Why was she so scared? Asking about his marriage, about his pending divorce—what harm would it do? She’d already put a stop to whatever had been happening between them. Or had she? Her resolve had flown the way of the dodo given what had happened between them in the greenhouse. Her head was spinning, and yes, partially in that way she’d always fantasized about, but also because she honestly didn’t know how or what to predict as far as Matt was concerned.
“Told you we’d make a good team.” Matt’s deep voice broke through the silence in the house and her tumultuous internal debate. He swept his arm over the table to collect the trash before straightening the completed envelopes in their boxes. “What?” he asked when he caught her looking at him.
She glanced away and plucked another label off the sheet. She paid a little too much attention to making certain it was straight. “Nothing.” She was such a coward! When was she going to stop being scared of everything?
“Whatever you’re thinking, it isn’t nothing, Lori.”
“It’s none of my business.” Could she sound any more cryptic? Or pathetic? “Have you spoken or seen Kyle lately?” Geez, since when was a juvenile delinquent a safer subject than Matt’s past romantic life?
“He’s earned video chat privileges, actually.” Matt didn’t look convinced that the teen was her intended topic of conversation. “I talk to him at least once a week.”
“How’s he doing?” She’d have to have been living under a rock for most of her life not to know the troubled boy’s disturbing history. Kyle’s father had been one of the nastiest people ever to inhabit Butterfly Harbor. Not just mean, but cruel, callous and, by the time he was killed last year in an explosion that had nearly taken Luke Saxon, as well, downright dangerous.
For a while it seemed as if his son was going to follow in his footsteps. Kyle Winters had been racking up arrests faster than most kids collected video games. After his father’s death, Luke and Matt had both stepped up where Kyle was concerned. First thing on their agenda was to ensure Kyle owned up to and paid for his mistakes, which meant a lengthy stay in a Juvenile Detention facility.
“I don’t think anyone’s going to recognize him when he comes home,” Matt said. “Besides letting his hair grow out, the group therapy sessions he’s been in have helped him focus on other things, instead of all the negative crap. He’s managing the anger. He’s getting good grades in school. Last time we talked he was reading The Count of Monte Cristo. At his age, I think I was still reading superhero comics.”
“Nothing wrong with that,” Lori said, thinking of her own comic collection in the guest room. “You’re still planning on taking him once he’s released then?”
“I am.” He seemed to hesitate. “I’m trying to adopt him. Why? Do you think it’s a mistake?”
“What? No, of course not.” Had she sounded otherwise? “I think adoption is great. Gives him a greater sense of stability. Not that what I think matters. It’s your decision.”
Matt leaned back in his chair and pinned her with a look that had her squirming in her chair. “Would it make a difference, with us? If I did change my mind about him?”
“You mean if you didn’t take him in?” Lori’s stomach quivered. She was running out of envelopes and excuses not to delve too deeply into any one topic. “Hypothetically, if we were still seeing each other, yes, you changing your mind would make a big difference.” She could tell by the way his entire body stiffened that she’d hit a nerve. “Because you’d disappoint me, Matt. Lying to me is one thing, but breaking your word to Kyle, not giving him the home you promised him would shatter any belief I had that you’re a good man. Worse, it would break whatever trust he’s built up. But again, what I think doesn’t matter.”
“What you think matters a lot. For the record, it’s never occurred to me to change my mind about Kyle. I’ve been where he is. There was a long period of time where I didn’t have anyone to guide me or give me any sense of home.”
“It hurts, doesn’t it?” Her voice dropped. Her heart pounded in her chest as she voiced that which she’d only kept to herself for weeks. “Finding out someone isn’t who you thought they were?” Realizing he could take her question in a variety of ways, she scrambled to explain. “That’s what happened with my parents, after our brother drowned. Instead of them coming together, they disappeared into their own grief and forgot they had two other kids who still needed them.” Two other kids who had lost their baby brother. “A breach like that... We felt abandoned. It’s not something that can be fixed overnight. If ever.” Nor could trust be fully restored with a friendly dinner and a helping hand.
Or by a kiss in a greenhouse.
She took her fear by the throat and stifled it, forced herself to look up. Where she expected to find hostility, defensiveness, or even anger on his face, she found the same Matt who had taken her out to dinner, to the movies, danced with her at Holly’s wedding and laughed with her on a prolonged out-of-the-way walk home. The same Matt she’d begun to believe might just want more than what Lori had ever been offered before.
“I’m seeing that. Now.”
He did seem to understand that what he’d broken between them couldn’t be healed with a mere apology or explanation. Progress, she supposed.
“I’m going down to see him in a little over a week. Maybe you’d like to come with me?”
“Why?”
“Because it might do him some good to see a friendly, familiar face. And because you understand him a little better than most people.”
Lori considered the idea. “I don’t know him that well. I don’t know that I ever really talked to him a lot.”
“He didn’t talk to anyone a lot,” Matt said. “But if he’s coming home, I’d like him to have at least a couple of people comfortable with him. Other people he can turn to.”
“You want to build him a community.”
“Until he can build his own, yes.”
