A boyish grin lit up his face. His eyebrows rose. “You find me attractive?”
“Oh my goshhhh. Pleeeease, leave!”
“But I’m not a gigolo. I swear.”
“Oh. You’re just sleazy for no reason? That’s wonderful. Get out.”
“Sleazy?” Jerzy frowned with his perfect lips and rubbed at his stubbly chin. “I thought you would find my approach sexy and mature. And refreshingly honest.”
“There is nothing refreshing about your game. Same game, different guy, different day. I’m sick of men trying to take advantage of me. Do I have Desperate Divorcée written on my forehead?”
“How can I take advantage of you when my feelings are on the line as well?” The sincere look on his handsome face made Rakell’s body feel weak.
A lump formed in her throat. She laughed nervously. “You’re not going to quit, are you? You think I’m that stupid.”
“No, you’re intelligent, which I find incredibly sexy. Your skin is perfect, your body is shapely, your features are striking…I think you are a beautiful woman that doesn’t know herself, and I want to be the one to teach you a new way to feel. You should be smiling every day.”
Rakell sprang up from her chair and stood frozen. “Stop doing this to me.” Her eyes watered. “Please.”
He stared up at her a few moments. “I’m sorry,” he spoke softly. “It was never my intention to make you cry. I thought complimenting you would make you smile, but you don’t believe a word I say.”
“You’re damn right I don’t believe a word you say! And even if I did, you are my student. This is severely inappropriate. I don’t ever want to see you in my office again. Is that clear, young man?”
Jerzy clenched his chiseled jaw. “Crystal clear.” He stood up from the chair and left her office, closing the door quietly.
Rakell fell into her chair and stared at the door. Still shocked, she grumbled, “How old is that bastard anyway?” A quick search in the school database from her computer answered her question. “Twenty-three!”
Later, after most of her nerves resettled, Rakell grabbed her purse and left the office for the day. She saw Alisa, a receptionist and a college junior, at the front desk. Rakell’s office door was straight down the hall from the front office, so as soon as she opened her door, Alisa would look up at her and Rakell would have to smile at her, awkwardly, until she walked down the entire hall. Alisa refused to break eye contact like a normal person.
“What’s that guy’s name that just left your office?” Alisa’s big blue eyes grew bigger with curiosity.
“Jerzy Piotrowsky.”
Alisa wrinkled her button nose. “That’s very ethnic…No offense.” Alisa’s face brightened. “He’s hot though, so I’ll make an exception.” She toyed with the tip of her blond hair which was in a side ponytail.
“Did he ask you out?” Rakell inquired.
“No,” the receptionist pouted.
Rakell looked the blonde over. She was an aerobics princess, perfectly toned, petite with big boobs, bubbly and flirtatious. “That’s strange.”
“I know! I think maybe he’s shy or something.”
Rakell nodded. Not even, she thought. “See you tomorrow, Alisa.”
“Smooches, Professor Dunn!”
III
Rakell sat cross-legged on her couch, nibbling at a flavorless microwave dinner and discussing the events of the last few days with her best friend Darcelia Hutchinson. Darcelia was a broadcast writer for Channel 9 News. The two ladies met one another at a company dinner. Darcelia was married to Neil Hutchinson, a lawyer at Marshall’s firm; Dunn, Hutchinson and Locke. Dee reminded Rakell of Selma Hayek, except taller and thinner with a short black Halle Barry hairstyle. They tried to have lunch once a month, but Dee was so busy with her career, her husband, her three kids and her meddling mother-in-law to guarantee Rakell even a monthly lunch date.
“…and earlier he’d told Tim that he ran his own business, so when he told me all this shit about ‘There’s something you want that I can give you’ and ‘plans’ and ‘negotiations’, I was like, ‘Oh my god, you’re a gigolo!’”
Darcelia laughed loudly. “Hermana, you didn’t!”
