“I do. But I promised you I’d go slow, remember? And I’m a man of my word.”
She smiled. “You sure did. Thank you for that. I actually enjoyed it.”
“I’m glad. I was hoping you would fall for Norman like I did,” I said and then groaned as I said the words. I’d never told anyone that name, but now that I’d said it I knew it was too late.
She cocked her head to the side. “Hang on a second; you’ve named your bike?”
“Uh, maybe,” I said uncomfortably.
“Cool! I named my car.”
I looked up, surprised. “You did? What did you call it?”
“My car is a she, not an it,” she said and chuckled. “And her name is Sarah.”
“Such a normal name.”
“Says the guy that named his bike Norman.”
I laughed. “That’s true. Uh, I hope you don’t mind, but could you not tell anyone about that name. I’ve never told anyone that before.”
She smiled. “Seriously? Of course, I won’t say anything. But for what it’s worth, I think it’s really cool. So, what’s going on? Is there a new restaurant around here?”
I’d taken her to our old high school. It was a place I used to go whenever I wanted a moment away from the world.
“Nope, this is it. This is our restaurant for the evening.”
“I don’t understand.” She looked around as if trying to see if she was missing some hidden restaurant lurking in the darkness.
“Follow me.”
I led her towards the field and took out the small blanket that I had brought with. There were a few lights on the field, but otherwise, it was really dark. There was something about the expanse of grass all around us and the wide-open space that made me feel like I could breathe again. I often wondered what life would be like in a city like New York or London. Didn’t the people get claustrophobic? I needed time away from the world to breathe every now and again.
“We’re having dinner here?” she asked as she took a seat. I was glad to see that she seemed pleasantly surprised by the turn of events. I knew that Holly was the sort of girl that would appreciate something like this. Not everyone would’ve been the same.
I smiled. “We are. I got us some takeout,” I said as I pulled out a few containers out my bag. “I wasn’t sure what you’d like, so I got a bit of everything. I know you said you liked all food, but I wanted to make sure.” I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that all the containers had survived the trip. I’d been worried that they’d open up in the bag and we’d have nothing to eat.
“Xavier. This . . . this is amazing. This is so much better than sitting in some restaurant.”
“I’m glad you like it. I thought it would be nice to do something different. Quite a change from the noisy club too.”
“Do you come here often?”
“I do.”
She chuckled. “So this is how you get the girls?”
“Actually, you’re the first girl I’ve ever brought here. I tend to come here alone. It’s a great place to think. Sometimes I just come here and sit for a little while, gather my thoughts. It’s so peaceful here.”
She smiled at looked at me strangely.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked.
“There’s so much more to you than meets the eye. I like that.”
“Do you ever feel like people just don’t get you? I feel that all the time.”
“Xavier, that’s the story of my life. You know that about me already, though. Nobody ever gave me a chance. But I had no idea that someone as popular and good looking as you would feel that way too.”
“I’m not popular.”
“You are, or were. I mean, I don’t know what your life is like now, but I doubt it’s very different from how it was from before. Everyone wanted to be around you.”
“Being surrounded by people doesn’t mean that I don’t get lonely.”
She shook her head. “I would never have known that. I probably should know not to judge people, but still . . . to me, you’ve got it all.”
“Nah, we all have our insecurities. So, how does it feel to be back here?”
“Kind of surreal. If someone told me back then that I’d be sitting here at night with a handsome man, I’d have laughed at them. And yeah, I know this is not a date or anything, but it’s nice to know that my life has changed so much.”
“I would’ve still done this with you back then, you know.”
“I know. You were the only one that was nice to me. And Andrea. She was cool too. Man, I used to get teased so much. Maybe it’s a good thing. Maybe I’ll become a stronger person because of those days.”
“No way. Nobody should have to be teased. That’s not how life should be.”
“Why were you so good to me?”
“What do you mean? We’re friends; why shouldn’t I be good to you?”
