by Wendy Smith
She gives me a small smile. “When I lost your father, I wanted to shut myself in a room and never come out. But I couldn’t. The rest of the world doesn’t just stop when you’re heartbroken.” With a kiss to my cheek, she lets go. “I’ll get going, because I do know you and Grace need time to yourselves. But you call me if you need anything. Day or night.”
“I will. Once the funeral’s over and done with, we’ll have to work out a new routine.”
She nods. “I’m always available. Have a good sleep. Take a pill if you have to. And whenever you want me to take Grace for a night or two, I’m happy to.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“And if you ever feed me those fake chicken monstrosities again, I’ll send you to your room.”
I chuckle, standing to give her a hug. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
Grace comes back into the room, and I let go of Mom.
“Good night, Grace,” Mom says.
Grace reaches up to give Mom a hug.
“If not before, I’ll see you on Friday at the funeral home,” she says.
I nod. “We’ll be there about ten. The funeral starts at half past.”
She smiles. “I’ll get there early in case anyone needs anything.”
“Thank you. I appreciate it.”
“Let’s give our girl the best send-off that we can.”
Grace wraps her arms around my waist as Mom leaves.
We made it through another day.
5
Brad
There are so many people here. Way more than I anticipated.
Lane was popular among the parents at the school. She involved herself in any and all school events. Even after her diagnosis, she still helped out when she could.
The community turns out to honor her, and it’s wonderful.
Lane’s coffin is in the center of the room. It’s still so hard to think of her in it. She was in the prime of her life, but missed the warning signs of an insidious disease that had taken over. In part, I blame myself.
Now, at twenty-nine, the mother of my child is dead.
She was too young to go.
The hard part about being family is that you end up sitting close to the coffin. Close to the reminder of all that you’ve lost.
Grace clings on around my waist, and I stroke her hair. Today will be one of the hardest days of her young life.
Molly’s parents appear in the doorway.
I swallow hard, a lump forming in my throat. For a moment, all I see is the sun shining through the door.
She appears, and the lump in my throat feels like a golf ball, it’s so big. Molly looks around. Our gazes lock.
There’s so much sorrow in her eyes that it leaves mine pricking with tears. It’s so confusing. Molly dumped Lane when she went to college too, and yet I can see her heartbreak. It’s written all over her face.
She gives me a small smile, and I nod. What else can I do? I’m grateful for her presence, but I don’t want it at the same time.
“Daddy.”
Grace’s voice shakes me out of my thoughts, and I smile down at her. “You okay?”
“When is it going to start?”
“When everyone sits down. I’m sorry. I know this is boring for you.”
She frowns. Being at a funeral when you’re seven can’t be fun. She knows what today’s about, but she’s just a child in a grown-up, shitty situation.
“You know there are cookies and cake afterward, right?”
She gives me the side-eye. “Are you sure? Mommy didn’t like too many cookies and cake.”
“Well, I’m telling you that you can go nuts today. Just today, though. And you have to brush your teeth when we get home. Deal?” I hold out my right hand, shaking my head as she extends her left. “You know that’s the wrong hand.”
Shaking it anyway, I can’t help but smile at her giggle. Today will be hard on both of us, and I’ll do anything to get through it.
I squeeze her against me, and press a kiss to the top of her head. Grace is the best parts of both Lane and me.
“If you’re ready to begin …” Jeff Parsons, the funeral director, says.
I nod. “I think so. If everyone’s here.”
“There’s no one else coming in from outside. I think we can close the doors and make a start.”
The first part of the funeral passes with me barely listening. Grace digs into my side, and tears stream down her face.
Mom sits on the other side of me, and when she can get her arm free from around Grace, she squeezes my hand tight. Somehow, I hold it together for our daughter.
“Brad, Lane’s husband, has a few words he’d like to say.”
I look up to see the minister smiling at me.
After kissing the top of Grace’s head, I detach her from me, and hook her arms around Mom.
My legs shake at first. I’m not ready, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for this. But it’s for Lane. And for Grace.
When I reach the lectern, I lick my lips and look around the room. So many faces. We’re in the middle of building a huge retirement complex, but all my staff are here. We’re very much a family-orientated business, and they are my family.
I clear my throat. “I’d like to thank you all for coming.” My gaze rests on Molly. “Lane was loved, and it’s so good to see so many people here. She would have been overwhelmed as she was never a woman who wanted a lot of attention.”
I take a breath. This is so hard. I look back at Grace. “Lane was the sweetest person I’ve ever met. She had the endless capacity for love, and her greatest achievement was Grace. Those are her words.”
Tears overtake me, and I know I have to wrap this up for my own sanity. “Thank you, Lane, for loving us so much. You were my best friend, and I am so thankful every day that you were a part of my life. Thank you for Grace, and thank you for being such an amazing mother.” I swallow. “I love you.”
I step down, unable to say anything else. Tears roll down my cheeks, and when I reach my seat, Grace abandons her grandmother and climbs onto my lap.
