“I’m not. That’s Kenny for you. It’s very hard to be mad at him. Did I tell you that he arrived at work without pants on the other day?”
I giggled. “What? What do you mean? How do you forget your pants?”
“Oh, you do when you’re Kenny. He slept over at some girl’s place and then couldn’t find them in the morning. She was probably sleeping on them, but he didn’t want to wake her up.”
“That’s hilarious. So he just came to work without them?”
“He sure did. I think we’re going to be laughing at that one for a very long time to come. He’s always making us laugh. No wonder he gets the girls so easily.”
“You keep saying that, but I’m almost certain that you can get girls just as easily. I have a feeling that you could just walk right up to one of the girls in the bar and get them to come home with you.”
“Should I try?” he asked.
I felt immediately disappointed. So he was just going to ditch me for a dare?
“Uh, yeah. Go ahead,” I said and forced myself to smile.
He looked around the room as if trying to find his target. Then he looked back at me and grinned.
“Holly, will you come home with me?”
I giggled. “Why, Xavier Aarons, I thought you’d never ask.”
I thought he was joking so when he stood up to leave, I looked at him in confusion. “Oh, are you being serious?” I said.
“I’m shocked that you didn’t take my proposal seriously. Yes, I’m serious,” he said. He looked at me with such intensity that I froze on the spot. Then he smiled. “I’m driving so I can’t really drink anything more here. But I do have wine at home.”
I smiled. “Then let’s take the party to your house.”
We joked around in the car and conversation continued to flow, but it seemed a little bit more stilted than usual. I was feeling nervous about going back to his place, and Andrea’s words kept floating in front of me. He looks at you like he wants to eat you. I kept throwing glances his way and wondering if Andrea had been right. But surely not. He didn’t like me. Not like that at least. I was Little Holly, the girl that always needed saving from the bullies. He was just protective of me. Like a brother.
We got back to his place, and he immediately went to pour each of us a glass of wine. I sat back on the sofa and smiled at him.
“I had no idea that you weren’t drinking tonight. I must look so drunk to you. You must know that I’m not usually like this. I don’t really drink, to be honest. But this has been nice. To let loose. And at least I can say that I went back to a guy's place at the end of the night, even if it’s only just to yours. Nobody needs to know that part.”
He looked slightly hurt by my words.
“And what exactly is wrong with coming back to my place?”
“Oh, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just . . . . well, you know . . . we’re . . . oh hell, I don’t know what we are. It’s . . . .”
“Holly, can I ask you a question?”
“You can ask me anything. I’m drunk enough to answer honestly,” I said and giggled nervously.
He sat up and pulled me towards him. We’d been sitting close together all night, but now that I was actually in his arms, I felt his warmth against me and smiled. It was nice. Too nice. He took my glass from me and put it on the table next to his and pulled me even closer.
“Holly,” he whispered. “What do you think of me? Like really think of me?”
“I think you’re beautiful,” I said without hesitation. Then I chuckled and tried to take it back, but it was too late. I sighed. “I think you’re amazing, Xavier. I’ve always thought that. It doesn’t help that you’ve gotten even better looking over the years.”
He looked at me. “Are you serious? Or are you just kidding with me?”
“I’m serious. I’ve never been more serious about anything in my whole life. You’re wonderful. And I hate that I think of you in that way. And I’m totally going to regret admitting that to you.”
“Holly,” he started, but instead of finishing, he just pulled me closer and kissed me.
I didn’t pull away. His lips were soft against mine, his breath hot. I breathed him in as we kissed and allowed myself to immerse myself fully into him. I had never wanted anyone more in my whole life. His hands were on me now, and I moved in closer, sinking into his embracing arms. He moaned, and I moaned back. Then I suddenly realized what we were doing, and I pulled away in one quick motion.
“Shit. What am I doing? I’m so sorry,” I said.
“Don’t say sorry. I’m to blame.”
