“She helped a lot of women in this town back in the day,” Violet said. “An’ it was all natural. I’m not talkin’ ‘bout delivering babies and handing out remedies. She was helpin’ women who’d been defiled and violated against their own wills, women who thought they’d never feel clean again. That’s what you need, young lady. You need to be clean again.”
“But…” Emily was struggling to keep her voice steady as the tears she was holding in started to burn the back of her throat. “I am clean. That lady is crazy. How could you want her to do that to me?”
Gail closed her eyes in a tight squint. “I’ve had about enough of this.” Her eyes popped open, and she came at Emily with an open palm, stopping just short of slapping her. After a deep breath, she said, “You quit your arguing and start cooperating or I’ll put you on the first bus to Aunt May’s with a one-way ticket.”
So her only choices were to stay there and let Crazy Sister Serenity scald her with her bleach concoction or go to Houston and live with her grandmother’s old maid cousin. May was mean, and the last time she and Levi were sent there for a visit, she made them get up at three in the morning and clean the entire house because Levi wet the bed. That was years ago, yet Emily was still terrified of the woman. So there was no choice, really. She had to stop arguing because she couldn’t leave Levi there alone in that house or Daniel alone in that town. Plus, the thought of not seeing Miller and Sara again made her sadder than she expected.
“Well?” Gail crossed her arms over her chest. “Aunt May or Sister Serenity? Your choice.”
“Sister Serenity,” she relented.
“That’s better,” Gail said. “Now finish up your homework. She’ll be here soon.”
“You’ve already called her?” Emily looked at the two of them. She hated them. She’d never forgive them. She tossed her backpack at her mother’s feet. “Forget it. I’ll run away.” She ran down the stairs and slammed the back door on her way out.
She ran until she was sure no one was following her and then walked at a quick pace with no clue where she was going. Where? Anywhere. Anywhere except in the same house as her mother and grandmother. Why didn’t they go ahead and send her to Aunt May if they hated her so much? She knew it was because if they kicked her out, they wouldn’t be able to control every single detail of her life. Maybe she would run away, then. If only she could. There was no way she’d ever leave Levi or Daniel. They didn’t just need her. They needed her to be strong.
She made it over the second hill between her house and the old barn when she saw a truck parked on the other side of the stock pond. It looked like Miller’s truck, which was crazy. Why would Miller be out there? It was too dark to be sure, so she went investigate. The closer she got, the more confident she became it was Miller’s truck. There was no one in the cab, though the gate to the bed was down. She wondered if he’d broken down. That didn’t make sense either. He said he was going home after he dropped Sara off. Oh…what if he hadn’t taken Sara home yet? What if they were in the bed of the truck together?
Curiosity, or something else, something she wasn’t quite ready to admit to yet, propelled her to the truck. If she heard anything that sounded like sex, she’d run away, but she really wanted to see what Miller and Sara were doing. With each step closer to the truck, she grew more and more relieved that there were no awkward noises or cries of passion or whatever sounds people made when they were having sex. It was dead quiet. If she was ever forced to imagine it, or think about it for longer than a millisecond, she would guess her parents had sex in silence. She guessed Miller and Sara wouldn’t be so quiet.
She slowly advanced to the front of the truck so she could hide behind the cab until she knew what she was barging in on. When she got close enough to look inside, all she could see was Miller lying on a thick blanket with his eyes closed.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
He startled and opened his eyes, then relaxed when he saw it was her. “Hanging out.”
“Here? Alone?”
“I like it here.”
“Why?”
He shrugged. “Just do.”
“You come out here a lot?”
“Every once in a while.”
“Move over.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m going to join you.”
He scratched the top of his head. “I don’t think that’s such a great idea.”
“Whatever.” Emily went around to the back of the truck and climbed into the bed with him. “I need to hide out for a while.”
“Who’re you hiding from?”
“Who do you think?” She lay down next to him. “My mom and grandmother.”
“Oh.” Miller scooted over more.
“Geez, Miller, I’m not going to bite.”
“I’m trying to give you room.”
That was a nice gesture, considering no one ever wanted to give her room. They wanted to crowd into whatever space she had and fill it up with their demands, accusations, and criticisms. She didn’t want Miller to give her room. She wanted him close, very close. So it was probably best that he did scoot over. She looked up at the full moon and tried to concentrate on it rather than the fact that she was lying there with Daniel’s best friend, and she was glad they were alone.
They lay there in silence for what must’ve been a half hour. It was Miller who broke the silence.
“So what’d they do this time?”
“Same old thing. Digging through my room looking for evidence of something that doesn’t exist.”
“What’s that?”
“They think Daniel and I are having sex. We’re not.” There was something about saying that to Miller that felt really good. She wanted him to know that. She needed him to know.
“Oh,” Miller said again. “I thought…there’s all those rumors…I never asked Daniel so I thought…”
“It’s not like that with us. I don’t really love Daniel. I mean, I do love him. I’m not in love with him. We’re not going to be together after high school.”
