She reached out and ran a finger along the soft fur of the plushie toy. A sky blue kitten with sparkly eyes. She smiled and picked up the flowers, nosing at the blooms, when a knock at her door made her jump. Pushing the covers to the side, she sat and gave the door an assessing look. Was it James? Had he stayed?
"Yeah," she managed to choke out, voice husky from sleep.
"Can I come in?" Natasha called from the other side of the door. Ashley's shoulders slumped slightly at the familiar sound of her friend's voice.
"Of course," Ashley sighed, standing from the bed as Natasha entered the room with a cautious look on her face and a cup of coffee in her hand.
"How are you feeling?" she asked, holding out the steaming cup to Ashley.
"I feel," Ashley sipped from the cup and hummed at the rich taste, "good. Really damn good."
Natasha sighed, and some of the tension bled out of her body. "That's good, Ash. That's really good."
"You sound surprised." Ashley stood in front of the bed and threw a smirk at her friend, who only shrugged.
"I was a little nervous. James is a wildcard. He means the best, but I honestly don't know where his head has been lately, you know?"
Memories of the conversation Ashley had the previous night with James flashed through her memory. "He mentioned something like that," Ashley said softly. "That he hadn't been living right?"
Natasha gave her a tight smile. "That's putting it lightly," she replied but said nothing more. She stopped short when she saw the bouquet of flowers and new plushie on the bed. "Those are pretty."
Ashley smiled wide and nodded. "They are. Very sweet of him."
"He left his number for you."
"He did?" Ashley bit her bottom lip when Natasha nodded and then cleared her throat, trying to sound nonchalant but failing terribly. "Do you think I should take it?"
"That depends on what you want, I think."
She turned to look at her friend and raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, do you want to explore this lifestyle further? Are you ready for whatever might come with James?" Natasha asked, sitting down on the bed and sipping at her coffee while Ashley sighed and walked toward the windows.
Ashley's brow furrowed. "I don't understand what you mean by 'comes with James'."
"He's going to want something more permanent than a one off with you," Natasha told her.
"I, ah, you think he's going to want something with me?" Ashley's voice was barely above a whisper, and she blushed scarlet at the thought that James would want something more from her. She wasn't even sure she could trust him, but the previous night was telling her that maybe, just maybe, she could.
Natasha chuckled. "Oh, I know he is. I saw the way he looked, leaving your room this morning. Plus, he told me he wanted more with you. A relationship, in fact."
"Oh," Ashley breathed, blushing bright red. She was no dainty, easily scandalized girl, but something about James made her feel vulnerable. It was nerve racking to have her carefully cultivated armor stripped from her, leaving her bare before him. She shivered and rubbed her arms, shooting Natasha a slight smile.
"I don't think I considered that."
"You should," Natasha told her, rising from the bed and moving to put a hand on her shoulder, "Silas tells me James is a very present and focused Daddy when he's in a committed dynamic."
"He is?"
She nodded, giving Ashley's shoulder a squeeze. "If you think it's too much, being the focus of—"
"No, I mean, it's not," Ashley interrupted and then waved her hands as she searched for the right words. " I mean, I want to be his—James'—focus."
"You liked last night, then," Natasha observed, and Ashley gave her a quick nod.
She squeezed her arms around herself and turned back to look out at the city that was turning golden in the morning light. "I loved it, Natasha."
"Then, you'll be taking his number?"
Ashley hesitated and bit her bottom lip. "I don't know."
"What don't you know about it?" Natasha asked gently.
Ashley's eyes slid toward her friend then, and there was worry in them. "I don't know if I can trust myself, or him, not to make a mess of it. Last night was amazing, but I can't get our first time and the week after out of my head. It's so much and I felt so, so bad, Natasha, you know that."
Natasha's hand came to her shoulder, and she gently rubbed her arm with a soothing touch. "I know, sweetie."
"What if he drops me again?" Ashley whispered.
