Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Delphi Classics)

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Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Delphi Classics) Page 188

by Ambrose Bierce


  JUSTICE

  JUSTICE.

  L’AUDACE.

  LAUS LUCIS.

  LIBERTY.

  LLEWELLEN POWELL

  LORING PICKERING

  LUCIFER OF THE TORCH

  LUSUS POLITICUS.

  MAD.

  MAGNANIMITY

  MAGNANIMITY.

  MASTER OF THREE ARTS

  MATTER FOR GRATITUDE

  MENDAX

  METEMPSYCHOSIS

  METEMPSYCHOSIS.

  MONTAGUE LEVERSON

  MONTEFIORE.

  MR. FINK’S DEBATING DONKEY.

  MR. JUSTICE FIELD

  MR. SHEETS

  MY LORD POET

  MY MONUMENT.

  NANINE.

  NIMROD

  NOT GUILTY.

  NOVUM ORGANUM.

  OMNES VANITAS.

  ON A PROPOSED CREMATORY.

  ON STONE

  ON THE PLATFORM

  ON THE WEDDING OF AN AËRONAUT

  ONE AND ONE ARE TWO

  ONE JUDGE

  ONE MOOD’S EXPRESSION.

  ONE MORNING.

  ONE OF THE REDEEMED

  ONE OF THE SAINTS

  ONE OF THE UNFAIR SEX.

  ONE PRESIDENT.

  ONEIROMANCY

  ONEIROMANCY.

  ORNITHANTHROPOS

  OVER THE BORDER

  PAUPER.

  PAUPER:

  PEACE.

  PEACEABLE EXPULSION

  PHIL CRIMMINS

  PHILOSOPHER BIMM.

  PICKERING:

  POESY

  POESY.

  POLITICAL ECONOMY.

  POLITICS.

  POSTERITY’S AWARD

  PRAYER

  PRAYER.

  PRESENTIMENT.

  PSYCHOGRAPHS

  PSYCHOGRAPHS.

  REBUKE

  REBUKE.

  RECONCILIATION

  REEDIFIED

  RE-EDIFIED.

  REJECTED

  RELIGION.

  RELIGIOUS PROGRESS.

  REMINDED.

  REPARATION

  REVENGE.

  ROBERT F. MORROW

  RUDOLPH BLOCK

  SALVINI IN AMERICA.

  SAMUEL SHORTRIDGE

  SIRES AND SONS.

  SLANDER

  SLICKENS

  SOME ANTE-MORTEM EPITAPHS. STEPHEN DORSEY.

  SOMETHING IN THE PAPERS.

  STEPHEN DORSEY

  STEPHEN J. FIELD.

  STONEMAN IN HEAVEN.

  STRAINED RELATIONS

  STRAINED RELATIONS.

  SUBSTANCE VERSUS SHADOW

  SUBTERRANEAN PHANTASIES.

  SUPERINTENDENT:

  SUPERINTENDENT:

  SUPERINTENDENT:

  SURPRISED

  T.A.H.

  TECHNOLOGY.

  TEMPORA MUTANTUR.

  THANKSGIVING.

  THE AESTHETES.

  THE AMERICAN PARTY

  THE BARKING WEASEL

  THE BIRTH OF THE RAIL

  THE BIRTH OF VIRTUE.

  THE BOSS’S CHOICE

  THE BRIDE.

  THE BROTHERS.

  THE CO-DEFENDANTS

  THE COMMITTEE ON PUBLIC MORALS

  THE CONFEDERATE FLAGS.

  THE CONVICTS’ BALL

  THE CYNIC’S BEQUEST

  THE DAY OF WRATH.

  THE DEAD KING

  THE DEATH OF GRANT.

  THE DEBTOR ABROAD.

  THE DEGENERATE

  THE DISCOVERERS

  THE DIVISION SUPERINTENDENT.

  THE DYING STATESMAN.

  THE EASTERN QUESTION

  THE EASTERN QUESTION.

  THE FALL OF MISS LARKIN.

  THE FOLLOWING PAIR.

  THE FOOT-HILL RESORT

  THE FOUNTAIN REFILLED.

  THE FREE TRADER’S LAMENT.

  THE FYGHTYNGE SEVENTH

  THE GATES AJAR

  THE GENESIS OF EMBARRASSMENT.

  THE GOD’S VIEW-POINT.

  THE HERMIT.

  THE HESITATING VETERAN.

  THE HUMORIST.

