She was a selfish, horrible woman and I couldn’t understand why, even now, he would trust her enough to try to live with her. But I supposed it was really his prerogative. There wasn’t much that I was going to do about him going, especially since lately, for whatever reason he wasn’t even speaking to me.
This bothered me and I had confided in Zachary about his, but he just told me that he was jealous.
Though I felt that there was something more than that, I couldn’t disagree with him. I knew that he felt my father treated me better than he treated Shawn, but that certainly wasn’t my fault.
Zachary shook his head as he watched the discussion play out between my mother and my stepbrother. They were always very close, which was why it seemed so natural when his father and my mother decided to get married; she was already a solid mother figure in Shawn’s life and had been for years.
“I don’t get it,” Zachary answered finally, “At least his father wants him.”
Zachary, like me, was raised by a single mother. Both of our fathers had passed away, which was part of what drew me to him in the first place.
We both had similar experiences and feelings, which made him easy to talk to. Zachary understood not only the feelings I had concerning my father, but also the friendship that Shawn and I had once shared.
Zachary was not the jealous type, which was good. When we first started dating, Shawn and I were still trying to maintain our friendship and so, I spent a lot of time with him.
As time went on though, he witnessed the decline in our friendship and was there for me, when I didn’t feel like I could talk to anyone else. It wasn’t like I could talk to my mother about it, because she seemed to be on Shawn’s side a lot of the time. And it just didn’t seem right talking to my stepfather about his son, whether he agreed or not; especially because I was afraid of what I might admit once I started to talk.
“At least he has the option to live with both of his parents,” I said carefully, shrugging my shoulders in a way that came across far more envious than I had meant it.
Zachary smiled, though, in an understanding way and closed his hand around my own. He didn’t say anything, but he really didn’t have to. I knew that he understood and I was once again overwhelmed with a sense of thankfulness.
I looked back at Zachary, leaned up and kissed him, simply needing to feel that extra sense of comfort wash over me. Feeling this comfort and understanding touch made all of the difference in the world to me.
At least I have Zachary, I thought to myself, relishing in the closeness that the two of us acquired easily.
With him, I found that special connection that unfortunately, I had once felt very strongly between Shawn and I. Even though I yearned to have that feeling once again with Shawn, I was happy that for now, what I had with Zachary was enough.
Chapter Two
Shawn
God this is going to be terrible, I thought as I packed the last box into my car, which I bought with my own money after working for the past two summers. It wasn’t a great car — in fact, it was just about on its last leg — but I didn’t care. Lesser of the two evils, though…
It was mine and so far, it had succeeded in getting me anywhere I needed to go.
My stepmother helped me pack while my father sat in his office, watching the two us, upset that I was leaving.
“You know, Shawn…” my stepmother, Diana said as she stepped back from the car and put her hands on her hips, staring at me in a slightly more motherly way then I would have liked at this moment, “you don’t have to do this.”
I shrugged, trying to keep emotions out of it.
Even though she had helped me move, it didn’t mean that she agreed with my decision and in a way, I couldn’t blame her. She had been more of a mother to me than my own flesh and blood ever was, but I needed a change of scenery.
It wasn’t a good environment for me or the family. I had learned to despise my stepsister for being daddy’s little girl, when he wasn’t even her real father, and resented my father for treating a girl who wasn’t even his real daughter better than he treated me.
My life wasn’t always like that though. Once upon a time, not all that long ago, I had one parent who really cared for me. My father was a great man and always treated me well.
However, then he had to go and get married, which changed everything for me. This move, really, was just a very long time coming.
It was almost three years to the day, actually. My father and stepmother always made a big deal out of their anniversary and I had no doubt they were in love. I just wasn’t feeling it. While everyone else’s lives seemed to get better that day, my life took a turn for the worst.
I liked the life my father and I had, but when he got married, I realized that I wasn’t enough. He started to change, which only compounded the estranged nature of what was once a very strong relationship.
Yet, I had nothing against my stepmother, or really even my father marrying Diana. In fact, out of everyone, I was closest to my stepmother then I had ever been to anyone; and out of everyone in the household, I knew that I would miss her probably the most.
I had known her for most of my life, and she was the one constant influence who didn’t do a paradigm shift the moment she and my father said “I do.”
But after much consideration, I realized that this move was just something I had to do.
Still, I watched as she gave me a look of warning before she moved in close to me and placed her hand on my arm. She sighed. “I know that these past three years have been rough on you and I wish I knew how to make it better.”
“It’s not you,” I said before looking down at the ground. “I assure you.”
Even though I didn’t look up at her face, I was sure that her lips were pursed in the silence that came before another deep breath. “Your father means well, Shawn.”
“Then how come you can tell me what to do and try to help, without making me feel like I am the black sheep of the family? He alienates me and I’m sick of it.”
At this, my stepmother turned her head and stared at me with intensity before she asked in an honest, yet revealing way, “You think your mother is going to treat you better?”
