by Wendy Smith
But this isn’t my house.
I pull my car up beside his when he parks, and when I step out of the car, I take a deep breath. The air’s so sweet out here. A light breeze carries a hint of honeysuckle through the air.
“What do you think?” he asks as we walk up the front steps.
“It’s lovely. Did you really build it?”
He grins. “Well, I am a builder.”
“I know that.” I laugh.
After unlocking the door, he leads me through the entranceway and into the kitchen. The rooms in this place are big if this kitchen is anything to go by. My home is larger, but it’s so empty in comparison to Brad’s.
Grace’s presence is stamped on this place. There are pictures of her on the walls. Brad’s love for her is on display.
It’s open-plan, the kitchen and dining room all one big room. The dining room has huge French doors, and the sunlight floods through, warming it.
“Coffee?”
I nod. “Sure.”
Walking to the window, I look out to the backyard. There are no neighbors, with grassy fields for miles. At least, not yet. It’s so open, and yet so private.
Lane would have loved this.
“There was one thing Lane got right.” Brad walks up behind me. I close my eyes at the earthy scent of his cologne. It brings up memories from when he was first shaving, and I told him I liked whatever it was his father wore. Brad followed in his footsteps, and I still have no idea what scent it is.
“What’s that?”
“You were always in my thoughts. I fucking adored Lane. I worshipped the ground she walked on. But you never went away. Not completely.”
I turn, placing my hand on his chest. “Brad …”
“I’m really glad you’re here, Molly.” His eyes search mine.
Blood rushes in my ears. I thought I could do this. I thought I could tell him everything and get it all out in the open.
It’s too much.
My head spins. “I should go.”
“You just got here.”
I nod. “I know, but I’m not sure if I can do this right now.”
“Is this you leaving town? Because you said we could talk.”
I suck on my bottom lip. “I know, but I need a little time. Give me a few days, and then any time you want to talk, you can call me.”
He’s close to me. So close. “Can I? Why are you letting me back in?”
I blink back tears. “Because Lane is gone, and I don’t want to lose you without …”
“Without what?”
“It doesn’t matter. Just call me if you need me.”
He grabs my arm as I turn to leave. “Why did you cut us off when you left? You and me. We could have done the long-distance thing. And to hurt Lane the way you did. I wanted to hate you for such a long time, but I never could. Not you.”
I try and pull away, but he’s got me firm. “I can’t do this right now.”
“If not right now, when? I’ve been waiting for an answer for ten years, Molly. You’re here with me, and there’s no one else around. I need to know. Why did you dump me?”
I suck harder on my bottom lip. This is too hard. The past floods to the surface and dredges me in memories. “She loved you.”
His eyebrows knit. “What?”
Tears well in my eyes. “Lane was in love with you. I didn’t want to give you up, but—”
His grip tightens. “What do you mean you didn’t want to give me up?”
“Leaving you broke my heart, but I couldn’t leave her alone and have you. You were all she ever wanted. She needed you, and I knew that somehow, I’d be okay if I just stayed away.” The tears escape, streaming down my cheeks. My throat constricts.
Brad grabs my other arm. “Molly. What are you talking about?”
“She had nothing.” I sob. “And I had the one thing she wanted. How could I not give it to her?”
His breathing falls apart, and it’s obvious he’s doing all he can to hold it together. “You had no right to decide my future.”
“You did that by yourself.” I fall to my knees. “You could have fallen in love with anyone, but you chose her. Because you were meant to.”
“I chose her because she made me think of you.” He drops to the ground beside me. “I’m not saying I didn’t love her. We had a good, happy marriage, and we made Grace. But I never stopped thinking about you. You might have left town, but you never left my mind.”
I shake my head, sucking in a breath. “You can’t say that.”
Brad grips my arms. “Why not? It’s true. I loved you both, but in different ways. But you, I loved you first, and I never let go of that. Even when I loved her.”
I barely catch another breath before his mouth is on mine.
“This is wrong.” I pant, pulling away from him.
“No, it’s not.” His eyes plead with me.
“You’re Lane’s husband.”
“Ex-husband. I want you.”
Tears roll down my cheeks. “You can’t.”
He shrugs. “I do. I always did.”
“Brad.”
His mouth claims mine again, and I surrender to him.
I’m so lost in his kiss, I barely register him pulling my tank top up until we have to break the kiss to get it over my head.
The buttons of his shirt fall apart as I make my way down his solid chest. He was always in good condition, but he’s all man now. The shirt falls from his shoulders to the floor. He pushes my bra up, sucking a nipple into his mouth before I can even catch a breath.
“Brad,” I cry.
His teeth scrape my nipple as he pulls away. It’s as if he’s marking me as his own. He doesn’t need to. I’m his. I always was, and I’ll always be.
I lie back on the wooden floor, and he unbuttons my jeans, pulling them down with my panties.
He buries his face in my pussy, and I float. Brad was always determined to make me come this way, and I’m so ready for him that it takes no time at all.
My orgasm slams hard into me, and my whole body quivers when his heat leaves me. He gets up and slides his pants off.