“You’re not?”
“We’ve already talked about it.” She regretted saying it the moment it came out of her mouth. Truthfully, though, the part of her she hadn’t accepted yet longed for Miller to know that. She looked over at him. The way he was looking at her was hard to understand. No one had ever looked at her like that. So deep, so full, so intense. Like she could recite the listings of the Bokchito Yellow Pages and he’d think it was poetry. Like she couldn’t do anything or say anything or think anything wrong. Like she was perfect the way she was. It creeped her out a little. She swallowed hard. “We’re not having sex but someone is. I think it’s my cousin Seth. He goes through girls like…ew. You and Sara aren’t leaving your condom wrappers out here on the property, are you?”
“What? No. Huh uh,” Miller blurted out. “No way.”
“Really? So you’ve never…ya know?”
“It’s not like that with us either.”
“It may not be that way for you, but it sure is for her. She’d have your baby in a second if you asked her to.”
It happened so fast, Emily couldn’t have stopped it if she wanted to, but she knew what was coming by the way he was looking at her, and she didn’t want to stop it. Miller rolled over onto his side, put his hand on Emily’s face, and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back, hoping it would never end. When he pulled away, he looked sad.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his lips inches away from hers. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
“I’m not.”
“But Daniel—”
“Yeah. And Sara.” He pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “What do we do?”
Emily thought about what would be waiting for her when she got home—a crazy, old midwife that all the ladies in town over the age of fifty thought was practicing natural medicine. “Let’s pretend, just for an hour, that no one needs me, and no one needs you. That no one is waiting for us to come h
ome. Let’s lie here together, look at the stars, and pretend.”
He kissed her cheek and put his arm under her neck while she nestled into him. Neither of them said a word as they lay there in the bed of his truck.
And for one hour of her life, she was happy.
After the memory subsided, Emily wondered if Miller had forgiven her for running away in the middle of the night with no explanation. Did he forgive her for making decisions after she promised he would be involved? Did he want her in his house, or was he humoring Abby? Was he still pretending?
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Miller
Miller knew something was wrong without even opening his eyes. There was light in the room, and it was always dark when he got up. He must have slept late. He opened his eyes and saw Abby standing over him.
She smirked. “Have a long night?”
“Huh? Oh. Yeah. Must’ve overslept.”
“Yes you did. I slept like a baby, myself. Don’t worry. I’m all ready for school, and I took my medicine. Whatchya doing down here?”
“Emily and I moved Jack upstairs.”
“Yeah. I thought you might do that. Here.”
Miller rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms. “What’s that?”
She handed him a tube of Neosporin. “You don’t want that to get infected.”
“What?”
She pointed at his chest. “That.”
He touched the scratch marks Emily had left on him. “I, uh…I think those are from when I was getting the horses out of the barn yesterday.”
“‘Getting the horses out of the barn.’ Is that what they called it back in the old days?”
He sighed. “Okay. I know this looks bad, but nothing happened.”
“Really?”
“Yes,” he lied. “Really.”
She started back to the kitchen. “If you say so. Want some coffee?”
“Yes. Please.”
“Okay. Hey, Dad?” She poked her head back around the corner.
“Yeah?”
“Please don’t bring Emily’s underwear to the breakfast table.”
“What?” Miller propped up on his arms and looked down. Emily’s pink underwear was tucked into his waistband to the right of his fly. He fell back to the sofa. “Shit.” He yanked it out and stuffed it into his pocket. He got up, found his t-shirt at the end of the sofa, and pulled it over his head.
Feeling hungover and exhausted, and uncertain and alive, he went to the kitchen and slid into his usual chair while Abby poured coffee into his mug.
“You look exhausted.”
“I didn’t mean for it to happen. I couldn’t sleep on the sof—”
She held her hands up. “You don’t have to explain it to me.”
Miller put his elbows on the table and rested his head in his hands. “It was a mistake. I shouldn’t have.”
“A mistake? It’s obvious you two like each other. She kept watching you last night while you were outside cooking the fish.”
“This doesn’t mean we’re a couple. It was just—”
“Sex?”
“Please stop saying that word. She was upset, and I went in to check on her, and—”
Jack walked around the corner holding his jar of fireflies. “I need breakfast. The Magic School Bus comes on soon.”
Miller pulled out the chair next to him and patted it.
Jack sat down and put his jar of fireflies on the table. “I like waffles.”
Abby pulled out the waffle iron. “I guess I’m the only one who got a decent night’s sleep.”
Miller took another drink from his mug and looked down at Jack. “I thought you fell asleep watching Looney Tunes.”
“First I watch Looney Tunes. Then I go to bed.”
“That would have been good to know when I left you down here.”
“Yeah. I watch Looney Tunes, and then I go to bed. Well I’ll be damned. I need breakfast before Magic School Bus.”
