by Jo Zebedee
“Why is it so important he finds out? I mean, he knows his mother blended two powerful psychers– isn’t that enough?”
Silom paused before saying. “He’s frightened he won’t always be able to control his powers. That they’ll get too strong, take him over.”
The image of the headless body flashed before her. Kare did that– it was hard to believe. She’d been kissing him earlier, had wanted him to stay, and it turned out he could have killed her as easily as kiss her. The thought made her stomach turn over, like she was ill. She took a sly, sideways glance at Silom. He was able to handle it, so why couldn’t she?
“Silom, I like him,” she said. It felt odd, admitting to it. Normally she kept feelings to herself, too well trained by her father to allow anything that could be used against her be known openly.
“That’s good. He’s a nice guy.”
“But, how do I handle it?” They reached the hospital and Sonly palmed the door pad, waiting for it to recognise her and admit them. “How do you?”
Silom pushed the door open and looked at her sideways. “Are you serious about him?”
“I’d like to be,” she said. “But I need to know I can deal with what he can do.”
Silom looked her up and down, before he nodded. “Okay, the first thing you have to know is he will always have a sense of how you’re feeling. He calls it his buzz, and can’t turn it off. So if you’re sad, he’ll know it; if you’re in a good mood, he’ll pick it up. I tell myself it’s not knowing my thoughts, it’s just like being with someone who’s very tuned in.”
“How do I hide anything from him?” She couldn’t imagine how it would feel, to be with someone who had no regard for the privacy she’d worked so hard to cultivate in the midst of a teeming base. Something of her uncertainty must have shown, because Silom gave a vigorous shake of his head.
“Not like that. He won’t read your mind. I’ve never, ever known him to. Well, once when he was about eight, he tried to change Mum’s mind about something. She sensed him, gave him the dressing down from hell– she had a bit of a temper– and he’s never done it since.”
The base entrance opened and the trolley pushed past them. Kare was pale, almost the colour of the sheet, and unmoving. A mask was over his mouth, but even so, his chest rose and fell with the shallowest of breaths. Everything they were talking about, what Kare could or couldn’t do, might not matter. She’d spent months pussyfooting around him, following protocol and keeping her distance. She’d been an idiot. She trembled and Silom’s hand reached out and took her elbow, giving her support. They fell into place behind the medics and followed them to the ward. Silom pushed forward and spoke to the doctors, but Sonly hung back; there was no point in crowding the doctors. She brought her hand to her throat as she watched, knowing it was an excuse. She wasn’t going forward because she didn’t want to claim him as hers.
Silom walked back. “Do you want a coffee? They’re going to give him a transfusion, and it’ll take a while.”
“A transfusion? So he’ll be all right?”
Silom paused. “He’s stable. They had to stop on the way over, and…. ”
“And what?” she asked, her heart beating too fast, making her dizzy and sick.
“They had to resuscitate him.”
Her heart skipped a beat, fluttering in her chest, making her gulp against the eerie feeling. “I thought it was nearly impossible to kill a psycher.” But she knew the truth. The bullet had ripped through his skin; his blood had run into Silom’s shirt, covered her cardigan. That wasn’t someone who was immortal.
“They killed his dad. Being blown up does that to any man. If Kare loses too much blood, he’ll die. If they take a head shot at him, they’ll kill him. It’s a little harder, that’s true, but he’s flesh and blood, the same as you or me.” He nodded down at her wound. “I told the doctor you were injured; someone’s going to come and have a look.”
She sat on a bench as he selected two coffee pods from a supply on the windowsill. He snapped them open and handed her one. She cradled it in her hands, taking comfort from the warmth. Silom sat beside her, bare-chested, and she wondered if he was cold. His hand was shaking as he brought the coffee to his lips, and she was glad neither of them was sitting alone.