He’s back on top of me a second later, peppering my neck with kisses. I close my eyes when his mouth lands on mine, and he kisses me hard, his fingers slipping into my hair and pulling me closer. With his other hand, he guides his cock into me.
“Molly.” The depth of his tone resonates with me. For all we lost—for all I gave up. “You feel so good. You always did.”
Tears roll down my cheeks. This is so wrong, but after all this time, I feel like I’m home.
“I’ve missed you,” he whispers. “I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too.” I run my fingers down his spine, my nails scraping his skin.
He moans, thrusting harder.
I’ve never felt anything so raw and brutal and beautiful in my whole life.
This is the man who I gave my virginity to at seventeen. Now he reclaims my body, my heart, my soul.
I never stopped loving him.
The thought is bitter.
I’m betraying Lane.
I cry out as I push my hips up, seeking release along with him. My heart hurts, but my body ignores it, seeking pleasure from an encounter that shouldn’t be.
Brad wants me, but he wants to punish me for leaving. It’s in every jolt as he pistons into me. I always knew how to read him. Some things never change.
He groans in my ear before slowing, our hips rocking in sweet unison.
“Molly.” Just him saying my name pierces what’s left of my heart, and my tears intensify. “Molly, it’s okay.”
He rolls off me, and I let out a long breath.
“Shit,” he says.
I search his face for some sign of his mood. Is he angry? Hurt? Does he share my feeling of betraying his ex-wife?
“We didn’t use a condom. I’m so sorry, Molly. I just never thought …”
I look down. Not once did it even cross my mind.
>
“I’m on the pill.”
“Yeah, but …”
I sit up, pulling my legs toward me. “But what? You think I’m going to give you something?”
“No. It’s just … there was no one between you and Lane. And there’s been no one since Lane.”
“I don’t have anything.”
“I never thought you did. I’m sorry if you took it the wrong way. What we just did. It’s confusing.” His face twists in pain, and my eyes tear up.
“It’s confusing for me too.”
He offers me a forced smile, and takes my hand. “Let’s get cleaned up and talk.”
“I’m not sure what there is to talk about.”
Brad licks his lips. “This. Us.”
Lane just died. I can’t do this to her.
“There isn’t an us.” I swallow. “I’ve got to go.”
I stand, and do my best to ignore his cum leaking onto my thigh as I pull up my panties and jeans.
“Stay. Talk this out with me.”
“I can’t, Brad. I just can’t.”
“You have to, Moll. This time, you stay and we talk.”
I shake my head. This hurts so much. I can’t handle the emotions running through me. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I need to go home.”
Brad grabs hold of my arm. His eyes are full of confusion and hurt. Maybe mine reveal the same as he lets go of me and nods.
When I get to the car, I take a deep breath before I start it.
I’m always running away.
This never should have happened. I close my eyes, and remember the feel of his beard on my thighs, of the deep, earthy scent of him.
What the hell do I do now?
10
Molly
I barely sleep a wink.
Every time I close my eyes, I feel Brad touching me. I smell him. I ache for him to be inside me again.
“Are you okay, love?” Mom asks as she walks past me in the kitchen.
I nod. “Just tired. I didn’t sleep too well.”
“I’ll make you a coffee.”
“Thanks, Mom.” I sit at the table with Dad.
He looks up and smiles. “Good morning, sweetheart.”
“Morning, Dad.”
“How’s your visit home? Catching up with everyone?”
I nod. “I saw Jackson Booth yesterday.”
He grins. “He’s a mountain of a man now. I don’t know if you remember, but his father had one hell of a time at one point with people breaking into that bar. Jackson doesn’t have that problem.”
I laugh. “He’s such a gentle giant.”
Dad nods. “Not everyone knows that, though.”
“How are Brad and Grace?” Mom asks as she places a mug of coffee in front of me.
Shrugging, I take a sip. “I saw Brad yesterday, but not Grace. She was with her grandmother.”
“I’m glad you two seem to be patching things up. At least, I assume that’s what you’re doing.”
Was what we did patching things up, or tearing a new hole in our relationship? “To be honest, I’m not sure what we’re doing, Mom. We talked.”
She nods as she sits. “I’m still glad. I always thought you must be lonely all the way out in Silicon Valley without your friends.”
I lean back in my chair. “I have friends.”
“I’m sure you do, but those two were always special to you.” She takes a sip of her coffee. “We’ve just missed you a lot, Molly. It’s so much better having you home.”
My mobile rings, and I pull it out of my pocket, smiling at the sight of Miranda’s name.
“Here’s one of my friends now.” I smile, standing. Picking up my coffee, I answer the phone as I walk out into the sunshine. “Miranda. It’s so good of you to call.”
She laughs. “Awkward moment?”
I sit down on the deck steps. “Something like that.”
“Well, I have some other awkward news. Darryn Phillips is trying to get hold of you. I told him you were out of the office on personal business.”
“I’ve got his number on reject on my mobile. There’s nothing time-critical he needs to talk to me about.”