Hearing her say this, I felt my shoulders slouch as the truth of her words sunk in. If anyone was qualified to speak the truth about my mother, especially to me, it was Diana. She had been with my father and I through every missed birthday and disappointment since I was five. It was her that was there to fill the gap, even before she married, or even dated my father.
Diana had never let me down. Not even once. I might have not liked what she had to say, but regardless, she was always there for me.
She, at the very least, knew how to treat both her daughter and her stepson equally, without showing obvious favoritism.
“No,” I replied stiffly before looking back up at her and adding, “But there’s no surprise there. With Dad, our relationship has changed and I don’t like it. My mother has always tried to push me aside, so I might feel more at home there.”
Diana chuckled in a strange way. “I don’t think that’s a very good reason. After all, your father has watched you grow up. Your mother doesn’t even know you. She lives in the same town and you’re lucky to receive a text from her.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, well, that’s my decision.”
She nodded and rubbed my arm in something of a supportive gesture. “And that’s your decision, Shawn. You know that you will always have a home here with us, but if you feel like this is something that you have to do, then I support you.”
“Do you think my father ever will?” I asked, even though I didn’t want to let on that I actually cared. Still, I was pretty certain that my stepmother knew better anyway.
She shrugged and answered encouragingly, “I think you just need to give him some time. I know that Valerie and I are going to miss you though, so make sure to come back and visit.”
I smiled at her, but didn’t say anything
that I was feeling. I just shrugged and laughed. “You know I’m just going to be across town, right? It’s not like I’m moving to Africa…” Then, I teased, “What are you going to do when Val and I go to college?”
“Cry,” she answered quickly, before a small laugh. “A lot.”
I smiled at her and shook my head. “Well, you’ve got a little bit of time left still, so maybe you’ll get sick of our faces before then.”
“Never,” she answered as tears began to well in her eyes. After another heavy sigh, she clapped her hand on my arm solidly. “Go. Now. Before I bribe you into staying, or something.”
I smiled and gave her a hug. “Thank you, Diana. For everything.” I quickly turned around and got into the car, before she really did say anything that would convince me to stay.
As I left, I spied my stepsister, Valerie, watching from a few houses down, alongside her boyfriend, Zachary.
The two of them were making out, which made me roll my eyes as I passed them. Even still, I waved, but they paid me no mind.
He was an okay guy and everything, but just like everything else in Valerie’s life she could do no wrong when it came to picking a boyfriend. To my father, but even to my stepmother at times, Zachary was wonder boy, while I was always the underdog who never seemed to rise to the occasion.
I had gotten a lot of, “Why can’t you be more like Zachary…” from my father, which really angered me. He got good grades and seemed to excel fluidly at any sport he tried, while still managing to have just enough time for Valerie.
It was exceedingly nauseating.
After all, I wasn’t Zachary and even though there was a part of me that did want to be a little more like Zachary in certain ways, I was never going to be like him. I wished people would just stop implying that was a possibility.
Granted, I hadn’t had a particularly bad life. I knew from some of my friends, things that I heard and the way my own mother treated me when I was little, that things could be worse. But under my father’s unforgiving thumb was just not how I chose to live my life. I didn’t want to have my father looking over my shoulder anymore and pointing out every single one of my mistakes. I wanted to be able to enjoy what I had and take pride in my own accomplishments, as small as they may have seemed to everyone else but me.
I was also sick of Valerie outdoing me at everything.
In a way, I longed for the flippant nature that my birth mother showed. I didn’t necessarily need to have anyone’s approval. I just wanted to do my own thing without having the constant stain of someone’s disapproval following every move I made.
I figured living with my mother, which would basically be like living by myself, I would have the freedom I sought and it would give everyone a chance to cool down.
I was angry, yes, but there was a deep-seated reason for that anger that had very little to do with the actual people involved, but rather the situation.
Therefore, I decided that if I was able to move away, I could lessen the burden of that anger, which would make me able to enjoy the people who I knew, deep down, still truly cared for me.
I wasn’t even off of my father’s street before I heard my cellphone ring. I answered the phone and put it on speaker, but I knew who it was before I even said hello.
“Hi, Dalilah,” I yelled into the phone.
“Did you leave yet?” my girlfriend asked, after a pause, “It sounds like you’re in the car.” Dalilah was a good girl, but had wild hair. She was the one who had encouraged me to go to my mother’s house, but I wouldn’t dare tell anyone that. My family already disliked her as it was.
“Yeah,” I said. “I’m on my way.”
“Good!” she answered, sounding relieved. “Do you need help unpacking?”
“No…I should be good,” I replied, now starting to get nervous. My mother knew that I was coming, but after not seeing her in almost a year, I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect.
Now that I had officially left, I was beginning to think that I had made an impulsive decision. What if she changes her mind? I thought, feeling slightly panicked. “Hey, listen, can I call you back?”
