Then, one day, while I was working on a homework assignment, having literally had nothing else to do, I noticed that Valerie was staring at me.
I looked over at her and stared back, but I didn’t want to upset her by trying to make conversation. I just swallowed hard.
“Hi…” Valerie said after a few moments. The tension had risen extremely high by that point, so when she spoke, it almost startled me.
“Hi…” I answered and then asked with genuine concern, “Is everything okay?”
She nodded. “I was just…I just…” As she spoke, I wasn’t sure if she was trying to think of the right words to say, or if she was upset, but her breath kept growing increasingly shallow and her eyes began to redden, before she bit her lip and I saw tears begin to gloss over her eyes.
“Valerie…” I stood up and moved toward her. “It’s okay…” I reached out to her and hugged her into my arms.
She sobbed loudly and began to cry. I felt the wet spots lining my sleeve almost immediately. “It’s okay…” I answered carefully. “Everything is okay…”
“No!” She yelled finally, now backing away from me almost completely. “Everything is not okay, Shawn.” She sniffled and narrowed her eyes. “I have lost everything! Everyone I know is mad at me, with the exception of you and to be honest, I am still very mad at you.”
I nodded before I replied in a thoughtful, considerate way, “I know you are and I don’t blame you. You have every right to be furious with me, but I am here for you, no matter what you need.”
“I need this to be fixed!” She exploded, now completely breaking away from me. “I need things to go back to the way they were! We should have never done this!”
I tried not to take offense, but the serious nature of her tone made me feel extremely bad. I didn’t want to be hurt by what she was saying, but even with everything that happened, I didn’t think that our relationship was a mistake. I liked the way our relationship was going and I wanted to keep it working well. There was no reason that it shouldn’t, once we got through this hurdle.
I was hopeful about it, but right now, I certainly didn’t think that it was wise to tell Valerie that.
Instead, I just nodded, but didn’t say anything, for fear of what might slip out if I opened my mouth.
She stomped around angrily for a moment and then screamed, sharp and loud before she thrust herself back around and demanded, “What am I supposed to do?”
I sighed, trying to remain calm. I wasn’t growing angry with her, because I didn’t feel attacked, but I did begin to feel a sense of unrest. I was growing agitated, seeing her in such distress. “Honestly? I think that you should focus on the problem one step at a time instead of focusing on the big picture.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” she demanded, while her eyes glowed with hate and rage.
“Well…I mean…Take it one step at a time…Have you heard from your mother since you left? Has she called you?”
Valerie stopped, shook her head and broke down again. She ran to the couch and collapsed on it. “What did I do that was so terrible?” I really had no answer for her.
I sat down next to her and thought about something to say that might make her take the pressure off of herself, if I couldn’t actually make her feel better. “Family is supposed to be the only people on the planet that you can count on for everything…But apparently, my family and your family were cut from the same cloth.” I shrugged. “The only difference is that you were the good kid until recently.” With a sinking heart, which compounded so much stress onto me that I felt the weight of it heavily on my chest until I exhaled deeply, I added sadly, “Because of me…” I looked up at her with a genuinely upset expression. “God, Valerie, I am so sorry. I never meant for this to happen.”
I knew that this conversation was bound to happen sometime and while I wasn’t exactly thrilled about it, I knew that if I started it, or at least attempted to start it, I would have a prayer of getting through it and having things improve, instead of getting through it and her never wanting to talk to me again.
Yet, instead of opening a new dialogue, my conversation inadvertently took a stunning turn for the worst.
Valerie stopped crying and froze in place for a long moment before her reddened face and tearful eyes turned to glare at me. “You’re sorry? I have no one left, all because of you and your stupid mouth, but you’re sorry and that is supposed to make it all go away? You didn’t pull my hair on the playground, Shawn, you ripped me away from my family. That is going to take a hell of a lot more than just a simple, whoops, my bad!” She stormed to her feet and was back in my room, with the door slammed shut before I could call out another word.
“Valerie? Wait! Please!” I got up off of the couch and ran toward her.
“Go away! I knew it was stupid trying to talk to you!” she screamed from behind the door. “I hate you!”
At this, I stopped short. Her words cut through my heart like an arrow, passing straight through and leaving a massive hole. I staggered back and breathed, “You…” but could not bring myself to speak the rest of the question aloud. It was just too painful and I realized that I didn’t even want to try to give her a chance to clarify, because if it hurt this much now, I couldn’t imagine what it would be like if she actually went through with the confirmation of it. I felt like I was going to be sick.
However, as I turned around, I heard my phone ring. Desperate for a distraction, I picked it up without even looking at the caller ID.
“Hello?” A woman said. As my brain made the connection to who the voice belonged to, I found that I was completely stunned. “This is Diana…Valerie’s mom.”
“Hi…” I answered, now really feeling like I was going to be sick, “Yes...Of course…” My voice sounded lame, but that didn’t seem to matter to my stepmom.
“Shawn, I know you are probably furious with me, but I need you to tell me the truth.” She sounded as though she was crying and immediately, I feared for her safety, since her voice was frantic.
