Finding Hope at Lighthouse Cove

by Jessica Redland

  He rolled his eyes. ‘Good question. Nan decided she was too old to deal with the hassle of renting it out as a holiday home so was looking for a permanent let. Michael’s a photographer like my dad. They’d returned from a shoot in South Africa and Michael needed a place to rent so Nan agreed to let him have the cottage on the proviso that I could use it too. I’d stay over occasionally if I had appointments in this area or further north, rather than trek back home to Lincoln. Then, when Amber and I split up, it made financial sense for me to move in permanently. Work-wise it’s better because I now live in the middle of my patch instead of at the bottom. As for Michael, my dear brother is happy to take half the rent off me, but he still likes to swan about as if he owns the place. The comment he made was nothing to do with me bringing other women back. You’re the first. He thought it was “inappropriate and disrespectful” when I couldn’t sleep and put the TV on too loud. And when I burned a pizza. And when I forgot to take my washing out of the machine so he had to. It’s his favourite phrase. I think it makes him feel important. I’m sorry if he made you uncomfortable and dragged you into our little war.’

  ‘Why didn’t you move in with your dad instead of Michael? I thought you said he was local.’

  ‘I don’t get on very well with my dad either and I don’t like being in that house. My mum had leukaemia and he didn’t want her to go into a hospice, so she died there. Too many memories.’

  ‘I’m sorry about your mum.’

  ‘It was years ago.’

  I leaned over and gently kissed him. ‘Thank you. I didn’t mean to question you.’

  ‘Feel free to question me any time,’ he said. ‘I’d rather you did that than you worried I was about to hurt you like Gary did because that’s the last thing I’d ever want to do.’

  When we pulled up outside Seashell Cottage he checked I was still okay for a date the next night before kissing me again.

  Curtis had been right. I really had needed a ‘damn good shag’ as he’d put it and Daniel had absolutely delivered the goods. I danced up Kay’s path, feeling all light-headed and girly.

  18

  ✉︎ From Daniel

  Can’t stop thinking about you. Counting down the hours till I see you tonight. Bad news, though. Michael isn’t going out after all. If I cook for you, he’ll only make things awkward. Can I take you out for a meal again instead? xx

  * * *

  ✉︎ To Daniel

  Sounds great, but a bag of chips on the seafront would be fine by me xx

  * * *

  ✉︎ From Daniel

  A meal it is then! I’ll book a table at that vegan place by the harbour so perhaps we can have a walk along the beach afterwards. Can’t wait to see you later xx

  ‘Wow! You look stunning,’ Daniel said as soon as I opened the door to Seashell Cottage. He gave me a gentle kiss and, as I wrapped my arms round his neck, my heart fluttered and so did other parts of my body. I liked the sensation very much.

  ‘I don’t look too casual?’ I’d opted for some sparkly flip-flops and a long, floaty cream summer dress with small burgundy flowers embroidered round the hem and bodice.

  ‘You look perfect.’

  ‘As do you.’ He looked sexy in dark jeans and a light grey short-sleeved shirt. He smelled good too.

  Daniel took my hand as we strolled into town. I was surprised at how natural it felt to be holding another man’s hand after years of only Gary. Mind you, I’d been surprised at how natural it felt to have sex with Daniel after only ever being with Gary. I wondered whether it would have felt that way with any man or whether Daniel was extra special.

  A waitress led us to a small booth in Bean Cuisine, a restaurant overlooking the harbour at South Bay. A trio of candles in the middle of the table and a string of fairy lights across the wall provided mood lighting. The whole place had a very chilled, relaxed ambiance thanks to the lights, cushions and ambient music. ‘Good choice,’ I said.

  While we pondered the menu, my phone beeped in my bag. ‘Would it be rude if I checked that while you’re still deciding?’ I asked.

  ‘Go for it. I may be some time. It all sounds delicious.’

  ✉︎ From Gary

  Had a last-minute viewing on the house earlier. They seemed keen. Sitting here looking at everything we’ve collected over the years and feeling melancholy. I know it’s the right thing, but I hate the thought of a stranger living in our beautiful home. Hope you’re coping better than me

  ‘Something wrong?’ Daniel lowered his menu.