“You . . . you wanted to do that too?” I said in surprise.
“Are you kidding me, Holly? I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you like that since you got back. Shit. Do you think this is wrong?”
I sighed. “I don’t know. I think so. My dad would be so mad. I . . . I don’t think we should do this, Xavier.” I couldn’t believe the words had just come out my mouth. I’d been thinking about being with Xavier for years, and now that it was actually happening, I was the one pulling away from him. I could kick myself. I hoped I wouldn’t regret my decision. Maybe I could just kiss him some more, or maybe going a little further wouldn’t harm? But no, I couldn’t; even kissing him would lead to more. I just knew. And I was far too drunk to stop myself. I eyed the glass of wine and decided not to drink anymore. Xavier saw me looking. He got up, took the glasses of wine, and poured it down the drain.
“Okay, I understand. We have a lot of history you and me. I don’t want to mess that up. But . . . want to still sleep over?”
“Yeah, I’d like that, actually. Only if you make me breakfast in the morning.”
He grinned. “Now that I can do.”
“I’ll sleep here. This sofa is actually surprisingly comfortable.”
“No way. You’ll sleep on the bed,” he insisted.
“I don’t know Xavier. I better not.”
“I won’t try anything with you. I promise. Just come and sleep with me. It will be nice to have you there.”
I thought about it and then smiled. “Okay.”
“But I have to admit, Holly, you sure can kiss.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, same with you. Your skills don’t just end at firefighting, I see.” I knew that I would be dreaming of that kiss for days to come.
“Thanks for still sleeping over, Holly. I promise you I won’t let it go any further.”
A part of me hoped that he wouldn’t keep his promise.
Chapter Seventeen
Xavier
I couldn’t sleep that night. After kissing Holly, I was way too turned on to really feel relaxed. I was sure that she noticed, but she didn’t say anything. I let her climb into bed while I took a shower. I had to force myself to calm down and to think of anything else but her. I reminded myself over and over again that what we were doing was wrong and that Rick would kill us if he found out. And if there was one person that I wanted to keep happy, it was Rick. He was a good guy. He’d been there for me as a father. Sure, I had never really thought of him as a father. But for a time in my life, he’d been something close, and he remained that way. Could I do that to him? I tried to imagine how hurt he would be, and how disappointed he would be to know that I had let him down.
The thoughts helped, and I probably took longer in the shower than I usually do because of them. But the moment I stepped back into bed with Holly there, I immediately went back to longing for her. Why had I suggested she sleep over? It was going to be torture. We lay in bed talking for a while until she finally went to sleep. It was easier for her to fall asleep. She’d had a lot to drink. But other than my one beer and my few sips of wine, I was stone-cold sober. I lay there listening to her breathing and hearing the thumping of my heart as it grew louder and louder in the night air.
The following morning, I woke before her. A bit of light was shining through the curtain and fell onto her face. I lay there, watching her and wondering why I had ne
ver seen her in this way before. The more I watched her, the more I knew that I had always had feelings for her. I just hadn’t fully realized them. I hadn’t admitted them to myself. I’d just told myself that it had been a sibling sort of love, but now I wasn’t so sure. I felt myself getting excited just thinking about the kiss from the night before, and had to force myself to stop thinking of her in that way. Instead, I climbed out of bed and quietly as possible and tiptoed down the stairs. Once I was there, I poured myself a big glass of water and took a few moments to calm myself down.
In the kitchen, I began working on making her breakfast. I scrambled some eggs, fried some bacon, made some toast, and then put it all on a tray with coffee and orange juice. I thought how nice it would be if I had some flowers to put on the tray but then told myself to stop thinking of her in a romantic way. I was just making her breakfast; it was the morning, and she’d be hungry when she woke up. I walked slowly back up the stairs.
When I opened the door, I saw her open her eyes. She smiled when she saw me.
“I thought I heard a noise. Morning.”
