He shook his head. “No. Go ahead and laugh. I got beat up by a girl.” He rolled his eyes.
“Why did she hit you? Did you have a fight?” I asked, for some reason seriously oblivious to the obvious.
“I guess you could say that,” Shawn answered and smiled. “But on the bright side, I’m single and taking applications.”
I gave him a teasing glare before it clicked. “Wait…did she find out?”
He winced, but I don’t think it had anything to do with the pain in his jaw. “Yeah…She did, but it’s okay. I made sure that she wouldn’t bother you.”
At this, I became extremely concerned. “Shawn, what is that supposed to mean?”
He shrugged. “If it’s all the same to you, I would rather not talk about it.”
“But…if she is going to do something to you…”
“She’s not! Her bark is bigger than her bite…” he grumbled.
I pointedly observed his jaw and answered, “Well, that’s still a pretty damn big bite.”
“Yeah…” He grew slightly angry as he added in a testy voice, “I said I don’t want to talk about it! Just drop it, okay?”
I thought for a moment, worried about him, simply because I had no doubt of what Dalilah was capable of. She was crazy and probably bipolar. She was manipulative and had a warped sense of reality. She stopped at nothing to get what she wanted, which was never a good thing. All she ever thought about or cared about was herself and now, poor Shawn was caught up in the middle of it.
However, before I could respond, he said, “So, what brings you here? I’m sure it had nothing to do with listening to me complain about my ex-girlfriend and her amazingly accurate and painful right hook.” He chuckled.
“No, but if I had known…” I answered, now feeling guilty for having such a wonderful, unexpected morning, while he suffered. I looked around and demanded, “So, where was your mother while all of this was going on?”
“Out,” he answered as his eyes lowered halfway into a look of contempt and disdain. He shook his head. “But I told you, Val, I don’t want to talk about me anymore. What’s up with you?”
“Well…” I answered, feeling my cheeks redden slightly with embarrassment. “I got an early birthday present.”
“Oh yeah?” he answered, trying to sound cheerful, even though I was sure that he was still in a lot of pain. Still, I appreciated the effort.
“I came to show you.”
“Well, where is it?” he asked, after making a point to look around.
“Umm…” I answered slowly, “It’s…”
He stopped me right there, with his eyes growing wide. “No…Really? A car?”
I nodded, unable to ignore the way the butterflies of excitement felt rustling around in my stomach. “Do you want to see it?”
“Yeah! Of course I want to see it!” he exclaimed as he got up and put the ice pack on the table in front of him. He smiled, but for a moment, I could have sworn it was forced. “Let’s go!”
I wanted to feel differently. I wanted to be humble, considering our parents completely ignored his countless birthday and Christmas requests for not only a car, but also, just help with a car, and the terrible morning he was having. I couldn’t imagine that hearing about and seeing my new car would make any of that easier to handle.
However, as we made our way out, he either feigned or was legitimately excited to see it; he hugged me tight. “This is awesome! You have to take me out! Come on! Let’s go!”
I looked over at him and saw the familiar sparkle of excitement that I remembered from growing up with him.
I had not seen this sparkle in his eye in a very long time and I was sure, since he likely didn’t even realize that he was doing it, that he couldn’t be faking this. For a moment, I saw the old Shawn, the friend that I had grown up with for all of those years.
This gave me a jolt of even more excitement.
“Yes!” I said. “I would love to! Where do you want to go?”
“Let’s go to breakfast. I’m starving!” He smiled at me and I just shook my head. For once, this really was the old Shawn.
I should have worked harder to break him and Dalilah up before, I thought as Shawn kissed me briefly, before running back into the house to get changed.
I hadn’t expected this and it stopped me in my tracks. The taste of him was still readily familiar on my lips from last night, but the fresh sensation was absolutely delightful. I couldn’t believe that I was feeling this way about him and us.
Everything was so new and so pleasant. When I was with him, especially with my new car and sense of having a truly unending supply of possibilities, I couldn’t wait to see what came next.
During breakfast, after testing out the car, we laughed and enjoyed our newfound relationship. In public, we were not really affectionate, because we didn’t want to get caught; but we both still knew what was going on, which was strange, but rewarding.
Instead of constantly wondering what was going on with what the other felt, we actually knew and felt the same way. It was a glorious experience, but extremely different than anything I had ever felt before.
However, even though he seemed pretty much back to his old self, I did notice that he kept bringing up the car. At first, it was in a pleasant way, but eventually, it didn’t seem so pleasant.
Shawn was just kidding, of course, but every time he said something, I wondered what he was really thinking.
Still, considering the highs and lows that had brought us to this moment, I considered that perhaps he had a right to insert a few jibes here and there. I did have a brand new convertible and all he received this morning was a sucker-punch to the face; and breakfast, because I felt like he needed it after the morning he had. Therefore, I didn’t think much about his comments.