“Don’t cry, Daddy,” she whispers.
“I love you, baby girl.” I wrap my arms around her, and she rests her head in my neck.
“Love you too.”
It was the thought of the wake that bothered me the most. I don’t want people I barely know coming up to talk to me about a woman they barely knew.
Thankfully, that doesn’t happen.
I sit with Grace in the corner. For the most part, people leave me alone, which is nice. I don’t want to engage with others’ memories of Lane. There are enough of my own to deal with.
Molly watches me from across the room. I don’t need to see her to know that—I can feel her eyes on me.
It bothers me that she looks so good.
She’s dressed in a dark pair of jeans and a navy shirt. Her hair is down. She was the opposite of Lane. Where Lane had long, blond curls, Molly’s brown hair’s so straight you’d think she’d ironed it.
That perfume …
Molly still wears the same light floral scent she did when we were younger.
I smell it as she approaches and it nearly turns my insides out. How I loved it.
“Does this belong to you?” Molly squats beside Grace and hands her a small, pink fluffy toy bunny.
Grace shakes her head. “That’s not mine. I’ve got a blue one.”
She smiles. “I know. Your mom and I swapped when we were about your age. My mom gave them to us, and Lane liked the blue one better. I thought you might like them both.”
Grace’s mouth forms a surprised O. “This was Mommy’s?”
“For about a week. She kept eyeing the blue one, and I knew she wanted it. But she wouldn’t just let me give it to her.”
Grace holds it tight.
“Grace, this is Molly.”
Grace stares at her. “Molly? You’re Mommy’s friend.”
Molly blinks like she’s fighting tears. “That’s right.”
/>
“What do you say, Grace?” I ask.
“Thank you.” She looks at me. “Can I go and get something to eat?”
I nod. “Of course you can.”
Molly sits beside me as Grace runs to the table.
“Thanks, Molly. I really appreciate it.”
She nods. “You’re welcome. I felt like I had to do something.” Her eyes fill with tears. “I couldn’t believe it when Mom called. I’m so sorry, Brad.”
“It’s a shame you didn’t come to see Lane when she was sick.” I regret the words the minute I say them. Today’s not the day for bitterness.
“I didn’t know she was sick. If I had, I would have moved Heaven and Earth for her to get whatever care she needed.”
It’s like a punch to the gut. “And you don’t think I did?”
She sucks in a breath. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply—”
“Well, you did.”
“Brad, I know you loved her. I loved her too.”
“You had a funny way of showing it.” I have so many questions, but my defense is up.
“I know you think that. But I promise you if I’d known, I would have been there for her.” She licks her lips. “For both of you.”
Tears roll down her cheeks, and I feel like an ass for the things I’ve said. But then, I never got to say anything to her when she left. This is years of pent up hurt and anger.
“I’m sorry, Molly. Today is hard.”
She nods. “I can’t even imagine what you’re going through.” From her pocket, she pulls a tissue, and wipes her face. Inhaling audibly, she breathes it out through her mouth. “I can’t believe it.”
“Well, it’s true. I’m not sure why this kind of thing happens to good people while the shitty ones are still walking around.”
Her expression drops, and I don’t need to ask to know she thinks I’m talking about her. And while our past pisses me off, I’d never wish what happened to Lane on anyone. Especially Molly.
“Molly, I wasn’t—"
“I’ve got to go, but good luck with everything. If you need anything for either you or Grace, let me know. Mom knows how to contact me.”
“Molly, I—”
“Brad, can I get you anything?” Mom interrupts, shooting daggers at Molly who all but races from the room.
“No, Mom. I’m fine.” I sigh.
Stu, one of my friends since high school, and right hand man at work, walks toward me. “Was that …?”
I nod. “Molly.”
“Woah. There’s a blast from the past.”
“Yeah.” I sigh.
He sits down. “She in town for long?”
I shrug. “Who knows with her? She turned up and gave Grace an old toy. We tried to have a conversation, but there was always so much left unsaid between us.”
“You know it’s been two years since you and Lane divorced. Maybe …”
“Don’t even go there. You know what she did destroyed me. Destroyed Lane.”
He nods. “And yet look what came out of it.”
Grace skips around the table, looking at the food. I can’t help but smile at her. She was my main concern, how she’d handle it, and I still think once we’re home she’ll cry again. But we’ve had three days of her crying off and on, and maybe today’s the day she’ll come out the other side.
“Can you keep an eye on her? I need to try and clear the air with Molly before she leaves.”
He pats me on the back. “Sure thing. Go get her, champ.”
“You’re such a dick.”
“The heart wants what it wants.”
Shaking my head, I walk away from him and out into the bright sunlight.
I only hope Molly’s still here.
6
Molly
When I get to the car, I’m shaking so much that I know I won’t be able to drive.
There’s a large tree nearby with a grassy area underneath it, so I walk over to it and sit down. The fresh air makes me feel a little better.
