by K. C. Mills
I couldn’t stand being in our apartment alone because everything in it reminded me of Tay. It smelled like her, the place looked like her since she decorated everything all by herself, and our bed damn sure didn’t feel right without her in it with me. I spent all my time at the club, locked up in my office and my attitude was so fucked up that my staff hated to see me coming. It was to the point where they would be completely change directions if it meant that they could avoid me.
My shit was all fucked up and I couldn’t do anything about it. I never knew that one person could make such a huge impact in your life. I was a wild card, arrogant, cocky and unreasonable, but Tay mellowed me out. When I was about to fly off the handle, she would touch me in a way that changed my whole mood, or give me a look that made me refocus my energy. I didn’t have that now, so I was being a complete and total ass to everyone that crossed my path. The fucked up thing was that I knew it, and didn’t care, because if I couldn’t have my baby with me then I didn’t really care how anyone else felt.
Nothing mattered to me right now. I wasn’t eating, I spent all my time drinking way too much to numb the feelings that consumed me, and the rest of the time I was just zoned out, so deep in my thoughts about how seriously I had fucked up that I didn’t know what was going on around me. Tay not fucking with me had me in straight up bitch mode. I was weak without her and I couldn’t handle that. I didn’t know how to deal with it and now here she was chilling, all smiles, riding around with some fuck nigga like she didn’t miss my ass at all.
I knew I was wrong as hell for what I was about to do, but I didn’t have a choice. Tay was not about to move on or act like she didn’t know that she was being disrespectful as hell by chilling with that young muthafucker like she didn’t have a man. Hell yeah she has a man, this little separation didn’t mean shit. She belonged to me and I belonged to her, that wasn’t changing no matter what the fuck I had done or how mad she was about it.
They pulled up to Zen’s, one of Tay’s favorite spots, and that shit made it worse. How the fuck was she just gonna be all up in a spot that held memories of us, with some other nigga like that shit didn’t mean anything? I parked, got out and made my way to the door where I stood waiting for them. They were damn sure taking their time because it seemed like I was standing there forever before they actually made it to the front door, and the longer I waited, the more pissed I got.
They were laughing and talking, all giddy and shit, to the point where Tay almost walked past me and she would have if I hadn’t called her name to get her attention.
“The fuck Tay, who is this?”
I could tell that my voice startled her, because she damn near jumped and when her eyes focused on me; she looked upset. That smile she had been wearing somehow disappeared the minute she laid eyes on me.
“What are you doing here?” she asked with a little too much attitude for my liking.
“Don’t worry about that, what’s this shit?” I said and waved my hand towards her and ole boy.
“This is my business, which is nothing you need to be concerned about right now and that was your decision, not mine,” she said and folded her arms across her chest just before she glanced at dude and then looked back at me.
“I’ll get a table so that you guys can have a minute,” he said and then looked at Tasia as if he was waiting on her permission to proceed.
“Bruh, you can get whatever you want for yourself, but you don’t need to get shit for her, because whatever the fuck this was is over,” I pointed from him to Tay but kept my eyes locked on hers. I was basically daring her to object, but holding my breath while I did it, because if she ignored my request then I knew I had really fucked up and I wasn’t going to have a clue how to fix it.
“You don’t get a say in what I do right now. How about you go try to toss those commands out to Sky, because she’s the one who you need to be concerned with.”
“Man Tay, chill with that bullshit. You know that damn girl don’t mean shit to me, so dead all that nonsense you’re talking.”
“I’ll be inside,” dude said again and it struck me wrong, because I felt like I was more than clear about how shit was about to go with this situation. I stepped towards him but I’ll be damned if Tay didn’t move her little ass in between us.
“No, you’re not doing this. All this, me doing my own thing and you losing the ability to have a say in it, is your fault, so you will not put your hands on him. Trust me when I say you’re already in a fucked up position, so I suggest you hear me and hear me well. Go home Keem, we’ll talk, but only when I’m ready.”
I couldn’t believe this shit. I was furious to the point where for the first time ever, I really wanted to put my hands on Tay. I would never do that shit, but it damn sure didn’t stop the thought from running through my head.
“Are you really doing it like this?” was all I could say without saying something that I knew I would regret and couldn’t take back.
“This is business Keem. That’s all you need to know, now please just leave.”
Tay didn’t break, but I could tell that it was fucking with her to have to deal with me the way that she was. I knew her, and she wanted to give in but she was fighting it hard as hell.
I stared at her for a few more minutes without saying anything, before I let me eyes fall on dude again. He matched my stare and didn’t seem moved by my presence, which made me laugh, but I respected his hustle.
“Tonight Tay. Be at our place at 8:00. If your ass is not there, I will come and get you so don’t fuck around and let it get to that,” I said with my eyes burning a hole through her.
“I said we’ll talk when I’m—”
“Have your ass there, eight o’clock Tay,” I said before I pointed at her and then turned to walk away. I took a chance by making that kind of demand, but I meant that shit. If she didn’t show up I was going to get her, and I put that on everything.
