by Lexi Ostrow
The coldness in her words was like a bucket of ice water dumped over him. For minutes, he’d been transfixed by her beauty and by learning what she actually was. He’d nearly forgotten they’d been placed together for a particular purpose because he’d been so intrigued. That last statement had undone that interest. She truly didn’t care about her loss, which reminded him she was emoting, so something was off. So he pushed her.
“You said you froze your heart. How are you able to be so emotive?”
“Freezing the heart does just that. Protects the heart from pain. My other emotions were shoved at me by our wonderful leader, but they would have come back on their own after a short time. I can experience everything except romantic love. I can’t even fully grasp the memory of what love felt like.”
It took a moment to stop his mouth from gaping open. She’d selectively shut off one emotion, and it was rather demon-like. “So you’re able to care about some things, even me, in a non-romantic way, but you’ll never experience love again? Never understand what it is like to care so deeply for another human?”
“That is correct. There is a way for me to. If the emotion were to ever return, it would be because of time and effort. Think of it like ice melting. In time it will, but by then, Zach will be a mere memory if I’m still alive. Though while not romantic love, I can tell you every fiber of my being missed working with the dogs at my shelter.”
It hit him then, the real reason they were the guinea pigs. He’d hardened his heart simply because love got in the way, and he knew there would never be anything like what he and Stacey had had. There simply couldn’t be, considering their attraction had literally given him life. Marie was damn near the same, even if she’d used a little bit of magic to help her move on. They were both warriors, both ready to protect and most importantly, both eager to move on without any entanglements.
“I’m beginning to understand.” He smiled wide, thinking it was really a brilliant plan if he had figured it out properly. “We’re damn near opposite sides of the same coin. You’re frozen, and I’m hardened. If we can snap each other out of it, we regain usefulness to the war because we aren’t fully committed if we’re closed off.”
“I’m rather content being closed off. As you heard me state earlier, I have no interest in love. That includes with you, regardless of how attractive you are.”
He shook his head at her words. “What?”
“Really, are all military hero types written as daft? That’s appealing?”
He laughed. The comment should have pissed him the fuck off, but it amused the hell out of him for some reason.
“I didn’t think you’d find that funny.”
“I can’t explain why I do. Probably your utter disdain for humans if they find it attractive. But, no, I’m not daft. I’m merely curious if I heard you properly, that I’m attractive.”
She snorted, and he noted even the small flare of nostrils in disgust did nothing to diminish her looks.
“You’re extremely good looking, yes. In fact, if I were interested in anything from you, it would be to see how all that power and strength you boasted about made you in bed.”
He went slack jawed even as his cock throbbed with the thought of fucking her. It wasn’t the first time a woman had been openly blunt about her desire for him. He’d indulged in plenty of meaningless club bathroom fucks. The idea of pinning her against the wall and indulging was tempting. He liked no strings, and if she did too, this was going to be a much more fun relationship. What stunned him, however, was that it was the first time a woman was clearly not going to follow through with the comment. That shouldn’t annoy him, but it kind of did.
“So what you’re saying is that I’m hot, you’re lusty, and that’s it?”
The smile that spread across her lips was genuine. “That sounds exactly like what I’m saying. I’m here to offer hope to those that do not have my ability to destroy emotions. If there is a possibility, we can make that work, I will do my best to contribute.”
That spark in her was back. The one he realized he admired. She was a lot like his lost Word Speaker, and perhaps he would reveal he was very much like hers as time went. He looked at her again, drank in her porcelain beauty and the coldness in her eyes. They were going to have a long way to go if they were to heal the wounds they each had.
“Well then, I say we toast this union with a drink.” He cleared his throat and hoped she noticed that and not him adjusting his pants when he stood.
“Any shot you’re a bourbon drinker?” she asked as she stood as well.
“Darling, you just became one of my favorite women. Drinks it is.”
4
He didn’t understand why he felt the need to leave Sean and Marie, just that he had. Watching them through the viewing window was doing nothing to ease his nerves. He’d known Marie would be closed off. He hadn’t realized she’d be practically dead when it came to her Word Speaker. She needed to find passion for something. That was the only way she and Sean could trigger a bond as strong as a Word Speaker and Guardian shared from the get go. The demon didn’t lack compassion, but it wasn’t the same thing. It wasn’t enough.
She needed to unshackle herself from the ice she’d created within. If she couldn’t, he’d chosen wrong. Everything about his choice of Guardians had been calculated. There were far too many that had lost their Word Speakers, thanks to his brother. He could have tried any pairing, really. He’d wanted Sean and Marie because they were compatible on many levels. He’d hoped that alone would have been enough to blossom and foster the connection. Unfortunately, he hadn’t counted on Marie partaking in a ritual to destroy herself.
“Because you always think they’re unselfish,” he growled as he closed the viewing window once Marie and Sean began to drink. If they were bonding that way, he would let them get their start how they saw fit.
