by Cora Brent
“Smokin’ hot,” he smiled, reaching over and grabbing his phone from his desk.
“Seriously? You’re gonna make a phone call right now? May I exit your crotch while you have a chat?”
“Raise your arms up,” he said, pointing the phone at me. “Now gyrate like you mean it, honey.”
“What in the fucking hell do you think you’re doing?” I was suddenly cold as ice as I jumped off him and grabbed my clothes from the floor. I clutched them to my chest while Chase lowered the phone and stared at me.
“It’s nothing, Steph. I was just having fun with you. I wanted to have something to look at when I’m suffering from separation anxiety.” He frowned when he realized I wasn’t going to give in. “I thought it turned you on to know how much I always want you. Jesus, you know you can trust me. You know that right?”
I closed my eyes. My whole body was shaking.
“Take it all off. Told you I own you, bitch. Now you make this shit look good because you’re not paid up until we all come.”
“Don’t you ever fucking do that again, you asshole!” I screamed and could barely recognize the sound of my own voice. I was gasping. I couldn’t breathe.
I heard Chase jump off the bed immediately. When I opened my eyes I expected to be met with an angry glare. I wasn’t being reasonable. Chase had no idea what had happened to me. Sure, the thing with the camera phone was an obnoxious move, but he just thought he was having fun with his girlfriend. He certainly didn’t deserve to be called an asshole.
“Stephanie,” he said and he wasn’t angry at all. He was concerned, and sad. He tore a blanket from his bed and wrapped it around my shoulders. I let him lead me back to the edge of the bed and then he pulled me into his arms, kissing my forehead. He asked me questions. He asked me who had hurt me and what had they done. I couldn’t answer any of them. Instead I did something weak and terrible, something that I knew scared the hell out of him because it was so unlike me. I leaned into his chest and cried.
“I’m here, sweetheart,” he said, stroking my hair as if I were a child. I heard the sorrow in his voice and hated the fact that I’d been frail enough to put it there. “I’m here.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Chase
I wanted blood. I just didn’t know who the hell I wanted it from or why.
Truly was puzzled to see me hanging around Cluck This in the middle of the afternoon.
“Hey, stranger,” she said when she finally got a chance to breeze past my table. “Steph’s not in until later.”
“I know. She’s in class right now.”
Truly was even more confused. “You hungry?”
“Actually I was hoping you could sit down with me for a minute and talk.”
She nodded. “I can take my break in about twenty minutes if you want to hang around.”
“Great. I’ll take a plate of cheese fries and a Dr. Pepper while I wait.”
Truly glanced at me curiously a few times. She brought my order and I poked at it. Truly almost certainly figured I was here to talk about Creed. The tension between my brother and I hadn’t dissolved and we regarded one another with stiff politeness. I knew he was sorry for hinting that my involvement with Stephanie was just a distraction meant to displace my drug addiction. He seemed awkward when we were in the same room together and I could have let him off the hook but I just didn’t feel like it yet. Anyway, I wasn’t shadowing Truly because I wanted to talk about her boyfriend. I wanted to talk about her roommate.
Finally Truly took her apron off and made her way over with a sandwich and a soda for herself. “Boy, you haven’t touched your fries.”
I shoved the plate over. “You’re welcome to them.”
“Hell no. I know what’s really in that so-called cheese.” She sipped her soda and then smiled at me. “I would tell you but then we’d lose a good customer. Plus you’d have nightmares. So what’s going on? You didn’t come here because you were hungry.”
Of course Truly and I weren’t close in the way that Saylor and I were close but I felt like I could be straight with her. She was honest and she loved Stephanie too.
“What happened to her, Truly?”
Truly Lee’s face fell. “I don’t know, Chase. I really don’t.” She paused. “I hope I’m not betraying her confidence. I don’t think I am because she never really confided in me, not about that. She came home one night sobbing and then she kind of dropped her basket for a while.”
“What does that mean?”