Lori knew what it was like to be on the outside looking in. She also knew what it was like to have people prejudge based on appearance or, in Kyle’s case, reputation. “If you think I can help him, sure.” She nodded. “I’d be happy to come with you.”
“I’ll have them add you to the list of approved visitors then. Thanks. It’ll also be nice not to have to make the drive alone.”
“Be still my heart, what a romantic.” She surprised herself by making the joke.
“I was wrong, by the way.”
“Again?” Boy, she was on a roll tonight.
“I was wrong to think not telling you about Gina was tantamount to protecting you. If I’d said something from the start, you probably would have been fine about it.”
“Fine might be an overstatement.” Lori’s attempt to add levity to the suddenly weighty conversation fell flat. “I don’t think most women appreciate being told the man they’ve been dating is married.”
“Yeah.” The light in his eyes dimmed. “I really screwed up with you, didn’t I?”
She could let him off the hook. She could try to convince him none of it mattered and that they could move on from here, but that felt like the coward’s way out. Lori was so tired of being a coward. “It hurt. To think I didn’t warrant you telling me something as important as that. I felt stupid, as if I should have known even though I couldn’t possibly. Nobody likes being made a fool of.”
Matt didn’t immediately respond, as if he was focused on choosing his words with care. “This was never about hurting you, Lori. When Gina and I got married, we were kids. She was looking to escape her situation and I’ll readily admit to wanting to play hero. It’s what you do when you’ve spent your entire life being told what a failure you are. What a failure you’ll always be.”
“Matt.” She reached across the table, touched his arm. His voice sounded raw, as if he was scraping down to the layer of his soul he’d kept buried for too long. “You
don’t have to do this. Truly, it’s none of my—”
“I want to tell you.” He looked down at her hand. “I want you to know. There was nothing heroic in marrying Gina. Not when I got everything I wanted—a career, a purpose, and she ended up trapped. Part of me loved her. I think. I always wanted better for her, but we spent more time apart than we ever did under the same roof. But I made a promise, to stay with her. To provide for her, which I was able to do while I was in the army. Then I came back and whatever hopes I had of building a life with her, well...” He shrugged. “It was clear she never anticipated being married to an amputee who wasn’t anything like the boy she’d married. She’d had enough and she left.”
Lori swallowed hard. From the time he’d told her about being married she’d never really thought about the circumstances, or the reasons.
“I didn’t file for divorce right away because it felt like admitting defeat. It felt like I was surrendering to failure and for whatever reason, I couldn’t do it. And then I moved here and I met you and...” He shook his head. “And everything changed.”
Understanding eroded her anger. “Telling me the truth meant breaking the promise you made to her.” One of the reasons she liked Matt so much was because he was honorable. How honorable was it of her to judge him for not walking away from something without giving it proper thought?
“Gina’s my past. A past I want to move beyond. I’m tired of living in limbo, of not going after what I really want.”
“And what is that?” Her heart slammed against her ribs.
“I want you.”
Lori’s head spun. It was one thing to dream about hearing those words, but what should she do with them? For her, trust was as fragile as spun glass; once it was broken there was no way to gather up all the shards. But maybe, maybe, she could put it back together in a different form.
Did he really want her? Her, Lori, with all her excess baggage. As much as she loathed the self-doubt, there was a reason she couldn’t shake it. She’d spent most of her life building up a shield of protection, resisting the temptation to step foot outside anything beyond her comfort zone. Because of him, she’d done just that. Because of him, she’d gotten burned.
Again.
“I don’t know what to say.” Because admitting how much she cared for him felt like tossing a match on a full gas can and there was no controlling the ensuing explosion.
His gaze dropped. “You’re not throwing me out of your house so I’ll take that as a win for now. I’m going to earn back your trust, Lori. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to prove to you that I care about you.”
He must, otherwise why would he still be pushing the issue?
“If you don’t believe anything else I’ve said, please know losing your trust was the last thing I ever wanted to do. I hope one day you can forgive me.”
The shield around her heart cracked; she could hear it, feel it and the pulsing in her chest took on a healthier, steadier rhythm. “Okay.”
“Okay, one day you might forgive me, or okay, as in I’m forgiven?”
No matter what, he could always make her smile. “Okay as in I accept your apology.” His explanation, nay confession all made sense in a weird kind of way, but she didn’t want to get his hopes up. She didn’t want to get her hopes up even though she could feel the happiness building inside of her. “I want to ask you to promise never to lie to me again, not even by omission, because I think I understand how personally you’d take an oath like that. No.” She squeezed his arm, shook her head and silently urged him not to interrupt. “Not now. We aren’t there yet. Let’s...start over.”
“How far back are we going? Because I’d love a shot at reintroducing myself—”
“We can pick up from where we are, and where we are—” she took a deep breath and as she released it, let go of the anger and hurt she’d built up in the last few days “—is needing to get this project underway. We only have three weekends before the festival.” Maybe by then she’d have enough courage to let him in. She cleared her throat and pulled her hand free. “I saw where you made some notes on the budget. I’ll make the changes and get it sent over to Gil’s office in the morning.”