  I released the grip on my phone and tossed it back into my bag. ‘Just Gary about the house. Emotional stuff that I’m not going to dignify with a response.’ I understood that we needed to maintain some level of communication while we were selling the house, but why couldn’t he have stopped the text after the word ‘keen’? Why add in all that other stuff? I looked up at Daniel and smiled. ‘Sorry. It’s fine. Have you decided?’

  ‘Yes. Decision definitely made.’

  After we’d finished our main courses, I left Daniel looking at the dessert menu and nipped to the ladies, which were on a mezzanine level up a narrow metal staircase. When I came out, I waited on the landing, looking down on the restaurant, while another customer ascended the stairs. Daniel was still studying the dessert menu in our booth and a young couple were taking their seats in the next one along. I glanced at the final booth and I swear my heart skipped a beat. Gary was in it. With Rob. Gary was eating in a restaurant he’d refused to take me to. With Rob.

  Gripping onto the railing, I watched them talking animatedly. The beard had gone and Gary looked relaxed and happier than I’d seen him in years. Our waitress appeared with desserts for them. When she’d gone, Rob picked up a spoon and dipped it into his then leaned across the table and offered it to Gary who eagerly took the spoonful. Rob offered him another spoonful then Gary did the same with his dessert. He laughed and pointed at Rob’s face, indicating a bit of mess on his chin. Rob put his hand up but missed it so Gary leaned across and wiped it away with his thumb. The look that passed between them was one of absolute adoration.

  If they were on their desserts already, they had to have been in the restaurant when we arrived. Which meant that Gary hadn’t been sitting at home getting melancholy over our house selling when he’d texted me; he’d been dining with his boyfriend ten feet away from me. So we’d split up and still the lies continued. Why? What did he possibly have to gain from sending that text?

  My legs shook with each stair I descended and I clung tightly to the handrail, desperately hoping that my legs wouldn’t betray me and give way altogether.

  I stupidly stole one more glance in their direction and, at that very moment, Gary looked across. The smile faded from his face and I saw his lips move with my name. Rob turned too. Gary stood up and started towards me, but I put my hand up in a stop signal and shook my head. He nodded and slowly backed towards his seat, keeping his eyes on me.

  Daniel stood up. ‘Are you okay? You don’t look well.’

  I reached for my bag. ‘May we skip dessert? Actually, can we go?’

  ‘Of course. Do you need some water?’

  ‘Just some air. I’ll meet you outside.’

  ‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Daniel sat on the bench beside me, overlooking the harbour.

  I bit my lip. ‘Yes. But can we go for that walk?’

  ‘We certainly can. Where do you want to go? Along the beach? To the lighthouse?’

  ‘The tide’s out so Lighthouse Cove, please,’ I said. ‘I’ll explain what happened when we get there.’

  I held Daniel’s hand as we silently and slowly walked over the swing bridge. The anger eased with each step and I felt much calmer by the time we made our way down the steps onto the beach at Lighthouse Cove.

  ‘Gary was in the restaurant,’ I said as we stepped onto the sand. The beach was deserted – exactly how I liked it.

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘In his text, he said that he was at home
and feeling emotional about selling up yet he had to have sent it from the restaurant.’

  ‘More lies.’

  I nodded. ‘You know how I feel about lies. The one he told in the text was so pointless.’ I kicked at a half-collapsed sandcastle. ‘The text was bad enough, but what really threw me was seeing them together behaving in a way that he never behaved with me. They were sharing desserts. He always refused to share food with me. He said you should be satisfied with your own choice and not expect to take someone else’s and that sharing a spoon passed on germs. Mind you, he also said showers were for soaping not shagging. And he never deviated from his three favourite restaurants when we dined out yet there he was eating in a restaurant he refused to take me to.’