Miller was confident that Jack had no idea what he had walked in on last night. If he had, he’d probably be saying, ‘God, that’s good,’ or worse, he’d be moaning. He shook his head. “You’re killin’ me, kid.”
Jack tapped the jar of fireflies. “Yeah.”
Miller smiled and got up to make a cup of coffee the way Emily liked it. "You got this, Abs?"
“Yeah,” she said with a smile and a flick of her wrist. “Go on up and warn her that I know what you two did last night. Make sure she knows I’ll be scarred for life.”
“I’ll pay for your therapy.” He went up the stairs to his room and shut the door behind him. He put the coffee on the table beside the bed. How was he going to play this? Distant and cold or pathetic and begging? She looked amazing in his bed, and he couldn't stop himself from smiling. He could imagine bringing her coffee every morning for the rest of his life. He impulsively leaned over and kissed her cheek.
She opened her eyes and smiled. "Hey there."
"Hey," he replied with relief. "I wasn't sure how you'd react to waking up in my bed."
"Feels good." She looked to the other side of the bed and sat up. "Is Jack downstairs?"
Miller handed her the coffee cup. "Abby's making him waffles."
Emily leaned against the headboard and took the coffee. "I'm sorry about last night. That was crazy, huh? It took me ten minutes to get your shirt back on. I couldn’t even find my underwear. I had to—”
"I wanna do it again."
"Now?"
"No. I mean, don't get me wrong…I could…I'm all manly like that."
"You're horny."
He shrugged. “I told you it's been a while."
"What if he walks in even sooner the next time?"
Miller smiled. "You said, 'next time.'"
Emily lifted her mug to her mouth but he could see her smile behind it. "We were like a couple of teenagers."
"No," Miller said slowly. "We weren't that good as teenagers."
She laughed. "We're pathetic."
"I should have asked if you use any kind of protection.”
“I’m on the pill.”
"So…we're okay in that department?"
"Yeah.” She set the mug on the table. “Do you know if there’s been any word about my dad?”
“Just woke up myself.”
“I guess I need to go back to the jail and try to see Levi again. Should probably go to the hospital too.”
He stood up. "I'll take you when I get back from driving Abby to school."
"Does she know what happened?"
Miller pulled the pink cotton out of his pocket and showed it to her. "Got stuck in my jeans. Abby was kind enough to point them out to me."
"That’s where they were. Oh no." She buried her face in her hand. "I'm so embarrassed.” She looked back at him. "Is she upset?"
"No. Actually, my cool factor went up a little."
Emily reached for her underwear, but Miller held them away. "First give me my shirt, then you can have these."
She kicked the covers off and leapt at Miller's outstretched hand. "I don’t have anything on under this shirt."
He hooked her waist with his free hand. "Then I definitely want it back."
She started laughing. "Give me that.”
Miller tossed her underwear to the floor and pulled at the hem of the t-shirt. "It's my shirt, Em. Get your own."
"You're impossible.” She gripped the shirt, holding the hem where he was trying to pull up. Both of them were laughing too hard to put up much of a struggle.
There was a knock on his door. “Daddy?”
They both let go of the shirt.
“It's okay, Abs. You can come in.”
Abby walked in, biting her lower lip. She looked at Emily and smiled. “Good morning.”
Emily smiled back. “Morning, Abby.”
“I have to get to school.”
“Okay. Get your stuff, and I'll be right down.”
After she left, Miller picked up his green baseball cap on
his way out the door. “I’ll be back soon.” He pointed at Emily. “This isn't over."
She threw a pillow at him. He took the shot in the back and turned to see her sitting in his bed smiling at him. It was surreal, and for a second he wondered what he would do if she did leave again. It was one of those moments that come on you without warning and remind you that everything good about your life is fragile and could be gone in an instant. When something like that happens to you once, you spend your whole life waiting for it to happen again.
“What's wrong?” she asked.
“Will you be here when I get back?”
She smiled. “I promise.”
***
The drive to school was as awkward as having a 300-pound third passenger sitting between them. Miller recognized this passenger. It was a projection of Abby’s, something she put out there as a way to crowd him so he’d ask her what was wrong. He'd start with the easiest issue and work his way up.
“How’s school been going?”
“Fine.”
“You still worried about Levi? He's going to be okay. I’m sure Emily is going to get him a good lawyer.”
“I know.”
“So you're upset over what happened with me and Emily?”
“No. Well, yes. It's…” She sighed. “It was the laughing.”
"You're upset because she and I were laughing?"
"No. I liked it. You haven’t laughed in a long time."
She was right. He hadn't laughed since…hell, it must've been since before the last time he had sex. Strike that. He just had sex. With Emily.
"Well I think it's about time we both start laughing more, don't you?"
"I'd like that." After a few minutes of silence, Abby said, "I think she likes me."
Miller patted her on her knee. "Who wouldn't?"
"Mom."
The guilt hit like a punch in the gut. He really should have been honest with Abby from the beginning. “It's a lot more complicated than that.”
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