by K. C. Mills
“That he fucked me Saturday night like the world was coming to an end and not only that, apparently I’m not the only one. He did it so that I wouldn’t tell you about the other hoe he had his lips all over.” All the playing innocent for Sky had quickly been thrown out the window; she was out for blood and clearly wanted to draw it from me.
Before I could say a word, Jacob had lunged past me and slapped Sky so hard that she fell back over the coffee table that was behind her. He was shouting all kind of sluts and bitches, but it was all just noise to me because I was focused on Hakeem.
“You fucked her?” I yelled.
“Tay calm down, just talk to me for a minute,” Hakeem said stepping towards me. Even with all the commotion going on with Jacob and Sky, it was like we were the only two people in the room. A feeling that I used to love when it came to us, but right now it was tearing me apart.
“You wanna talk, okay talk. Answer the gotdamn question, even though I already know the answer. I can see it all over your face. I just want to hear you say it.”
“Tay, it’s not like that. Just please give me a minute so we can talk about it.”
“It’s not like what, Keem? Did you fuck her or not? There’s really nowhere to go with that but yes or no.”
Hakeem didn’t take another step or say another word. He just stared at me, like he knew what was coming next and keeping quiet was going to somehow prevent it from happening.
“Did you?” I yelled.
“Fuck,” was all he said before his hand went across his head and then down his face.
“You’re such a fucking hypocrite. Did you really get mad and walk out on me just because Jace showed up here without my permission and you’re fucking this bitch?”
“I’m not fucking her, it was one time and it didn’t mean shit. It’s not what it looks like.”
I let out what likely sounded like the most insane laugh because that’s exactly how I felt in that moment, like a damn lunatic. “What it looks like is that you’ve been busy. You fucked that bitch to stop her from telling me about another bitch she caught you with. Damn, I must be dumb as hell. Here I am thinking we have something solid and you’re still the same old Keem, fucking every hoe that will open their legs for you. Who was Sky protecting you from, Trina or is it a new bitch? You know what, I don’t even care.”
I turned to Sky who was finally on her feet and watching the conversation between me and Keem. “Get the fuck out before I get my hands on you and not because you slept with his sorry ass, but because I trusted you, brought you into my circle and you fucked me over. In fact, forget that shit.”
I charged Sky but before I could get my hands on her, Hakeem had me around the waist and was moving towards my office. I couldn’t free myself from his strong ass, but I fought the whole way and could hear Jacob behind me going in on Sky.
Once we were in my office, Hakeem let me go, slammed and locked the door, barricading it with his body, but I charged him swinging with so much force that I almost hit the floor because I was swinging so wildly. I landed blow after blow all over his chest and upper body, until he grabbed my wrist and held on so tightly to stop me that I could feel him cutting off my circulation.
“Let me go or I swear on everything I’m gonna fuck you up.”
“Calm the fuck down Tay, you’re not gonna do shit to me, but I’m not playing with your ass. If you hit me one more time—”
“Then what? I wish you would put your hands on me, dog ass nigga,” I yelled still under his control because he still had my wrist securely in his hands.
“Chill with all that language Tay. You know I hate that shit, that’s not even you. I know you’re mad right now but stay the fuck in your lane and stop getting out of character. You can be mad all you want but that hood shit is not gonna fly. You know I would never put my hands on you, ever, no matter what, but your little ass is not gonna keep putting your hands on me either, so I’m not gonna say it again. Calm the fuck down.”
The bass and aggression in Hakeem’s voice let me know that I needed to chill, but I couldn’t help it. He was the one who fucked up so I had every right to be mad and let it play out however I wanted to, but as much as I knew that, I also knew what lines to cross with him so I just rolled my eyes, yanked away from him and stepped back.
“So are you ready to hear me or you still on that hood shit?”
“Fuck you, Keem.”
The look he gave me had me regretting my last comment.
“Look, I did some dumb shit but you know me and you know my heart Tay. You know it’s yours. That bitch will never be you, not even on her best fucking day times ten. I know you know that.”
Again, that psychotic laugh left my mouth. “Oh trust me, I know she’ll never be me, but I guess being me doesn’t really count for shit because you still fucked her, didn’t you?”
Hakeem exhaled and looked around my office like he would somehow find the answers to our situation hanging around the room somewhere. He was frustrated and I could tell he was upset, but fuck him. I was hurt. Everything about me felt broken, so his feelings were irrelevant and I really didn’t care how he was feeling at the moment.
“I’m not a perfect man, I never claimed to be, but I love you more than I love myself. You, right now, the way you feel, knowing that this shit is my fault has got me all fucked up. I did some foul shit Tay and I’m sorry. With everything in me I swear I’m sorry and I understand that my words right now don’t mean a damn thing to you. I also understand that you have every right to hate me, but I also need you to understand something real important. I need you to listen carefully because I mean this shit with everything that I am and I put this on my parents. You and me, there are no outs. I fucked up and I own that, but there are no outs. We’re in this shit until we both take our last breath, and that right there is my word.”
“Get out,” was all I could say. As much as I wanted to deny what he was saying, I knew that it was true. Just like life needed death, I needed him and he needed me. It didn’t have to be spoken because it was understood. That’s just the way things were with us.