“Of course. You’re family. What’s wrong?”
“Is Valerie with you? I have been trying to reach her…but her phone has been off.”
“Yes,” I responded quickly, even though I had a million questions flooding my brain at the moment. “She is with me. She is safe. She is fine.”
“Oh, thank God!”
Chapter Thirty-One
Valerie
The second I slammed the door shut, I put my headphones in my ears and focused on the music. At first, I allowed myself to get distracted by Shawn, but after I had said my piece, I just turned the music up louder and drowned him out completely.
Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t hear him. I didn’t want to hear him. I was so fed up with him and with the course of my life that I just wanted to leave everyone behind and never come back.
I checked my phone again and began to read through past text messages that were now almost two weeks old that my mother had sent me.
She still hadn’t sent me anything and I was beginning to be far more hurt than I was angry. The more time passed, the more that the phone calls and text messages began to represent a life that I had a very long time ago.
Like many other things that had happened before the night that Shawn had single-handedly ruined my life, the simple pleasures of talking to my mother were a memory, at least for now. However, I treasured the reminders of the experience that I had and knew that no matter what happened, I would always have these memories.
I wasn’t quite sure what had happened with my mother, since she of all people should have been able to understand. She had watched me grow up with Shawn. She had seen how I looked at him, even before I knew what I was doing. She had probably known, long before I even had a hint of how I would grow to feel about him and yet, it still seemed that she didn’t understand. What was worse, she didn’t even want to try to understand.
I just couldn’t get it. If I couldn’t talk to Shawn, which I ob
viously couldn’t, then who else was I supposed to be able to talk to? I was scared and I felt increasingly alone; didn’t she understand that?
What hurt the most of the whole experience was my mother’s betrayal. Sure, I was angry at Shawn for being an idiot and I could completely understand why my mom and stepfather were upset. But at the end of the day, the fact that I didn’t feel like my mother wanted me anymore, that her marriage was more important, not the relationship that she and I had as mother and daughter, was increasingly hurtful.
Every second that passed without her calling, even to ask where I was staying, cut me deeper. I didn’t want things to be this way, and the idea that this might go on indefinitely was almost more than I could stomach.
I sighed and my mind inadvertently focused on the fact that Shawn was still residing outside of my bedroom door, probably begging to be in. I heard him knock a little and I heard his voice, but I had no idea what he was saying and I didn’t care. The last person I wanted to speak to at the moment was Shawn.
So, I just told him to go away again and focused on something else in order to drown out the sound.
Eventually, he gave up I supposed, because after a little while, I didn’t hear him any longer. I was glad.
I enjoyed the silence for a little while before I finally had to go to the bathroom. I didn’t want to have to leave, considering I knew that if Shawn was home, he would probably attack me as soon as I walked out. Then again, I knew that I couldn’t stay in here forever, so I slipped my phone into my pocket and made my way over to the door. When I opened it, I automatically saw Shawn sitting there, staring at my door with a hard glower, waiting for me.
I tried to walk past him, but he stood up and grabbed my arm. He yelled something, but I had my headphones up so loud, I couldn’t hear him.
However, he was insistent. He finally pulled one of my earbuds out and before I could say anything, he yelled, “Your mom called me.”
I opened my mouth to retort, tell him something nasty in hopes that it would wound him bad enough that he would leave me the hell alone, but then, my mind caught up with what he said, seeing past the anger and feeling a sense of anticipation and excitement. “Are you serious?” While I spoke, I popped the other earbud out of my ear and paused my music.
He nodded.
“Why did she call you?” I demanded, easily finding something to be angry at him about; all I wanted to do was be angry with him. It made me feel even the slightest bit better and right now, I needed all of the help I could get.
Seeming as though my snotty expression didn’t bother him he answered calmly, “She wasn’t looking for me. She was looking for you…”
At this, I was suspicious of him, figuring he was trying to fool me. He probably had the best intentions, because it wasn’t like Shawn, even when he was angry to be spiteful, but intentions were worthless. I needed solutions. “Why would she call you?” I spat. “If she is this angry at me, she must absolutely hate you.”
I could have sworn I saw Shawn flinch at that, but instead of coming back with a retort he answered, “She wants you to call her. She misses you. She was really worried about you.”
“Then why didn’t she call my phone? I’ve only been staring at it every second I am alone…” I wasn’t sure if I was angry or just fed up with the situation, but either way, I didn’t need this right now. I felt my eyes well up with tears. This was the absolute last thing I needed today. I didn’t want to have him or anyone else meddling around in my business and now, it just seemed like every day, someone somewhere knew more about me than I even did. This whole situation was so majorly screwed up! I just couldn’t take it anymore.
