“I’m so scared, Jameson,” she stutters out between sobs. Kissing a tear off her cheek, I lay a gentle kiss to her lips. Not pressing for more, I pull back and return my gaze to hers.
“Tell me you don’t love me and I’ll walk away. You have all the power.”
“I love you.”
Relief doesn’t describe what I feel as she says those three little words to me. Grabbing her and pulling her closer to me, I capture her mouth with my own. Wordless declarations are made through this kiss. Each swipe of my tongue on hers solidifies our commitment. Our future.
Slowing down the kiss before we’re naked in the back of my truck in a parking lot, I pull away, placing my forehead to hers. Our breathing is quick as we both attempt to calm ourselves.
“You sang.” Pulling back from me, she smiles.
“I did. I sing here all the time. I have for a few years.”
“I know. I’ve watched you the last few weeks. Thankfully, you don’t pay much attention to what is happening around you when you’re here and didn’t see me. Sorry I ambushed you tonight. I had to see if this not singing thing included me.”
“I always thought it did. Maybe I was so pissed at you tonight I didn’t have time. My therapist will be happy to know I didn’t have a panic attack. Maybe being pissed off at you has been my answer all along. Excellent song choice, by the way.”
“Thanks, I thought it was fitting. Do you want to talk about the singing thing?”
“Not tonight. It’s long and complicated. I will though. But,” she says, wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me closer. “I’d prefer you take me home.”
“If I take you home, you aren’t leaving. You’re moving back, permanently.”
“Thank God. I can’t live at my parents’ another week!”
Laughing, I help her down off the tailgate and close it as I grab her hand. Realizing we should probably let Mel and Shelly know everything is okay, I pull my phone from my pocket and shoot off a quick text message.
“Who are you texting?”
“Shelly. I wanted to let her know you’re okay. We’re okay, and that I’m taking you home.”
“You have her number? You have a lot of explaining to do.”
“Sounds like we both do,” I reply, opening the passenger door for her. All of that can wait. I have weeks of making up to do with this girl and a life to plan.
A month later…
This night was a great plan in therapy last week. It seemed like a perfect way to test out what Jameson and I had already figured out. My fear of singing had a lot less to do with singing and a lot more to do with my insecurities and loneliness. Not that being in love and in a relationship solved all my problems. I did have a bit of a panic attack this morning when I realized I was going to be here in this moment tonight. But, Jameson helped me through that. He’s been amazing and has supported my way of handling things lately.
As I look across the table to all our friends and my parents, I notice as they each look at us expectantly. Piper made a comment earlier that this wasn’t the type of bachelorette party she had envisioned. My mom commented that she made sure to wear her photo-friendly lipstick tonight in case there were celebratory pictures. Jameson whispered in my ear earlier that my dad had “the talk” with him about intentions when we arrived. I have a strong suspicion my parents are expecting to be planning another wedding. Eventually, but not anytime soon.
Shelly brings another round of drinks and winks at me. Taking a deep breath, I squeeze Jameson’s leg to get his attention. Turning to me, I nod in acknowledgment as he excuses himself from the table. Nobody is paying attention to him, so he’s able to approach Kent and hand him a paper. Here goes nothing.
“Excuse me, I’ll be right back,” I say to nobody yet everyone as I stand.
“You ready to do this? If you aren’t sure, we don’t have to.”
“Nope, I’m ready. Actually, I feel like I’m going to puke, but I need to do this.”
Kent hands us each a microphone as we walk up to the stage. No announcement using horrible nicknames, or even our own, preface our performance as the beginning of “Islands in the Stream” starts. Jameson suggested this song because he knows how much I love Dolly Parton. He also said that Kenny Rogers is “a pretty cool dude” so he was willing to go for the duet.
My therapist and I have been working hard over the last month. I finally heard what she’s been telling me for years, the level of panic and anxiety I’ve built around my singing isn’t about anything my family or friends have said. Their kind words and encouragement are just that. I’m the one who has set unspoken meaning behind those accolades. I’m the one who put the burden on myself.