“You were so popular. You didn’t have to be so nice to me.”
I groaned. “Holly, I know I didn’t have to do anything. Have you ever stopped to wonder if maybe I just wanted to do those things for you? I’ve always believed in sticking up for people.”
“Well, thanks, Xavier. I mean it. Hey, does anyone still call you Fireball?” she asked suddenly.
I groaned. “How do you remember that?”
Fireball was one of the nicknames given to me by the motorcycle club I was a part of. All the guys in my family were a part of a club at some point in our lives. People were spread far and wide now, so they went to the chapter that was nearest to them, but every year or so all the chapters tried to have a rally to get together in one location. They were good people, and I felt a sort of kinship with them. It obviously had something to do with our love of motorcycles that made us like each other so much.
“I just remember you all had nicknames. You once named them all for me, and I was delighted.”
“Oh yeah, I remember that. I thought you’d laugh but you thought it was amazing and you said that you wished you had a nickname too.”
“And then you said that I would just have to join the club if I wanted a nickname.”
“And that’s when you laughed.”
She chuckled. “I’d forgotten all about that.”
“I’m sure there are tons of things in our childhood that we have forgotten.”
“This is nice, Xavier. Just catching up like this. And this food is incredible.”
“I’m sorry there’s no wine. I don’t like to drink if I’m riding, but I should’ve at least bought you some. I’m an idiot.”
Holly laughed. “Are you kidding me? After the other night, I don’t want to see alcohol for a long time. I can barely think about it, so I’m glad that you didn’t bring any.”
“Oh yeah, I forgot about that. How about coffee or tea?”
“Coffee would be amazing. I’m only really a tea drinker when I’m at home. Nobody makes tea like my father.”
I tried not to pull a face at the mention of the milky tea that she obviously loved so much. I was sure even Rick thought I loved the stuff because I couldn’t bear the idea of hurting his feelings.
“I’d also love some coffee. Let’s finish up here and then go back to my place,” I said casually. “Because I don’t have any here.”
“Hey, you tricked me into going back to your place!” she exclaimed in mock horror.
I laughed. “You don’t have to.”
“Just kidding. I don’t need tricking,” she said and giggled.
We finished up our food, took a walk around the field and then made our way back to the bike. Just then a car drove past and slowed down. The car stopped in front of us, and when the window wound down, I saw it was one of the ladies from the church. She’d been there when we were helping out that day. I forgot her name, but she clearly knew who we were.
“Oh, I thought it was the two of you. What are you both doing here at night? This is a strange place to be hanging around.”
“I took Holly for a spin.”
�
��Does your father know about that, Holly?” she asked.
“He sure does,” she said and smiled.
“Well, okay then. Have fun. Be careful.”
As she drove off, I looked at Holly and laughed. “I love everyone from this community, but sometimes they can be a real pain. She’s always been a nosy one.”
Holly chuckled. “Yeah. She didn’t look too impressed with us.”
“So, ready for another ride?”
“I’m actually looking forward to it.”
“I’ll go the long way home. Then how about we watch a movie? I have a good scary movie at home we catch watch.”
“Oh no. I hate scary movies.”
“Yeah but you also hated motorcycles until recently. And anyway, I know just the man to protect you.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re a pain; you know that?”
I laughed. She hopped onto the bike and wrapped her arms around me, embracing me from behind. I could feel her warmth radiate across my back, and I loved it. I knew she wasn’t that scared of it anymore, but she still held on tightly. It felt good to have her holding me that way, and as we drove the long way home, I realized that it almost felt too good. What was I doing? I kept telling myself that this wasn’t a date, but it certainly felt like one.
Chapter Twenty
Holly
We got back to Xavier’s house, and the moment I saw the sofa I was transported back to other night when I’d kissed him. Why had I agreed to go back to his house? I felt nervous just standing there. At least I wasn’t drunk this time. I’d be able to control myself.
