through. She eyed me for a moment, then she took her leave. Now, I knew what it felt like to watch the love of your life leave while you couldn’t stop them, even though you wanted to. I wanted to pull her in for a hug, to tell her everything was okay, and to apologize some more, but she needed this.
“I love you, Neema…” I whispered out into the now empty stairwell.
I shut my eyes. I took a moment to bring myself back to being a professional, knowing it was getting close to the time for the break to be over. I put my hair back up into a hasty bun as I went back outside to wait for everyone else.
****
Neema
When I walked away from Dragos in that stairwell, I thought that maybe it would clear my mind, but I was even more confused now. It had been how many days now that I’d been trying to process all of this. When I told my sisters, I was still in a state of confusion. I was so glad that it was a weekend and that I didn’t have to face my ex today. The more I saw him, the more I missed him. I wanted to be in his arms once more.
My cell ringing rescued me from thinking too deep about Dragos. I reached over to my night table and saw that it was Dragos calling. I sighed. This always happened to me. I seemed to always be thinking about him, and then he’d call me. I watched it ring, not sure if I should pick it up.
When it stopped ringing, I heavily sighed as I sat up. I reached up, yanking my bonnet off, needing the release that I brought
myself when I scratched my scalp. My hair was in all of its kinky curly coil state due to me washing it and air drying it. I felt lazy, sue me.
After showering and getting dressed in loose grey shorts and a crewneck sweater, my cell rang. I ran towards it, my heart beating out of order. I looked at the screen, seeing that it was Asha calling me on Facetime instead. This was not one of my proud moments. I rolled my eyes as I picked up.
“What!” I said harshly.
Asha’s pretty face greeted me. She smirked.
“Were you expecting a different call or?”
I rolled my eyes.
“No,” I answered.
“Anyways, I called because I wanted to check on you. How are you?” she asked.
“I’m good. How about you? You look like you’re heading somewhere? Isn’t it kind of early to be this dressed up?” I teased.
Asha rolled her eyes this time. She was a beautiful girl. She had her hair straightened. Her balayage blonde hair matched her lighter chestnut skin color. Asha and I didn’t look alike at all. She looked like mom, and I resembled dad.
She chuckled as she flipped her waist-length hair.
“Sis, I’m just going out for some breakfast. Someone is interested, ya know?” She shrugged with a smirk on her face as she walked over to the big mirror in her room. She showed me her outfit.
“You look good, Ash.” Asha’s body was small yet curvy. All of my sisters and I were the same height.
Asha wore a nice, loose black tee-shirt tucked into her loose-fitting jeans and chunky heeled ankle boots, completed with a rose-gold leather jacket.
My doorbell rang, but I was confused as to who was here.
“Who is at your door this early, ma-ma?” Asha asked.
“Girl, I have no idea. It’s not like it’s a workday. Hold on.” I walked to the front door and opened it without checking my peephole.
My eyes widened when I saw who was at the door.
“Oh,” Dragos said as he eyed me. “So, your phone does work, huh?” he asked.
“Wait!” Asha exclaimed. “Is that, is that who I think it is?”
Before I could say anything, Dragos plucked my phone from my hand and turned the camera towards him with a smile on his face.
“Asha, balım, how are you?” Dragos placed his hand over his heart as he smiled at her.
Asha exclaimed.
“Oh my God, sevgilim. Dragos!” She squealed.
Asha, Dragos, and Nadira had nicknames for each other. They were in Turkish, and I was surprised she remembered it. She always called him my darling; he called her my honey. Then, with Nadira, she was his sweetie, and he was her darling too. It was weird, and I don’t even remember when it all started, but it was cute as hell. I didn’t realize how much I missed them interacting.
“I missed you, Ash,” I heard the sadness in his voice. I just stood there watching this interaction.
“I missed you too, Dragos. Oh! Hold on, look who it is!” Asha exclaimed.
Dragos’ face lit up so brightly, and I knew it was because one of his favorite people popped up on the screen.
“Dira!! Tatlım. You’ve become even more beautiful. Look at you!” he exclaimed.
I didn’t even get the chance to tell him to come in as he came in himself. I rolled my eyes as I shut the door behind him.
“Sevgilim,” Nadira called Dragos. “Thank you! And look!” I heard her exclaim.
I didn’t have to look to know that she was probably showing her engagement ring.
Dragos gasped as he walked further into my house, making his way through my open concept apartment. He went to sit on the couch.
“Dira! No! You’re engaged? My God, congrats! Who’s the unlucky bastard?” he teased her.
“Liam,” she said.
“Liam Greene?” he asked. “The boy that couldn’t bear to be separated from you?”
I chuckled as I went to my kitchen. He remembered all that.
As Dragos continued the conversation with my sisters, I made myself coffee with the Keurig. After getting my coffee, I sat at my kitchen island, watching him interact with them. Asha asked about his life, his family, and his hair. I took him in as he stood to show how long it was now. He looked amazing with what he was wearing; dark faded jeans, a black sweater, some black laced boots, and now he had his hair loose as he showed my sisters.