Hakeem watched my face for a few more minutes and we both stood there in silence until he finally turned, opened the door and walked out. And the second he disappeared, the anger transitioned to pain which hit me so intensely that I almost passed out because I couldn’t breathe.
-14-
Hakeem
It took everything I had to walk out of that office leaving things the way they were, but I knew that now was not the time for me to try and plead my case, or attempt to fix things. Tay was in a dark place and she wouldn’t be able to hear anything I said at this point. What the fuck could I say anyway? There was no excuse for what I did and no explanation was going to take the hurt away or reverse what happened, but I meant what I said to Tay about no outs. That shit just wasn’t happening no matter how bad I fucked up, and if she thought there were, then she damn sure had another thing coming.
When I hit the lobby of her office, Sky was nowhere to be found, but Jacob rounded the corner and damn near ran into me because he was looking down at his phone. Jacob got on my nerves more than a little bit, the way he was always eye fucking me, but all in all he was a cool dude. He was good to Tay, loyal as fuck and he had her back. I knew that so I did the only thing I could to make sure that she was good, since I dropped the ball and couldn’t do that shit myself.
“Yo Jacob, do me a solid.” He looked up at me like he wanted to put a hot one in me and I swear if he had a gun available he more than likely would have. That’s just how deep he was with Tay.
“I’m listening,” he said sounding pissed beyond explanation.
“I know you’re not fucking with me right now because of that bullshit with Sky, but I need you to take care of her. Make sure she’s good because she’s not trying to hear shit from me right now and it’s gonna fuck with my head knowing that she’s dealing with it alone, so do what you can to make sure she’s good and hit me if she
needs anything, and I mean anything.”
“I got her, don’t worry about that,” Jacob snapped before he turned on his heels to walk away. But, I took a step towards him and caught his arm.
“Yo, I know you hate my ass just as much as she does right now, but I’m serious as fuck Jacob. Take care of her and let me know she’s good.”
“Yeah, sure. I like how you feel like you have the right to make demands but I’ll let it slide because I love Tay and I know she loves you, but trust me, you’re on my shit list and will be for a while.”
The situation was beyond fucked up but I couldn’t help but chuckle at his overprotective ass. “Put me on whatever fucking list you want, just take care of her. That’s my life in there and if she’s not good, then I’m not good.”
Jacob just peered at me a few more seconds before he took off towards Tay’s office and left me standing there. I shook my head and left the building. I didn’t have a damn clue where the fuck I was going or what I was about to do, but I knew I couldn’t stay there.
“Hakeem!” The second I hit the street I heard Sky call my name and felt rage shoot through me. If looks could kill her family would have actively been planning a funeral real soon.
“Trust me when I say this is not the fucking time. Hell, there will never be a fucking time for you to be anywhere near me ever again.” The hate in my tone could be seen all over her face.
“I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to do that but what was I supposed to do? She fired me and—”
“The fuck you mean, what were you supposed to do. How about keep your damn mouth closed? That shit would have been easy as fuck but you decided to do some dumb shit. Get the fuck outta here.”
“I wasn’t trying to—”
Before I knew it I had Sky around the neck and she was holding my wrist and hand as I tightened my grip. It was a weekday and early morning in Manhattan so the streets were busy as hell, but in that moment I really didn’t give a fuck. Sky was trying me and I needed it to be understood how badly she had just fucked up.
“You were trying to fuck up what I have with Tay with your desperate ass. I guess you thought that coming between me and Tay would guarantee you a spot in my life but let me be real clear. You might have made my dick hard but you will never make my heart beat. That’s some shit that belongs to Tay and will only ever belong to Tay. She’s my heartbeat and always will be, so the only thing that little stunt you just pulled did was guarantee that I will never fuck with your ass again, and I put that on everything. You’re the kind of woman that men want to fuck but will never love.”
I let her go and laughed at her pathetic ass. She really thought that she could be my baby, take her place. That throne belongs to a queen and this hoe is not even qualified to clean it.
“You don’t have to be so cruel. I get it. I’m not her but you don’t have to treat me like I’m nothing.” Sky had tears in her eyes but I had no sympathy for her. Again I laughed and without another word, I walked away. She wasn’t even worth the time it would take me to tell her how pathetic she was.
“Fuck you Hakeem. You’re not shit.” She yelled behind my back as I made my way to my club. I didn’t even acknowledge her, there was no point in entertaining her dumb ass.
I walked into my office and got pissed all over again, as I looked at my desk and memories of Sky flooded my head. I lost it and just started fucking shit up. I went through my office tearing up and breaking shit like a damn hurricane. My laptop hit the wall, my bookshelf hit the floor, my desk got flipped over and my leather chair went through the oversized window that was next to the door. When I finally calmed down, I stood in the center of the room with my hands covering my face until I could let my mind settle.
I walked calmly to my mini bar, grabbed the bottle of Henny I had before I found my way over to my sofa. I knew this wasn’t going to do shit to fix my situation, but at this point all I wanted was to not think. My heart was numb and I needed my mind and body to fall in line, so Henny was my only option right now. I removed the cap and turned it up. There was a slow burn as it slid down my throat. With the bottle firmly in my hand, I let it rest in my lap as my head fell back. My shit was all fucked up and I had no idea how to fix it.
