I got up to pour us both another cup of coffee, and when I got back, I realized for the first time that I was starting to fall for her. I thought of Ryan telling me to be careful and not to get too close, but I knew that it was too late.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Sloan
I woke up before Brady that morning, which was quite something. Brady had always been the early riser, while I’d been the late sleeper. I turned to watch him for a while and wondered if he was having any more dreams about burning buildings. We’d had a great day yesterday. We spent the day riding horses and walking around the field. I was grateful to Harold for giving Brady some time off, but I couldn’t help but feel guilty at how much work he was now neglecting for me. I’d never known anyone to go out of their way like that for me before. I heard my phone buzzing and I quickly got out of bed and ran downstairs before Brady could hear it. He was so peaceful, and I didn’t want to wake him up.
“Hello?” I whispered.
“Sloan. I’m so sorry, did I wake you?”
“Victoria? Is everything okay?” I asked. I might have been a late sleeper, but I had nothing on Victoria who sometimes slept the whole morning away.
She sighed. “I couldn’t sleep. I thought I’d see if you were awake.”
“I was,” I said. “I was just lying in bed, actually. It’s nice to hear your voice. I’m sorry I haven’t called.”
“It’s okay. I know you said you were going to go away for a while, so I didn’t expect to hear from you. I just wanted to call and see if you were okay.”
I felt guilt wash over me. Victoria might represent a lot of things that I didn’t like about the big city life and being famous, but she was still a good friend. We might not talk about anything too deep or real, but she was always there for me. I should’ve at least let her know where I was.
“I’m okay,” I said. “I really should’ve called you, though. I guess it was easier not to get in touch. But thank you for phoning and checking on me. I appreciate it more than you know.” I felt myself getting tearful and my words caught at the end of the sentence.
“Oh, Sloan, you don’t sound okay,” she said.
“I’m fine. I promise you. I guess hearing your voice just reminds me of why I ran away.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t have called,” she said.
“I’m glad you did.”
“Really?”
“Really. How is everything going with you? What have you been up to?”
“Oh, you know me,” she said, and I realized that I actually didn’t know her. I spent a lot of time with Victoria, but we never spoke about anything of importance. I didn’t know one of my very best friends, and that made me sad. I wondered if she felt the same way. “I’m keeping busy,” she said.
I smiled. “That’s good.”
“Oh, I chopped all my hair off.”
I gasped. Victoria had long hair. Hair that she spent a long time styling to perfection every single day. Hair that had become her trademark. I never thought I’d see the day when she cut it.
“How short?”
“Short. Very short.”
“Oh wow. What made you do it? Do you like it?”
She chuckled. “I guess you leaving made me think a lot. I felt like a change, that’s all. And what better way to change than getting your hair cut off? And you won’t believe this, but I love it. I seriously love it. I feel so much lighter. And you won’t believe how much quicker it is for me to get ready in the mornings. I just have to wash it, dry it, and mess it up with my hands and it’s done.”
“I can’t believe you actually did it. That’s so cool. I’ve always said that you had the type of face that would suit any hairstyle. Send me a picture.”
“I will. I remember you telling me that. And I always told you that I would never cut it.”
“You see, you should’ve listened to me long ago. Ah, it’s really good to hear from you, Vic.”
“Yeah, it’s good to hear your voice too. It’s weird here without you. I mean, you just got back from shooting, and now you’re gone again.”
“I know. I didn’t expect that to happen.”
“Uh, so, I wanted to tell you a little bit about what’s going on. I know you don’t really want to hear, but I want you to at least be prepared. I wasn’t sure if I should call you, but I decided that if I were in your shoes, I’d probably want to know.”
I sighed. I didn’t want to hear anything, but I knew I had to. “Okay. Hit me with it. You’re right, I need to be prepared, and I can’t hide from all this forever.”
I heard Victoria taking a deep breath. “This is hard for me to say.”
“You can say it, Vic. I’m ready,” I said even though I didn’t feel ready at all.
“Okay,” she said. “They . . . uh . . . they released the porn movie that you were in.”
I groaned. That was the one thing I was hoping wouldn’t happen. Although I wasn’t sure why I was so surprised by it. I should’ve known that I couldn’t hide from my past forever. I couldn’t believe that for a while I’d thought that I could. I’d been living in a bubble, and now that bubble had burst. “Are you serious? They actually released it? What’s wrong with people? Why do they care so much? Why would they even do this to me?”
“Yeah, they released it. And that’s the sad state of the world we live in. People love nothing more than things like this. I’m so sorry. They’re idiots. Listen, Sloan, what’s actually going on? I didn’t know anything about this either, and I’m your best friend. I know you don’t have to tell me everything, but it’s all out there now. Will you at least tell me the truth? You know I won’t judge you.”
I sighed. It was the first real conversation the two of us had ever had, and I was starting to think that there might be a side to Victoria that I didn’t know at all. Maybe she wasn’t the self-centered person I’d always thought that she was. Maybe she too had just put up a wall to protect herself.