  THE IN-COMING CLIMATE

  THE KEY NOTE

  THE KING OF BORES.

  THE LAST MAN

  THE LEGATEE

  THE LONG FEAR

  THE LORD’S PRAYER ON A COIN.

  THE LOST COLONEL.

  THE MACKAIAD

  THE MAN BORN BLIND.

  THE MILITIAMAN.

  THE MUMMERY

  THE NATIONAL GUARDSMAN

  THE NAVAL CONSTRUCTOR.

  THE NEW ENOCH.

  THE NEW ULALUME.

  THE NIGHT OF ELECTION

  THE OAKLAND DOG

  THE OLEOMARGARINE MAN

  THE OPPOSING SEX.

  THE PASSING OF BOSS SHEPHERD.

  THE PASSING SHOW.

  THE PERVERTED VILLAGE

  THE PIUTE

  THE POLITICIAN

  THE POLITICIAN.

  THE PSORIAD.

  THE PUN.

  THE RETROSPECTIVE BIRD

  THE REV. JOSEPH

  THE RICH TESTATOR.

  THE ROYAL JESTER.

  THE SAINT AND THE MONK.

  THE SCURRIL PRESS.

  THE SHAFTER SHAFTED

  THE SLEEPING LION

  THE SPIRIT OF A SPONGE

  THE STATESMEN.

  THE SUBDUED EDITOR

  THE SUNSET GUN.

  THE TABLES TURNED.

  THE TOWN OF DAE.

  THE TRANSMIGRATIONS OF A SOUL

  THE TWO CAVEES

  THE UNFALLEN BRAVE

  THE UNPARDONABLE SIN.

  THE VAIN CAT

  THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF THEFT

  THE VAN NESSIAD

  THE VETERAN

  THE VIDUATE DAME

  THE WEATHER WIGHT.

  THE WHIRLIGIG OF TIME

  THE WISE AND GOOD.

  THE WOFUL TALE OF MR. PETERS

  THE WOMAN AND THE DEVIL.

  THE YEARLY LIE.

  THERSITES

  TIDINGS OF GOOD

  TINKER DICK

  TO A CENSOR.

  TO A CRITIC OF TENNYSON

  TO A CRITIC OF TENNYSON.

  TO A DEJECTED POET.

  TO A PROFESSIONAL EULOGIST.

  TO A STRAY DOG

  TO A SUMMER POET.

  TO A WORD-WARRIOR

  TO AN ASPIRANT.

  TO AN INSOLENT ATTORNEY

  TO COLONEL DAN. BURNS

  TO E.S. SALOMON

  TO EITHER

  TO HER

  TO HER.

  TO MAUDE.

  TO MY LAUNDRESS.

  TO MY LIARS

  TO NANINE.

  TO ONE ACROSS THE WAY.

  TO ONE DETESTED

  TO OSCAR WILDE.

  TO THE BARTHOLDI STATUE.

  TO THE FOOL-KILLER

  TO THE HAPPY HUNTING GROUNDS

  TO W.H.L.B.

  TO-DAY.

  TWIN UNWORTHIES

  TWO METHODS.

  TWO ROGUES.

  TWO SHOWS.

  TWO STATESMEN

  TWO TYPES

  TWO TYPES.

  UNARMED

  UNCOLONELED

  UNDERSTATED

  UNEXPOUNDED

  UNEXPOUNDED.

  VANISHED AT COCK-CROW

  VANISHED AT COCK-CROW.

  VICE VERSA.

  VISIONS OF SIN.

  W.H.L. BARNES

  WITH MINE OWN PETARD.

  WOMAN

  WOMAN IN POLITICS.

  WOMAN.

  Y’E FOE TO CATHAYE

  YORICK.

  The Non-Fiction

  Bierce’s final home, 1368 Euclid St., NW, Washington, DC

  THE SHADOW ON THE DIAL, AND OTHER ESSAYS

  The Shadow on the Dial and Other Essays appeared in 1909, published by A. M. Robertson of San Francisco. As with his stories and poems, Bierce’s non-fiction has its strong advocates and v
irulent detractors. Of this collection, the contemporary reviewer in The Nation complained, “Mr. Bierce now forces the note, talks about matters he does not perfectly understand, says habitually more than he means, counts that sentence lost which contains no paradox, and contradicts himself without a blush.” The same unsigned reviewer praised Bierce’s stories but said that the essays demonstrate “the fatal effect of a lifetime of journalism on a fine talent.” Hildegarde Hawthorne of the New York Times, however, wrote, “If Mr. Bierce does not contribute vastly to the knowledge of the world, he assuredly adds delightfully to its amusement.”

