“That’s too bad. She seemed…nice,” I lied.
“Yeah, they were all nice. But, they weren’t you.”
I looked into his eyes and said, “I um, I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry if I hurt you, Parker. I never meant to.”
He nodded and I headed out the door.
I Don’t Believe You!
“Rebecca?” my father called me downstairs one afternoon. His face was pale white, and I noticed my mother had been crying.
“Dad, what’s wrong? Mom?”
“Sit down, Honey. We have to talk to you.” My mom’s eyes were bright red.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s about…Shane,” my mom said.
“What about him?”
“He um…he’s gone.”
“What?”
“He’s gone, Rebecca. He left…for good,” my father said.
“What are you talking about?” I asked, confused.
My mother pulled me to her and rocked me back and forth, trying to comfort me for some reason.
“What are you guys talking about?”
“He’s not who you thought he was. He had us all fooled, Pumpkin. I’m sorry.”
“You guys are talking crazy. He’s not gone. He’s going to meet me in class in an hour.”
My parents looked at each other and then slowly back to me. “Honey,” my mom started. “Shane…did some things…bad things, and um, your father found out.”
“What bad things? You mean, he found out about…” I stopped, not wanting to give up his secret.
“That’s not it, but yes, he did find out about that, too. But Honey, there’s more…a lot more.”
“What?”
“He’s been stealing from the tire store for months now.” My mother was talking to me, but nothing she said was making any sense.
“No, he hasn’t. Shane wouldn’t do that.”
“There’s proof. They put up video camera’s…” my father said, looking angry.
“In the tire store?”
“Yeah, and um, in Shane’s…room,” my mom said. I saw my father look away, like he couldn’t face me now.
“In his room?” I asked, blushing.
“It’s not important right now. He tricked us all, Rebecca. I don’t blame…you,” my father said.
“Blame me for what?”
“I know you had nothing to do with it. And I know he…took advantage of you.”
“Dad! He didn’t…”
“I saw the tapes, Rebecca. You can’t deny it, now.”
“You saw…us? You…watched?” I asked, stunned.
“Only for a second; but I didn’t need to see much to know that he took advantage of my young, innocent daughter.”
“Dad, he didn’t take advantage of me. I love him. He loves me…”
“He used you!” he yelled, “He used all of us.”
“No, you’re lying. You’re just mad because we didn’t wait…”
“No Honey, he’s not. He’s telling the truth. He um, he took a bribe…from your father.”
“What?”
My father said, “I didn’t believe it, either. Not at first. So, I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. So, I um, I offered him $100,000.00 to leave and never come back.”
“I can’t believe you! Why would you do that?”
“He took it, Rebecca. He took it and ran. He’s gone. I’m so sorry,” my mom said, hugging me tighter.
“NO! You’re lying!” I shouted, crying now. “I don’t believe you. Shane would never! NO! I’m going to go find him! He’ll be at class. He’ll be there and he’ll explain everything!”
I ran out the door. I heard my father say, “Let her go, Charlotte. She needs to find out for herself.”
I drove to the tire store. I was hysterical and I confused Vince with my blubbering. “Wh-where’s Sh-sh-shane,” I sobbed.
“Um, he’s um…he’s gone.”
“You mean he left…f-for class?” I stammered.
“No, I um, I don’t think so. He um, he’s gone…gone.” He looked down and then said, “I’m sorry.”
“NO! I don’t be-be-lieve you! He, he wouldn’t leave…me!”
“See for yourself,” he said, and led me back to Shane’s room. The only thing left were the pictures of…me. His clothes, his shoes…all of his personal things were all gone.
I ran out of the store and headed to his dad’s house. His dad was passed out on the couch. I couldn’t rouse him. I looked through Shane’s old room and noticed nothing had been touched. This, for some reason, gave me some comfort. Nothing else made sense to me, but the fact that his dad was there and his room was untouched allowed me to take a breath and think. “School…he has to go to school!”
I ran back to my car and headed to class. I stood outside the door…waiting and waiting.
“Miss Brigham, are you planning on joining us?”
“What?” I asked, becoming hysterical once again.
“Class is starting…”
“Have you heard from…Shane?” I asked, pleading with him to tell me something I suddenly realized he couldn’t. I walked away once he said no, wandering aimlessly through the streets.
My parents pulled up alongside me a few hours or so later. I didn’t know how long I’d been walking. I didn’t know where I was. I didn’t know anything.
“Honey, get in the car,” my mom said.
I ignored her, and kept walking. Finally my dad pulled over in front of me and got out of the car. He put his arm around my shoulder and led me to the car. I let him lead me to the car because I didn’t know what else to do. I was lost without Shane. I kept thinking it was all a bad dream, but no amount of pinching my skin or trying to force my eyes open would wake me from the nightmare that was now my life.
I cried non-stop for hours. My mom was at my side, holding my hand and rubbing my back. I didn’t really even know she was there. I kept calling Shane’s number, but after the 20 time of hearing, “This number is no longer in service,” my mom took my phone from me and had me drink…something.
