by Susan Stoker
“So…Alabama. My wife grew up in a home where every day she was belittled and treated like crap. She also didn’t know her father. Her mother would lock her in a closet while she had parties to keep her out of the way. She only sometimes allowed her to have food. Not only that, her mom would hit her. Kick her. Smack her. Every time she opened her mouth, she was hit.”
“But she got out and got adopted…right?” Tommy asked.
“No.”
“No? I don’t understand.”
“When she was twelve, her mom hit her with a skillet. She was hurt so badly the police finally got involved and she was put into foster care. Just like you were. Except no one wanted to keep her. She learned to keep her mouth shut while she was growing up, and even once she was away from her abusive mother, she was quiet. She didn’t try to make friends, and just went through life living on the side, watching others.” Abe paused and held Tommy’s eyes.
Tommy looked back at the man who was being so honest with him. Who was treating him as if he was an equal. He didn’t want to bring it up, but he had to. “What did I say today? What happened to her?”
Abe settled back on his chair and looked out over the dark ocean and sighed. “When she was growing up, when she was locked in that closet when she was as young as two, her mom would scream at her. Alabama would pound on the closet door, begging to be let out because she was scared and hungry, and her mom just yelled at her. Over and over she heard the same words. Because they were said so many times, they became ingrained in her brain. Kinda like your name is. When someone says it, you naturally react. Understand?”
Tommy nodded. He had a feeling he knew what words Abe was talking about, but he kept his mouth shut, feeling sick inside.
“When we were dating, she told me about what happened to her when she was little, and I felt bad for her, but I didn’t understand. Then I screwed up. Big time. So bad, that I thank God every day she gave me a second chance.”
“What’d you do?” Tommy whispered.
Abe leaned forward in his chair, put his elbows on his knees and turned his head to look Tommy in the eyes. His words were flat and full of pain. “I told her to shut up.”
The words echoed in the night and Tommy inhaled sharply.
“When she needed me the most, I told her to shut up. She needed my support and love, and I didn’t believe her, and told her to shut up when she was trying to explain what had happened. Those two little words brought back all the pain she had growing up. It was as if I was her mom, telling her to shut up all over again. I almost lost her, Bub. It took me a long time to get her to trust me again. To get her to open back up to me and give me a second chance. I’m not sure I deserved it, but thank God she eventually forgave me.
“As I said, those two words make her feel like she’s a little girl again. Powerless and scared out of her mind. When she hears those words, she feels every fist, every kick, every single time her mom used to hit her. That’s why she doesn’t like those words, and that’s why she asked you not to say them.
“As far as I can tell, you yelling those words at her today brought back too many memories. She’s been doing great. She’s had therapy, she has no problem talking, she loves to chat with her friends, but lately she’s been stressed because she wants you to feel safe. Alabama wants to protect you and keep you safe from anything that might harm you. It was too much for her.”
“I didn’t mean anything by it,” Tommy whispered, his eyes filling with tears and his lip quivering.
“I know you didn’t. Just like I didn’t really mean it when I said them to her years ago. But that doesn’t mean the words didn’t hurt her anyway,” Abe said matter-of-factly.
Without a word, Tommy stood up, Fatty falling from his lap with a loud meow, and ran toward the sliding door. He fumbled with the latch before finally wrenching it open.
“Tommy, wait!” Abe ordered.
The boy ignored him and raced into the house. He stumbled into the living room and made a beeline for Alabama. She was sitting on the couch with little Taylor sound asleep in her arms.
Tommy threw himself onto his knees in front of her and buried his face into her lap. He wrapped his arms around her legs and sobbed. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it. I swear. I’ll never say it again. I promise.”
His entire body shook with his sobs and he hiccupped as he cried.
“What on earth…” Alabama said in bewilderment. The men had followed Abe into the room and Dude leaned over and took his daughter out of Alabama’s arms.
Alabama put her hands on Tommy’s back and caressed him. “Shhhh, it’s okay, Tommy. It’s okay. Calm down. Just breathe.”
Alabama looked up in confusion at her husband. “What’s going on?”
“I told him why his words hurt you.”
“Oh, Christopher…” Alabama said sorrowfully.
“I know you didn’t want him to know, but he needed to,” Abe told his wife. “One, because I needed to protect you. I didn’t want him to say it again. And two, because he needs to realize out of anyone in our house, you are the one who can most understand what he’s going through.”
Tommy kept his head buried in Alabama’s lap as he cried.
“Come on, let’s get him in his room,” Abe said, putting his hand under Alabama’s elbow to help her stand up.
She stood but Tommy didn’t let go of her. Alabama looked at her husband with love and leaned over and tugged Tommy up. He cooperated and jumped up into her arms. Alabama staggered under his weight, but Abe was there to steady her and to help hold Tommy.
Tommy’s hands snaked around Alabama’s neck and he buried his face into the space between her neck and shoulder. His ankles crossed at the small of her back and they headed out of the room toward the suite Tommy had been staying in. Brinique and Davisa quickly followed along behind their parents, not sure what was going on, but wanting to be near Abe and Alabama all the same.