“Yes! He denied it and said some nonsense about having his feelings on the line, but I don’t believe that crap. What does a student want from a teacher other than a passing grade? What’s a 23-year-old boy want with a 34-year-old woman other than sex or money?”
“Wait. He said he had feelings for you?”
“No, no. He said, um, something like ‘How can I take advantage of you if my feelings are on the line, too?’ He even said he found me sexy. Complimented my body and my features. Said a woman like me should be smiling every day. I called bullshit on his flattering lies then I kicked his perfectly sculpted ass out of my office.”
“Oooo. Wow, he sounds really hot, even though he’s not your usual type. I don’t know how you stopped yourself from jumping him in your office.”
“I’m not in the habit of straddling men that bring me to tears.”
“Well, there was Marshall.”
“Shut up, Dee.”
“Sorry. When did Pretty Boy make you cry?”
Rakell sighed and shoved a piece of cold chicken into her mouth. “When pretty lies came out of his pretty mouth.”
“Uh oh. I know that crying makes you angry, Kellie. Maybe your reaction was because of how you were feeling, not necessarily what he said.”
“Maybe,” she grumbled. Rakell felt guilty as she remembered glaring down at Jerzy and belittling him. She’d been harsh. “It’s because he embarrassed me. I already feel lonely and past my prime. I don’t need him to remind me of everything I don’t have.” Tears came to Rakell’s eyes.
“Chica, sweetie, listen to me. You’re not going to like what I’m about to say, but you need to hear it…Marshall trained you well, but he’s moved on, so tell me why you’re still acting like his bitch?”
Rakell gripped the phone tight as tears cascaded down her cheeks. “How ‘bout you tell me why you’re being such a bitch to me, Darcelia?”
“Because I love you,” she answered gently. “That’s why I’m going to let you live after calling me out my name. I love you.” Darcelia chuckled.
“Love you, too.”
“Think about what I said, Kellie.”
“Okay.”
“Rakell?”
She sniffled. “Yeah?”
“You should be smiling every day.” With that she hung up. Rakell dropped the phone onto the empty couch cushion beside her. She’d been going through the motions of being a single woman. She moved into her own place, bought a new car, and started dating, yet she didn’t feel free. Her life still wasn’t hers. Dee was right. Mentally, she was still on a leash, confined to running the same circular patch of lawn, repeating the same tricks Marshall had taught her: Down, girl. Bad, girl. Sit. Stay. I said stay! Bad, girl! You’re no thoroughbred. No one else wants a disobedient mutt like you! You ain’t been a puppy for years. It’s not cute anymore so quit your yapping! Stupid bitch.
“Marshall still owns me?” A shiver of disgust snaked up her spine. “Get out, get out, get out!” she shouted, as if it would expel the remainder of Marshall’s brainwashing from her mind. Restless and feeling violated, Rakell got up from the couch, threw away the rest of her dinner and headed for the bathroom to take a shower. As she let down her shoulder-length hair and undressed, she tried to look at herself in the mirror. Every time her eyes fell to a part of her body she was insecure about, intense anxiety caused her to look away. Her ex-husband had made her feel so undesirable that for years she couldn’t bear to see herself naked. Tears came to her eyes. “This is my body, dammit,” she whispered. She forced her gaze to remain on her body in the mirror, frightened to have to really look at the imperfections she knew were there. The longer she looked, the higher the anxiety climbed, but then it began to lessen. Her breathing slowed. Her heart rate came down. Then her jaw dropped. It w
asn’t so bad!
She turned to the left and to the right. She held out her arms. She poked out her butt. She sucked in her stomach and let it back out. Yeah, she had fleshy thighs that had a little cellulite on them, yes, her hips were wide for someone who’d never birthed a child, yes, her stomach wasn’t perfectly flat, and, yeah, her breasts were on the small side. But it wasn’t half as bad as she’d felt it was all this time. “I can’t believe it. I have a figure.” Rakell put a hand on her hip and posed in the mirror. “I could really be hot.” She imagined herself in a formfitting red dress and sexy stilettos. She felt…stupid. Where was she going dressed like that? With whom? What did it matter if she went out on the town in such fabulous attire? She’d be approached by the same old shitheads. Even if she began to feel attractive on the outside, there was still the same woman on the inside. How do you change your insides? Rakell didn’t know where to start.