  We’d reached the caves. I stopped walking and turned to stare at the dark waves lapping onto the distant shore. The tide was fully out and the sun had set, leaving an orange tinge in the darkening sky. The beauty around me helped to soothe my mood. Keeping my eyes on the sky, I said, ‘What really hurts is that he’s doing all these things with Rob that he would never do with me and he looks so relaxed and happy about it. It’s more proof that our marriage was obviously a living hell for him. I had no idea I was making him so miserable so I feel like such a failure.’

  Daniel stood behind me, wrapped his arms round my waist and put his cheek against mine. ‘Just remember that it wasn’t you who made Gary miserable. If he felt that way, it was because he was lying to himself about his sexuality. You could do nothing to change that.’

  I sighed. ‘I know. But it still hurts.’

  ‘I wish I could take your pain away, but only time will do that,’ he whispered. ‘But if you’re willing to give me time, I’ll do everything I can to try to make things better for you.’ He gently kissed my cheek. The touch of his lips was so tender that it sent butterflies fluttering throughout my whole body again.

  ‘Are you cold?’ He ran his hands up and down my bare arms. ‘You’re shivering.’

  ‘I’m not cold. It’s the effect you have on me. I mean that in a good way. Do you really want to try and take my pain away?’

  ‘Of course.’

  I twisted round to face him. ‘Can we re-enact yesterday morning? Right here.’ With Gary, it had always been the missionary position in a bed and, if he could try different things, so could I. And what I was suggesting was far more adventurous than a vegan restaurant or sharing desserts.

  Daniel’s eyes lit up. ‘You want to partake in a little sex on the beach? I think I can be persuaded. Are you sure? What if someone sees us?’

  ‘Isn’t that part of the excitement?’

  ‘You’re an amazing woman, Elise.’ Daniel kissed me on the forehead as we lay on the cool sand looking up at the dark sky. ‘And you’re full of surprises.’

  ‘Good ones, I hope.’

  ‘Very good ones.’

  ‘I might actually have surprised myself tonight,’ I admitted. ‘I’ve never done anything like this before. Not only was my sex life pretty much non-existent, it wasn’t very adventurous either.’

  ‘We’ll have to rectify that, then. Assuming you want to.’

  I kissed his bare chest. ‘Definitely. But tell me if I do things wrong, won’t you?’

  Daniel laughed and held me tightly. ‘God, I love you.’

  I gasped. ‘What did you say?’

  ‘Erm… Something I didn’t mean to say out loud so soon. I haven’t scared you, have I?’

  ‘No, you haven’t scared me.’

  We lay there in silence, hands entwined, looking up at the stars. At that moment, I felt happy, which was a surprise given how low I’d felt an hour earlier. Love or not, Daniel was good for me. As was hearing it from the man first. I would always regret being the first to tell Gary I loved him.

  I turned onto my side and traced my finger across Daniel’s lips. ‘This is really short notice, but I don’t suppose you’d be my plus one at my sister’s wedding a week on Saturday? I’ve been dreading going alone.’

  He kissed my fingers. ‘I’d be honoured to.’

  ‘Really? You’d do that?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Thank you. I was worried about being bombarded with questions about Gary. Hopefully having you by my side will mean some of the guests are a bit more tactful.’

  ‘Did you say you’re a bridesmaid?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Then I’m sure you will be the centre of attention, but it will because you outshine the bride rather than because you’re the subject of the latest gossip.’

  I laughed. ‘I don’t think I’ll outshine our Jess, but I appreciate the sentiment.’

  Daniel shivered. ‘I’m a bit cold now. Can we relocate? I know a little place up the coast. One of the occupants is a bit grumpy, but the other one has some moves he’d like to show you.’

  I giggled. ‘Now there’s an offer I can’t refuse.’ I grabbed my bag and flip-flops then scrambled to my feet. ‘Race you to the car.’

  ‘Oi! Cheat!’ Daniel grabbed his belongings and raced after me as I squealed like a little girl. Suddenly, next Saturday didn’t seem like the terrifying ordeal I’d started to build it up as.

