by Theresa Jane
“W-what?” I thought I had heard wrong. There was no way he had said what he just had. It would have been too easy.
“I want you, Freya. I care about you more than I would ever admit to myself. There’s something in me that needs to protect you, to keep you close all the time.”
“Liam-”
“I know it’s irrational and I know you aren’t ready for this, but I need you to understand how I’m feeling. Nothing I’ve done over these past weeks has ever been for the cameras. You need to know that every time I kissed you, every time I held your hand or drew you closer, I did that for me.”
“But I thought-”
“You thought I was lying and that I was using you?” The bitterness of his words surprised me. “I know, and I hated it. I wanted it to be real, and I tried to tell you yesterday morning, but I was scared. I was afraid I would frighten you away. I was terrified you would leave me,” he admitted quietly, letting his hand fall from my face.
Suddenly, I saw the words tattooed across his chest flash across my vision, and I couldn’t fight the frown spreading across my face. Was he waiting for me to fail? Was it ever my choice to stay?
“I don’t understand what you’re trying to say, Liam.”
“Take your time, Freya,” he smiled, turning around and picking up his luggage again. “I just wanted you to know how I felt before I disappeared for a while. I don’t need your decision right now.”
“My decision?” He had already started moving down the corridor, and I ran to keep up with him, the frown on my face deepening further.
“Our time was up, Freya.”
“What? You’re not making any sense.” I replied angrily, feeling my frustration at his cryptic words start to take over. He always did this. Why couldn’t he just say a complete thought rather than all these broken pieces he always left me with?
“I want to make this real, Frey." Why was it when he said my name my world seemed to tilt in another direction? I always seemed to be left trying to find which way was up as he stood there with a smug look on his face.
“Real?”
“Yes, real,” he smirked, stopping just before the door of the apartment and finally turning back to look at me. “I want you to be mine without the cameras, without any deals or coercion. I want you by my side because you want to be there, not because of some twisted obligation you think you have to me.”
“Yours,” I whispered as I felt him move closer to me.
A hurricane was ripping through my thoughts and tearing apart the world I had carefully crafted in my mind over the past few weeks since meeting Liam. Here he was again, just like the first time we met, pulling my solid ground right out from under me.
“Mine,” he murmured, placing a gentle, sweet kiss on my lips and pulling away before I even had the thought to respond. “Goodbye, Frey.”
Then he turned and left the apartment without another word. I was left in the silence of his empty apartment, but I barely noticed it over the cacophony of voices fighting within me.
I found myself floating aimlessly until I ended up at my favorite spot by the window. However, instead of looking out over the Manhattan skyline, I stood staring down at the sidewalk where the vultures were waiting with their lenses. Desperate for a glimpse of their precious rockstar. The man who seemed to stand above the rest. The god with golden eyes. The man who just asked me to be his.
I stood there until I saw the horde of people start to stir and I knew Liam was coming. There was now a car waiting for him on the curb of the street. I felt my heartbeat increase as I waited for him to emerge.
The frenzied people finally reached their crescendo as Liam walked confidently out into the danger zone, looking as cool and collected as he always did.
I instantly felt doubt wash through my body as I looked down at him. Already believing that all the words he had spoken were nothing but one of his many illusions. Then the world seemed to fall away when he turned back and looked directly up at me.
I saw Daryl holding the door open and trying to usher him inside the car, but he continued to look up at me as if I was all he saw. I saw a genuine smile spread across his face before he ducked into the car. Out of the eyes of those who wanted to steal any moment he might offer them and share it with the world.
I could feel my heart racing in my chest as I looked down at the now moving car. Without my realizing it, I lifted my hand and pressed it against the glass as he drove away and whispered,
"Goodbye, Liam."
Chapter 30: Distance
I thought I would enjoy the alone time. I thought it would be great while Liam was away. Instead, without him here I was feeling an overwhelming sense of loneliness. He had only been gone a few days, and I was already bored. I was so bored that I resorted to making peace with the coffee machine.
“Come on you, rotten piece of junk. I just want one cup of coffee,” I groaned, stabbing at the various buttons on the contraption. “Please, I don’t want to have to be reduced to drinking tea. You and I both know that isn’t an option." Its answer was to splutter ominously as its devil eyes flashed red before the entire thing just shut off.
“Demon child,” I grunted before throwing the tea towel I was holding at it and marching angrily over to the window. I was already losing my mind, and he’d been gone for barely any time at all. How was he able to do that?
Standing beside the window, I was in a trance. I was mesmerized by the growing light of the winter sun when I felt the overwhelming sense that someone was watching me.
I tugged on the oversized T-shirt I was wearing as I began to scan the street beneath me. Suddenly, my blood ran cold, and my eyes widened as I looked down at the all-too-familiar baseball cap. It couldn’t be him. It was just a coincidence. A lot of people had a blue baseball cap. I was just getting paranoid because I was alone in this big, empty apartment.
Then he looked up. This time, he had a camera around his neck, and I watched in horror as he brought it up to aim it at me. I felt my world begin to spin and my heart race. How long had he been watching me?