I close my eyes and take deep breaths. Maybe I shouldn’t have come. Seeing Brad was so hard to start with, and then to upset him the way I did.
But his girl, Grace. Their girl. The daughter of the two people I loved most in the whole world. She’s the spitting image of Lane when she was little.
I’ll set up a college fund for her. It’s the least I can do. I’ll give Grace the chance her mother never got.
“Molly?”
I shiver at the sound of Brad’s voice. After so many years, I thought I’d be over the affect he has on me. But I’d be lying if I said being near him again means nothing.
Opening my eyes, I force a smile as he sits on the ground beside me.
“I’m sorry about before. Seeing you again isn’t exactly easy. Not today anyway.”
“I never meant to upset you.”
He nods. “I know. It’s just … things were never resolved between us. Or between you and Lane.”
“I know,” I whisper.
“And then here you are, breezing into town, and no doubt you’ll vanish after this is done with.”
I shake my head. “No. I’m here for a few days.”
“Why did you come?”
I lick my lips. “I needed to say goodbye to her. She was everything to me.”
“Is that why you just up and left? You wouldn’t return her calls.” He plucks a blade of grass. “You dumped me, Molly, and then you wouldn’t return my calls.”
I let out a long breath. “I know I owe you an explanation.”
“You owed her one too. You could have come back any time in the past ten years, and she would have listened. She loved you so much.”
“I loved her too.” Tears overwhelm me.
He pulls me into his arms, and I sob on his shoulder. I feel so lost. How is he so together?
He’s not.
His shoulders shake, and I wrap my arms around his chest. I loved Brad with all of my heart, and walking away from him was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
But I did it for Lane.
It feels like we’re there for an eternity, but when the tears subside, he gently lets me go.
If my heart is broken, it shatters into a million pieces when he uses his index finger to wipe the tears from my cheeks.
“I’m so sorry, Brad. For you and for Grace.”
He nods. “I can see. And I appreciate it.”
“What happened? Mom told me it was breast cancer, but it moved quickly?”
Brad gives me a stiff nod. “She didn’t find the lump until it was too late. I keep going over it in my head. If I’d only been with her, maybe I would have found it earlier.”
“You weren’t together?”
“Molly, Lane and I divorced two years ago.”
I stare at him. “I didn’t know.”
“Your mother didn’t tell you?”
I shake my head. “I’ve stayed away from news of you two. It was just too painful.”
Brad’s eyes are so full of sorrow, I can barely look. “I don’t know why. You left us.”
“Can we not talk about that today?”
He nods. “Sure, but I’d really appreciate an explanation while you’re in town.”
“I’ll try.”
Taking my hand in his, he squeezes it. “For what it’s worth, I’m really glad you’re here. Lane would have loved it.”
“I’m so sorry I didn’t know. I would have liked the opportunity to say goodbye.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t make sure you knew.”
Without even thinking, I lean my head against his. Ten year later, and it just feels right. “Grace is a lot like her, huh?”
He chuckles. “So much. From the way she looks to her mannerisms. I think she’s more outgoing than Lane ever was, but she’s Lane through and through.”
“She seems like a sweet little girl.”
“She’s the best.”
“Brad.”
We both look up at the sound of Brad’s mother�
��s voice. I pull away from him. “Go. I’m sure you have plenty of other people to talk to today.”
He nods. “There are way more people here than I expected. I think the food is a big attraction.”
I grin. “It is pretty good.”
“Talk to you before you leave town?”
I nod. “I’d like that.”
“We’ve got some catching up to do.”
As he stands and walks away, I suck in a deep breath. I’m not sure I want to open up about the past, but I know I owe him.
It’s been ten years, but it still feels way too soon.
“Are you okay?” Mom asks.
I’ve been sitting in silence since I got home, my thoughts consumed by Brad and his daughter. How are they doing? Today must have been the hardest of their lives. Especially Grace. If she has half the big heart Lane had, she’ll be devastated.
“Just thinking about Lane’s family.”
Mom gives me a half-hearted smile. “That little girl is so much like her mother.”
I nod. “It’s like looking at a miniature Lane.”
Mom sucks on her bottom lip. “Did I see you with Brad? It’d be good if you two healed whatever happened between you all those years ago.”
Shrugging, I turn away. “I’m not sure if that can ever happen, but we spoke.”
“What did happen between you two?”
My heart hurts. I didn’t tell anyone the whole story back then, and I’m not about to start now. Miranda only knows because I was drunk and melancholy. The only people I owe any explanation to are Brad and Lane.
And I’ve already lost all chance of explaining to Lane that what I did, I did for her.
I’m not looking for brownie points.
But maybe it’s time to come clean with Brad.
I can’t leave town until I do.
7
Brad
The bedroom is the hardest.
This was Lane’s domain. Even when I lived here.
She chose everything in this room from the furniture to the curtains.