Just before she fell asleep she heard him say those words he’d spoken to her just five short days ago.
“I love you, Julie.”
JULIE DIALED ANNALISE first thing in the morning. She’d finished her classroom setup yesterday, and she was feeling restless and a bit bored. She had four days until the summer session began, and wondered if they could work in a trip to Las Vegas earlier than planned.
“I’m at work now. Perhaps I could come down with the flu. We’d have to drive.”
“Exactly what I was thinking. Annalise, I’m so glad you’re able to do it with me. For some reason, I just need this.”
“I got your back, Jules. You know that,” Annalise sighed. “Okay, now I gotta do sick. Meet you at your house in, say, an hour? I’ll text you when I’m on my way.”
JULIE DROVE THE two of them the four hours to Las Vegas. They’d gotten a complimentary room at one of the large casinos thanks to Annalise’s club points from previous gambling trips. The room was huge.
“They love you here Anna.” The strip looked dusty, but would ignite the area with neon at dusk.
“I usually make money every time I come.”
Julie knew it wasn’t true, but let it slide for now. They went downstairs and wandered along the slot machines until they found their favorites. They drank watered-down drinks, and then decided to check out some of the local shops. At one of the sports bars, Annalise stopped.
“This place has great burgers, and seems to attract all the cute guys,” she said. “You hungry?”
“Kinda starved.”
They went inside, having to let their eyes adjust before trying to find a table. Big screen monitors covered the walls. No matter where a person sat, they could watch horse racing with tabletop features for online betting. Several basketball and baseball games were on the monitors, and the bar mostly filled with men.
Boisterous whooping and hollering were coming from the corner where about ten muscled guys appeared to be celebrating a basketball game. Someone tossed a basket of popcorn over someone else’s head.
A head that looked familiar.
Luke!
Julie noted how different the men were. Some were dark and tanned, others red-headed and light-skinned. But they were all built. Huge shoulders, relatively the same age, and all extremely attractive. They had the full attention of a group of girls at a nearby table, but the SEALs seemed not to notice.
What am I going to do?
Annalise was quick to look over where Julie’s attention had gone. “Whoa! I get your drift. Nice! I think we should make a trip to the ladies’, and take a closer look. What do you say?”
“No. I’ll watch your things. I’m staying here.”
“You crazy?” Annalise asked her.
“No. I’ll hold the table down. You go on ahead.”
Julie decided not to tell her who she’d seen. She wasn’t sure what would happen if he discovered her. She decided to just avoid looking in that direction.
She ordered a burger for both of them, and two beers. She considered switching places so she wouldn’t risk another of those furtive glances in his direction she couldn’t seem to help, telling herself each time it was some action she’d seen out of the corner of her eye on the monitor which made her look up. But her eyes always landed on the back of Luke’s head and the curly hair she had loved sifting her fingers through.
In spite of what her head said, her body responded to the sight of this warrior and his strong shoulders, and the brotherhood of the men around him who loved him better than she probably ever could. The ache in her chest was more than just missing the steamy sex, it was because she knew, if he gave her half a chance, which was a big if, she could heal him. Or better said, she’d be able to find a way to help him heal. Because the healing had to come from him. She also knew that unless he was willing, he would not get better, and she would not be able to do more than be a distant bystander.
And yes, she wanted more. She believed she would never find another man who affected her so positively, as though they had some ancient chemistry. Once she’d tasted him she was dead for any other.
The room got blurry and she realized she’d teared up.
Damn.
So no one would see streaks on her face, she turned to stare down at the tabletop and let the droplets land there. And then she wiped them away.
Another burst of easy laughter came from the table in front of her. Suddenly she was too close. Was she somehow smelling his scent? That was just crazy. She tried to look out the window at the ridiculous display of odd tourists walking past the large windows, such a collection of humanity, it could almost be a bar scene from a science fiction movie. Every excess, both beautiful and depraved, paraded past. Her life seemed so ordinary and dull in comparison.
Another wave of laughter filled the room and this time she recognized Annalise’s voice in the middle of it. She looked up, and, with horror, saw her talking to the seated men. She had her palms pressed onto the table in front of them, she was leaning, squeezing herself together the way she liked to do, giving them a hefty dose of her womanly gifts. It was something Julie used to laugh about, but right now, the thought of her friend attracting the young men drove her into a panic. What if she got Luke to come over to their table, or, God forbid, made him turn around?
Frowning, she and Annalise made eye contact, and Annalise motioned for her to come over and join her.
Julie felt sweat prickle across her back while her palms got clammy and her throat dried. She tried to deliver a terrified look to Annalise, who was laughing, talking, and flirting, and not paying much attention to her reaction. It took her some seconds before she realized what Julie had been trying to communicate.
“Don’t know what’s gotten into my friend. Hey! Julie, these guys are from San Diego too!” she yelled over the three or four tables between them.
Julie closed her eyes and squeezed her fists. She would have strangled her friend if she could have.
No. No. No! This is all wrong, Annalise. Don’t do this to me!