***
My sister walked around me and Tay’s apartment inspecting everything like she had never seen it before. I watched her, waiting, because I knew she had a lot to say, but for now she was quiet. I could see the wheels turning in her head from where I sat on the sofa in our living room. When she was finally ready, she sat down on the coffee table across from me and just stared at me.
“Why the fuck are you sitting there staring at me like that Liyah?”
“I’m just thinking,” she said with a no expression. I knew my sister well but I couldn’t read her expression for shit.
“About?” I said.
“I’m trying to figure out how the hell you can be so smart and so stupid at the same time. I’m really confused about that.”
Liyah caught me off guard with that one, so it made me laugh and hard as hell.
“Why are you laughing,” she asked. “I’m serious.”
“I know you are, that’s why that shit is so funny,” I said.
“I don’t get it Keem, why would you do Tay like that?”
“I can’t make that shit make sense for you, when it doesn’t even make sense to me. Seriously, it was just a dumb fucking move and I regret that shit more than you will ever know.”
“Men are stupid as fuck. You’re forever letting your body parts make decisions for you and it always ends up being the wrong decision.”
“Chill with that language Liyah.”
She looked at me like she wanted to take my head off. “What do you think Mom would say?”
My sister had a look on her face that I had never seen before. She rarely ever talked about our parents and I figured it was because she missed them too much to have the conversation, so when she asked me that I was at a loss.
“Say about what Liyah?”
“What you did, I think she would be disappointed.”
What the hell was I supposed to say to that? I mean damn, I already felt like shit and now my sister is telling me that my mother would be disappointed in me. She stood up and looked around for a few more seconds
before she grabbed her purse off the coffee table next to where she was sitting.
“I’m heading out; I know Tay is supposed to be here at 8:00. I don’t know if she’s gonna show up or not but if she does, I hope you can fix this. And for the record, the guy that she was having lunch with today was somebody that she was trying to set me up with. I hope you didn’t scare him off either, because I think I might actually give him a chance.”
She looked at me one last time before she rolled her eyes and began walking to the door.
I just shook my head and laughed before I got up to walk her to the door. “You might be grown but you’re not that damn grown,” I said before I pulled my sister into a hug.
“Yeah, well unfortunately you don’t get a say in that. I love you Keem and I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. You’re the best brother anyone could have ever asked for, but you can cancel that cock blocking that you’re thinking about doing. That part of my life is off limits,” she said with a smug look.
“Oh hell no, I don’t even want to think about that shit. Yeah, your ass better leave before I lock you in this damn apartment until you turn fifty.” I got heated just thinking about my sister trying to kick it with some dude in that kind of way.
She just laughed. “That’s why you need to be a better man, you’re my role model remember,” she said with a smirk.
I burst out laughing, “Man, get the fuck outta here with that bullshit. You’re wrong for that.”
“I love you too, Keem.”
After my sister left, I decided to jump in the shower and chill for a minute until it was time for Tay to show up. I had two hours and I could almost guarantee that those two hours were gonna move slow as fuck. I hadn’t heard from Tay but I meant what I said, if she didn’t show up, I was going straight to Liyah’s spot to get her, and if she wasn’t there then my ass was gonna sit and wait until she showed.
We had some shit to get straight and we were doing that tonight. I planned on having Tay in our bed later, no matter what it took. We had been playing around with this separation bullshit for long enough, and I needed my baby home. The only thing that was fucking with my mood now was the fact that I had to explain about Janelle’s surprise visit. Sky was an issue but Janelle and I had history, so I could guarantee that Tay wasn’t going for that. She just showed up out of nowhere, with no explanation. After almost three years, it just didn’t make sense. Hell, it didn’t make sense to me either, so I knew for sure that Tay wasn’t going for it.
Either way I was going to have to convince Tay that there wasn’t anything there, and that although I messed up once, I would never do that shit again. That shouldn’t be hard because I meant it. If the outcome was me losing Tay, then I was keeping my shit on lock, no matter what type of temptation I was faced with. It wasn’t worth it. Tay was everything to me and I wasn’t willing to lose her for anything or anybody.
Once I was out the shower, I dressed in a pocket tee, a pair of sweatpants and got comfortable on the sofa while I waited for Tay. I had the TV on while I mindlessly flipped through channels, but nothing could really hold my attention. I was stuck too deep in my thoughts about how this conversation was about to go. I laughed to myself thinking how much easier it would probably go if I could just get her naked the second she walked through the door. One thing I knew for sure was that Tay would agree to anything I said when I had her ass begging for mercy, but I knew better. That shit wasn’t happening so instead, I let my head fall back, and closed my eyes while my thoughts took over. I said a small prayer and hoped that I could make this shit work.
-17-
Tasia
“You ready for this?” Jacob asked, as I sat on the edge of the sofa with my foot propped up on the coffee table to tie my shoe.
“What’s there to be ready for, it’s just a conversation,” I said after I had my foot on the floor again.
“You know better than that Tay, my brother has plans to do more than just talk. He’s on a mission to get you home and trust me when I say he’s not going to play fair,” Liyah said as she plopped down next to me with a bag of Doritos.
