Finding Hope at Lighthouse Cove

by Jessica Redland

  Sarah shrugged. ‘If you can call a distance relationship of thousands of miles where they never see each other strong, then I guess they are.’

  I unwrapped another gift. ‘You really don’t like her, do you?’

  ‘No. Actually, that’s a lie. There’s nothing to dislike about her. She’s a lovely person, but she never seems to have time for Ben and it winds me up. I get that she goes abroad a lot with her various humanitarian endeavours and I think it’s amazing that someone can be so giving, but she comes back home often too, and she doesn’t always bother meeting up with Ben. How can you call that a relationship?’

  She looked at what I’d unpacked and frowned. ‘I’m missing some. Can you do me a favour and go into The Outback and see if there’s another box in the store cupboard? I’ll check that I’ve definitely got one of each out of this box.’

  I headed into The Outback – a storage area out the back of the shop – and found a taped-up box dumped on the floor.

  ‘Found it!’ I picked it up and walked back into the shop. ‘Or at least I think this is it.’

  But Sarah wasn’t paying attention. She was staring out of the window.

  ‘What are you looking at?’

  She turned to me, eyes wide. ‘Oh, Elise, don’t…’

  I looked out of the window to where a young blonde woman and a dark-haired man were passionately kissing and groping each other in the middle of Castle Street. ‘Wow! They should get a room!’ It was only when they moved slightly that I was able to see him clearly. I gasped. ‘That’s Daniel. That’s Daniel kissing another woman.’

  ‘I know. I’m so sorry.’

  I felt the energy drain from my body as I witnessed, once again, an act of complete and utter betrayal. I caught hold of Sarah’s arm to steady myself.

  ‘Are you going to confront him?’

  I let go of her arm, stood tall, and shook my head. ‘What’s the point? What could he possibly say that would make this situation any better?’ I turned away from the window, teeth grinding. ‘Let’s get on with the re-stocking. Shall I open this box?’

  ‘We can do this later,’ Sarah said gently. ‘It’s not important.’

  ‘It is. I promised I’d help and that’s what I’m going to do.’ I knelt down, ripped the tape off the top, then looked out the window again. They’d set off down the street, arms round each other. ‘So it turns out that, as well as thumping people, Daniel can add being a two-timing cheating little shit to his CV, just like my ex-husband. But I picked myself up after Gary and I’ll pick myself up after this.’

  ‘You’re not upset?’

  Was I? I was upset that I’d been lied to. Again. But was I upset at seeing Daniel with someone else? Not really. Just a bit resigned. ‘I don’t think I am. I don’t think I’m in a place where I trust men at the moment. I think part of me expected this to happen.’

  ‘Not all men are like that, you know.’

  ‘I know. Nick isn’t. Stevie isn’t. Our Jess’s Lee isn’t. Unfortunately, I seem to be a magnet for them.’ I started removing the contents of the box.

  ‘Elise…’

  I sat back on my heels and looked up at her. ‘Do I have a tattoo on my forehead that says, “Please betray me”? What’s wrong with me?’

  Sarah sat down beside me and gave me a gentle nudge. ‘You know it’s them and not you. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve just been really unlucky.’

  ‘I won’t rush out and buy a lottery ticket then,’ I said. ‘Look, Sarah, I’m actually okay with this. It’s not like I was head over heels in love with him, is it?’

  Poor Sarah looked like she was about to cry.

  ‘Honestly. I’m fine. I don’t really want to talk about it now, although I may do later. I need to think it through and work out how I feel first. Right now, I have no idea if I’m angry, upset, or relieved it’s over.’

  ‘It’s definitely over?’

  ‘Oh yes! Definitely. I know you and Stevie must think I’m crazy to have stayed after the incident and maybe I was, but he seemed so genuinely sorry and I never, ever felt threatened by him or I’d have been out of there like a shot. This time, I don’t care what excuses he has, it’s over. Can you just promise me one thing?’

  ‘Anything?’

  ‘After Rob and now Daniel, promise me you’ll never introduce me to any more of your friends.’ I winked at her so she could be assured that I wasn’t angry with her.

  ‘I promise.’

  The re-organising took us a lot longer than expected so I dipped out to buy a couple of bags of chips when Sarah’s stomach rumbled loudly. It was a relief to escape from her sympathetic glances and unspoken questions.