“No. He’s just a pain in the ass.” She laughs. “Anyway, much more importantly, how are you?”
I just had wild, crazy monkey sex with my ex. “I’m okay. I’ll be here for a while longer, though.”
“Thought as much. The team has a new build of Devil’s Tribute for you. They’re anxious for your opinion.”
I smile. “Wow. That’s early. It wasn’t due for at least another week.”
“Well, we all know why you’re away and what a shitty time it is for you. They wanted to do something to make you happy.”
“Well, this definitely does it.” I sigh. “Shit. My mother has the worst Internet ever. It’s like living in 1995.”
Miranda laughs. “Is there anywhere you can download the beta?”
“There’s an Internet cafe in town. Maybe I can get a better speed connection there. I’ll try.”
“Let us know when you’ve taken a look.”
“Will do.”
“And call me if you need anything. I miss you.”
“Thanks, Miranda.”
I raise my face to the sun and take a deep breath. The few times I’ve been away from work, I’ve been filled with a longing to get back to it. It’s been my passion for so long, I’ve forgotten what it’s like to feel that way about anything else.
Today, my thoughts just keep going back to Brad. I hurt him again yesterday. He never did anything to deserve it.
Maybe sticking around here is a mistake, but I’m not ready to leave.
And now I have to head into town to see if I can do some work.
For the first time in forever, I’m not really looking forward to it.
There’s an Internet cafe next to Jackson’s Bar. I’m not sure what kind of speed they’ll have, but it’s got to be better than the laggy connection at Mom’s place. Two tin cans and a piece of string would probably move data faster.
When I walk in the door, the place is almost empty. That’s a good sign. All the more bandwidth for me.
A bored-looking teenager stands behind the counter, and he looks at me warily as I approach.
“I want to use the internet. How much?” I ask.
“Five dollars an hour.”
I nod. “How fast is it?”
“It’s two megabit a second. Fastest speed in town,” he says proudly.
“Is that all? Shit.”
His nostrils flare. “That’s the fastest speed I can sell you. How many hours do you want?”
I lick my lips. “Well, I kinda need to download something big, and I don’t want to be here a week to do it. What size connection comes into the building?”
He takes a deep breath. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”
“I’ll rent out the place for a day. Give me the whole connection. Sound good?”
His lips twitch. “I’m not sure if I can do that.”
“Can I speak to the owner then? I really need to download this file, and I need to do it as fast as I can.”
One of his eyebrows snakes up. “The owner? I’ll need to call him.”
“Who is he?”
He gives me the side-eye. “Dean Radcliffe.”
I grin. “I know Dean. Give him a call.”
His expression changes. I can tell he’s not sure whether to believe me or not. But he picks up the phone anyway and dials.
“Dean, it’s Carter. There’s a lady here who wants to talk to you.”
He hands me the phone. I take it from him and smile. “Dean, it’s Molly Beckham.”
“Molly? You’re still in town? I knew you were here for the funeral.”
I grin. “Yeah, I’m still in town. And I need bandwidth.”
“There’s a one-gig pipe into the cafe. I’ll come down and connect you straight into the router.”
“That’d be great.”
&nb
sp; “We’ll have a coffee. Talk about a blast from the past. Molly Beckham.”
I chuckle. Dean was always second in the computing class in high school to me. It was a friendly rivalry. I’m surprised he’s still in town, but glad that he is.
I’m champing at the bit to see the changes in this game. The last beta was buggy and needed a lot of improvement, but from what I heard in the office before I left, this will be close to the final version.
“See you soon, then?”
“Be about five.”
I hang up the phone, and the guy behind the counter stares at me. “You’re Molly Beckham?”
Nodding, I smile.
“Wow. You’re pretty famous around here.”
“Thanks. I think.” I laugh.
I sit down at a table, and it only takes a few minutes before Dean walks in the door. He’s got a grin on his face a mile wide. Some things never change. He’s wearing a T-shirt with holes in it, and his dark hair is as scruffy as ever.
“Dean.” I smile.
“Molly Beckham, as I live and breathe.”
I stand, and he pulls me into his arms for a hug.
“Looking good, Miss Molly.”
“It’s so good to see you. I’m surprised you’re still here. I was sure you’d be in Silicon Valley somewhere.”
He looks over at Carter. “Can you please make two coffees?” He turns back to me. “How do you take it?”
“Black, one sugar.”
He takes me by the arm, and we sit at the table in the corner of the room. “I wish I was in Silicon Valley, but things got complicated.”
“Oh?”
He shrugs. “I dropped out of college. My mom got sick and it was too hard paying for her care and to keep going.”
My mouth falls open. “Oh, Dean, I’m so sorry to hear that.”
“It was the same thing that got Lane. Fucking cancer.”
I let out a long breath. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry about the circumstances that brought you here. I had a real soft spot for Lane. I’m heartbroken she’s gone.”
I reach for his hand and squeeze it. “Me too.”
“I always loved her, Moll.”
My eyes widen. “I had no idea.”
He shrugs. “She was the girl I wanted, but she never saw me. And then once you left and she hooked up with Brad …”