I smiled. “Good morning, you. I made you breakfast.”
She sat up and I brought the tray over to her. She grinned at me.
“Wow, this is amazing. I could get used to this. Joining me?”
“I sure am,” I said. I put my tray on the bedside table and then climbed back into bed with her. “Sleep well?”
“I slept so well.” She reached over for the glass of orange juice first and took a big sip. “Oh, this is good. My mouth is so dry. How much did I have to drink last night?”
I chuckled. “Quite a bit. But it’s my fault. I was the one feeding you all those shots, remember?”
She groaned. “Oh, I remember. Hey, and all that time you were designated driver and I was left to drink alone. I hope I didn’t make a fool of myself?”
I thought about her dancing on the dance floor with her awkward motions, and I chuckled to myself. “No, you didn’t make a fool of yourself.”
She looked at me. “You’re thinking of my dancing, aren’t you?”
I laughed. “I am. But not in a bad way. It was cute.”
“Cute? I don’t want to be a cute dancer. I want to be a good dancer. Or a sexy dancer. But I don’t think I’ll ever be any one of those.”
Sexy? She was sexier than she realized. “Trust me, Holly. Don’t change. I like you just the way you are. And anyway, I’m a hopeless dancer too. The last thing I want is you making me look like a fool with your fancy moves. I’d rather we just be bad at it together.”
She smiled. “I like that.” She took a bite of her toast and grinned at me. “And I like this. You really didn’t have to, though. I honestly don’t know the last time that someone brought me breakfast in bed.”
“I don’t remember the last time I made anyone breakfast in bed.”
“Oh please,” she said and waved him off. “I bet you say that to all the girls.”
I chuckled. “I actually don’t.”
“Hey, I wonder what happened with Andrea and Kenny? They just disappeared last night,” she said.
“Don’t you remember? She went home with him.”
She laughed. “Oh yeah. I remember that now. Man, she just ditched me. Those two were terrible company last night. They both completely ignored us.”
“Tell me about it. I had no idea that he was into Andrea. I just hope it doesn’t make things weird. Like I said, he’s a cool guy, but he’s not ready to settle down.”
“Yeah, Andrea has had some bad luck with guys. She was telling me about it yesterday. I don’t think she’s used to having a guy treat her well. I also hope she doesn’t get hurt by this. But like you say, at least she’ll know where she stands with him, and maybe she just wants to have a good time. Hell, she deserves it.”
I just wanted to have a good time too. I thought about saying something to Holly on those lines to see where it would lead us, but I changed my mind. Think of Rick, I told myself.
“So, isn’t your dad going to wonder why you didn’t come home last night?” I said suddenly. I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t thought about that before.
She shook her head. “Nah, I told him that if it was getting late, I’d probably sleep over at Andrea’s. So he won’t be worried.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. “Okay, good.”
She smiled. “He likes you, you know? He’s always going on about how amazing you are.”
“And you don’t agree?” I said and raised my eyebrows at her.
She blushed lightly, and I thought how beautiful she looked at that moment. “Oh, I agree.”
I sighed. “Well, I like him too.”
She nodded. “Yeah.”
We didn’t say anything for a while. We both seemed to be lost in the situation that we were in. It seemed impossible. I wanted to be with her again without question. Kissing her the night before had only made things worse for me. When I looked at her, I saw that she had a frown on her face.
“What’s wrong?” I asked her.
“It’s just . . . uh, well, I’m sorry for kissing you last night. I could die of embarrassment really. I obviously lost a bit of inhibition from all the alcohol. But I really shouldn’t have done that.”
“Are you kidding me? Why would you say sorry for something I enjoyed so much?”
“You did?” she asked.
I laughed. Holly had always been insecure about herself even when it was obvious she shouldn’t be. It was one thing I was hoping to change about her. It was the only thing that was wrong with her really, her inability to see that she was worth something. “Holly, when are you going to start realizing how amazing you are? Yeah, I enjoyed it. Maybe a little too much.”