That’s why I’m standing on this stage with Jameson. Her suggestion was to rip the Band-Aid off, to sing with someone who loves me. I believe Jameson every single day when he tells me he loves me. He loves me for who I am today and for the person I’m not quite certain I’m destined to be. My plan is to sing to Jameson and nobody else. That’s what I did last time and it seemed to work.
Something changed in me when I admitted my feelings to Jameson. I allowed someone else to own a piece of me. The part of my heart and soul that he owns, it is his to honor and love. Accepting that helped me see that no matter who I am or what I do in my life, he’s not going anywhere. I’ve been horrible to him at times and he swears that he loved me even then. That regardless of how much he acted like he didn’t care, he did. Letting someone else love me and loving him back has opened my eyes in ways I never believed possible.
Swaying to the beat as Jameson begins the opening lyrics, I laugh loudly because he is awful. Somewhere, dogs are howling, it’s so bad. But, he’s doing this for me. He barely sings during the duet portions of the song, letting me sing and hit the notes naturally. Each time the song calls for us to say “making love,” I can hear in the far distance my brother and dad groan, which only makes me smile more. I am doing this.
Finishing the song, Jameson kisses me. Between kisses he reminds me that he loves me. He does that every single day and in ways that don’t require him to say words. His love is obvious in everything he does and I am so grateful he has chosen me to share that with. I’ll probably screw up along the way, but I believe in my heart of hearts that this man will never stop loving me. I’ve never been so certain of something in my life.
Turning to a standing ovation from our table, I cover my face with my hand in embarrassment. Jameson kisses me gently before telling me he loves me and then slapping my ass for effect. Stepping off the stage, he leaves me alone to sing the next song. Once I’ve finished my first solo performance in front of my family and friends, Kent announces an intermission and turns the house music on.
“Ashton! I’m so proud of you,” my mom shouts, grabbing me and pulling me into a bone-crushing hug. Tugging me from my mom’s grasp, my dad follows suit. At this rate, I’ll have no intact bones left in my body.
“Thanks, guys. I can’t breathe. Maybe not so tight.”
“Sorry! Oh sweetie, we never thought we’d hear you sing again.”
“Yeah well, I’m going to need you to scale it back a bit because if you keep this up I’m likely never to do it again.”
Jameson pulls the chair out for me as I sit down. Demanding silence as everyone starts peppering me with questions, I offer a short version of the anxiety I’ve had and that I’m working through it. That we’re working through it. I have a long road ahead of me, but if singing karaoke in a little bar is as far as I get then I’m okay with that. Jameson wants me to work with a voice coach and consider auditioning for a reality television talent show. I don’t know that I’ll ever be ready for that step, but I’ve agreed to consider a voice coach.
I look across the table at our friends and family. The people who love and support me regardless of how much of a pain in the ass I am. My parents, along with Ben and Piper, are wiping tears from their faces and smiling at me like a bunch of crazy people. Owen and Landon look li
ke they’re waiting for permission to be excused to approach a group of ladies that just walked in the door.
Minnie, who has become a great friend these last few months, is sipping her drink while shooting glances Owen’s way. There’s a story there, I’m just not certain what it is. Stephen and Julia are having their first night out since bringing Noah home. Mom and son are both doing well, but I can tell by the number of times they’ve looked at their watches it’s time for them to go. Jameson places a kiss to the side of my head and excuses himself to head to the bar.
“Thank you guys for all being here. You two,” I say, pointing to Stephen and Julia. “Go home to your babies. I love you for coming but you look like you’d rather be anywhere else.” Looking relieved, they both stand abruptly, almost knocking over their chairs.
“And you, go. Be ridiculous and embarrass yourself.” Not requiring more instruction, Owen and Landon follow suit and head for the group of ladies now sitting a few tables away. I catch Minnie’s eye as she looks disappointed in Owen’s eagerness to leave the table. Piper must sense the shift because she turns her attention to Minnie, distracting her.