Then, finally, he said, “You know, I’m just kidding with you. I know that the car has nothing to do with you and I am very happy for you. It runs great and it is absolutely gorgeous. I just can’t help getting my two cents in every once and awhile.”
I shrugged. “Give me your two cents to your heart’s content. I’m just happy about having the car.”
“As you should be. That’s awesome,” He sighed and I knew there was more to that comment, but he had chosen not to say it.
In a way, even though I tried to understand and was genuine in the understanding that I found, I was glad.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Shawn
Breakfast was fun. In a lot of ways, it was just like old times. It was great! I was able to hang out with Valerie without worrying about stupid Dalilah breathing down my neck and worrying about what hell she was going to give me when I saw her next.
I was worried about what she was going to do, but I had meant what I said. If she messed with Valerie, she wasn’t going to like my response.
As far as Valerie’s car was concerned, I knew that I was slightly jealous, but that was nothing all that new. Everyone knew that and I felt like I had good reason to be.
Like I had told Valerie in the diner, it had nothing to do with her. I was happy for her. If her mother was not married to my father, I would have absolutely nothing to say or think about the car, except for my happiness for her. But I wished my father had shown me even a fraction of the love, support and enthusiasm that he showed Valerie.
Since he could give her things and encourage her to do well, I knew he was capable of it, so I didn’t think I was as jealous as I was angry at the impossibility of ever being treated fairly by either of my parents. My mother simply didn’t care about me and my father always seemed disappointed in. me.
Yet, in light of my new situation, I was beginning to think that staying with my father was going to be the lesser of two evils. At least there, I had two people that I knew cared about me.
Then again, if I moved back home, where would Valerie and I go to get away?
This decision was a process. I knew that, but the fact that the thoughts were even crossing my mind mad
e me seriously contemplate the conversation that we had on the way back to my mother’s house.
“So…” Valerie said cautiously, “How is it living with your mom?”
I laughed and answered honestly, “Terrible!” Then, I looked at her and answered, “Although living alone isn’t so bad, except when there is only alcohol left in the fridge. That sucks a little.”
Valerie made a face and I had a feeling that I had said too much. “Eww…Are you hungry?”
I shook my head. “No. I always find something.” I shrugged and added, “Mom is almost always at her boyfriend’s. I don’t really have much to do with her and just like when I was little, she has very little to do with me.” I shrugged. “I guess it’s a mutual thing. I’m not really sure.”
“Well, have you ever considered coming home?” she asked me, almost as though she was far too hopeful about it.
I tried to remain neutral. “Yeah, I guess. But it’s not like it’s much better. My dad definitely doesn’t want me to come back.”
“You don’t know that,” she answered. “I think he misses you. My mom thinks he misses you and we know that we miss you. My mom talks about you all the time.”
I considered it for a moment and answered thoughtfully, “You really think so? You think he actually misses me, you mean?”
“Absolutely. You’re his son. He wants you to be happy.”
“But this,” I replied, unable to stop myself, “makes me think that he is just the same as he always was.”
“He is. I just think that you two should try to work things out. Instead of being so passive aggressive with him, you need to talk to him. You should tell him that what he is doing bothers you and that you want to have the father you remember back.”
I stared at her strangely for a moment, since I wasn’t used to her being so blatant and open with me. “I don’t know. I think that he’s just going to shut me out.”
She shrugged. “All you can do is try.” After she stopped the car at a light, she looked over at me and answered with a heavy connotation, “At the very least, the ratio of food to alcohol is always far more appealing. If you don’t want to starve, that is.”
I knew that was going to come back to haunt me, I thought, realizing that probably wouldn’t be the last time I had my honest words used against me.
I shrugged and even as I made my defense, I knew that it was not only lame, but also far too late. “It’s really not that bad. I mean, I’m not starving. I always manage. It’s just annoying.”
She nodded. “Well, that still doesn’t sound like an environment I would like to have to spend my last year of high school in. Your father might be rough on you, but at least you know that he loves you and is going to provide for you.”
“Yeah…If he’ll take me back into ‘his house’ as he likes to say.”
“I’m sure he will,” she answered and then as she started the car again, she smiled. “In fact, why don’t we test the waters? Come to the house one night next week. Have an actual home-cooked meal and enjoy our company. I know that my mother and I would love to have you and if you feel so inclined, you can talk to your father about moving back home…or at least have a conversation with him about how you’re feeling and if things don’t go well, you can just go home.”
With that, we pulled into my mother’s driveway. I stared up at the house and realized that I really didn’t want to stay there for much longer. I must have really felt weird though, because I realized that I was seriously considering what she was saying. In fact, after a few moments of contemplation, I realized that I actually did want to go to dinner with them. I wanted to enjoy a meal at the table where I had grown up and spend time with the people who mattered to me, just as much as I mattered to them.
As I found out, somewhat begrudgingly, that was an extremely short list.
Finally, I answered, “You know what? Sure!”
“Really?” Valerie asked, seeming extremely excited about the possibility of me working things out with my father.