“They’re all selfish,” he announced bitterly as he opened a quick window to Kellie and Alcott, then to Julian and Serena to check on them as he often did.
Selfishness was at the core of every Guardian and Word Speaker. For centuries, he had tried to avoid thinking that way. They were throwing their hat in with the possibility of a tremendous war. He had thought that made them rather selfless. As the centuries ticked, by he began to see them for what they truly were.
A Word Speaker got something powerful, secretive and exciting in exchange for a small chance that they would be the generation to live through the prophecy. Guardians got freedom — a real life. Not to mention, in many instances, the pair found sensual pleasure or love unlike anything they could have ever hoped to find elsewhere—like Ciara.
It shouldn’t have surprised him when Marie took the selfish option to remain free and save herself. It shouldn’t have even been a shock that it worked. Yet, all of it was. He’d held the belief that all the Guardians were as noble as they appeared in their stories. A wasted thought that he would certainly have to rid himself of moving forward.
“You destroyed everything,” he growled out, though he wasn’t speaking about Marie.
He was speaking about his brother.
Anger began to bubble just beneath the surface as his face, entirely identical except for golden eyes, formed in his mind. The same cocky smirk, the same square jawline, and gelled black hair. They were so identical, so very much the twins they had once been, but devastatingly different. He had broken rules to save his people, but he had never broken them to save himself.
“You created this. You’re more than a monster, brother.” The words spit from his lips, leaving a vulgar taste in their wake. His hands clenched into fists so tightly he felt the muscles tighten all the way up through his arms, sending a spike of pain when it reached his neck. “I have so much to do. So much work to undo the hell you brought upon as all.”
With a wave of his hand, the viewing window to his brother quickly closed. Even the subtlest gesture sent a rush of pain through his entire being. Six months of punishment had left his body
broken and torn. Not to mention the deity had refused to heal him and had stripped him of such magic. Had it not been for the surge of power he’d gained from changing his true name mere days before he had been taken, he wasn’t certain he would have been able to survive the torture at all. Every single whip, slash and punch was so vivid in his mind, he could still feel it.
Unfortunately, for the deities, he’d taken away the wrong lesson from his time with them. Of course, to end his suffering, he had falsely claimed he understood the mistake of his path. The only mistake he had made was getting caught. He’d moved too soon and with too much arrogance. Yet, after century upon century of waiting for a war, it hadn’t felt like he’d taken enough action. There would be more to come, even if he chose to lie low and recover both his personal injuries and those to his side. Learning that Huracan had wiped out an equal number of his warriors had sent him on a rampage. One that had done no good, he was no match for Gods and Goddesses, no matter how old his people’s pantheon was.
Despite having been released from the three creation God’s torment for almost a week, he hadn’t had the strength to so much as lift his head from a pillow, let alone continue doing anything.
His head throbbed from the effort it had taken to even open a window on his brother, even now that it was closed and he was not actively thinking about the connection.
He had been surprised to hear his brother still cursing him so many months later. “He always could hold a powerful grudge,” he mused to no one.
When he’d opened the viewing window, he’d simply been looking for an update on anything his brother was doing, as a safety measure. It hadn’t crossed his mind that what he would have been doing was still cursing and hurling insults at him.
“Glad to know big brother still loves me.” His lips curved into a sinful smirk as he said the words.
Then there was the other delicious morsel of information he’d overheard —that his brother had a slew of damaged and deranged Guardians on his side after the attacks.
“Guardians that you could most certainly use.” He mused excitedly, feeling some of the bone weary exhaustion dissipating as his newest idea formed.
A shattered Guardian for his brother could easily mean a sparkling new darker Guardian, one that would fit in perfectly with his warriors. If he’d found the perfect life and had had it ripped away, he would be furious at the man that had taken it. That meant he needed to find a way to spin the situation to make the Guardians believe it was his brother’s fault they’d lost everything for not being a better leader.
He wasn’t convinced the pair his brother had been spying on were the best option. If there was one thing he could count on, it was that his brother knew how and where to place his ridiculous hope. The man, Sean, had been one he’d brought into the game. A wasted introduction to the marvels of the world, but it was how the rules went. They took turns bringing Guardians into the fold because it was an impossibility to know where a warrior would fall in the instant they flickered to life as a Word Speaker. He’d been a stern do-gooder from the get go. This Marie though, he’d never met her. She had a stormy, cold look about her, and the selfishness of her actions moments prior meant he stood a shot at molding her to his will. There was the smallest nugget of frustration that his brother was apparently trying to fix them.
However, beggars couldn’t be choosers, and he didn’t have a lead on any other Guardians that could be teetering on the brink of destruction. He would heal a little longer, check in on his forces and then pay pretty little Marie a very important visit.