“Well that’s not happening, at least not right now,” I said before I reached for her bag, but she held it away from me and frowned.
“I don’t condone cheating, but you need to figure out what you’re doing love bug. You’re either going to forgive him or you’re not, but this back and forth thing you’re doing is sad.”
“Exactly, that’s the same thing I said. He messed up Tay, but he’s not a cheater, you know that. I’m not saying what he did wasn’t foul, but you know him; you know him better than anybody and he’s not that person.”
“I hear you and I know that. I just can’t stop thinking about it though, but I know I have to make a decision. I can’t keep putting my life on hold.”
“Well then, have your little talk, try to keep your clothes on while you do it and maybe you’ll figure something out,” Jacob said with a delish smirk.
“Oh my God, really? This is not about that.” I frowned at Jacob but he laughed, causing Liyah to laugh so I couldn’t help but to laugh.
“You can fill me in later, but enough about love’s tragedy. Let’s talk about Kendrick.” Jacob was now focused on Liyah. “Have you talked to him yet?”
Jacob and I were both focused on Liyah who was trying her best to ignore us. After Hakeem’s little blow up outside of Zen, Kendrick and I still managed to have a productive lunch. I had to explain the situation and he was very understanding, but a little hesitant about getting involved with Liyah, knowing that he would have to eventually deal with Hakeem. Thankfully Kendrick wasn’t really moved by Hakeem, so he agreed to take Liyah’s number and give her a call. Of course, I filled him in on all he needed to know about her as well as showing him multiple pictures, and by the end of lunch he was excited about the opportunity to get to know her.
“Oh no honey, you’re not going to sit here and ignore us,” Jacob said in full diva fashion.
Liyah just looked up with a grin before she focused on the TV again. “I don’t kiss and tell,” she said.
“Nobody’s asking you to kiss and tell boo. All we want to know is if you’ve talked to him yet?” I lifted a pillow from beside me and playfully hit her with it.
“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” Liyah looked across her shoulder at me and rolled her eyes.
“Let me worry about that, you just answer the dang question.”
“Don’t worry, she doesn’t have to. I’ll just call him and ask him myself.” Jacob pulled out his phone and pretended to make a call.
“Damn, chill. You two are too dang nosey. Yes, I talked to him. He texted me, asked me if I could talk. I said yes, he called and we talked.”
“And?” I said not settling for her lack of detail.
“And what?” she replied with a grin.
“And, when is the first date?” Jacob snapped, before he sat on the edge of the coffee table so that he was directly in front of Liyah, but blocking her view of the TV.
“Would you move, dang; you do see me trying to watch TV, right?”
“I’ll chill when you spill, so let’s have it,” Jacob said folding his arms.
“We’re meeting for lunch tomorrow. There, are you happy?” she asked.
“Now see, was that so hard?” I said.
“Well my work here is done. I have to meet Will for dinner so, I’ll talk to you later or maybe I won’t,” Jacob looked at me with a grin. “Don’t do anything that I wouldn’t do tonight. Wait… never mind, that leaves your options wide open. Just behave and forgive our man. He’s suffered enough.”
“So have I, so no promises there,” I said.
After Jacob left, I talked to Liyah for a little while longer, mostly just to stall before I had to go talk to Keem. I didn’t actually leave the apartment until 7:50, and it was going to take me twenty minutes to get to our place. At 8:00 on the dot he, texted me asking where I was and I simply responded with ‘on my way’.
I didn’t know what was about to happen, but I knew that I was over this whole situation. We were either going to fix it our I was going to have to figure out how to move on.
***
The second I stepped into our apartment, my heart started to race. Even though this was my home, the home I shared with Hakeem, I felt out of place like I didn’t belong there. Mostly because he and I were out of sync, and that one thing made everything else in my life feel out of balance and off, but the second Hakeem came down the hall and I laid eyes on him, it felt like my heart actually stopped.
His hazel eyes smiled while his expression stayed neutral, and the closer he got to me the more panicked I began to feel. His perfect body was covered with a pair of sweats and a t-shirt that hugged his arms and chest. When he was near me, without warning, he pulled me into a hug and kissed me on the forehead like nothing had changed. His cologne lingered around us making me miss the fact that I hadn’t been this close to him in weeks, and causing me to feel slightly disappointed when he finally released me.
“Did you eat?” he asked as he moved into the living room and stood waiting for me to join him. I could tell he was trying to figure out what I was going to do so that he would know what to do.
“No, but I’m good,” I said after I sat on the sofa and he sat in front of me on the coffee table. He folded his arms and just stared at me for a minute, as if he were actually studying my face.
“I can order us something,” he said.
“No, I’m fine. I’m not here to eat, just to talk,” I said to be sure he understood how things were about to go.
“I see,” was all he said.
“Well you wanted me here, I’m here so talk.”
“I don’t even know where the fuck to start,” he said, as he looked away from me briefly and let his hand go across his head. Those dimples of his were exposed, as he bit his bottom lip and then focused on me again.
“Who was she?” I asked.
His eyebrows moved in slightly as he frowned momentarily as if confused by my question.