"Ah, but what if he doesn't?" Natasha asked, pressing a gentle kiss to her friend's temple. "It can be daunting, and it can be scary, sweet girl, but I promise you that if you go into this with an open mind and heart, you will learn things about yourself you never dreamed of."
Ashley's hands worried the sleep shirt she wore, and she shot Natasha a nervous look. "Was it scary for you with Silas?"
Natasha chuckled and nodded with just a dip of her chin and then gave her friend a wry grin. "It was very scary. That total surrender is frightening. I know what you're worried about."
"But you, I-I mean, Silas never left you like James did me, right?"
Natasha shook her head. "No," she said but then added, "he didn't, but James came back the second I confronted him. He made it right with you, yes?" She turned her emerald green eyes on her, and Ashley nodded.
"He did."
"So then, the question is do you trust him?"
"Should I?"
Natasha tipped her head to the side and weighed her words carefully. "I think if you're willing to explore this side of yourself, James wouldn't be a bad teacher. He's gotten off track, yes, but he's still a good man. One whom I would and do trust."
Ashley nodded and rocked back on her heels. "I'll have to think about it then."
"I'll leave you to it. Come find me soon?" Natasha asked, touching her elbow as she moved away from her and toward the door.
"Of course; I won't be long," Ashley answered, eyes on the coffee cup she was spinning in her hands. Natasha left the room silently, only the door clicking shut behind her letting Ashley know she was truly alone in the room. She had many things to consider. Did she want to know this part of herself? The little girl? That soft and vulnerable side of her personality that she hadn't shown the world?
And if she did, was James the one to help her understand it without breaking her again? Her bottom lip trembled at the thought. She didn't think she could survive the fall this time, if he did.
Chapter 5
Later that day, after a filling breakfast and some logistical talks of the dance production both women were working on—Natasha as the principal and Ashley as the costumer—she returned home feeling more like herself than she had in quite some time, which was a blessing, considering her living situation wasn't currently the best. She sighed, shouldering open her door, and had to hold back her eye roll when she was hit by a blast of thumping music and one of her three roommates, Sarah, dancing around the living room with a beer in hand.
"Oh hey!" the smaller woman screeched in greeting, and Ashley gave her a quick nod. "Want a drink?"
"No, thank you," Ashley bit out with a grimace, because a second roommate, Xander, had practically collided with her on his way out of the kitchen.
"Looking good, baby." He leered, leaning close to her as she scooted past him, face averted, in an effort to escape the smell of stale alcohol and pot smoke that clung to him. "Where you been? It's been boring around here without you."
"Out," Ashley hedged, making a beeline for her room. She jumped back when her final roommate, Lily, all but sprinted out of the hallway and offered her a mumbled sorry and apologetic smile. Lily was quiet, polite, and nervous, and Ashley knew the fact that Sarah and Xander had taken to partying in their apartment mid-day had the smaller girl wanting to be anywhere but in the apartment.
"See ya," Ashley called after her. Lily paused at the front door and tossed Ashley a wan smile.
"See ya," she r
eplied, voice still soft, and opened her mouth as if to say more, but a slimy smile from Xander sent the other woman hurrying out of the apartment as fast as she could. Ashley blew out a sigh and, taking a cue from Lily, turned on her heel and made her way down the hallway to her bedroom. As much as she wanted to not impose on Natasha and Silas' hospitality, she secretly wished she was back in their penthouse with them. She'd grown so accustomed to the peaceful vibe of the space and the creature comforts of a stocked fridge and sparkling clean apartment that coming back to her own life was jarring. Her roommates were slobs, save for Lily, but there was only so much the pair of them could do with Sarah and Xander on the loose.
"It's only for a little while longer," she reminded herself as she closed her door and locked it behind her. She sank against the door and closed her eyes briefly as she tried not to pay attention to the balmy temperature of her walk-up apartment. It was what she could afford while she saved her dollars and worked every job she could get her hands on. She was grateful the production, La Bayadère, was finally getting underway. It was one of the reasons she'd begged off from Natasha's little refuge in the sky. She had to get home, get herself sorted and ready for a full day of work tomorrow, which meant, regrettably, coming home.