Jerzy said that he could teach her a new way to feel, but she was sure he was only suggesting sex. Mostly sure. She’d only been with one man; Marshall. Would sex with another man give her confidence? If her new lover decided to be done with her, would the self-confidence leave with him? Rakell didn’t want to end up more broken than she already felt. She just wanted to feel good for once, from her head down to her toes. She remembered Piotrowsky’s words: “I’ve already planned some passionate evenings for us…”
Rakell stared at herself in the mirror. She imagined Jerzy standing behind her, caressing her naked body. He had one arm around her waist, pressing her tight against his frame, and the other arm was across her chest, his hand claiming her left breast. His green eyes met hers in the mirror. He set her body afire with his gaze. That seductive smile of his stretched across his lips as he lowered his mouth to her neck. Rakell blinked and Jerzy vanished. She stood there breathing hard for a moment, then ran as quickly as she could into her glass shower. The cold water blasted onto her skin. “Ay!” She shivered under the freezing spray. Rakell sighed. A cold shower was supposed to calm her lust, but it just made her nipples hard and made her wish for the comfort of a warm male body even more.
The next morning in class, Rakell began her lectures on Shakespeare. With all her effort she tried to keep her gaze away from the front row, but Jerzy’s rugged masculine energy could not be ignored. Ten minutes into the lecture, Rakell found herself staring into his eyes from where she stood on the stage. Her stomach jumped and then her face flushed with shame. Her gaze had drifted in his direction because her weak ego had hoped he’d give her a seductive smirk or sultry stare. Instead she was met with an innocuous expression, the same half-engaged look she got from all the other students. Class after class, she was faced with her own desperation when she looked over at her student, wishing more from him than was fair to ask of the young man she’d verbally assaulted for saying she was beautiful.
Rakell assigned the first writing paper to her English Literature class three weeks into the semester. Their grades were disappointing. The highest grade was an 82 percent. Thursday afternoon, Rakell sat in her office and braced herself for a blitzkrieg of whiny, neurotic students. She left her office door cracked open and went about entering the new grades into the computer. A headache began to form at the center of her forehead as she squinted back and forth from the grade spreadsheet on her desk to the computer monitor. There was a soft knock on the door. Rakell leaned back in her chair and rubbed at her temples. “Come in,” she called. Jerzy stepped into her office holding a bouquet of bright pink daisies with yellow centers. He smiled and shut the door behind him. Rakell’s heart began a happy dance in her chest. She swiveled her chair away from the computer.
He pointed at her. “Watch your knee.”
Rakell grabbed onto her desk to stop the chair’s movement. She looked down at her bad knee. It was an inch away from colliding with an edge of the solid wood desk. “Thanks,” she whispered. She stood up from the chair. “Can I help you?”
Jerzy walked around the desk to her, his green eyes never leaving hers. He filled out his simple blue t-shirt and jeans in a way only an impeccably fit male can. He stood before Rakell. She could smell his sumptuous cologne. “I know you said I wasn’t welcome in your office, but I wanted to give you these.” He handed her the bunch of cheery flowers.
Rakell tried to hide her smile as she accepted the bouquet. “What are they for?”