I woke up the next day and looked around my room groggily and realized it really was a dream. “Oh, thank God!” I reached for my phone to call Shane and tell him about it, but when I dialed, and got the same recording, I started to scream.
“NO! NO! NO!”
“Rebecca, Honey, it’s okay…it’s okay,” my mother crooned, holding me and rocking me in her arms.
“IT’S NOT OKAY. Where is he? I need him! We’re getting married in two months!”
“Honey, you have to face the fact. He’s gone.”
“I don’t believe you! He wouldn’t leave me! He loves me!”
My mom continued to hold me, rocking me back and forth and kept whispering, “It’ll be okay, It’ll be okay. I love you! I love you!”
I wanted Shane and no one could soothe me until I knew what happened to him.
After a few hours of my sobbing, my mother pulled back from me and said, “Honey, I know you don’t want to accept this, but it’s true. He’s gone. He stole a lot of money from the tire store…his boss has it on tape.”
“I don’t believe it. He’s not a thief. There has to be some explanation.”
She sighed. “He um, he left a note…for you.” She looked down and pulled a piece of paper from her jeans pocket.
I grabbed the letter and ripped it open, certain it would explain everything. I was wrong.
Rebecca,
I never meant to hurt you. I’m sorry that it had to end like this.
I swear, if I could change things, I would. I’m asking that you
forget about me and move on with your life. It’s better that way.
I know you don’t understand any of this, and I’m sorry I can’t
explain it. You’ll forget about me, I’m sure, but know that I’ll
always remember you.
Take care of yourself,
Shane
I looked up at my mother and tried to speak…but no words
would come. Once again, she made me drink something and I fell asleep. I’m sure it must have been the Ambien her doctor gave her when my grandmother died, and I almost fought her, but as I looked into the glass of juice, sleep seemed like welcome relief and I downed it in one gulp.
When I woke up the next day and reality hit once again, I asked for another glass of juice. My father shook his head no, but my mother finally gave in, knowing I needed more time to deal with my grief.
I had slept through five days and finally my mother was out of Ambien and my father was out of patience.
“She’s not ready to deal with this yet, Bradley.”
“She has no choice. She’s going to have to face it and move on. It’s not the end of the world. I won’t see my daughter throw her life away because of that son of a…”
“DAD!” I yelled, fully awake for the first time in days. “Don’t…please!”
“Honey, you’re awake. Good, come have some breakfast.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“You have to eat.”
“No, I need to know what happened. Like you said, I’m awake now…I need to know.” There were tears ready to spring forth, but I wiped my eyes and sat down at the table next to them. I was still holding the letter from Shane. I had been holding it since the moment my mother gave it to me, refusing to let go.
“We told you what happened. You just weren’t ready to hear it. We’re so sorry, Honey. We were as surprised as you.”
“No. No one was as surprised as me. I still don’t believe…” the tears sprang forth, leaving me sobbing, desperate for Shane once again.
“She needs to see it!” my father said.
“Bradley!”
“See wh-what?” I asked.
“Nothing, Honey. You really need to eat.”
“SEE WHAT?” I yelled.
My father walked out of the room for a minute and returned a moment later with a piece of paper in his hands.
He sat down beside me and slid the piece of paper in front of me.
“What is this?” I asked.
“It’s from the bank. He cashed the check.”
“No, you’re lying. He wouldn’t…he wouldn’t do that!” I could see the date of withdrawal and the amount, but I still didn’t believe Shane would do that.
He pulled another piece of paper out of his pocket and set it in front of me. It was a check made out to Shane Ramsey in the amount of $100,000.00.
“This doesn’t prove anything,” I said.
He turned the check over and on the back…was Shane’s signature. I looked up at my mom, pleading with her to tell me it wasn’t true, but she only nodded her head slowly, confirming my worst nightmare.
I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak, I finally dropped the letter and I ran upstairs to my bed, where I stayed for two more weeks.
My parents allowed me the solace, the time to grieve, but it ended after two weeks. I wasn’t allowed to sit in my room anymore. I was forced to re-join the family, eat, shower, and pretend that I was okay. I moved through the days, playing along, but not feeling. It was the nights when the feelings came…and I cried. I cried every night for weeks until I was dry…dead inside. I had lost him and it took me that long to realize it. The moment I faced it…was the moment I died. I went along without complaint, doing what was expected, what I was told, never mentioning…him…again. I pretended he didn’t exist. It never happened. I never went to that mall on that fateful day…never met him. Every day I lied to myself and everyone else…but at night, he was so real. I could feel him touch me, could smell him and feel his breath on my neck, hear him tell me he loved me. THAT was real, and even though during the day, he didn’t exist, at night, he was still very much alive. I’d scold myself for allowing me to think of him, want him…love him. But, every night, I’d climb into my cold bed and pray he’d come up those forbidden stairs…for me…
Jillian started coming over once in a while. I was annoyed at first. She brought back memories of him, and every time I saw her…I felt him. My mother seemed to think I needed friends though, and it was either that, or I had to go back to school and make new friends. It turns out, if you don’t go to class, don’t do the homework, or study and take the tests…they don’t let you pass. Imagine that. I didn’t have to drop my classes, my absence took care of it for me. My mother fixed it so that they were withdrawals and not fails, but I didn’t care one way or the other. Classes meant nothing to me…not without him.