“I will tell you the truth. I owe it to you. But I’ll explain everything to you on Monday, if that’s okay? It’s not exactly the sort of thing you want to do over the phone. I hope you don’t mind. It’s just . . . it’s too much to explain right now.”
“Okay, I understand. I’d rather you tell me to my face too. So, you’ll be back on Monday then?”
“I’ll be back on Monday. I’ll see you then. I’ll come see you right away.”
“Let me know and I’ll get someone to get you and bring you straight to my place. Maybe don’t go home. There are still photographers out there waiting for you to come out. Some of them still think you’re holed up inside.”
I groaned. “Seriously? These people really need to get a life. Okay, that’s a good idea. I’ll keep you posted. Thanks again for phoning. I really appreciate it.”
“No problem, Sloan. And don’t worry. You’ll be fine. You’re stronger than you think.”
“I hope so, Vic. I hope so.”
“See you on Monday?”
“See you on Monday.”
I put the phone down and jumped when I saw Brady standing at the bottom of the stairs staring at me. He had a strange look on his face that I hadn’t seen before. Disappointment?
“So you’re leaving on Monday?” he said.
“I . . . .”
“And you didn’t think of telling me?”
“I didn’t really know what I was going to do, to be honest.”
“That’s not what it sounded like to me.”
“I’m sorry. I just . . . .” I didn’t know what to say. Brady was looking at me with so much hurt in his eyes, and I felt like my whole world was crumbling down around me. I’d never seen that look before.
“You know, Sloan, I’ve been good to you since you’ve been here. I didn’t once ask you what was going on. Of course I wanted to know, but I figured you’d tell me when you were ready. And I was willing to wait for that day. I thought that you and I had something special going on here.”
“We do,” I insiste
d.
“I’m not sure anymore. I know how I feel about you. But I actually don’t know how you feel about me. I’ve fallen for you, Sloan. I probably shouldn’t have done that, but I have. I couldn’t help myself. And I’m not one that falls for people easily. You know what I’m like. I don’t let people into my life. It was hard enough for me when you left the first time, but I just told myself that it wasn’t meant to be. And then you came back, and I fell for you all over. No, I fell for you even more. And now you’re just leaving?”
“I don’t know what to say.”
He sighed. “It didn’t matter to me what you were running away from. I would’ve accepted you no matter what. We all have a past, we’ve all done things we might not be proud of, and I know that you’re an amazing person no matter what anyone else says. I know it, Sloan. But I’m not your weekend getaway. You can’t treat me like that.”
“Brady, please. You’re not my weekend getaway. You’re more than that.”
“That’s not what it sounded like to me. I’m not sure who you were talking to on the phone, but you seemed pretty clear about your intentions and your plans. You’re leaving on Monday. That’s what you said. Sloan, I think you should go. Please, I can’t do this anymore. Just go.”
He walked out of the house, and I just stood there, staring at the space where he had been. I wanted to run after him and beg him to forgive me, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. He was right. I hadn’t been fair to him. Harold had told me that Brady was the one person that deserved to know the truth from me, and I still hadn’t told him.
I sighed, went upstairs and threw all my belongings into my bag. Then I called a cab to collect me. I stood outside and waited for him, then I climbed in and didn’t look back. I asked the driver to take me to a nearby hotel, but not the same one that I’d been to the last time. I didn’t want anyone to realize who I was. I thought about going straight to the airport, but I couldn’t bring myself to go back to New York just yet.
I checked in with a woman who barely glanced up at me, and I made my way to my hotel room. It wasn’t as nice as the place I’d stayed in before, and the people weren’t as friendly. But I was glad for that. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone. I lay on the bed and thought about what had happened. I’d lost the love and respect of the whole world, and now I had lost Brady, too. But maybe this was all for the best. I wouldn’t be able to lie to Brady about my past, and I wasn’t sure if he would accept me when he found out the truth. Perhaps coming here hadn’t been the best idea in the first place. I realized that I didn’t actually care what the rest of the world thought about me. I only cared about what he thought about me. And right now, that wasn’t much at all.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Brady
The night that Sloan left was probably one of the worst nights that I’d had in a long time. It had been hard enough saying goodbye to her the first time around. This time was so much harder, and I knew it was because I’d allowed myself to fall for her. I was such an idiot. What did I expect to happen? Did I really believe that some famous actress would swap her life of luxury for life in the middle of nowhere? It might be a nice place for her to hide out and to get away from it all, but it wasn’t who she was. It wouldn’t take long for her to get bored of the place. To get bored of me. I lay in bed that night feeling angry at myself. I’d been hurt before by someone close to me, and I’d promised myself that I would never let it happen again. Why had I allowed her into my life?
Despite getting hardly any sleep, I still woke up way before the sun. I got out of bed and made my way over to the ranch. I couldn’t be in my house. The place felt too quiet without Sloan, and I desperately needed something to do. I had to keep busy, and if there was one thing that would help, it was work. It was Sunday, and the ranch was quiet. I headed straight to the barn, even though seeing Betty made me miss Sloan even more. I said hello to her and asked her what I should do. For the first time, I wished that Betty could answer back. Although maybe it was for the best. I knew exactly what I should do without anyone telling me: I should forget all about ever meeting Sloan.