Truly sighed. “She lost it a little bit. Poor girl was terrified and I don’t know if it was rational or not because she wouldn’t tell me the whole story. She denied that anyone had physically touched her but she said she’d been humiliated. She used that word, humiliated. I don’t believe she was talking about something trivial. Oh Chase, I’m so glad she found her way out of this illegal gambling crap. It’s the kind of mix that brings out the worst in men and Steph shouldn’t be in the middle of that.” She cocked her head and looked at me sadly. “Is she okay?”
Since last night I hadn’t been able to shake the helpless feeling that came with watching the girl I loved suffer obvious pain because some dickhead, maybe more than one, had twisted her up in a way she couldn’t even talk about. “Maybe. Maybe not.”
“Are you okay, Chase?”
“Are you asking if I’ve been to a meeting lately? If I’m thinking about using something to get through the day?”
“No, that’s not what I meant.”
“Well the answer to both those questions is no.” I crossed my arms, feeling restless, irritable. Stephanie was working tonight. Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to drop in on a meeting.
Truly eyed me. “No one is predictable because no two people are the same. What one person can easily recover from has the power to flatten someone else. That doesn’t mean the man who got knocked over is weak. It just means-“
“Everything is variable,” I finished. “It means Creedence can walk away from the bottle with a shrug and meanwhile I need to embrace all twelve steps to have a prayer of kicking the pills.”
She touched my hand. “That’s nothing to be ashamed of, Chase.”
I didn’t want to talk about me anymore. Creed was wrong about what he’d said. He was dead wrong. “I just want to give her everything, Truly.”
That made her smile. “Just give her yourself. That’s all she really wants.”
As soon as Truly’s break was over I left some cash on the table and headed over to the Safeway parking lot to meet Al. It was Tuesday, settlement day, and I wanted my money. He was waiting by the delivery entrance, sitting on the hood of a black Nissan Maxima.
“You get your license back?” I asked.
“Finally,” he laughed, hopping off the hood. “So how come you’re not at meetings no more? You find a better crowd?”
“Nope, just been busy. My lady’s been keeping me occupied.”
Al laughed again. “So I thought. You know, some would argue that counts as a relapse.”
“Quit your bullshit. You got my money?”
Al sighed theatrically and reached through the open window of his car, withdrawing a yellow envelope. “Count it, asshole. It’s all there.”
It was indeed. One thousand six hundred dollars. I had promised myself when I called in the bet last weekend that this would be the last time. Academically, I knew sooner or later the odds would catch up to me and I would lose. But it was tough to remember that when there was so much green in my palm.
Al seemed cheerful, considering he just had to hand over a wad of cash. He leaned against his car and grinned at me. “She got a name, this lady of yours?”
“Doesn’t everyone?”
“Fine,” he chuckled. “Keep her to yourself, Gentry.”
It wasn’t the first time it had occurred to me that Al and Stephanie might know each other. The idea made me uncomfortable, like worlds colliding in a bad way. Al was a decent guy but I needed to stop betting. Keeping it from
Steph was the same as lying. I told Al this would be our last business transaction.
“Okay,” he shrugged like he didn’t believe me at all. “But you have my number if you change your mind or even if you just want to hang out and gossip about the pitfalls of post-rehab life.”
“Deal.” We shook hands and parted.
It was a nice day out. I was enjoying walking around, watching everyone and making plans for what I was going to do with my latest gambling windfall. I wanted to take my girl away for a night, away from the inconvenience of other people. The Phoenix area was a popular tourist destination and there was no shortage of luxury hotels and resorts nearby. I got excited just thinking about spending a long, uninterrupted night with Stephanie. She wasn’t working tomorrow night. It would be perfect. I would make sure of it.
When I looked around, I realized I was only a few doors away from the tattoo shop where Cordero worked. When I walked in, one of his coworkers, a guy I remembered from the wedding, was sitting up front. He greeted me with enthusiasm and told me I could have a seat while Cord finished up with a customer.