So, I started doing things with Jillian again, in order to save myself from having to face school alone. I also noticed Parker around…a lot more. He was kind, offering me words of comfort. This, I found strange, but I was still too heartbroken to even care that he was there, so I just let him work his way back into our lives one day at a time.
A Constant Reminder
I was sick, and I’d lost weight. My mom started to worry about more than just my emotional health and scheduled me to see Dr. Emory. I was supposed to see a movie with Jillian after my appointment, but I wasn’t interested in a movie. I wasn’t interested in anything. I went to the doctor because she told me too. And I agreed to go to the movie because she told me to, but that all changed when I heard two simple words….
“You’re pregnant.”
I looked up at Dr. Emory with the same glazed look I’d had since I realized he was gone. “What?” I asked, with no emotion, certain I hadn’t heard her right.
“I said, you’re pregnant, Rebecca. Are you okay? I know you weren’t expecting this.”
“No, that’s not…no. No!”
“Um, yes, you are. Do you want to talk about your options?” she said, sitting down next to me.
“Options?” I asked.
“Yes. You have options. You can keep the baby, of course. But, if you’re not ready for that, there’s always adoption…or ab...”
“NO! Don’t say it!” I snapped out of my stupor quickly and looked down at my still-flat stomach. “You’re sure?” I asked.
“Yes, they ran tests off of both your urine and blood. I’m positive.” She patted me on the shoulder. “I know you need some time. But, since you can’t give me accurate dates of your last period…”
“I had a shot. You gave me a shot…two of them.”
“Yes, and you were due for your third over three months ago.”
“Oh, I was…busy. I forgot, I guess.”
“Well, have you been having regular intercourse…”
My eyes started to tear. “No, not since…”
“What about within the last three months?” she asked.
“I don’t…know. I um…I have to go.”
“I need to schedule you for an ultrasound. And I have a bunch of paperwork for you.”
“I have to go…” I repeated, buttoning the last button on my blouse and grabbing my purse.
“Rebecca!”
“What?” I said, with tears pouring down my cheeks and my hand on the doorknob.
“We need to find out how far along you are.”
I turned to face her. I was breathing hard. “I have to go. I’ll um, I’ll make…another…appointment.”
I walked out on shaky legs and found I had to sit down in the lobby. I was supposed to meet Jillian at the theatre, but I found myself walking to the park down the street. I sat on a bench, totally lost in thought. I was completely unable to handle one more thing at that point in my life, and just as I was about to break down in tears, a little girl walked up to me with long blond hair and steel gray eyes. “Hi, do you want to watch me go down the slide?”
“What?” I asked, looking into those eyes.
“You can come with me…if you want.”
I watched her run toward the play equipment and walk up the stairs. She waved at me as she sat down on the top of the slide and smiled and clapped joyfully once she reached the bottom.
“Did you see me?” she asked, excitedly.
“Yeah, you did great.”
She wandered off after re
ceiving verbal confirmation that I had indeed watched her glide down the slide and said she did a great job.
I put my hand on my belly and looked back up at the little girl with Shane’s eyes, and I started crying. He was gone, but he had managed to leave me a gift. A constant reminder of what I was so desperately trying to forget.
I walked home, forgetting all about Jillian…and my car.
“Where have you been?” my mother asked when I walked in the door.
“I um, I walked home.”
“Rebecca, it’s at least six miles…and where’s your car?”
“Oh, I guess I left it…”
“And Jillian? Did you forget about her, too?”
“Jillian?” I asked, as if I didn’t even know who she was. “Oh, Jillian,” I said, when I remembered our movie plans.
“Yeah, she’s worried sick about you. Frankly, we all are. I know you miss him, but…”
“MOM! Don’t! Please. I can’t talk about...Just, please…leave me alone. I’m fine.”
I ran upstairs and flung myself on my bed. I was allowed a two day reprieve for my ‘relapse’, but was then forced once again, to return to the living.
I had completely repressed the fact that I was pregnant, ignoring the signs, so convinced that it wasn’t true, that I never tried to hide the vomiting which was becoming more and more prominent every day. It got so bad, that I couldn’t keep anything down.
“Rebecca, this has to stop. You’ve lost so much weight. The doctor must have given you some clue as to what was wrong.”
“I’m not sick. It’s just food poisoning.”
“I may actually believe that, if you had in fact, eaten! Honey, I have to know, are you pregnant?”
I was so distraught, and in such a state of denial that I was able to look my mother directly in the eyes and say, with absolute certainty, “No.”
She sighed. “Okay. But, if this keeps up, I’m taking you to the doctor myself. Now, come down for dinner.”
A couple of months later…
“Rebecca, I’m going to ask you one more time. Are you pregnant?”
I stared right into my mother’s eyes and lied, again. I couldn’t tell her the truth. The truth would only bring more questions. Questions I wasn’t prepared to answer, and answers that would make me remember. I didn’t want to remember.
CONVICTION (INTERFERENCE) Page 15