Rounding out the procession were the three fat cats, marching all in a row as the family disappeared down the hallway.
“Will they be all right?” Jessyka asked softly. Benny came up next to her and put his arm around her waist.
“Yeah.”
“Did Abe tell him everything about Alabama and her kids?” Fiona asked.
“Yes. He needed to hear it. Especially after what happened when he told her to shut up this afternoon,” Cookie said softly.
“They’ll be fine,” Caroline proclaimed.
“Yes, they will,” Wolf agreed.
The group settled down with their kids, each lost in their own thoughts, as they prayed Abe and Alabama would find the right words to make Tommy feel better. The boy hadn’t had an easy life, and while none of them liked what had happened that afternoon, they all knew Alabama was tough, and so full of love that she’d already forgiven Tommy. Now he just had to open himself up to that love.
8
All five humans lay in the large king-size bed. Tommy was between Alabama and Abe, Brinique was cuddled up to Abe’s other side just, as Davisa was doing with Alabama. The three cats had jumped up onto the bed as well and were lying at the foot of the mattress…watching the humans.
“Why did my dad do that to me?” Tommy asked in a quiet voice, averting his eyes from Alabama’s as he lay with his head on her shoulder. He could feel Abe along his back, could feel his even breathing. Tommy supposed he should’ve been scared about being in a bed with the large man, but he finally realized deep down that Abe wouldn’t hurt him in any way.
“I don’t know,” Alabama said softly.
“I mean, we were happy. He loved my mom and me. I don’t get why he’d change so much.”
“Tommy, look at me,” Abe ordered softly.
Tommy turned over onto his back, but kept hold of Alabama’s hand as he did. He glanced up and saw Abe’s intense eyes looking down into his.
“I don’t know your father, but I believe that he loved his wife…and you very much. Sometimes grief does weird things to people.�
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Tommy nodded sagely.
“It doesn’t excuse him though,” Abe said earnestly. “Not at all. I’m not condoning what he did to you in the least. Understand?”
Tommy nodded again.
“I have a dangerous job. Both Alabama and I know that every time I leave, I might not come home.”
Brinique made a squeaking noise and buried her nose into Abe’s shoulder.
“I’m not saying this to scare you guys,” Abe hurried to reassure his family. “And I’m good at what I do. But just as there’s a chance I might not come home, there could be an accident at home. Or a car wreck. Or someone could get sick. All I’m saying is that life is precious. I try to live every day as if it might be my last. That means telling Alabama that I love her every day. Making sure Brinique and Davisa…and now you, Tommy, are safe and happy. Because shit happens.”
“Christopher,” Alabama protested once more.
“Sorry, sweet.” Abe smiled over at his wife apologetically. “Stuff happens. But I’ll tell you what will never happen.” He paused.
Tommy lifted his eyes and looked up at the large, imposing man next to him. “What?”
“If Alabama passed away, I’d never, ever do anything to hurt my children. I’d be sad, devastated, actually. I might get drunk a couple of nights with my friends. But I’m strong enough to know that you guys would be hurting just as much as I would. And you’d need me even more. And if I should die? And Alabama was left to raise you? She’d do the exact same thing.”
Tommy’s eyes wandered to Alabama. She was looking at Abe as if he’d just given her the sun and the moon. He recognized it because he used to see that same look in his mom’s eyes before she died.
“To answer your question, Tommy,” Abe went on. “I don’t know why your father did what he did. But he was an idiot.”
Tommy’s eyebrows went up in surprise. “I don’t understand.”
Abe shifted until he had one hand free and ran it over the top of the confused little boy’s head. “He had the best part of his wife right there next to him and he couldn’t see it.”
“What’s that?”
“You, Tommy. He had you.”
Tommy’s eyes welled up with tears again and he fought to hold them back. “I miss him. Not the smelly, scary man he was when I left, but the man he was before.”
“I know.”
“Our mommy didn’t love us,” Davisa said sadly from next to Alabama. “Why not? What did we do wrong?”
“Oh, honey,” Alabama said sadly. “It wasn’t you guys at all. Some people just aren’t meant to be parents. Like my mom.”
“Your mom was mean to you like ours was,” Davisa said. It wasn’t a question.
“Yes, she was. But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t loveable. Want to know how I know that?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Because of your daddy. And you guys. And my friends in this house. Just because one person doesn’t love you, doesn’t mean you aren’t loveable. It just means that other person is the one with the problem. Not you.”
Davisa nodded and snuggled back into Alabama.
Suddenly all three children giggled softly.
“What?” Abe asked, confused.
“Boba the cat is crying,” Tommy explained. “Fatty is disgusted by all the mushy talk, and Jango is too busy licking himself to even listen to what we’re saying.”
“Talking cats, huh?” Abe asked, smiling. “Cool.”
Eventually the children fell asleep and Alabama looked over at Abe. “He’s breaking my heart.”
The big tough SEAL smiled. “You said the exact same thing the first week we had Brinique and Davisa.”
Alabama smiled weakly. “It’s as true now as it was then. Do you think he’s gonna be all right?”
“Yeah,” Abe told her immediately. “He’s a smart kid. He’s gonna work through this with our help. He’s got that appointment next week with the child psychologist. She’ll help him too.”