  A first edition copy published by A. M. Robertson, 1909

  CONTENTS

  THE SHADOW ON THE DIAL

  CIVILIZATION

  THE GAME OF POLITICS

  SOME FEATURES OF THE LAW

  ARBITRATION

  INDUSTRIAL DISCONTENT

  CRIME AND ITS CORRECTIVES

  THE DEATH PENALTY

  RELIGION

  IMMORTALITY

  OPPORTUNITY

  CHARITY

  EMANCIPATED WOMAN

  THE OPPOSING SEX

  THE AMERICAN SYCOPHANT

  A DISSERTATION ON DOGS

  THE ANCESTRAL BOND

  THE RIGHT TO WORK

  THE RIGHT TO TAKE ONESELF OFF

  A NOTE BY THE AUTHOR

  IT WAS expected that this book would be included in my “Collected Works” now in course of publication, but unforeseen delay in the date of publication has made this impossible. The selection of its contents was not made by me, but the choice has my approval and the publication my authority.

  AMBROSE BIERCE.

  Washington, D. C. March 14. 1909.

  PREFACE

  THE note of prophecy! It sounds sharp and clear in many a vibrant line, in many a sonorous sentence of the essays herein collected for the first time. Written for various Californian journals and periodicals and extending over a period of more than a quarter of a century, these opinions and reflections express the refined judgment of one who has seen, not as through a glass darkly, the trend of events. And having seen the portentous effigy that we are making of the Liberty our fathers created, he has written of it in English that is the despair of those who, thinking less clearly, escape not the pitfalls of diffuseness and obscurity. For Mr. Bierce, as did Flaubert, holds that the right word is necessary for the conveyance of the right thought and his sense of word values rarely betrays him into error. But with an odd — I might almost say perverse — indifference to his own reputation, he has allowed these writings to lie fallow in the old files of papers, while others, possessing the knack of publicity, years later tilled the soil with some degree of success. President Hadley, of Yale University, before the Candlelight Club of Denver, January 8, 1900, advanced, as novel and original, ostracism as an effective punishment of social highwaymen. This address attracted widespread attention, and though Professor Hadley’s remedy has not been generally adopted it is regarded as his own. Mr. Bierce wrote in “The Examiner,” January 20, 1895, as follows: “We are plundered because we have no particular aversion to plunderers.”

  The ‘predatory rich’ (to use Mr. Stead’s felicitous term) put their hands into our pockets because they know that, virtually, none of us will refuse to take their hands in our own afterwards, in friendly salutation. If notorious rascality entailed social outlawry the only rascals would be those properly — and proudly — belonging to the ‘criminal class.’

  Again, Edwin Markham has attracted to himself no little attention by advocating the application of the Golden Rule in temporal affairs as a cure for evils arising from industrial discontent In this he, too, has been anticipated. Mr. Bierce, writing in “The Examiner,” March 25, 1894, said: “When a people would avert want and strife, or having them, would restore plenty and peace, this noble commandment offers the only means — all other plans for safety and relief are as vain as dreams, and as empty as the crooning of fools. And, behold, here it is: ‘All things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them.’”

  Rev. Charles M. Sheldon created a nine days’ wonder, or rather a seven, by conducting for a week a newspaper as he conceived Christ would have done. Some years previously, June 28, 1896, to be exact, the author of these essays wrote: “That is my ultimate and determining test of right—’What, under the circumstances, would Christ have done?’ — the Christ of the New Testament, not the Christ of the commentators, theologians, priests and parsons.”

  I am sure that Mr. Bierce does not begrudge any of these gentlemen the acclaim they have received by enunciating his ideas, and I mention the instances here merely to forestall the filing of any other claim to priority.

  The essays cover a wide range of subjects, embracing among other things government, dreams, writers of dialect, and dogs, and always the author’s point of view is fresh, original and non-Philistine. Whether one cares to agree with him or not, one will find vast entertainment in his wit that illuminates with lightning flashes all he touches. Other qualities I forbear allusion to, having already encroached too much upon the time of the reader.

  S. O. HOWES.

  THE SHADOW ON THE DIAL

  I.