“To apologize for what I’m about to do.” He stepped closer, gently gripped her waist with one hand and pulled her to him. With the other hand he cupped the side of her face and then he pressed his lips to hers. The strength of his hand at her waist and the power of his kiss caused Rakell to melt into his warm body. Her now sensitive breasts were pressed against his hard chest. Her whole body was thrilled by the feel of his tongue sliding across her bottom lip and then diving inside of her mouth. She kissed him back, hungrily. His light beard brushed against her chin, sending a hot shiver up her spine. Jerzy broke the kiss, pulling his incredible lips away from hers. He searched her eyes. His thumb caressed her cheek. He smiled some, seeing that Rakell was just as out of breath as he was. “You’ve been driving me crazy, Rakell,” he whispered. “The way your skirts show off just the right amount of your legs, so sexy but still classy. Your lips are softer and sweeter than I’ve been imagining every day that you’ve graced the classroom with your smile. And it’s not fair that you set your sad eyes on me in class. I can’t help but give you what you want when you pout at me like that.” He studied Rakell’s face. Her eyes were round with surprise and wet with emotion. She had a vice grip on the green stems of the pink daisies. Rakell swallowed. “Sorry,” Jerzy said as he stepped back. “I don’t mean to overwhelm you.”
Rakell looked away. She reached for the arm of her chair. Her legs still weak, she carefully sat down in the chair and set the flowers on her desk. “Please, sit down,” she offered in a quiet voice, and waved a shaky hand toward the chair in front of her desk. Her thoughts were a wild jumble of shock, longing and fear. It scared her how deep her desire and affection was for him. Something inside her began to blossom when he touched her. Even though she knew it was impossible for a young man like Jerzy to be sincerely interested in a woman like her, intuitively she trusted him. Still, whether she trusted him or not, it was wrong to think of him as anything more than her student. Rakell finally lifted her eyes. “I know that you’re just trying to pass this class,” she said gently. “You shouldn’t have kissed me and I shouldn’t have kissed you back. I’ll pretend that this never happened if you do the same. Okay?”
Jerzy was sitting at the edge of the seat. His brows wrinkled, then relaxed. He chuckled. “I have an A in your class.”
Rakell opened her mouth, but she was speechless.
He shook his head. “Why is it so hard for you to believe that I honestly like you?”
A lump formed in her throat. She bit at her bottom lip. “We’re so different...”
His mouth bent into a slight frown. “How do you know?” He combed his fingers through his dark brown hair as he leaned back in the chair. “We haven’t had the opportunity to really talk. I would love to take you out to dinner tomorrow night.”
“Dinner?” Rakell’s heart fluttered. “Where?”
“It’ll be a surprise.”
“If you don’t tell me, I won’t know what to wear.”
“That’ll be a surprise, too,” he grinned. “So you accept?”
Rakell contemplated Jerzy. He was very handsome, but, strangely, he didn’t seem to know that about himself. For reasons Rakell hardly understood, he was interested in her. And his plans for tomorrow evening were a secret. He was a mystery she craved to solve. A date with him was an adventure she couldn’t turn down. She smiled. “I accept.”
When Rakell left the office for the day, Alisa looked at the pink daisies with curiosity and a hint of jealousy in her blue saucer eyes. “Why did he bring you flowers?”
Rakell erased the silly smile from her own lips. “Students really know how to su
ck up these days.”
Alisa nodded. “Daisies,” she whispered to herself, followed by a pout. “Smooches, Professor Dunn.”
Keep your smooches. Jerzy already gave me some.
IV
Jerzy arrived at Rakell’s townhome at exactly 7 o’clock, dressed in gray designer slacks, a black short sleeved button down and black boots, and carrying a large white boutique shopping bag. He smiled at Rakell, taking in her blue tank top, white yoga pants, light makeup, and curled hair, and then gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Hi, Beautiful.”
“Hey, Handsome,” Rakell smiled as she stepped aside and allowed him into the house. She was surprised to see him lower his eyes. His cheeks even became a little pink under the brown facial hair. She was taken aback by his humility. “Have a seat on the couch.” She closed the front door and then sat beside him on the cream suede loveseat.
Jerzy smiled and shook the shiny white bag in his hands before handing it over. “I hope you like it.”
Profess Your Love Page 2