“She doesn’t know! She tried to call you, but she says your phone has been off every time she has tried to call and her texts are never responded to.” At first, he was yelling over me, but when I stopped to actually listen to him, Shawn lowered his voice and squinted his eyes in a confused manner. “And one more thing. She didn’t know anything about the note.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Shawn
After I finally was able to tell Valerie what her mother had told me, she raced off to call her mother, just as confused as I was. I had no idea what was going on. It didn’t make any sense to me that Valerie’s mother wouldn’t have been able to get in touch with her daughter.
Diana said that she had tried to call her daughter many times before, but she was always unable to reach her. Since I had no idea what was going on, I just answered her questions as best as I could. I tried my best not to embellish, because I knew that I wasn’t entirely sure what I was talking about and so, I didn’t want to do or say anything that would make things worse for the two of them.
However, I was happy. I knew that if Valerie was able to start talking to her mother again, the wounds might begin to heal and life might eventually go back to normal, at least for Valerie.
I was happy for that and for once, felt no jealousy. I had learned my lesson about that, or at least I hoped I did. I certainly didn’t want to end up bitter and miserable. I had eluded that fate my entire life. I would hate to have to start such an exhaustive, thankless and demeaning lifestyle now.
Therefore, when her mother asked me if she could speak to her, I told her the truth, that Valerie would be extremely happy to hear from her mother once she spoke to me long enough for me to tell her.
When her mother seemed confused, I explained that even though she was here and she was safe, she was ignoring me at this particular moment. I was going to have to try to tell her that she was looking for her as soon as I possibly could, when she stopped being so stubborn, but as we both knew, that might take a while.
Confused as I was, when I got off of the phone with her mother, I was very pleased by the result of our conversation. In addition to Diana wanting to work things out with Valerie, she also didn’t seem to be all that angry with me either. At the very least, she didn’t threaten me and she actually spoke with me, even after I assured her that Valerie was safe.
At the end of the conversation, my stepmother even went as far as to thank me for taking her in and ensuring that she was okay.
I told her that she knew I would do anything for Valerie and even though she seemed slightly weird about her answer, she agreed that was one thing that she never had to worry about, which made me happy, despite the strange situation.
Now that I had delivered the important message that I had for my stepsister, I imagined that Valerie would want nothing to do with me anymore, but for now, that was okay. At least I was able to help her reconnect with her mother. That was something after all and I was sure that once she stopped wishing that she could kill me with her glower, she would find it in her heart to be somewhat appreciative.
Perhaps then, she would want to talk to me a little bit, but after the fight that we had earlier in the afternoon, I certainly wasn’t going to hold my breath. However, not too long after I finally relayed my message to Valerie, there was a knock at the door.
Unless she got drunk and lost her key again, I seriously doubted it was my mother, but at this point, I didn’t really care who it was.
I opened the door without giving too much care to who was behind it and as soon as I did, I felt a hard swing to my face.
Bracing myself against the door I staggered backward, but before I could recover, I felt myself get pushed inward and a guy quickly pounced on top of me.
I immediately knew that my nose was bleeding, but before that could completely register, I felt hands grasp at my shirt, pull me up and then slam me back down. “Where is she? What did you do, you sick pervert!”
Immediately, I put my hands up to block my face while I tried to see through watering eyes who it was that had attacked me.
However, when I saw that the man was about to hit me again, I quickly rolled my head away, andhe smashed his hand against the floor.
I heard him yell and I took the opportunity to force myself up and push the man back. I ran after him, grabbed his
shirt and got a good punch into the square of his jaw.
The guy’s head whipped to the side, but when it swung back around, I could tell that it was Zachary.
Not wanting to really hurt him, or anyone, I backed up and demanded, “What the hell are you doing?”
“Where’s Valerie?”
“I don’t know,” I lied, defensively putting my hands up to cover my face. I wasn’t about to tell him anything about her while he was acting crazy.
“Oh, don’t even try to lie, you piece of shit,” Zachary screamed as he got back to his feet and began to come toward me again. “Dalilah told me everything!”
“Dalilah?” I growled hatefully. The malice that I felt must have distracted me though, because I was sure that I felt my hands drop slightly, before Zachary pushed them completely out of the way and hit me again, this time in the exact same place that I had smacked him.
He grasped my shirt again and ran me into a nearby wall. I winced, but I didn’t want to yell out, because I didn’t want to alert Valerie. I wanted to keep her away from this psycho, if it was the last thing I did.
I took a deep breath and pounded my fist into the side of his head. He staggered back slightly, but then returned with a vengeance grabbing my fist next time I tried to get another hit in and twisted it around, so that I had no other choice but to collapse onto the ground. He put a knee into my back.
Suddenly, I felt as though I couldn’t breathe. I tried to wriggle free, but he had a tight hold on me.
“Dalilah, you know, your ex-girlfriend that you attacked, right after she found out what you did to your stepsister?”
“What? What the hell is wrong with you?” I gasped for breath. “I never touched either of them!” I stopped to catch my breath, before I wheezed desperately, “You’re delusional!”
“You’re the one who is delusional! Valerie was just upset and you took advantage of her!” I felt his weight continue to bear down on my back as he arched himself closer. “You hurt her and for that, I am going to hurt you.”
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