She nodded. “Same. Much too much. And, uh, thank you for the kind words. That’s nice of you. Man, Xavier. I’m so confused.”
Confused was exactly what I was feeling about the whole thing. I kept flipping between feeling like it was the right thing and the wrong thing over and over again. “Trust me, so am I.”
“I feel so weird about this. Like I keep thinking of my father, and suddenly I get super uncomfortable. Like we’re doing something wrong.”
“Holly, the last thing I want you to feel is uncomfortable. I care for you more than anyone else I know. I’ve always felt that way about you. Why don’t we just see how things go? Take it slow. Just be friends or family or whatever the hell we are. We don’t need to think about things right now.” I didn’t want to scare her off. Also, I was feeling a bit unsure of it myself so the time to reflect on it would probably be best for both of us.
She smiled. “I’d like that. And thanks for understanding.”
“We’re in the same boat, Holly. And let’s not be weird with each other. I’d really hate it if things between us got awkward.”
“They won’t,” she assured me. “Why would I make things awkward with the man that made me breakfast in the morning?”
I chuckled. “Ah, are you telling me that the way to your heart is through food?”
“Food, coffee, all of the above.”
“Right. Noted. So, what are you doing today? Have any plans? I have the day off so maybe we can do something?” I asked. The honest truth was that I wasn’t ready to walk away from her just yet. I was scared that if we suddenly were apart, she’d realize what a horrible mistake she had made by being with me. I couldn’t handle that. And I liked being in her company. I liked being around her more than anyone else.
She sighed. “I wish I could. But I promised my dad I’d help him with a community project he’s working on. I’m probably going to need a lot of coffee to see me through the day, but I can’t go back on the promise.”
“Need some help? Maybe you’ll need some muscle?” I said and flexed my arm.
She blushed. “You’re going to have to stop doing that.”
“So does that mean I can still come and help?”
“It’s your day off though, and I really don’t think t
his is going to be interesting. I’m sure you can think of a million better things to do with your day.”
I pretended to think about it and then shook my head. “Nah, I can’t. I’d love to help.”
She smiled. “Well, then I’d love to have you. Mind if I pop into the shower after this though?”
“You sure can,” I said and tried not to think about her in the shower.
Suddenly she groaned. “I just realized I don’t have any clothes other than my short black dress. I cannot show up to the church wearing that thing.” Right now she was wearing one of my t-shirts, which looked huge on her. She looked incredible in it. I wished she could walk around wearing that t-shirt all day, but that would probably be even more inappropriate than the black dress.
I laughed. “Yeah, you definitely can’t go to church in that. You’ll be the talk of the town.”
She chuckled. “Can you imagine what some of the ladies would say if I arrived in that dress? The gossip would be through the roof.”
“I have some clothes from my last girlfriend around here somewhere. She was about your size. Want to wear those?”
She groaned. “Oh no, that’s going to be so weird,” she said and pulled a face. “Well, I suppose it’s better than the dress. Okay, that would be great. If they don’t fit, I might pop home first to get some of my clothes. But hopefully I can avoid doing that.”
While she showered, I took out all the clothes that I could find. I’d had them for such a long time, but Mandy had just never bothered to come and get them. I’d told myself that I would throw them out if she hadn’t come by the end of the year. I had no idea why she even left so many clothes there. We weren’t even that serious, and the two of us had been together such a long time ago. I put all the clothes on the bed and then went downstairs to wait for Holly. When she eventually walked down stairs, she was wearing blue jeans and a light blue t-shirt. I smiled at her. She looked better in Mandy’s clothes than Mandy ever did.
“Does this make you feel strange?” she asked. “Seeing me in your ex-girlfriend’s clothes?”
I smiled and shook my head. “It only makes me feel strange because you look so much better in them.”
Dirty Stepbrother Page 10