“Okay, let me make us some coffee and then we can start the movie,” he said.
“Are we really going to watch something scary?”
“Are you really scared of horror movies?”
“Who isn’t scared of horror movies?” I said.
“Me.”
I laughed. “Oh come, I bet you’ll be the one screaming like a little girl. You don’t have to play macho with me Xavier. I’ve known you long enough.”
He raised his eyebrows at me. “Oh yeah? And since when have I ever been scared of anything?”
“You have a point,” I said. It was true. Xavier seemed fearless to me. I was the one who had always been scared of the world. Someone had once told me that I was scared of my own shadow, and I hadn’t even defended myself. It was true. It was a miracle that I’d had enough courage to study what I really wanted in life and then to have taken a job in a whole new city. I still couldn’t believe it.
“You seem lost in thought,” Xavier said from the kitchen.
I smiled sadly. “I was thinking that you are right. You’re not scared of anything while I’m scared of everything.”
“Says the girl who left the city to make it on her own.”
“Says the girl who came back home because she couldn’t make it on her own.”
“You’re kidding, right? You don’t really believe that, do you?”
I sighed. Why was I putting a damper on this nice evening? “I don’t know, Xavier. I’m happy with who I am. I always have been. It’s other people who don’t seem to be happy with me.”
“Screw them. Just because you don’t fit into a specific mold doesn’t mean that you’re not amazing. Society has some warped ideas on how a person should be. You’re a strong willed, beautiful woman who never let anyone stand in her way. Do you want to know why people teased you?”
“Don’t say because they were jealous of me, because I won’t believe that.”
“Because they didn’t understand you. That’s all. And maybe they were a little jealous too. You were always smarter than everyone else.”
“And yet I’m scared of a little movie.”
“Oh come. Like you said, everyone is scared of horror movies.”
“Even you?” I teased.
“Fine. Even me. I just don’t show it. I mean, I have to at least look the part, don’t I?”
I chuckled. “Okay, let’s watch. I’ll try not to scream.”
We settled in on the sofa together to watch the movie. Xavier had a few smaller sofas around the room, but they didn’t face the TV, so I had to sit on the larger one with him. We kept our distance and began the movie. The room was dark, and I was surprised at how comfortable I felt with him. Comfortable, but a little nervous too—in a good way. I watched the movie and tried not to think about what a good time I was having. Suddenly something jumped onto the screen, and I jumped up in fright and Xavier chuckled at me.
I looked at him and pulled a face. “Are you laughing at me?”
“Never.”
He moved closer and pulled me towards him, and I let him. For a while, we continued to watch the movie like that. With his arm around me and my head nestled into him. Whenever something scary happened, he squeezed me tighter. Even in the parts that weren’t scary, I found myself unable to let him go. He felt so good. He smelt so good. I didn’t want to be anywhere else but right there beside him. Soon, I found that I wasn’t watching the movie anymore. I was looking at my hand on his chest and thinking how good it looked there. He must’ve seen me looking because he put his hand under my chin and tilted my head up. We looked at each other and smiled.
“Holly, why are you doing this to me?” he said.
“Doing what?” I said innocently.
“Oh, you know what you’re doing.”
“Me? I’m doing nothing,” I said but as I looked at him my hand moved from his chest down to his leg. I felt him harden against my touch and I bit my lip.
“Please continue to do nothing,” he said.
I sat up and moved away from him, and he groaned as I lifted my hand away. He obviously thought I was going to stop, but he was very wrong. Instead, I pulled my shirt over my head. Then I stood up, pulled my jeans off, and slowly took off my underwear. I couldn’t believe what I was doing. This wasn’t like me at all. I wasn’t the sort of girl that took charge. I’d slept with guys before, but I’d always let them take control. But I liked the way that Xavier was looking at me. It was a look that I hadn’t yet seen from him. Desire.