  19

  ✉︎ From Gary

  Lawton’s have just booked a viewing for 3pm. Still no offer from that other couple. They obviously weren’t that keen after all. I wish you’d respond to my texts. I’ve already apologised a million times. It was wrong of me to send that text, but I can’t change what’s done. You must really hate me to keep ignoring me like this

  * * *

  ✉︎ To Gary

  I don’t hate you. I just hate what you’ve done to us. It’s Jess’s wedding today so it’s about them, not you. Please don’t text me again today unless it’s to say we have an offer

  * * *

  ✉︎ From Gary

  Sorry. The date hadn’t registered. Please congratulate Jess & Lee. I hope they have a great day. Hope you don’t get too many questions about us

  * * *

  ✉︎ To Gary

  They can ask as many questions as they want, but I’ll just introduce them to my gorgeous new boyfriend and they’ll be able to see I’ve moved on. Please stop texting

  I bit my lip as I put my phone back in my bag. That had been a bit mean, but then again, it wasn’t as mean as making out that he was devastated about the house selling when he was really out having fun with his boyfriend.

  Megan giggling in the lounge made me smile and instantly snapped me out of my dark mood. She had such an infectious laugh and it was so much better to hear that than the excitable high-pitched squealing she’d been doing ten minutes earlier as she raced around Jess’s bedroom. Suspecting it was only a matter of time before she fell, smashed something, or ripped someone’s clothes, Izzy had lured her daughter into the lounge with promises of Peppa Pig and a tub of grapes.

  Knocking lightly, I pushed Jess’s bedroom door open. ‘It’s only me and I promise not to run laps around your room.’

  She was on her own, standing in front of the full-length mirror, looking quite emotional. ‘I still can’t believe it’s my wedding day today.’

  ‘Well, it is, and you look absolutely stunning.’ I flounced her veil. ‘That dress is so flattering.’

  She smiled and twirled. ‘I must have had some sort of sixth sense when I picked an empire line dress. Perfect style for hiding my stomach.’

  ‘You can’t tell that you’re pregnant with twins at all.’

  ‘Only because I ordered a bigger size, thank goodness.’ She pulled the dress tightly across her stomach, revealing a small baby bump, and looked down. ‘Now, you two, listen to Mummy carefully. I know you’ve started your flutterings, but Mummy doesn’t like them. Makes me feel like I’m on a rollercoaster. So please be nice to me on my wedding day and hold off on the weird stuff. Can you do that?’ She cocked her head. ‘I’ll take the silence as agreement. Thank you.’

  I laughed. ‘You’ve really started flutterings?’

&
nbsp; ‘Tuesday was the first. I like being able to feel the babies, but I don’t like the actual sensation. It freaks me out a bit.’ She reached out and took my hand, her face suddenly serious. ‘Are you really okay about today? Without Gary, I mean.’

  I sat down on the edge of the bed and indicated that she should join me. I took her hand. ‘Today is your day, Jess. Enjoy it. Please don’t spend a single moment of it worrying about me.’

  She squeezed my hand. ‘If you’re sure…?’

  ‘I’m sure.’

  Jess smiled. ‘And your new man, Daniel, is serious?’

  ‘I don’t think I could cope with “serious” after what I’ve just been through. I’m enjoying it, though. He’s good for me. I think you’ll like him.’

  ‘If you like him then I’ll like him.’

  ‘Thank you. I’m in a good place right now, so you really don’t need to worry about me.’

  ‘I’ll always worry about you,’ she said. ‘That’s what sisters are for.’

  I laughed as we hugged each other. I really meant it when I said I was in a good place. Daniel was helping, a couple of nights out with Sarah had helped too, and that old cliché of time had worked wonders. The only major blip at the moment was the delights of a day with my mother.

  Right on cue, the bedroom door opened. ‘Ah, there’s the two of you. The divorcee and the pregnant one. I couldn’t be prouder.’

  I gritted my teeth and fought the urge to correct her appalling grammar. ‘Hello, Mother. You made it! And here was me thinking the wedding car would be making a stop at the pub to collect you en route.’

  She scowled at me. ‘I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.’