I tuned into their conversation as Asha spoke.
“Anyways, sevgilim. What are you doing there this early?” she asked.
“Oh yeah! I had to talk to her about something,” Dragos answered.
“Okay then, call us back then,” Nadira said.
“Alright, love you guys,” he said, and it shocked my system.
“We love you too,” Asha and Nadira responded.
I was still in shock when Dragos stood and came to sit on the other side in front of me.
“Nice sweater, hayatım. It still looks good on you.” Dragos smiled as he set my phone down and began placing his hair in a ponytail.
I looked down, now realizing what sweater I had on. It was Dragos’s sweater that I could never throw away. There were select items that I just couldn’t part with.
“Dragos…” I warned him, but I wasn’t even able to deny it.
Chapter Two
Dragos
Nothing could make me regret coming over. I got more than I thought I would. I only wanted to check on Neema because, at work, I kept her at arm’s length. I wanted her to get her space. I said hi to her and even spoke to her casually, but nothing like the intense conversation we had not too long ago.
I watched her as she stood from her stool. She didn’t even ask me what coffee I wanted. She just began making it. I drank her in as she had her back to me. I forgot how breathtaking she was first thing in the morning. My breath caught when she first answered the door; she was bare of anything on her face. I had never seen her hair in that kind of glory before. When we were together, she always wore it straight or in braids, but now it was curly and big. I wanted to run my hand through it. It was down her back, and I wondered why she never wore it like that at work.
I smiled, seeing my sweater on her. It was crazy that we hadn’t seen each other in ten years, but it felt like time hadn’t passed with the way that we looked at each other. I took my phone out of my pocket and snapped a quick pic. She could fight me about it if she wanted, but damn, this woman was still so beautiful. I could never meet anyone whom I loved the way I loved her.
Neema turned to face me and stood there, watching me in silence. For a minute, or however long it was, we just stared at one another. My heart beat so out of order that if I were hooked to a machine right now, the doctors would’ve sent me to a specialist. Neema was the first one to break the eye contact as she looked away, clearing her throat. Then, she set the coffee down in front of me.
“So, what are you doing here?” she asked.
I lightly scratched my beard.
“Your hair,” I said, not answering her just yet.
She reached out, tugging a curl.
“What about it?”
I reached out, leaning in a bit, as I touched a curl.
“You’re so beautiful, hayatim. Sometimes, you just take my breath away, seriously.”
I couldn’t help it as I told her the truth. I was never the type to lie to her, besides when I had to make a decision that left us both broken.
“Dragos,” she said breathlessly. “Why did you come here?”
I wanted to touch her. I knew she might not respond well to it, but I did it anyway. I stood up from where I was and made my way to where she was sitting. She turned to face me. Neema stared up at me, and I cupped her face in my hands. Her eyes went wide, and before she could freak out, I spoke.
“I couldn’t do it, Neema. Seeing you, touching you, and tasting your lips again changed something inside of me. I left the country before just so I couldn’t relapse on the drug that is you, but now, I can’t do it. All it took was a week and a half to b
reak me,” I confessed, and I leaned in, pulling her in for a long-overdue kiss.
At first, Neema stayed frozen in place. Then, oh so slowly, she leaned into the kiss and wrapped her arms around my waist.
It made me think of the first time I told her I loved her. The kiss was so sweet, so beautiful and expressive.
We had just come from dinner, and we sat in my car talking because Neema didn’t want to go back in her house. We were in the parking lot of the townhomes that she lived in with her family.
Neema sat back, just looking at me with a smile on her face. I swear to you she shined like the sun to me,
“If you could do or say anything to anyone, dead or alive, who would it be, and what would you say?” she had asked me.
I looked away for a second before turning back to face her with a smile on my face.
“Dead or alive?” I asked, and she nodded. “You, what I would say to you is that Neema, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You mean the world to me, and I don’t even know when that began. I have never laughed like I have with you. Seni çok seviyorum, with all my heart.”
Neema had frozen into place. She understood what I told her. I told her that I loved her very much.
“You love me, Dragos?” she asked as tears fell down her face.
“Pek çok, canım.” I told her as I placed a hand over my heart.
“I don’t understand,” she said as her hands shook while she cupped my face in her hands.
“Basically, I love you immensely, my soul.”
I don’t think Neema was breathing as I told her what I meant. I leaned in, kissing her as I felt more tears fall from her face. She pulled away from me quickly.
“Wait, I didn’t say it back. I love you too. Pek çok, hayatim,” she repeated.
****
Neema
When I pulled away from the kiss, the memories that came with them overwhelmed me. My body was oddly shaking, and I was trying my best to not let it look like I was thrown off my balance, but I was.
“Wait,” I said to Dragos.
I really needed a moment. One to breathe, another to realize that this wasn’t like before. Yes, of course, his lips were still his, but something in his kiss twisted me inside. It changed. We both changed. Could he feel the yearning in my kiss? The maturity of it all.