I didn’t know why she cared so much, but I was happy that she did. It made me feel good to know that at least somebody was looking out for me.
“Yeah,” I smiled, realizing that her excitement was somewhat contagious. “I guess I could do that. Just tell me what day to show up. My schedule is open.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Valerie
Even with my excitement over the new car, after I left Shawn’s mom’s house, I couldn’t wait to get home to tell mom. She was ecstatic to hear that he wanted to come home, even just for dinner, and went right to the calendar.
Unfortunately, even though Shawn’s schedule was clear, that didn’t mean that everyone else’s was. While my mother made it clear that Shawn was always and would always be welcome to eat over whenever he wanted, a formal dinner could not be arranged until a week later.
Nonetheless, I was enjoying the possibilities of our life together. Throughout that week at school even though everything had changed, it seemed like everything had actually gone back to a sense of normal that we had not experienced together in a long time.
We started having lunch together again, and even though we didn’t tell anyone about our relationship, we made it a point to spend every minute we could together. I picked him up for school and in return, he had even kept the smart remarks about my new car to himself.
For the first time in a long time, we were actually having a great time together and I couldn’t wait to see where the new possibilities would lead.
Still, the week dragged on since I was so excited about him coming over, but finally, tonight was the night.
So, instead of dropping him off at his mother’s house, who still hadn’t returned home more than once since he had last seen her, I brought him back to his family home.
I had to admit though, when we pulled in the driveway, it was a little strange. So much had changed and so much time had passed since the last time we had done this, that it seemed almost awkward.
Yet, I was too excited to allow it to be anything less than exhilarating.
Staring at the house alongside of him, I knew that it would only be a matter of time before my mother rushed out to meet us. She was happy about having the two of us home and like me, she had looked forward to the dinner and talked about it all week.
I only hoped that Shawn felt the same. Even though he seemed to be happy about the whole thing, today, he was particularly quiet.
I wanted him to be as overjoyed as we were. But the fact of the matter was, he seemed as though he was doing this just to make me happy, or perhaps to make my mother happy.
At first, he seemed to have been into it, but throughout the week, I was always the one to bring it up. And when I looked at him now, staring through the passenger’s side of the windshield, I couldn’t quite pinpoint his expression. There was a slight amount of intrigue in his eyes, but there was also a sense of reservation and I wasn’t sure why.
However, I knew that it was probably better not to ask. After all, if I brought attention to his nervousness, or whatever it was that was bothering him, that might only make it worse. I doubted highly that he wanted to talk about anything, since we were sitting in the driveway, and there really was no turning back.
I touched his arm lightly, and when his eyes broke away from the hard stare he had with the house, I gave him a comforting smile. His lips curled up in a twisted grin, but then ticked down, just as quickly and I heard him sigh.
“Are you all right?” I asked him.
“Yeah…This is going to be fun,” and without giving me a moment to respond, he shoved the door of the car open and got out.
I followed him up the driveway, and as though she was looking on from behind the curtains, just as I had suspected, my mother ran outside. She threw her arms up in the air and embraced Shawn eagerly.
“Hello Shawn! I have missed you so much!”
He laughed somewhat nervously. “Hi…I have missed you too.”
“We are
so happy that you decided to come to dinner tonight,” my mother replied, stepping back from him and looking him over. “And it seems like you need a good, home-cooked meal. Honey, you look as though you’ve lost a good amount of weight. What is that woman feeding you?”
Even though Shawn just smiled, I averted my eyes. I hadn’t told my mother what Shawn had told me, because I didn’t believe it was my place. Besides, if I had repeated any of Shawn’s experiences living with his biological mother, my mom would probably have busted down the door and dragged him out of there.
That probably wouldn’t have ended well.
Thankfully, my mother didn’t pry too much. When no one answered her about the food, she shook her head and turned back toward the house. “Well, it’s almost ready. You know how your father likes to have dinner at a specific time.”
My mother was almost back at the front door so she didn’t hear, but I heard Shawn reply in a malice-stricken voice, “Yes…my father,” before rolling his eyes. That was the beginning of the end of the idea that we were going to have a nice evening.
The meal was strained from the start and it wasn’t completely Shawn’s fault. Even though we were certain that Paul had missed Shawn, you would have never known it by the way he was acting.
Every question he asked his son was pointed and borderline, if not blatantly inappropriate, while each answer that Shawn gave was curt and usually sarcastic.
My mother and I just sat across from one another, giving one another eyes of what was going on. Neither one of us could understand what was happening between Shawn and his father. Increasingly, we were growing slightly concerned.
With each word exchanged between father and son, it became even more obvious that this was not going at all the way that my mother and I had planned. Yet, when our efforts to lighten the tension failed, we believed that if we tried anymore, things would turn even uglier.
As it turned out, our input was not needed to make anything worse.
When Paul brought up the new car, we were sure this dinner was over. Unfortunately, it didn’t end there.
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