“You know, he will be all right,” Silom said. “Once he gets his powers back, you’ll be amazed what he can do. The first time I found out he was a psycher, he was hovering a couple of foot in the air, drinking a glass of water. With no hands.” He looked at her and grinned. “When he saw me, he forgot what he was doing, fell and dumped the water on his head. He’s not exaggerating what he can do, and while he says he’s crap at healing– I think it’s because Karia was so good– to you and me it’ll look like a miracle.”
“The finger?” The trails of blood running from it, the shine of bone.
“I doubt if he can do anything with that; growing one back goes beyond healing. I think.”
“Do we know who the attackers were?” These were all questions she should have asked before she’d come to the hospital. Her leg could have waited.
“Looked like Star ops to me. If it was a squad, there’d have been six of them. One was probably a psycher, given who the target was.”
“Are they all dead?” she asked, still finding it hard to believe Kare had carried this out and proved to be so deadly. She wondered what Eevan was making of it all.
“I don’t think he’ll have left them in the position to come back for him.”
Sonly shivered. Did she want to know Kare better? Or should she say this is close enough, and she couldn’t go any further. She looked down the corridor, at the door they’d taken him through. She thought of him in the apartment, kissing her, how it had been so right, and glanced back at Silom.
“What we were talking about earlier? Coping strategies.” He nodded. “Keep going, as many as you can tell me, please.”
Later, after they’d treated her leg, they let her visit Kare. She’d thought he would be asleep, or so drugged he’d make no sense. Instead, he was sitting up and his colour was coming back. He had a drip in his arm, though, and looked exhausted.
“You seem a lot better,” she said.
“I’ll be fine. How’s your leg? You’re limping.”
“It’s a graze,” she said. “It’s been treated.”
“Do you want me to fix it?”
“No,” she said, sharply. “It’s okay.”
Silom came in and walked up to Kare, his fists bunched. “You’re an asshole,” he said.
“Call it as it is, Silom,” replied Kare. He faced Silom, not backing down, and it was Silom who looked away first, throwing himself into the chair beside the bed.
“What the hell were you doing? Hadn’t you scanned?” Silom asked.
“No, I hadn’t. I was in a very unusual place for me: a relaxed mood. This’ll teach me, but I’d had a good night, a promotion, a…” he glanced at Sonly and gave a small, private smile. “Anyway, I fucked up, I wasn’t careful enough.”
“And the tab? When were you planning to tell us?”
Kare looked between Silom and Sonly. “It was found, then. I hadn’t planned to tell anyone, anytime. I guess you know that.”
“The colonel intends to talk to you about it,” said Silom. Kare winced. “One thing that’s going into place is a security team.”
“A security team can be infil– ”
Silom cut across his words. “Shut up. For once, Kare, shut up and listen. You nearly died. Okay?” Slowly, Kare nodded. “The infiltration argument is just an excuse, one that people buy. I know that you’d prefer to ignore this and hope it’ll go away. But, it won’t. Okay?”
“Go on,” said Kare. His voice was clipped, but he didn’t look away from Silom.
“I’m going to head up the team for you. I did some extra training on personal security. And, before you make some smart comment, no, I didn’t do it for a fucking hobby. The one person you can trust– the only person you c
an– is me.”
“You can’t,” said Kare. “What about Kym?”
“I talked to her on the way in. We’ll see each other when she’s on base leave; maybe at some stage she’ll ask for a transfer. It’s fine.” He swallowed, and looked away, just for a moment. “Besides, I don’t know how close I want to get. You know, after…”
“Liane. That was a long time ago, Silom. You have to let it go sometime.”
“Like you let things go?” Silom made a cutting gesture with his hand. “Leave it. It’s enough for you to know I will be staying here, on the team.”
Kare’s mouth tightened into a thin line. “No. I’ll refuse it.”
Silom glared at him. “It’s not up for discussion. You’re targeted. Star ops don’t expose themselves to this level of risk for nothing.” He paused. “Plus, I get a promotion, and it’s better than a training role.”