I looked around the barn and wondered what to do first. Harold must’ve been in there the day before because there wasn’t all that much that needed to be tended to. But I’d make work even if there wasn’t any to be had. There was always something to do, even if it was small. I was busy looking around when I heard a noise behind me and jumped. I turned around and saw Harold standing at the doorway of the barn with a shotgun pointed at me.
“Brady? You almost gave me a heart attack,” he said with his hand on his heart.
“And you almost gave me one. Why are you pointing that thing at me still?”
“Oh, sorry,” Harold said and lowered the gun. “I honestly thought that someone was here trying to steal the horses. It happened at some other ranch recently. That’s why I came early, actually. I know it’s usually quiet on a Sunday and I wanted to make sure everything was fine. But what are you doing here? You know I gave you time off for a reason. Are you really sneaking off to do some work without me noticing?”
I shook my head. “Uh, no. That’s not it. It’s . . . well . . . I guess I wanted to take my mind off everything. You know what I’m like. Being at work helps me forget. It’s probably why I work so hard. And anyway, I hate neglecting this place.”
“But where is Sloan?” Harold asked and looked around.
“Ah, she’s gone.”
“Gone? Back to New York?”
“I guess so.”
“Brady, come with me,” Harold said after a while.
We walked to the front of the ranch and he told me to wait on the porch. I had a feeling a serious conversation was coming up because the porch was Harold’s thinking spot. I sat down and waited for him, wondering where he had gone to. When he came back, he was carrying two steaming mugs of sweet tea. I smiled and took it from him.
“I know it won’t take away your problems, but I think it might help.”
I took a sip. “Hey, this isn’t bad, actually.”
“That’s a compliment coming from a coffee drinker like yourself. I gave some to Sloan once, and she also loved it.”
“She did? And she didn’t mind the sugar?”
He laughed. “Surprisingly not. So, speaking of Sloan, when are you going to tell me what happened?”
“Oh, uh, nothing happened. She’s just gone.”
Harold sighed. “You and I are so similar, Brady. But now that I’m older, I’m starting to realize that it’s good to share your problems with other people. I was so much like you when I was your age. I didn’t like to tell anyone what was going on in my head. I also had a lot of family issues, and I guess they’d always stayed with me, no matter where I went or what I did. I liked being the guy that kept his mouth shut. I thought it made me stronger. It’s only looking back now that I see how weak it actually made me. A strong person is not one that keeps everything to himself. A strong person has the guts to let someone else into their lives. And I know you and I have never had that kind of relationship. But that’s mostly because we’re both too stubborn to admit that we’re wrong. I never wanted to force you to talk to me, especially because I recognized so many of my own qualities in you. But maybe when I was younger I needed someone to tell me that I was wrong. You’re a good man, Brady. You’re the best worker I know, and you’re like the son I never had. And for once in your life, I’d like you to tell me what’s going on.”
I’d never heard Harold string together so many words at one time. I looked at him quickly and then looked back at my tea.
“Thanks, Harold. This is strange,” I said. “I’m not sure how to start.”
He laughed. “Strange isn’t always a bad thing. You’re just a little out of your comfort zone. But don’t worry, so am I. And you can start by just telling me why Sloan left.”
I took a deep breath and told him the whole story, about how the two of us had gotten close and how I’d started to fall in love wi
th her. The only parts I left out were the fact that we’d had sex in the barn and in the field. He didn’t need to know those parts.
“The thing is, Harold, I actually started to believe that she loved me too. I really did. Which, I now realize was my biggest mistake in all of this. That is the one thing that I should’ve known not to do, but I went and did it anyway.”
“Why would that be a mistake? Surely there’s nothing wrong with falling in love with someone? It’s only natural.”
“Oh come on, Harold. I shouldn’t fool myself. Look at Sloan. She’s a beautiful actress from New York City. She has an exciting life, a beautiful loft apartment and more money than I could ever imagine. Then look at me. I’m just a small-town country boy. I don’t care about fancy apartments. I don’t care about making more money than I know what to do with. I just enjoy being outside, and working hard. I like my life to be simple. She likes complication. I didn’t even like her when I first met her, and from what she’s said, she didn’t like me either. You’ve never met two people that are more different from the two of us. Why did I ever think that it might work?”
“But that’s where you’re wrong, Brady. Since when do people have to be the same to be in love? You both bring something different to the table. And you can’t force yourself to love someone you don’t have feelings for. You also can’t force yourself to un-love someone that you do have feelings for. The fact that you didn’t like each other to start with and you both ended up falling in love with each other only proves that you were meant to be together. You both had walls up, and you both saw right through them.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe you’re right. But I felt like I gave her everything while she gave me absolutely nothing in return. Nothing. Do you know that I never once asked her why she had come back? I mean, clearly something is going on. I know that. I know something big has happened and that she’s run away from it all. But I just accepted her without asking her anything. She gave me nothing back. If she really loved me as much as I loved her, then she would’ve told me what was going on. She wouldn’t have shut me down like that.”
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