  It was past eleven when I got back to Seashell Cottage, but Kay wasn’t home. The empty cottage seemed to amplify my troubled thoughts. I sat in the lounge in darkness trying to make sense of what I’d seen that evening and, more importantly, how I felt about it.

  Deep down, I’d known it was over when he punched Stevie. I’d been having doubts anyway, and that was really the final straw, yet I hadn’t ended it. I’d steadily pulled away, though. We’d kissed, but I’d managed to avoid going any further. I’d wanted to be clear in my mind whether I really enjoyed Daniel’s company or just our sex life. I’d been fairly sure it was the latter. My resigned reaction to Daniel’s PDA outside Seaside Blooms confirmed my suspicions that I wasn’t into him anymore. As I’d said to Stevie before Daniel thumped him, he wasn’t my soulmate and, having had that with Gary (despite how it ended), I wanted that again. I wasn’t prepared to compromise and settle for ‘like’ instead of ‘love’.

  I took my phone out of my bag and switched it off silent. It instantly beeped. Six missed calls and three texts from Jess all insisting I ring her whatever time I picked up the message. My pulse raced and I paced the lounge floor as I waited for the phone to connect.

  ‘Are you okay? Are the twins okay?’ I cried as soon as she answered.

  ‘We’re all fine. Sorry for scaring you. I should have said it wasn’t baby-related.’

  Phew! I slumped onto the sofa. ‘Thank goodness. So why the urgency?’

  Jess sighed. ‘I’m sorry, but there’s no easy way to say this other than to come straight out with it.’

  I sat forward, my stomach churning. ‘Come out with what?’

  ‘I only found out tonight and, believe me, I’ve given her a right mouthful.’

  ‘Who?’

  ‘Izzy. I’m really sorry, but she had sex with Daniel at my wedding.’

  Wow!

  I think Jess was more upset than me, but the news hadn’t really surprised me after what I’d witnessed earlier. I was angry with him – with them both – and I felt sickened that he’d returned to our room for sex with me too. I bet he’d loved that conquest. Two bridesmaids in one night? Sick.

  Having reassured Jess that I was fine, I stood up with the intention of going to bed to put a close to a hideous day, but my phone beeped again:

  ✉︎ From Daniel

  Hope you had fun with Sarah. Nice meal? I pushed the boat out and had spaghetti on toast LOL! Watched the latest Bond film again but would have rather been snuggled up with you. Missed you loads xx

  You lying little… Right, that’s it! I grabbed my bag and keys and stormed out of the cottage. I don’t think I’ve ever driven so fast in my whole life or ground my teeth so much. My jaw hurt by the time I screeched to a halt outside Daniel’s cottage. I leapt out of Bertie, ran to the front door, and banged on it just like I’d done after the incident with Stevie.

  Michael opened the door. ‘Elise? What are you doing here?’

  ‘Is he in?’

  Michael shrugged. ‘I’ve just walked through the door myself. Are you okay?’

  ‘No. I’m fuming with Daniel right now. Can I come in?’

  He stepped back to let me pass then closed the door. ‘He hasn’t thumped another of your friends, has he?’

  ‘No. Worse. Well, maybe not worse. Different. Still bad.’<
br />
  ‘Do you want to go up to his room?’

  Did I? A flashback of Gary and Rob in the shower entered my mind. I really didn’t want to add Daniel and Whoever She Was to that album of images I’d rather forget. ‘No. Can you shout him down? Don’t tell him I’m here, though.’

  I could tell from the concerned expression on Michael’s face that he wanted to ask more questions. With a sigh, he headed to the bottom of the staircase and shouted, ‘Daniel. Get your arse down here. Now!’

  Silence.

  ‘Daniel!’ He ran up a few stairs and banged on the wall separating the staircase from Daniel’s bedroom. ‘Daniel! Down here. Now!’

  He ran back down the stairs and whispered, ‘Do you want me to leave?’

  ‘No. This won’t take long.’

  ‘What the hell’s got into you?’ Daniel stomped down the stairs wearing only a towel round his waist. ‘What do you think you’re—’ His eyes widened as he spotted me. ‘Elise?’ The quick shift of his eyes back up the stairs told me exactly what I’d suspected; he’d brought her home.