A crash and a muffled curse from the living room had Ashley groaning and moving away from the door with a shake of her head. She didn't even want to imagine what had just happened in the living room.
"Not my monkeys, not my circus," she told herself while willing away thoughts of getting her portion of the security deposit returned. Though another bang from the living room tested her commitment to not worrying about her roommates' antics and subsequent damage to the house. Luckily, she was only a set of earbuds away from drowning out the noise and let out a relieved sigh when the raucous partying was replaced by the strains of her favorite music. Ashley was the lead costumer on the production which meant this was her big break. She'd worked with some of the best in the business but only as a helper or an assistant, but this one? La Bayadère was hers. Her moment to shine and show all of New York that she had arrived. It was a lot of pressure, but she was up to the task, hopefully.
She pulled her sketchpad out and let her fingers begin to work on the familiar sketches she'd already worked out for the ballet. Ashley wanted to do the famous ballet justice but also put her own stamp on it. If she could approach the most famous scene from it, The Kingdom of Shades, then she had a shot. She bit her bottom lip as the costume meant for Natasha underwent some changes. There needed to be drama and lots of it to showcase her friend's athletic grace and her return to the stage.
Ashley's fingers trembled at the thought. She had to do her very best to do right by Natasha. Turning her music up louder, Ashley flipped the page and began anew. It couldn't hurt to see what fresh silhouettes she might be able to pull together for Natasha's big number.
It never hurt to be over prepared, right?
Hunched over and eyes intent on her sketchpad, Ashley fell into a space that only consisted of her sketchpad and the lines she made changing this and that on a costume that went from pink to fire red and back again before it somehow was a deep royal purple with flowing sleeves that billowed like clouds. She blinked, staring at it, but a pleased smile appeared on her face. It was beautiful. Natasha would look like a goddess executing the choreography. There wouldn't be a soul capable of looking away from her. Stretching her arms overhead, Ashley set down her sketchpad and stood slowly from her seat on the little armchair she had managed to drag up to her apartment and shove beside her window. She liked to sit and sketch by the window as much as possible, the sunlight making her feel warm and happy while she worked with her music thrumming in her ears. She turned toward the window, hoping to see the last rays of sunshine, but she blinked in surprise when she saw nothing but a dark sky.
"Holy crap," she whispered, pulling the headphones off. "How long have I been working?" Tilting her head to the side, the sounds of partying she'd blocked out earlier had gone quiet, and she rubbed her back with a groan. She was stiff all over. Her eyes landed on the clock beside her bed and she blanched—it was 10:00 pm, she'd been drawing for hours.
"Way to go, Ash," she muttered, hurriedly yanking off her clothes and getting ready for bed. She'd meant to be sound asleep by now, but her ability to zone out when she worked had backfired, with her staying up far later than she'd meant to. It would make the early morning she had scheduled difficult, but if she went to sleep now, she'd be rested enough for the 6:00 am initial fittings that were expected, except that when Ashley yanked the covers over her head, she found that sleep was the last thing on her mind. Even after so many hours of brain work, hers was anything but exhausted. Instead, it was humming with energy and skipped to the phone number she had programmed into her phone before leaving Natasha's that afternoon. She sighed from where she lay, the covers pulled up to her neck, and lasted all of a minute before she was reaching for her phone and accessing her contacts.
James. There it was, his name. She rubbed a finger across the contact and sighed into her pillow at her own girlish reaction to just the man's name. It wasn't even a photo of him. Just a name and some numbers, but her fingertips tingled as if she were about to touch him. She licked her lips and turned onto her side. The only thought going through her head was what it would be like to touch James again, to give in to what Natasha had described as permanent. As more. Right now, alone in her bed, Ashley wanted more, and she wanted it with James.