She repeated the words several times and then released herself to the inevitable. Opening her eyes slowly, she got a good look at Luke, who had turned to stare at her, and then swallowed hard. The sight of his face sent an electric jolt up her spine. His eyes seemed to envelop her in the blue gaze she’d lost herself in so many times. And then he stood up. The noise level behind him rose while he made his way toward her, past his buddies. His shoulders were swaying above the loose easy gait of his packed torso and thighs.
The air seemed to leave the room. He’d stopped so close to her his knee lightly touched her thigh. She could feel his heat. Her cheeks flushed when she stole a look at Annalise and saw they had an audience of more than just the ten at the table, everyone hanging on every tiny movement. The space between her breasts got damp and the hair on her forearms stood on end amid goose bumps.
But worse, a jumble of nerves and emotions came flooding in, hitching her breath and making her ache—the dull ache reminding her she missed him so much she could, really could, debase herself and ignore all the warning signs. Her will was dissolving more every second he waited for her to respond.
Though she knew it was a mistake, she looked up at him. He was examining her lips so she looked back down quickly.
“Julie, I—” He stopped himself, but the damage had been done. Hearing her name roll of his tongue stimulated every cell. Her body had never needed someone so much while her head was screaming she had to ignore it.
She knew what side was going to win. No question about it.
“May I sit down, Julie?” His gravelly voice was all man. All tender man, which was the biggest turn-on of all.
She could barely talk, so managed to squeak “Sure,” and moved to the side. She didn’t dare look up at her friend or the men who were still observing with great interest.
Luke did what he had no right to do. He put his huge muscled arm up on the top of the booth, so it just barel
y touched her shoulders and the top of her spine. His fingers were idle, not forcing themselves on her. But she so needed his touch, especially in the special places now coming to life. His thigh pressed against hers made something in her abdomen vibrate.
Inhaling, it was impossible not let the deliciousness of his scent fill her lungs, breathing life back into her, though logic was screaming, alarms were buzzing in the background. Being in his proximity was making all things possible again, promising he’d be focused on her and not wanting to run from her. In a terrible mixture of confusing wonderfulness, she dared to look back at him.
Big mistake. Huge mistake.
Their hungry eyes searched the other’s briefly before studying each other’s mouths, before she involuntarily licked her lips, and he bent so slightly it might not have been perceptible to the outside world, and she fell into the fantasy of meeting him halfway. As their lips touched, a little squeal burst from the back of her throat, followed by his low, rolling growl. His tongue requested entry and she opened to him, to all of him, drinking in his taste and the scent and heat coming from his body.
He adjusted his body to squirm slightly on the burgundy leatherette seat, turning his torso into her, gently kissing down the back of her jawbone, under her chin, and up the other side.
“Baby, we need to talk,” he whispered.
Her wary look made his eyes dance. She could see he liked that thought.
“Okay, whatever you want, then,” he whispered as his lips caressed hers and he sucked on her lower lip. “I’ve been thinking of nothing else but you for these past long days. Trust me, I’ve missed you.”
Her steely resolve had turned to tin foil, in spite of what she was telling herself, what her rational self was jumping up and down screaming. But she couldn’t resist him, wondering how long he would stay this way. Not sure where it was leading, but holding out hope. Somehow hoping she was coursing in the right direction, even without the words. Those would have to come later.
She rolled her head to the side and he covered her neck with kisses she now realized she was more than willing to get naked for.
“Come on, baby.”
He slid out of the seat, checked out his buddies with a quick mock salute, and made a grateful bow to Annalise with a hand over his heart. With his other hand he linked their fingers, slipping them together as comfortably as old friends. He squeezed her hand and helped her stand.
He stood behind her, placing his hands on her hips, palms down, gently pulling her back against him so she could feel his erection.
As if she didn’t already know.
She knew she should stop him. But it wasn’t what she was going to do. Though it was probably the dumbest thing she’d done in her life, she’d go with him wherever he wanted her to.
She just hoped to God she had the strength to stop at her own personal boundaries. His illness she knew somehow she could handle. If he ever stopped wanting her, that she probably would not be able to handle.
Chapter 28
‡
LUKE HOPED THE guys entertained Julie’s girlfriend in a respectful manner, giving him time to clear things with Julie. Well, not exactly clear things, because he wanted his body pressed against hers so much he’d do anything to get it. Including tell himself he was well enough to handle all this.
He didn’t know how he felt about it, had avoided feeling anything, just focusing on his job, and the guys. Putting thoughts of Julie out of his mind. But when he saw her sitting across the room, those eyes needed him. He suddenly felt like the guy who could do it, could give her the love and devotion she so deserved. He saw her need of him. But he also saw her strength. He needed that, too.
He didn’t ask her where they were going. He just followed her through the crowd. Cigarette smoke was getting to his eyes. He had her hand so tight he wondered if it was too tight, so he loosened it to check out her temperature. She squeezed him back so hard it nearly hurt.