“They were Star ops?”
“You didn’t know?” asked Silom.
“I wasn’t sure. They knocked me out, and when I came round they were taking my finger off. They had been planning to take me, but couldn’t once the port closed. So they changed tack and decided to give me some encouragement to bring myself in later. They said it would be a reminder for me, that I wouldn't forget I was wanted in Abendau.”
“They did a clean job,” Silom said, and Kare looked at him, his mouth open.
“Glad it meets your professional approval. It still hurt. A lot.”
“What happened then?”
“They said they’d take something else, something precious, so I would never forget what my actions had cost. I asked what, and they said I should have asked who." He looked at Sonly and gave a sad smile. "I knew who it would have to be. I broke their psycher’s neck, shielded myself, and dealt with the others.”
“You took out six Star ops,” Silom said, and Sonly could hear the respect in his voice.
“Only if you count their psycher. I was pretty desperate– it’s a good motivator. You’re right, though, I was lucky not to be taken. Whoever realised I was missing did a good job; if the port hadn’t closed I’d be halfway to Abendau by now.”
“It was Lichio,” said Sonly.
Kare groaned. “I hoped you wouldn’t say that.”
She managed a half smile at that, but Silom remained grim-faced.
“Why the hell weren’t you shielded at the end?” Silom asked.
Kare looked away.
“He had shielded me instead,” admitted Sonly. “Why, Kare?”
“Do you need to ask? Or can we just leave it that it seemed right at the time.”
Silom made a disgusted noise and Kare turned back to him, a flash of annoyance in his eyes.
“You know why.” Kare ducked his head a little, and then lifted it again, facing his cousin squarely. “I’m not having others being taken for me. Besides, I didn’t think he’d try to kill me; the Empress doesn’t want that.”
“I don’t think he knew it was you,” said Sonly. “You were silhouetted.”
“That makes sense,” Kare said, and put his hand on his chest. “He certainly didn’t shoot to miss.”
Silom stood up. “I’m going to go, and let you think about things. You need to decide how you’re going to deal with this, and that doesn’t include ignoring it anymore.”
“It’s one incident,” Kare protested.
“You’ve had a tracker placed, and a tab. Now a Star ops team. And Corun. That’s not one incident.”
Kare put his head down and ran his hands through his hair, massaging his temples with the balls of his hands. When he looked up, his eyes were scared, almost haunted.
“You can’t have a base this size without some leaks,” he said.
Silom’s hands clenched into fists, and for a moment Sonly wondered if he would actually hit Kare. He unclenched them.
“They got a Star ops team in,” said Silom. “That takes more than a spy. They sent them in for one person. And do you know what?”
Kare shook his head.
“It’s for someone I don’t want them to get. Please, at least try to think of a different future, do what you can to stop it. Please."
Kare glanced at Sonly and then back at Silom.
“Enough,” he said, his voice tight. “I’ll cooperate.”
“I’ll hold you to it,” said Silom, nodding towards Sonly. “I even have a witness. I’ll see you later.”
Sonly sat where Silom had been. “He’s not happy,” she said.
“I noticed,” Kare replied, dryly. “Silom’s over-protective, that’s all. I’ll talk to him about this security thing, though, see if he’ll back down if I agree to take a team. He shouldn’t have to stay here just because of me.”
“He knows you’re in danger.” But what sort of danger? What wouldn’t he talk about? “I’ve never known them to come into the base before. We’re worried, to be honest.”
“Please,” he said, “I really have had enough. How are you? You’ve had a shock: not your average first date.”
“I’m okay, I think.” She could tell her voice was sharp, and he glanced over, his eyes narrowing slightly.
“Are you?”
She paused. He’d taken a man’s head off and killed five others. What did he expect her to say?
“It was self-defence,” she said. "What you did."
“You didn’t answer. See, I told you it was complicated and to think about it. If you’ve changed your mind, it’s fine, I’ll back off. With no recriminations, just the offer of a complicated friendship. I can handle it, I’m a big boy.”