“Sure…” She sounded a little put off, but I didn’t care. I needed some time to think and I knew that talking to my girlfriend wasn’t really going to help.
She was beautiful and alluring, but had a temper and a touch of a controlling personality that could be a little rough. Still, she was always there for me whenever I needed her, so I couldn’t help but want to stay with her.
“We’re still on for later though, right?” she demanded.
“Yeah, of course!” I hoped that I could actually keep that promise.
The truth was that with my mother, I could never tell what kind of mood she would be in when I got there, or what kinds of plans she would have. Likely, she was going out with her friends and couldn’t care less what her new roommate was doing, but I could never be too sure. Therefore, I knew that only time would tell.
Chapter Three
Valerie
I was feeling fantastic! It was about a week after Shawn had moved out and I had just had my molars removed.
It also helped that I had gotten to take the day off from school. As a senior especially, even one who valued my grades as highly as I did, it was always nice to only have to go to class four days out of the week.
I was high from the laughing gas and I found everything absolutely hilarious. On my way out, my mother met me at the door.
“How are you feeling?” she asked me.
“Weeeee!” I answered. “No pain, Momma Bear, none at all!” I let out a roar of laughter, which made my mother roll her eyes.
She placed her hand firmly on my shoulder before she looked deep into my eyes and tried to speak to the part of my basic functions that were allowing me to walk and talk, at least somewhat coherently. The rest of me was obviously lost to the world.
“I need to fill out some forms. I will just be a minute. Please go sit down over there.”
I laughed again loudly, but didn’t have a care in the world. “I’m high, Mom, not deaf.” I stuck my fingers in my ears, referring to the loudness of her tone.
I guess she had thought that if she spoke loud enough, she would be able to reach deep down inside and pull out the essence that I was insisting upon.
She shook her head, turned me around and walked me back to a chair.
On the way here, I made her swear that no matter what I did, she would not videotape me. That would be just like her sick sense of humor and there was a part of me that was glad I had made her do that, even now in my seemingly drunken stupor.
My hazy eyes glanced around the room until they settled on a face that seemed to be familiar, even though I couldn’t quite place it.
I squinted, trying my best to think of exactly who it was that I was just barely recognizing sitting across the waiting room
Teacher? I thought. No…Does my mom work with her? Nah…Old boss? I don’t think so…
Then, just as my drunken stupor was about to take over and demand to know who the woman was, I saw a much more familiar face coming out of the other door.
My strange sense of annoyance with everything that was going on caused me to squint my eyes and wonder for only a second, before I realized that the person, who resembled my own state quite a bit, was my stepbrother.
I laughed at him again as he made his way out of the room, and he stared at me with a blank expression before moving toward me.
“Hi!” he said in a chipper, intoxicated happy voice. “I know you!”
I giggled back at him. “I know you too…Stranger.”
We both shared a laugh before we heard the shrill voice of the woman that I now vaguely recognized as Shawn’s biological mother. “Oh! Diana…I am so happy to see you.”
This got the attention of the two of us. Even in our current state of joy and oblivion, I was sure that this was going to be an interesting conversation.
My mother hated Shawn’s mother. But ev
er the lady, the only indication of her aggravation towards Shawn’s mother were the terrible looks that she would shoot her. It was fantastic. I loved every solitary moment of it, because from the way Shawn’s mother acted, the two of them were old friends.
“She doesn’t care about me at all,” Shawn whispered to me before he giggled. “And it’s great!”
I smiled, but even in my state, I lacked the sense of pleasure the idea brought to him. I just sat there quietly.
My mother turned around, confused at first, but then saw Shawn out of the corner of her eye and gave his mother one of her infamous looks. I giggled, knowing the dynamic, but Shawn just watched the two of them. He looked as though he was going to burst into laughter at any moment.
“Hello, Cindy,” my mother answered tightly.
“What are the chances, right?” Cindy answered, going in for an unreturned hug. However, that didn’t break her stride at all. Before giving my mother any more time to answer than what it took to smile and hum slightly, she said, “However, I am so happy that I found you.”
“You are?” She raised one eyebrow and tried once again not to laugh.
Cindy nodded and continued in a loud, slightly obnoxious voice. “I would love it if you could take Shawn for me.”
“He’s only been there a week,” my mother answered carefully, this time completely unable to hide the look of aggravation on her face.
“I know.” She ducked her head, as though embarrassed, but everyone else knew that was not the case at all. “But I have a business trip that snuck up on me and I simply cannot get out of it.” Dramatically, she pressed her fingertips to her forehead and tried to appear as though she was thoroughly flushed with guilt.
Even in my current state, it was hard not to laugh at this absurd act. However, since I could now get away with random outbursts, I did.
However, I laughed so hard and so loud that everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to stare at me.
“You’ve got a funny looking face…” I said toward Shawn’s mother, who narrowed her eyes at me slightly.
Dirty Stepbrother Page 69