*****
“Hey asshole, I’m just calling to tell you that Tay’s packing her stuff and said that—”
“The fuck you mean packing her stuff? No hell, I’m on my way. Her ass isn’t going anywhere.” I tried to stand but quickly fell right back into the sofa, thanks to the bottle of Hennessey I finished.
“No sir, you are not coming anywhere near her right now. She needs a minute and you owe her a lifetime. She’s going to her old place. Apparently your sister still lives there.”
“Fuck,” I yelled randomly. “How is she?” I have no idea why I asked. I already knew the answer.
“How the hell do you think she is asshole, are you really asking that?” Jacob asked.
“Chill with all the fucking attitude. Just tell me how she is.”
“She’s been crying since you left, she transitions between her broken heart and her rage, so I suggest you give her time to figure out how she really feels.”
“Yeah,” was all I could say.
“Well I have to go. I’m breaking all types of girl codes by even talking to you. If she hates you then I’m supposed to hate you. I just thought you should know so that when you got home you didn’t freak out because she wasn’t there.”
“Preciate it Jacob—”
Before I could finish, his prissy ass hung up on me. I knew I was totally fucked now. The second Tay hipped Liyah to what happened, I knew my little sister was going in on me. I think her ass loved Tay more than I did sometimes. Shit, to be honest, she probably loved Tay more than she loved my ass.
I dropped my phone in my lap, let my head fall back and closed my eyes. I had been drunk as hell but I could feel it slowly fading. My mind was getting clear again, and the reality of my fuck up was slowly creeping back in.
When my phone went off and I half expected for it to be Tay, mostly out of habit, so when I had it to my ear, I was instantly pissed when I heard Jodie’s voice.
“Yeah.”
“Damn nigga, the fuck is your problem?” Jodie asked.
“Just stuck in the middle of a bad fucking day, what’s up?”
“I don’t know how that club shit works but you need to take the night off. We have some shit to take care of.”
“My club manager can handle this tonight but I’m a little fucked up right now, what’s up?”
“Just get to Jersey. Trust me, this can’t wait.”
“Aight, give me a minute to get my head right. I’ll hit you when I’m on my way.”
“Aight bet.”
***
As I sat in Jodie’s truck peering at the bar that we were sitting outside of, I couldn’t help but tighten the grip on my gun as every second passed. It had been a few months since I let myself get overwhelmed by the murderous thoughts that consumed me for weeks after Liyah was attacked and now sitting here knowing that this asshole was finally about to get what he deserved had me on edge.
“Yo, point that shit the other way Keem. You’re gonna fuck around and shoot me the way you gripping that trigger over there.”
I looked up just as Jodie glanced down at my nine, which I was holding securely.
“I’m good, I’m not gonna shoot your bitch ass,” I said before I let me head fall back on the headrest. I turned slightly to face the bar again, getting more and more impatient as the minutes passed by.
“What’s up Keem? You’re in some shit right now and not just that muthafucker in there.” I could feel Jodie watching me but I kept my eyes on the bar.
“What makes you say that?” I asked.
“Cause after eighteen years of being around your ass I know when you’re in your fucking feelings and right now your ass is straight up Nate mode, so what’s up?”
I chuckled, still not looking in Jodie’s d
irections. “Where the fuck do I begin,” I said before I closed my eyes again, but only for a second before I was focused on the bar again.
“You’re gonna make me jack your ass up Keem, what’s going on? You and Tay good? Shit, I just saw both your happy asses a few days ago and shit was Gucci.”
“Sky told Tay what happened at the club Saturday night.”
“Damn nigga, didn’t I tell you that she had your ass by the balls? I don’t know why the hell you would even do some fuck shit like that. How is sis, your ass is still breathing so she must not have gotten to your ass yet?”
“She’s not fucking with me on any type of level right now and that shit has my head all fucked up. You know that’s got me all off balance.”
“Hell, I don’t blame her. She’s loyal as fuck and then you do some bullshit like that. As soon as we take care of this shit, I’m fucking your ass up for her.”
“How the hell you gonna come at me like that when your ass does the same shit to Mona. You really can’t say shit.”
“Nigga, you’re talking reckless as fuck. Me and Mona do what we do, but you’re not me and Tay damn sure isn’t Mona. Don’t even try to justify with that shit.”
“There he goes,” I sat up and pointed to dude leaving the bar. We had watched him go in hours ago and he was finally leaving. Jodie didn’t day shit. He was mad as hell at me but it would have to wait because right now we had business to handle. He shot me an evil ass look, started his truck and waited for dude to get in his car and pull off.
We followed him to an apartment complex near campus, parked a few spaces away from him and waited for him to get out. The second he was moving, I opened the door dropped my nine on the seat and rushed his ass. He heard me coming but didn’t run and the second I was close enough, I rocked his ass so hard he fell back into one of the parked cars that he was near.
“Who the fuck are you?” he yelled after he tried to gain his footing, but I rocked his ass again causing him to hit the ground once more.