There was a gumball machine next to the reception desk. I stuck a quarter in and got a handful of colorful pieces. I shoved them all in my mouth and chewed.
After less than five minutes a bottled blonde with fake tits and other expensive things on her body came through the curtain. Cord was right behind her.
“I love it,” she was saying and I hoped it was a tattoo she was gushing about. She smiled up at my brother and stood closer than she needed to. “You do such fabulous work, Cordero. I’m considering sending all my girlfriends your way but I might just want to keep you to myself.”
Cord stared at her. I could tell he was irritated and trying not to show it. “Billy will cash you out. Remember to keep the bandage on for the rest of the day.”
The woman pressed something into his hand. Then she reached up and whispered in his ear. Cord reddened. Then he noticed me sitting there.
“Sorry to keep you waiting,” he said loudly, motioning me through the curtain.
“Have you acquired telepathic talents?” I asked when we were safely on the other side. “I didn’t know you were expecting me.”
“I just wanted to get rid of her.” He threw the business card she’d given him in the trash.
I slapped him on the back. “You’ve still got it, brother.”
“Ha! Not doing a thing with it, Chasyn. You know that.”
“I know. Saylor ain’t got nothing to worry about.”
“Damn straight.”
We reached the tiny room that served as his work area. He hunkered down on the stool and I took the customer chair while Cord watched me. “Why the hell is your mouth blue?” he asked.
I cracked my jaw open to show him the wad of chewed gum. Then I spit it all into a nearby trashcan.
“Thinking about more ink,” I told him.
“Oh yeah?” He raised his eyebrows. “What kind of ink?”
I sighed in dreamy fashion. “I want you to write Stephanie’s name in calligraphy script on my right leg, stretching from my ankle to my scrotum.”
Cord threw a pen at me. “Gross.”
“You think she’d like it?”
“I don’t think anyone would like it, least of all me.”
“Ah, well. Maybe I’ll just get some tribal shit on my shoulder.”
“That’s better.” Cord cleared his throat. “How are things these days, between you and Stephanie?”
“Great. Four alarm fabulous.”
Cord looked away. “The walls are thin, junior. I heard her yelling at you last night.”
“Oh, that. She wasn’t really yelling at me. It’s just that sometimes the sheer size of my dick still frightens her.”
My brother sighed. “Yeah, I heard her crying too. Saylor was wondering if she ought to knock on your door but I told her not to.”
“Better that way. She couldn’t have helped.” I had to ask Cord something difficult. “How do you stand it?” I blurted.
“What is ‘it’?” he asked curiously.
“How do you deal with knowing that somewhere out there the man who hurt Saylor is still walking around?”
Cord’s face turned pale. He looked down at his hands and swallowed hard. I wished to god I’d never asked that question. The answer was right in front of me in the form of my brother’s agonized face. Saylor’s ex-boyfriend had brutalized her in the worst way before she finally escaped him. Cord had confronted him once. He might have murdered him if Saylor hadn’t put a stop to it. But still, today the guy was presumably living and breathing somewhere in California. And nothing Cord said could erase what had been done to the girl he loved more than anything in the world.
Cord took a few deep breaths. His fists were clenched. He looked me in the eye. “Sometimes I can’t deal with it, Chase. I would never tell this to Saylor because it would frighten her, but I can’t promise not to kill that son of a bitch if I ever see him again.” He watched me searchingly as I absorbed his words. The he spoke softly. “Is this about why Steph was crying last night? I’ve seen enough of her to know she’s not gonna cry unless it’s a big deal.”
It hurt, the memory of her pain. “That’s the thing, Cord. I don’t know if it’s a big deal because she won’t tell me. Even Truly isn’t in the loop. And there’s no dragging something out of Stephanie. Damn, she’s like Creedence that way.”
“Speaking of our brother,” Cord said slowly, “he’s pretty down, Chase. No argument between any of us has ever gone on this long.”