  ‘You don’t look pleased to see me,’ I said.

  ‘Sorry. Of course I am.’ He moved towards me but didn’t touch me. ‘I’m a bit surprised, that’s all. I was just dozing off.’

  ‘Oh, I very much doubt that,’ I said. ‘Unless that’s a euphemism with which I’m unfamiliar.’

  ‘You’ve done it again, haven’t you?’ Michael snapped, shaking his head at Daniel. ‘What the hell’s wrong with you?’

  I flinched at his tone. And the use of the word ‘again’.

  ‘I don’t know what you mean.’ Daniel looked at me, all wide-eyed and innocent, but then Whoever She Was ruined it for him.

  ‘Danny? What are you doing down there? Come back to bed.’ She appeared round the corner of the staircase, dressed only in one of Daniel’s thin white work shirts, which left nothing to the imagination. Hmm. Not a natural blonde.

  Daniel looked at her then me.

  ‘I think we’re done,’ I said. ‘Don’t you?’

  ‘Elise, I—’

  I raised my hand to silence him. ‘Spare me the apologies. Just answer me one question. Why did you do it?’

  He shrugged. ‘Because you weren’t giving me any.’

  ‘And whose fault was that? It’s not a good enough excuse, Daniel. Got any more?’

  He shrugged again. ‘Because I could.’

  I heard Michael’s sharp intake of breath beside me.

  ‘Because you could?’ I said. ‘Really?’

  ‘I didn’t promise you anything, babe. I thought you knew it was a bit of fun, but you took the fun part away so what do you expect?’

  ‘What about at Jess’s wedding? I hadn’t taken the “fun part away” then?’

  ‘You know about that?’ He looked shocked and perhaps a little guilty. Then he crossed my arms and gave me a smug grin. ‘Well, we never agreed we were exclusive and you had abandoned me if you remember.’

  Not exclusive? What did he think being in a relationship meant? It was on the tip of my tongue to say that and to remind him that he’d said he loved me on several occasions and had begged me to stay after he’d punched Stevie, but it might hurt Whoever She Was hovering on the landing looking very embarrassed and uncomfortable. What was the point?

  ‘Yes, well, fun’s definitely over now. Goodbye Daniel.’

  I turned and paced towards the door. I’d almost closed it when I heard Michael say, ‘You stupid fucking idiot. Don’t you ever learn? Elise, wait!’

  He caught me as I reached Bertie. ‘I’m so sorry,’ he said.

  ‘Don’t be. You tried to warn me, but I snapped at you for interfering.’

  ‘I should have tried harder. Direct approach instead of subtle hints. Just like you asked.’

  ‘Please don’t beat yourself up about it. I probably wouldn’t have listened to you. I’d like to listen now, though. Tell me, did Daniel’s marriage end because Amber was having an affair? Or because Daniel was?’ I felt I needed to know the truth so I could get absolute closure… and know exactly how much of a mug I’d been. Again!

  ‘Given tonight’s little episode, what do you think?’

  ‘I think you need to tell me what you know. Hop in. Is there somewhere nearby where we can park and talk?’

  ‘There’s a car park about a mile further up the coast road. I don’t know everything. As you know, I try to have as little to do with my brother as possible, but I’ll tell you what I can.’

  We drove to the car park, which I recognised as a popular starting point for a walk over the moors, and Michael told me what he knew about Daniel’s marriage. Apparently Amber hadn’t been Daniel’s girlfriend; she’d been Michael’s. Daniel had made it clear from the outset that he wanted her, but Michael was confident that his little brother would get over it and find his own partner. After they’d been together for four years, Michael had an amazing rare opportunity to join his dad for a six-month photography project in the Galapagos Islands. He didn’t want to leave Amber, but she insisted he went. To ensure she was clear of his love for her, he proposed to her first, but while he was away, Daniel took it upon himself to make sure she wasn’t lonely. Literally. When he returned, Michael could tell that something had gone on between them. It didn’t take much probing. Wracked with guilt, Amber told him she’d been unfaithful and didn’t deserve to marry him. She returned the ring. Devastated, he accepted another overseas project and was in South America within a week.