  THERE is a deal of confusion and uncertainty in the use of the words “Socialist,” “Anarchist,” and “Nihilist.” Even the ‘1st himself commonly knows with as little accuracy what he is as the rest of us know why he is. The Socialist believes that most human affairs should be regulated and managed by the State — the Government — that is to say, the majority. Our own system has many Socialistic features and the trend of republican government is all that way. The Anarchist is the kind of lunatic who believes that all crime is the effect of laws forbidding it — as the pig that breaks into the kitchen garden is created by the dog that chews its ear! The Anarchist favors abolition of all law and frequently belongs to an organization that secures his allegiance by solemn oaths and dreadful penalties. “Nihilism” is a name given by Turgenieff to the general body of Russian discontent which finds expression in antagonizing authority and killing authorities. Constructive politics would seem, as yet, to be a cut above the Nihilist’s intelligence; he is essentially a destructionary. He is so diligently engaged in unweeding the soil that he has not given a thought to what he will grow there. Nihilism may be described as a policy of assassination tempered by reflections upon Siberia. American sympathy with it is the offspring of an unholy union between the tongue of a liar and the ear of a dupe.

  Upon examination it will be seen that political dissent, when it takes any form more coherent than the mere brute dissatisfaction of a mind that does not know what it wants to want, finds expression in one of but two ways — in Socialism or in Anarchism. Whatever methods one may think will best substitute for a system gradually evolved from our needs and our natures a system existing only in the minds of dreamers, one is bound to choose between these two dreams. Yet such is the intellectual delinquency of many who most strenuously denounce the system that we have that we not infrequently find the same man advocating in one breath, Socialism, in the next, Anarchism. Indeed, few of these sons of darkness know that even as coherent dreams the two are incompatible. With Anarchy triumphant the Socialist would be a thousand years further from realization of his hope than he is today. Set up Socialism on a Monday and on Tuesday the country would be en fête, gaily hunting down Anarchists. There would be little difficulty in trailing them, for they have not so much sense as a deer, which, running down the wind, sends its tell-tale fragrance on before.

  Socialism and Anarchism are the two extremes of political thought; they are parts of the same dung, in the sense that the terminal points of a road are parts of the same road. Between them, about midway, lies the system that we have the happiness to endure. It is a “blend” of Socialism and Anarchism in about equal parts: all that is not one is the other. Everything serving the common interest, or looking to the welfare of the whole people, is socialistic in the strictest sense of th
e word as understood by the Socialist Whatever tends to private advantage or advances an individual or class interest at the expense of a public one, is anarchistic. Cooperation is Socialism; competition is Anarchism. Competition carried to its logical conclusion (which only cooperation prevents or can prevent) would leave no law in force no property possible no life secure.

  Of course the words “cooperation” and “competition” are not here used in a merely industrial and commercial sense; they are intended to cover the whole field of human activity. Two voices singing a duet — that is cooperation — Socialism. Two voices singing each a different tune and trying to drown each other — that is competition — Anarchism: each is a law unto itself — that is to say, it is lawless. Everything that ought to be done the Socialist hopes to do by associated endeavor, as an army wins battles; Anarchism is socialistic in its means only: by cooperation it tries to render cooperation impossible — combines to kill combination. Its method says to its purpose: “Thou fool!”

  II.

  Everything foretells the doom of authority. The killing of kings is no new industry; it is as ancient as the race. Always and everywhere persons in high place have been the assassin’s prey. We have ourselves lost three Presidents by murder, and will doubtless lose many another before the book of American history is closed. If anything is new in this activity of the regicide it is found in the choice of victims. The contemporary “avenger” slays, not the merely great, but the good and the inoffensive — an American President who had struck the chains from millions of slaves; a Russian Czar who against the will and work of his own powerful nobles had freed their serfs; a French President from whom the French people had received nothing but good; a powerless Austrian Empress, whose weight of sorrows touched the world to tears; a blameless Italian King beloved of his people; such is a part of the recent record of the regicide whose every entry is a tale of infamy unrelieved by one circumstance of justice, decency or good intention.

  And the great Brazilian liberator died in exile.

  This recent uniformity of malevolence in the choice of victims is not without significance. It points unmistakably to two facts: first, that the selections are made, not by the assassins themselves, but by some central control inaccessible to individual preference and unaffected by the fortunes of its instruments; second, that there is a constant purpose to manifest an antagonism, not to any individual ruler, but to rulers; not to any system of government, but to Government. It is a war, not upon those in authority, but upon Authority. The issue is defined, the alignment made, the battle set: Chaos against Order, Anarchy against Law.

 

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