He was going to go for it. The whole enchilada. She was what he’d always wanted. Trick was to convince her of something he wasn’t entirely sure he understood. The doc had told him to be careful, but to follow his gut. And to tell her when he was feeling rocky so she had some advance warning. It was only fair. And to go on with meetings, support groups. Connect with other elite warriors who were dealing with the same issues. At least he didn’t have to deal with a physical injury like some of the guys he’d met.
Dr. Brownlee had been hopeful on their last visit. Took it as a good sign he decided to come in early and not wait. He had so much he wanted to tell her. He hoped to God she wanted to hear it.
He’d been afraid to look at her until they got to the elevator.
“You good with this, honey? Because I can stop now, but I won’t be able to later. Honest, sweetheart,” he said with his palms on either side of her sweet pink cheeks. The sight of her face, begging him to kiss her, made his chest rise, blood pumping all over, especially in his lower abdomen. Her soft kiss was something he could sink himself into and spend the whole day, just there. If she’d let him, and if her friend didn’t interrupt them, he’d spend every second pleasuring her enough so neither one of them would be able to walk afterward.
But first they’d have to talk. Painful as it would be, they had to clear the air. Say the things which should be said, whether or not either of them wanted to hear it. It should happen in a certain order, and just screwing her didn’t show her the respect she deserved.
The elevator door pinged open to a gathering of Chinese tourists, packed so tight it took them a minute to un-wedge the first passengers off.
A couple was starting to walk on, following Luke and Julie inside, but he barred the way. “Sorry, folks. You’ll have to take the next one.”
She chuckled and leaned into him, fostering in him the need to wrap his arm around her, protecting her from the space in the elevator. He’d never felt so fuckin’ hard or big. “Missed you, baby.”
The doors opened on her floor, and in seconds they were standing alone in a room just now being warmed by the bright lights of the strip. He thought he’d like to say what he wanted to say while he watched the shimmer of those lights on her beautiful face.
“Baby, I’m getting better. I want to get better for you. I want to be a whole man. I’m not there, but I’m going to work on it.”
She nodded and said the words he’d dreamed about every night for the past few days. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“This isn’t just a hookup for a few hours and then we go our separate ways, Julie. I can’t propose to you until I got all my shit together—”
“Shhh, Luke. There is no hurry. You know we have time. There is no race.”
But of course there was a fuckin’ race. He needed to be inside her. He needed to touch the gateway to her soul while he filled her with all the power and love he possessed. He was grounded with her, found, seated on a solid foundation that could withstand any earthquake or tidal wave.
He pulled her onto his lap when he sat on the edge of the bed. “I’ve got one more tour, and then I’m thinking I’ll get out. I don’t want to do anything that sets me back into the dark ages, but I don’t have to think about it for a while. I’ve got a few weeks, maybe a few months, to decide. But I’m promising you right now, I’m going to make getting healthy a priority, to work on it.”
“I don’t want you to change anything for me. I want you to do and be what you would do and be if I wasn’t around.”
She was fiddling with the hair at his temples, toying with him, making his ears buzz. The way her heaving breast leaned into his bicep, the little nipple teasing his grateful body part, made the blood in his veins pound.
He looked up at her, rubbing a palm over the top of her thigh, needing to see her close her eyes while his fingers pressed between her legs. “Not possible, baby. I am who I am because of you. You make me the man I want to be by loving me in return.”
“I want you to teach me what I need to do to assist, Luke. The
re’s so much I don’t understand. But I’m willing to try. Teach me.”
“With pleasure, baby. I just wanted you to know. I just didn’t want you to think—”
She pressed her lips so hard against his he almost bit her. “Take me, Luke. Please take me. Love away all the doubts. We’ll figure it all out later. I promise. But I need you now or I’ll go insane.”
Well, hell, if that wasn’t the biggest fuckin’ green light of the century.
He kicked off his shoes and quickly dropped his pants, while she slipped off her top and did the same with her pants. She arched to unhook her bra and he stopped her. “My rules. My job.”
She lifted his T-shirt off his head, folded her fingers behind his ears and then traced a finger down his jaw to his lips. He accepted her forefinger, pulled her whole hand up to his face and sucked two fingers loudly. Her other hand found the tent in his pants, and had slipped inside the elastic of his red, white and blue boxers, finding his cock, squeezing it, and then squeezing his balls.
He quickly shucked the boxers and brought her to the bed. She lay back, her knees apart, lacy cream panties barely covering the slit of her opening. When he reached under her to remove her bra, she arched toward him, bit his neck and wrapped her legs around his waist.
Her body was warm and friendly. It was like coming home after being scared shitless in some of those desolate places where he’d been deployed. She was all apple pie and parades and everything he loved about what normal people did. In his mind’s eye, he saw children in the streets, and dogs sleeping on the lawn. He saw the pleasure of a future with her.
He carefully pressed her knees apart and slipped his tongue under the lace to dip into her opening. The first taste of her almost made him weep. He’d been so sure they would never again have this kind of afternoon together, but the grieving he’d done for this relationship was suddenly over. The long winter, the cold, which had gripped the strange parts of his emotions, was lit by the fire burning within her. He would be her love slave for as long as she’d have him.
SEAL My Destiny (SEAL Brotherhood) Page 17