Matt arched an amused brow. “Isn’t that surreptitiously telling him what your conversation with BethAnn consisted of? I thought you weren’t going to tattle?”
Lori shrugged. “This isn’t tattling. It’s keeping him informed on a major town project as well as letting him know how his new right hand is managing things.”
“Sneaky.” Matt grinned. “I like it.”
Yeah, so did Lori.
He put the last of the envelopes in the box and stacked it on top of the other completed ones. “So about that fairy garden for Charlie. I take it you’re bringing that with you on Sunday? To the barbecue?”
“Uh-huh.” Lori hesitated, and suddenly, she heard Paige’s voice in the back of her head. It was time to start pushing through the fear. “Did you maybe want to go together?”
“Lori Bradley, are you asking me out?” His eyes glowed. “This is so sudden. I don’t know what to say.”
“Say yes, already.” She wasn’t about to admit—out loud at least—how much she enjoyed his teasing. “And that’s if we survive Saturday,” Lori added. “It’s going to be a crazy day corralling all those helpful people.”
“I’ll make sure to go around and pick up the sign-up sheets this week. There’s bound to be some talent on those pages.”
“Sounds good.” She found herself nodding even as she started mentally searching her closet.
“Even better.” He leaned across the table, brushed his hand over the side of her face and pressed his lips against hers. “It sounds like a date.”
* * *
“YOU KNOW HOW bad news always comes in threes?” Abby stood in her office doorway at the other end of the inn’s lobby, her normally open, ebullient expression obscured by what Lori could only describe as storm clouds. “First Jason loses the catering job, then we had the contractors who were supposed to get the last of the guest cabins remodeled stop showing up. Now Alyssa just called.” She pressed her finger into her temple and closed her eyes. “She fell during her morning jog.”
“Oh no. I hope she’s okay?” Lori stood up behind the registration desk as her boss and friend’s stress level exploded.
“Other than a broken leg, she’s fine, thank goodness. But she’s going to need surgery, which means she’ll be laid up for at least the next two months. All the way through the festival.” She wandered over looking a bit shell-shocked. “What else could go wrong?”
Lori bit her lip.
“What?” Abby narrowed her eyes.
“Nothing.” But Lori had answered too fast. “It’s just, I was going to ask if I could cut back a few hours a week so I could get a jump start on the whole project with...” She shook her head. “Never mind. I’ll find a way to make it work.”
“No, let’s talk about this.” Abby rested her chin in her hand as Lori clicked open the inn’s booking calendar and employee schedule. “That project’s important and not just to you. To the entire town. Besides, I want you to kick butt on those houses just so I can watch BethAnn squirm.”
“Not that you hold a grudge or anything.”
“Nobody disses my husband-to-be,” Abby mumbled as she walked around the back of the desk to look at the calendar. “Okay, so, the good news is Alyssa was working fewer than twenty hours a week and Paige is still willing to come in for housekeeping and fill in on her off time. I’m betting with the right bottle of wine, I can convince her to up those hours.”
Lori nodded. “True. It’s really only weekends I’m worried about. We’re doing our first clean out and prep day on Saturday—”
“We already have that covered...”
They went back and forth for a while, deciding to expand the other part-time workers u
p a few hours a week to cover for Alyssa.
“You know what we need?” Abby tapped her pencil on the edge of the desk. “We need another you. Someone with a flexible schedule but who is also reliable and proactive. I don’t want to hold anyone’s hand.”
“Can we afford to hire someone?” Lori knew the inn’s operating budget had been increased ever since the buyout, but enough for another employee?
“At this point I don’t think we can afford not to. Plus, I’m more concerned about getting a construction crew I can count on. I’ve got those cabins scheduled for rent during the festival.”
“One thing at a time.” Lori leaned back in her chair. “If you’re serious about hiring someone, I might have an idea.”
“If you say BethAnn Bottomley I’m afraid I’ll have to fire you.”
“Please.” Lori rolled her eyes. “I was thinking of Willa O’Neill.”
“Oh.” Abby’s eyes went wide then nodded. “That’s an interesting choice. Hmmm. Willa.”
“I was talking to her the other night and her mother’s doing better, but money’s still an issue for them. I’d be happy to train her, get her up to speed. If you agree she’d be a good fit?”
“Is she up for it? She’s awfully shy.”
“Shy we can work with. There aren’t many people I’d trust to share my job, but Willa’s one of them.” Besides, the young woman needed a serious confidence booster. She made Lori look like a social butterfly by comparison. Something to urge the younger woman out of her cocoon might be just what Willa needed.
“Well, that’s enough for me to give her a shot,” Abby said. “Solution found. Go for it.”
“What? You mean you want me to hire her?” Now it was Lori’s turn to be surprised.
“If I can’t trust you with something like this, who can I trust? As long as your hours are covered by someone who knows what they’re doing, I’m fine with it. Besides, we both used to babysit Willa. It’s not like she doesn’t already know us, which is half the battle with new employees.”
Always the Hero Page 11