“If you’ll excuse me,” I say, standing and walking toward Jameson, who is now leaning on the bar talking to Mel.
“Hey, handsome.”
“My love,” he replies, sliding a shot of tequila my way.
“What’s this?”
“Truth or dare, Sunshine.”
Licking my lips, I look to his and then back up to his eyes. With a lifted brow, I raise my glass to his and tap it. “Truth,” I declare, tossing back my shot. He follows suit. Placing our glasses on the bar, I allow him to pull me into his arms.
“Are you ready for the rest of your life, Ashton Sullivan?”
“I’ve never been more ready, Jameson Strauss.”
Sealing our future with a kiss, I let go of the last piece of my heart and gladly hand it to this man.
The End.
Before I even begin, a universal Thank You. If you are reading this, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. This is going to be a long list of people because this book took more than a village. This was a city size group of awesome people that pushed and motivated me to keep writing and I want to (try) thank everyone.
Readers, you rock my world. I will never be able to show my gratitude for your support and kindness as I stumble through this process.
My team, where would I be without you? Kristina Circelli of Red Road Editing, Stacey Blake of Champagne Formats, Alyssa Garcia of Uplifting Designs, Erin Spencer of Southern Belle Promotions, and my assistant, Stacy Garcia – you all amaze me with your kindness and patience as I stumble through this process. I am amazed by each of you. Such a talented group of ladies and I am honored to work with each of you.
Kyla Ellison - You are an amazing talent. I am so grateful for you, your work, and those adorable boots!!!
My betas – Alyssa, Christine, Kiersten and Stacy. Thank you for being ready at the drop of a hat to read, critique, and love this story. Jameston wouldn’t be the same without you.
Emma – Thank you for letting me gush about my love of you and your words. Strippers that make you feel are legit.
Chelle - People appear in your life when you need them most and I didn’t realize how empty my world was without you. Thank you for your friendship. I see many more shenanigans, laughs, and pivotal moments in our future.
Andee & Jodie – My loves. You will never know how much I appreciate your friendship and your honesty during this process. I don’t know that this book would be possible without you.
Suzie & Heather – You both know when I need you most. A phone call, a text, a message … your timing is impeccable. I love you both.
Jennifer – Thank you for showing me a picture that would change this book in ways I can never repay you for.
Kacey – Knowing you support me keeps me going! Thank you.
Stephanie – Thank you for being one of my biggest cheerleaders.
Lynsey – Thanks for being the bouncy wall to my ideas and stumbles. I’m going to hug you so hard and you’ll love it!
Amanda – Hope exists because of you. Thank you for sticking with me these last few years and for always laughing with (at) me.
Shirleen – Thank you for helping me with the technicalities and your friendship.
Erin & Michelle – Thank you for helping run that Sassy bunch of readers we love so much!
Sassy Romantics – By far the best group on Facebook, you my friends are all sassy, classy and a bit smart assy! I love you!
Nerdy Little Book Herd – I love our little corner of the world and am honored to be part of this book world with you #staynerdy
Minxes – I am grateful every day for our safe place. Friendship through words.
#NerdHerd Authors– Some are lucky to find their tribe, I’m lucky to have found my herd. Thank you all for balancing my Type A self with laughter, love, and the freedom to be a mess.
Finally, my family, especially my men. I know I disappear and miss out on moments and yet, you let me. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to follow my dream.
Andrea Johnston spent her childhood with her nose in a book and a pen to paper. An avid people watcher, her mind is full of stories that yearn to be told. A fan of angsty romance with a happy ending, super sexy erotica and a good mystery, Andrea can always be found with her Kindle nearby fully charged.
Andrea lives in Idaho with her family and two dogs. When she isn’t spending time with her partner in crime aka her husband, she can be found binge watching all things Bravo and enjoying a cocktail. Nothing makes her happier than the laughter of her children, a good book, her feet in the water, and cocktail in hand all at the same time.
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