5
Sean leaned his head to the side, enjoying the loud crack of his neck. For three days, he’d been engaged in a rather dull texting relationship with Marie. One that had, at moments, felt like a traditional relationship. They began their day texting when they awoke and stopped just before bed. The topics ranged from the simplistic — how they took their coffee—to the extreme; what they missed about their worlds. Nothing astounding happened, not unless something included the way he had begun thinking about her. While the conversations had been nothing spectacular, the act of having someone to speak to, to care about even, was settling over him in a way that should have made him itching to jump off the train. Oddly enough, it just made him want their situation to work out even more. In such a short time, with minimal effort, he’d begun to realize what he’d been missing the past years by closing himself off. Something that, if he wasn’t careful, he was going to crave again.
It was strange, the way the feelings and desires to not be utterly alone had snuck up on him in such a quick fashion. He’d expected, at some point during the experiment, to realize he had to let Stacey go completely and live again. That happening after only three days seemed off.
“You’re only interested in not shutting yourself away from the world, not hoping into bed with anyone,” he reminded himself as a slight agitation grew at the idea of moving on from Stacey’s memory.
The knock on the door surprised him. Marie was going to come over in a few hours, to work out some logistics of what they thought needed to occur, but she didn’t strike him as the early type. Pushing off his knees with his hands, he used the momentum to get off the couch and get to the door.
“Be right there,” he shouted loudly enough to permeate the wood door as he padded barefoot across the carpet and pulled the door open.
“Jerome.” He could feel his face scrunch up with mild confusion even as he saluted his superior. The other man was the closest thing he had to family in his current state.
Seeing him in uniform on the weekend was rare. If he’d had a duty to stand, he would have long been at the base.
“Bender, do you have a minute?” Jerome took his cap off as he stepped inside, concern touching his soft brown eyes.
“I’m not sure I like where this going,” he said plainly as he gestured for Andrew Jerome to take a seat and sat a moment after his superior did.
The age lines around Jerome’s eyes looked deeper, more etched in almost. His brow was practically furrowed, and the slightest hint of annoyance reflected in the depths of his aquamarine eyes. He scrubbed a hand over his chin before letting out a sigh dramatic enough to earn an Academy Award before speaking.
“Nothing is official yet, but there’s a damn good chance we’re going to be heading out in the next week. Nothing confirmed, but we’ve received word from a small African village on the wrong side of the militant forces that three of our own are there. They offered no confirmation, and we’re actively working until we have approval on the ground to get them in. But be ready. They’re local boys, and if it comes down to it, we will save our own.”
A small rock formed in his throat and steadily grew into a boulder. Air seemed to take a few seconds longer to squeeze down his windpipe as he sucked in deep breaths. If his unit had been notified, there was a damned good chance the claim was legitimate, and men and women were suffering. He felt his eyes narrow as the small panic shifted into a gut-wrenching anger.
“How long until we’re mobilized?” His words were clipped, every sense of who he’d been as a character flipping into gear at the mere mention of an assignment.
“We’ll know in a day or so top. I’m only going around to you as a warning. I know holidays are coming up and it has been quiet enough for us all to have believed we’d catch a break.”
Jerome sounded as angry as Sean felt at the idea of soldiers caught behind enemy lines.
“I’ll be in touch. Keep that cell phone on, and your gear packed. If we get green-lighted, there won’t be any waiting.” Jerome pushed off the couch.
Sean couldn’t think of anything to say. His unit had never been required. With a nod, he led Jerome to the door and saw him out. Only upon closing it did he reflect on what the situation meant to him.
“It means you’re going to be putting your secondary life on the back burner.” The words were bitter in his mouth.
Just moment’s prior he’d been realizing how connecting with ano
ther Guardian had zapped something to life in him through mere texting conversations. Leaving on a mission would deter progress and didn’t ensure he even came back alive to finish what he’d started.
So who do I owe more? He’d never questioned his loyalty to the Air Force. Not once in his novel and not once since he’d been released. Even when he’d lost Stacey to the career, he’d never faltered in his commitment to the cause. However, it was impossible to not remind himself that all he did was real, but not who he was supposed to be. He’d been fated and contractually obligated by his freedom to serve in a war that may or may not happen in his lifetime.
“Contractual freedom.” Zach snorted in disgust at the idea that he owed everything he had to a man that seemed to like to snap his fingers to get what he wanted.
The warriors possibly trapped in enemy territory were his concern. He’d signed up to be in the military. That was his life; serving and protecting. It didn’t matter how intrigued he was about getting to know Marie — both as a Guardian and a person. His duty was to his country, to his unit and to those he protected. He had no Word Speaker any longer. Nothing came before his obligation to the Air Force.
Grabbing his cell phone, he opened up the conversation with Marie and double tapped her name to initiate a call. The sound of the ringing damn near seemed to echo through every bone in his body. He was tense enough from the short conversation with Jerome. He was like a Roman Candle waiting to fire as he waited for Marie to pick up.
“Sean?” Her voice held a small trace of confusion
“We might need to reschedule. Can you come earlier?” He hadn’t intended to sound as uncouth as he had.
“I’m off today, so I suppose I could. Can I ask what the issue is?”