“I’m not arguing with him. I saw him this morning. I even said hello.”
“You haven’t been to any of his shows in weeks.”
Cord had me there. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to see Creed perform. I loved seeing him up there on stage. My brother was amazing. He was talented and he was good-hearted. He was protective and loyal to his bones. But I was having trouble dealing with the way he evidently saw me. “Creedence thinks I’m nothing but a twitchy addict incapable of adulthood.”
Cord chuckled softly. “No he doesn’t. He spoke out of turn is all. He was wrong for what he said and he knows it but he cares about you.”
I grunted. “Yeah, I like him too.”
“Well, then do me a favor? Don’t let too much time go by before fixing this.”
“I won’t. I promise.” I stood up, realizing I needed to let him get back to work. “Think I’ll go head over to campus and catch up with Stephanie.”
He smiled at me. “You know, I never thought there’d be anything as satisfying as watching Creed get blindsided, but damn Chase, seeing you unable to even look at another girl is its own level of amazement.”
“Well,” I bowed, “I’m pleased to have entertained you.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Stephanie
He breezed into the room just as class was starting. He grinned, seeing that I’d saved him a seat, and he hopped down the steps to get to me.
“Hi,” I breathed, enjoying the usual flush of pleasure that came just from seeing him. Chase responded with a kiss. He winked and placed his hand possessively on my leg. The bad moment we’d had the other night was forgotten. Chase didn’t push me to talk about it anymore and I pretended it hadn’t happened.
“Some demons are better left muzzled in their cages. Give them a voice and you give them too much.”
“Sorry I’m late. I’ve been busy,” he whispered in my ear.
“Without me?” I whispered back.
“Can’t wait to show you what I’ve got planned for tonight.” He teasingly nipped my neck.
I let my hand wander up his thigh. “I don’t want to wait. Show me now.”
He stopped and stared at me. Sometimes Chase would pause and regard me so intently I would completely lose my train of thought. I giggled as he grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the chair, dragging me through the lecture hall and up the steps to the exit.
“Children, have I bored you a
lready?” sneered the professor in his nasal accent. The microphone he wore ensured that everyone in the room heard. They all looked at us.
“Of course not, sir,” Chase waved. “You are as captivating as ever. Let the record show this small exodus is only due to biological matters whose urgency outweighs the examination of the human psyche.”
The professor looked less than amused by Chase’s obnoxious response so I pushed him out the door into the hallway.
“You’re nuts,” I laughed. “Why don’t you put that sizeable intellect to better use?”
“What the hell do you think I’m trying to do by trudging to these hallowed halls every day?” Chase pressed me against the wall and I leaned into him, enjoying the feel of his body.
“I don’t know what’s bigger,” I breathed. “Your brain or your cock.”
Chase pretended to consider the problem. “Depends on what kind of mood I’m in. And depends on your proximity.”
My arms went around his shoulders. “So what were you busy doing?”
“Ah that.” His blue eyes sparkled. “Remember when I told you to prepare for a night away?”
“Yeah. Are we going camping or something?”
“Camping,” he scoffed, taking my hand and pulling me out of the building. “I said it was going to be romantic. You think that’s the best I could come up with?”
I shrugged. “I like camping. My dad used to take us up to the Catskills or out to the Hamptons at least a few times every summer.”
“Well I’ve had enough of sleeping outdoors. Boys and I used to camp out constantly when we were kids.”
“Because you loved the desert so much?”
“Because we didn’t want to go home.”
There were very few things Chase was unwilling to joke about and laugh over. The dark history of his childhood was the biggest one. I still had trouble picturing the place he’d come from and the things he’d endured. I only knew that most of it was terrible.
Chase wanted to hear more about my youthful family vacations and he kept trying to prod details out of me as we walked leisurely, hand in hand. Sometimes I felt a little uncomfortable under his scrutiny. I wasn’t good at telling long stories or speaking at length about any subject. Words flowed a lot more easily from Chase than they did from me.