He didn’t quite meet her eyes as he said it, and she knew he didn’t mean it, that he wanted her to say she could deal with it. He shielded me instead of himself.
“I can do complicated,” she told him. “Although you might want to have a chat to Lichio. Silom’s scared the life out of him about your disciplinary approach.”
He raised the ghost of a smile at that. “Silom’s right about one thing. We nearly died. If that bullet had hit you, if I’d lost a bit more blood or healed any slower, we would have. It’s just, this is a dangerous business, and I’m feeling very lucky to be alive.”
“Me, too.”
“Then, let’s not waste it,” he pleaded. “She’ll get me sometime. Silom doesn’t want to accept that– that’s why he asked me to think of a different future– but she has more resources, and wants me very, very badly.”
“She might not.”
Kare shook his head. “One day, I’ll have to face her, but I’ll go when I’m ready, not when she calls me like a dog. For now, I want to be with you. I have never felt this way before about anyone.”
“I know,” she said. “I feel the same. I like being with you.”
“What I want is to spend as much time with you as I can. I shouldn’t; I should keep you safe, but being apart last night didn’t keep you safe, did it?”
She waited, and the silence lengthened as she thought about its implications. How long did she have until they caught up with him, or her? Or the base? Did she have time to waste, when it felt this right?
“I feel the same way,” she said. She leaned down to kiss him and he pulled her to him, kissing her with the same passion as the previous night. As he put his arms around her and she pressed against his chest, she could feel no weakness in him, no sign that he had been close to death so recently. Now, he was alive and strong.
“Bugger,” he said, as she broke away. “Can’t you take me back tonight?”
She pushed him away, gently. “Get some more rest– you’ll be all the readier,” she teased.
He broke into a broad smile at that. “It feels good, today,” he said.
He was almost dead earlier. He’d just found out his mother was so determined to take him, she’d risk an ops team, and it felt good? She didn’t understand him, and yet she did. Why waste a life in fear? It was what being in the Banned had meant, all her life: the need to live for the moment, not think what could lie ahead.<
br />
He nodded, no doubt picking up her mood. “I’m free. Let my mother plot as much as she wants; she can’t take today from me. She’ll never take today from me.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Averrine walked through the gardens of Abendau palace, towards the formal maze. She stopped– from here the palace looked exactly as she’d planned it, the red stone of her father’s castle in Bendau replaced by imported white stone evidencing her wealth. She cast out, letting the sense of her filter into the city’s streets and the minds of its people. They responded, and the city seemed to expand under her power, becoming more connected to her.
She took a moment, breathing the lush air, so different from the rest of Belaudii. She’d promised herself, when she’d been in the desert, that one day she’d have somewhere reclaimed from it. Somewhere where water wasn’t treated as a commodity to be savoured, but instead used to feed and provide growth. The moat running around the garden constantly needed replenished, ice couriered across half the system, from Taurine, to do so, but it was worth it for this, the one place she could take time to savour what her work had delivered.
Discreetly, her captain of guards stepped forward, bowing. “My Lady, they’re ready for you.”
They could wait. She crossed the gardens, stopping at a red rock path, and frowned at a few weeds poking through. She saw one of the gardeners and brought his attention to her. He paled, but walked over with the sort of decorum half her generals failed to achieve. His face had a sun-kissed swarthiness, his eyes were the brown of the tribes. That explained his decorum– the tribes knew her as Lady Averrine and revered her as their own. It was what she offered others, if they could but see it. If they would find within themselves, as the tribes had, proper reverence for her, there would be no need of armies and generals.
“Have the path cleared,” she said.
“Yes, my Lady.”
He turned, taut muscles rippling across his back. Should she order him to attend her? No. The tribes would not approve of a boy so young. A pity. She continued through the gardens, into the palace, and to the boardroom, where her generals and colonels waited.