“I love you. And for the record…you aren’t allowed to die anytime soon.”
Abe smiled over at his wife. “Same goes for you,” he whispered.
They leaned over and awkwardly kissed each other over Tommy’s prone body.
“Get some sleep, sweet. Things’ll be better in the morning. I feel it.”
Sometime in the night, the three cats jumped off the bed and made their way into the big living room. Time was getting short and they had to make a plan.
“You think he’s gonna understand when it happens?” Jango asked.
“Yeah. After tonight he has a better foundation and knows that Alabama and Abe want only the best for him,” Fatty told his friend.
“If he doesn’t, this could end badly,” Boba warned.
Fatty scowled at his friends. “He’s got this. Have a little faith, guys.”
“I’m worried. It’s too soon.”
Boba agreed with Jango. “Yeah, he hasn’t had enough time to really understand and feel their love yet.”
“Look,” Fatty said. “He’s had a craptastic life, I get it. But he’s a smart kid. He knows a good thing when he sees it. And Abe did the right thing in telling him about the other women and about Alabama, Davisa, and Brinique. If nothing else, he’ll do what he needs to in order to protect them. Besides…he has us.”
“True.”
“Agreed.”
“So we’re good? The plan is still in place?” Fatty asked.
Boba and Jango both nodded in agreement. “We’re ready.”
The three cats jumped into chairs around the room and settled in for the night.
“Sleep well, boys. It’s gonna be a busy couple of days,” Fatty said in a low voice.
9
Sunday morning at the beach house was uneventful. Well, as uneventful as a house full of best friends and their young children could be. Tommy was quieter than usual as he took the time to observe all the couples together. Hearing what the women had been through had been an eye-opener. He’d been wallowing in his own head about what happened to him for so long, it almost made him feel better that there were others who had gone through similar experiences.
Not only gone through, but survived. It wasn’t that he wished the awful things that had happened to him on anyone else, but seeing how happy Fiona seemed to be…as well as Brinique, Davisa, and Alabama. It was…freeing almost. It gave him hope that he could one day be happy too.
The black blob was still there inside him, but it seemed smaller. It wasn’t choking him anymore…not all the time like it had before.
On the way home, Tommy made a silent vow to try to be a better brother. A better kid in general. The end of the movie Holes made him realize something else…that what was meant to be, would be. Everything happened for a reason. Of course, in the beginning of the movie it was the boy being arrested for stealing shoes when he didn’t do it. But everything that had happened to him afterward, no matter how awful it seemed to be as he was going through it, had to happen for him to get to a happy place. The message of the movie really hit home for Tommy.
When they got home, Tommy helped unpack the car, rather than stomping inside grouchily. He thanked Brinique when she handed him his suitcase. He helped Davisa carry the heavy cooler back inside the house. And when Alabama asked him to feed the cats, he did so without complaint.
Abe had noticed his new attitude and commented on it that night when he was saying goodnight. “I’m proud of you, Bub.”
“For what?”
“For trying so hard. I appreciate it. You have no idea what it means to Alabama. And me.”
Tommy shrugged. “I thought about everything you said this weekend. And…I’m sorry I’ve been so mean.”
Abe put a hand on his shoulder. “I understand. I do. But you have a choice, and it’s looking like you’ve already made it, and you’ll never know how pleased I am by it. Everything you do in life is a choice. How you react to situations, what you say, what you do, how hard you try. You have every ri
ght to be upset and angry about what happened to you. But you also have the choice to try to put it behind you and move forward. You want to know the difference between a failure and a success?”
“What?” Tommy asked in a small voice. It had been a long time since he’d heard anyone say they were proud of him. It made him feel good. And made the black blob that had taken up residence in the pit of his stomach shrink to almost nothing. It was like it was now the size of a pea rather than a basketball.
“Not giving up and making the right choice,” Abe told him, squeezing his shoulder gently. “Unfortunately, the right choice isn’t always easy. And sometimes it’s hard as hell…er…heck to figure out. But I know you’re on the right track.” Abe squeezed him affectionately and turned for the door. When he got there, he stopped and turned around.
“You should know, Tommy, Alabama and I want to adopt you. We want you as a part of our family permanently. We wouldn’t have brought you into our home if we didn’t want that. We don’t care about the money the state gives us for fostering you. In fact, it’s going into a bank account for you to use when you’re an adult. But I thought you should know. I know it’s fast, and the adoption won’t happen for a while. But we would like nothing better than for you to be Tommy Powers. Remember that when you’re making those choices. We aren’t giving up on you—and we hope you won’t give up on us either.”
Then without giving him a chance to respond, Abe closed the door behind him, leaving Tommy to his thoughts.
Monday and Tuesday, Tommy tried really hard to make better choices. It wasn’t easy. Abe had warned him that it might not be, but he was trying. Tommy was still angry about what had happened to him. Still confused and upset about his dad. But the warm looks Alabama gave him when he said please and thank you went a long way toward soothing the beast inside him.
When Abe patted him on the back and said, “Thank you for looking after all the girls when I’m at work,” it made him feel ten feet tall.