Her heartbeat sped up at that, veins humming with a want that she couldn't describe as anything but desire. He was beautiful; his type of beauty wasn't refined or golden like she saw in so many All-American models or even the severe elegance of popular dancers the world over. James' beauty was a wild thing that excited her more than it should. Everything about him, from his shoulder length tresses she longed to touch again, his full pillow lips, sharp jaw, and those eyes—his gray eyes saw right through her. The scar on his face added just the right amount of rough to his looks, otherwise, she would be convinced he wasn't real. Something to mar all the untamed strength of the man was necessary for her to function in his presence. For all her posturing and insisting that she was unaffected by him outside of relishing his caregiving, she was one touch away from catching fire for the man.
And oh, how he'd touched her, his rough hands dragging up her sides in a gentle caress that had left her gasping and writhing beneath him, the full weight of him pinning her to the bed while she arched ever closer to him. That mouth had painted her skin with kisses, teeth scraping against that sensitive place behind her ear while his hands had slipped between her thighs and touched her clit in feather-light brushes at odds with the brute strength of the muscles she felt rippling beneath her hands.
"What are you doing?" she whisper-screamed at herself in the dark. With a sigh, Ashley shoved her phone back under her pillow. She needed sleep, not errant thoughts of James filling her imagination.
Turning onto her back, she sighed and closed her eyes. She would sleep if it killed her. Taking in a deep breath, Ashley concentrated on slowing her breathing and counting back from one hundred, but by the time she reached zero, she was still wide awake. Mercifully, the second time she attempted to count her way to sleep, she lost consciousness somewhere around the mid-thirties.
Ashley wished the sleep she had achieved, however small it was, had been restful, but when she awoke, she felt the farthest thing from refreshed as possible. Frowning, she pawed at her trilling alarm and sat up with a deep sigh. Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, she forced herself to get out of bed and slowly shuffled toward her closet. If she got moving, then she knew she would be set, plus there was plenty of coffee waiting for her at the production theater. Ashley dressed quickly and silently made her way through the dark apartment. The sight of Sarah and Xander passed out on the couch and living room floor, respectively, didn't surprise her any. Tip toeing around the pair, she slipped out of the apartment and breathed a sigh of relief
when she was out the door without incident. Having to handle her still drunk roommates never ranked high on her list of things she wanted to do first thing in the morning, but it had happened before. Hitching her bag higher on her shoulder, she hoped Lily also managed to avoid the two snoring figures.
The trip into the production hall passed in an uneventful blur, and soon enough, Ashley was stepping inside the building and following her nose to the freshly brewed coffee that was being served in the back of the hall. She smiled, waving at her friend, Wendy, and the production assistant who was still laying out snacks in preparation of the day.
"Hey, missy," Wendy greeted her, holding out a cup of coffee to Ashley. "How was your week off?
Ashley took a hasty sip of coffee and offered her friend a blasé shrug. "It was okay. Slept a lot," she replied, keeping her voice even. Nothing in her stance alluded to the fact that she'd learned so much about herself or spent days in a hungover state from her first experience with submission.
Wendy's mouth went into a thin line. "Please don't tell me all you did was sleep."
Ashley shook her head and dropped her bag back by her design table. "No, that's not all I did."
"Thank God," Wendy sighed, bouncing up and down. "Please tell me you went out on a date and had a wild night."
"Not necessarily."
Wendy pouted. "You're hopeless. I need to live through you. I'm an old woman over here."
Ashley rolled her eyes at her. "You're barely fifty."
"Yeah and I like to be in bed by 9:00, non-negotiable. How am I supposed to have a hot night when that's my life?"
"Online dating?" Ashley tried with a laugh, and Wendy smacked her arm.
"No way, that would be worse. Meeting a stranger and just trying to find something to talk about? No, thank you." Wendy shuddered and earned a bemused expression from Ashley.
"But I'm supposed to do that?"
"I thought we covered this, Ash. You're young and gorgeous, in the prime of your youth, so the answer is yes. Yes, you are supposed to go out there and have cringey first dates for me. Don't let me down, kid."
Ashley: Little Girl - Book Two Page 5