  ‘It took me a few months to acknowledge that, even though she’d slept with my brother, I still loved her and wanted to marry her,’ Michael said. ‘I knew what Daniel was like and I knew he’d have worn her down and filled her head with doubts about my fidelity while I was away. I decided to come home and beg her forgiveness. But when I phoned Dad to tell him my plans, he told me that I was too late. Amber had discovered she was pregnant and had married Daniel.’

  ‘No! That’s awful. What did you do?’

  ‘I stayed in South America for another three months. Amber miscarried the baby. A few weeks after I came back, I bumped into her and she looked terrible. I insisted on taking her for a drink and she told me that she believed Daniel was seeing someone else. Somehow she and I made it back to being friends. We’d regularly meet for coffee, but every story about my brother’s infidelity was like a knife through the heart.’ His words were thick with emotion and I could tell he still really cared for her, despite everything she and his brother had put him through.

  ‘He told me she’d been seeing a neighbour,’ I said. ‘Jake, I think.’

  Michael shook his head. ‘Amber was seeing Jake, but as his client. He’s a counsellor. She started suffering from anxiety attacks and a form of agoraphobia brought on by fear of being out and seeing Daniel with another woman. A friend referred her to Jake and he was amazing with her. It took a couple of years, but he got her to the point where she was strong enough to throw Daniel out and demand a divorce.’

  I sighed. So many lies. ‘Daniel said Amber’s pregnant with Jake’s baby now and that seeing them together triggered the incident with my friend Stevie. All lies?’

  He nodded. ‘He really said that? Amber’s not with Jake and she’s certainly not pregnant by him or anyone else. She was expecting again three years ago, but my wonderful brother forced her into having a termination. She wasn’t in a good place with her nerves and he convinced her that she’d be a terrible mother. I think it was the regret from that which spurred her onto finally agreeing to an appointment with Jake.’

  Michael sighed, sat back in the passenger seat, and ran his hand across his stubble. ‘I know he’s my brother, but I hope you can see why I hate him. I hate him for taking Amber away from me, but the part that really grinds is that, once he’d won her, he didn’t want her. He turned a lovely, caring woman into a nervous wreck. What sort of person plays with someone else’s life like that?’

  I didn’t know what to say. What could I say to him? Daniel hadn’t
just played with Amber’s life, he’d played with Michael’s too and now he was doing it all over again with me, Izzy, Whoever She Was, and anyone else he might be stringing along.

  Michael twisted round in his seat. ‘Sorry, Elise, I think I may just have gone off on one and wallowed in my own sorrows, completely forgetting that he’s hurt you too. How are you feeling?’

  ‘Like all men are liars and I’m a really bad judge of character.’

  ‘Sounds like Daniel isn’t the only one who’s done a number on you. Feel like off-loading?’

  We sat in Bertie with only the moonlight to take the edge off the darkness and talked about Gary and Rob, and Daniel and Amber.

  ‘I hoped you’d see sense and ditch him after he thumped your friend,’ he said. ‘I could see you were better than all the others.’

  I squirmed. ‘All the others?’

  ‘Sorry. They usually only lasted a night or two, but there’ve been at least four since you met him, although that one back there may have been a new one. They start to blend together after a while.’

  ‘Four? Wow! I am such a mug.’

  ‘No, you’re not. Daniel’s the mug.’

  Silence engulfed us as I stared into the blackness and digested Michael’s revelations. At least I didn’t love Daniel. What an idiot I’d been, though. Four or five since we met? Was Izzy included in that? Good grief!

  ‘I’m sorry I was off with you when we first met,’ Michael said, breaking the silence.

  I smiled. ‘I understand why. I have a confession to make, though.’

  ‘Oh yes?’

  ‘I was a little bit scared of you.’

  Michael laughed loudly. ‘Sorry, I probably shouldn’t laugh at that. I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but I think scary is a first for me. And how do you feel about me now?’

  I felt a shift in the atmosphere, as though my next words could forever change things between us. My pulse quickened and my lips dried. I looked into his moonlit eyes. ‘Still a little scared,’ I whispered. ‘But perhaps for a different reason.’

  We stared at each other. His breathing was rapid like mine. His face edged closer. Mine did too. Any moment, our lips would meet.