“Oh, Holly,” he said and pulled me onto him. I reached down and kissed him, slowly at first and then more passionately. I had never wanted anyone more in my entire life. I could feel him stirring. I sat up, took his hands and placed them on my breasts, watching him as he looked his hands circling my nipples. I had small breasts, but I’d been told that they were pert. And they were even more so when I was excited. I wanted him to see me. To see all of me. I climbed off so that I was now standing in front of him. Then I took his hand and placed his fingers between my legs, encouraging him to part the folds there, to slide them inside of me so he could feel how wet and ready I was for him. He sighed at the same time as I did.
He stood up, and when he did, he towered over me. There was something so amazing about a man that was that much taller than me. He took his shirt off, and I exhaled at the sight of his bare chest. He was just about to reach for his jeans, but I stopped him and did it for him. I let his jeans fall to the floor, and then I knelt down in front of him. I looked up at him and smiled, then I put him in my mouth and sucked.
I had no idea what I was good at in life. I’d convinced myself over the years that I wasn’t good at much, but if there was one thing I could pride myself on, it was that I was good at oral sex. It was something boyfriends had told me in the past, and because of that, I wanted desperately to show Xavier that I could make him happy. He was bigger than the last guy I’d done this to, but I wasn’t surprised. Everything about Xavier was large. I sucked gently at first and then more fervently, running my tongue up and down him as I allowed him to go as deep as my throat could allow. He ran his hands through my hair, and I heard him moan over and over again. I stopped just before he was about to come and stood up.
“Not just yet,” I said. It was my turn.
I sat down on the sofa and opened my legs, hoping he would understand what to do. He did. He grinned at me, knelt down
on the floor, and pushed his head in between my legs. I opened wide and held onto the sofa as he licked slow and steady. I had already gotten excited from what I’d just done with him, and I was sure that I was going to completely lose myself within minutes of his tongue touching me. I had to push him away insistently just before I just couldn’t take it anymore. It was just too good.
I lay back down on the couch while he got a condom, which gave me a bit of time to calm myself down and regain my composure. When he came back, the condom was already on, and he climbed on top of me, kissing me and pushing himself into me. He was deep inside me within seconds. I gasped at the feeling of him and opened my legs even wider, trying to accommodate his size. The sofa was big, but not big enough for a man like Xavier, and as he thrust, we both tumbled onto the floor. I was now on top of him, but somehow he was still inside me. I moved on top of him, pushing against him. Being on top of him allowed him to go even deeper, and I moaned as I felt myself lose the control that I’d regained not so long ago. Ecstasy engulfed us both.
“Holly, oh my god, Holly,” he moaned.
And as he came, I came too, both of us crying out in pleasure. It was hard to imagine that I was actually having the best sex of my life with Xavier. I always knew that it would be incredible with him. All those years of imagining him inside me were nothing compared to the real thing. Afterwards, we lay there, panting. When I looked up, I saw that the movie was still playing.
“Well, as it turns out I don’t really mind scary movies quite as much as I thought I did,” I said.
Xavier laughed. “I told you I would protect you.”
“In fact, I’d go as far as saying that scary movies are my new favorite thing.”
We sat up, and I asked him if I could use his shower.
“Of course you can,” he said.
I ran upstairs and jumped into the shower, hoping that he wouldn’t follow me in. It wasn’t that I didn’t want him to shower with me, it was that I just needed a bit of time to think about what had happened. I’d just had sex with Xavier. Xavier! The more I thought about it, the more shocked I was that it had actually happened. What was wrong with me? Why had I done that? If people found out, they were going to be horrified. If my father found out, he was going to disown me and he would certainly hate Xavier. He trusted Xavier, and he trusted me, and we’d gone behind his back and made a fool of him. The whole community looked up to him and we would turn him into a laughing stock if they ever found out. By the time I came out of the shower, I was sure that we had done the wrong thing even though it had felt so right. We’d given into sin, just as my father had always warned me against.
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