Clutching tightly to my chest, I backed away from the window, feeling my skin crawl. Maybe it was just a coincidence. He had a camera this time. His job is to get a picture, but don’t I deserve my privacy too? This apartment, for lack of a better word, was my home.
What about when he doesn’t have his camera? What is he then?
Fearing my own thoughts, I walked quickly from the living room and curled back up under my covers.
I didn’t want to hide, but I didn’t feel comfortable having a shower and getting ready for my day when I knew he was outside. I didn’t feel comfortable walking around the apartment, even though he was several stories below me. There was no way he could see me where I was, but I could still feel his phantom eyes on my skin.
Peeking out from beneath my covers, I looked at my phone with only one thought on my mind. I needed to tell Liam. I couldn’t handle this on my own. I needed someone and if he cared like he said he did, then he would help me.
I was reaching for my phone when I felt the doubt creep in. I didn’t want to alarm him if it was nothing. I was new to his world; maybe this was just something you needed to deal with. He just started his tour, for all I knew he was still on a plane to wherever he was going. What would he be able to do from halfway across the world?
Nothing, he couldn’t do anything for me. Mason had done nothing for me, and he was not even an entire state away.
There was nothing wrong. I just needed to ignore this man. Eventually, he would go away or lose interest in me. There was nothing to be worried about. There was no need to worry Liam about this.
However, despite all the words I used to reassure myself, none were strong enough to draw me out of bed for the rest of the day. It didn’t help that my chest felt as if it had been run over by a truck and it was trying to breathe the last wheezing notes drawn out from a nearly airless set of bagpipes.
*
* *
“Our favorite rock star, Liam Henderson, has kicked off his world tour in the United Kingdom overnight, where the streets were lined with ecstatic fans as he made the trip from Heathrow airport to his hotel." I was almost ashamed to admit how long I had been sitting in front of this television waiting for Liam to be mentioned. I had been scouring the entertainment channel, telling myself that I was just making sure he got there safely, but I couldn’t stop the excitement in my chest every time I caught a glimpse of him.
I was being ridiculous; I’d been camped out here for almost a week. What made it worse was that every time I saw him, I knew I was going to feel the sadness only moments after the happiness had swept through me. Seeing him only made me more confused and angry that he had said all of those things and then left me here.
“The superstar has three concerts scheduled in London before he moves on to his next European city, but everyone is wondering, where is Liam Henderson’s girlfriend? Are they still together or has he finally moved on, like many of his fans had hoped he would?” The ghastly woman then proceeded to interview Liam’s supposed fans as they speculated on our relationship. After a few too many tweens crying over their beloved rock star, I switched off the television and buried my face in the sofa cushions. Why was this so hard?
Hearing my stomach rumble, I decided it was about time I unwrapped myself from the cocoon I had created on the couch and found something edible. I knew it was going to be a challenge because I struggled the last time I had come up for food.
I slouched over to the fridge and was met with an empty carton of milk and half a stick of butter. Even my imagination wasn’t that good.
I knew I needed to brave the outdoors, but I’d been fighting a dreadful cold since Liam left and I just couldn’t bring myself to go outside, where I was sure the icy wind would attempt to remove the skin from my bones.
At least that was the excuse I fed myself every time I contemplated going outside. I hadn’t even been able to brave standing too close to the giant window that overlooked Manhattan.
Instead, I stayed on the couch and looked at the view from a safe distance. Where there was no chance I could see any of the passers-by on the streets. More specifically, a man wearing a worn blue baseball cap.
Looking around the apartment, I also knew I needed to clean at some point. The overflowing bin filled with tissues and the piling dishes would be Liam’s worst nightmare, but he wasn’t here right now.
He left me, apparently, to think everything over while he toured the world. The coward.
All I could think about was how much I hated him for leaving me alone. I thought I would love to be alone again. Just like it used to be, but I hated it and even though I would never admit it to him, I missed him.
I missed his guitar; I missed his neurotic way of needing everything to be perfectly clean, but mostly, I just missed everything that was him. His smell, his warmth, his kiss…
Shaking thoughts of his lips from my head, I started to focus on the reasons I hated him instead and how much he infuriated me. Even those were beginning to wear thin because I knew I was probably one psychotic break away from agreeing to whatever he wanted.
Slamming the empty fridge door closed, I moved ungainly through the mess of obstacles I had created in the apartment, then proceed to get dressed in everything I owned, hoping that by wearing my whole wardrobe, the increasing chill lingering over New York wouldn’t be able to reach me.
Stuffing my keys in my pocket, I reluctantly took Liam’s card. It had remained untouched, still, with the note from Liam attached. I was reluctant to use it, but I needed to eat. I hated that I needed his money to feed me, I hated that I was dependent on him, but what choice did I have?
However, if he thought I was going to do what his note said and call Daryl to chauffeur me around the city, he had another thing coming.
Stepping into the elevator, I felt an overwhelming dizziness wash over me and the sense that my skin was on fire. I felt lightheaded and jittery, but there was no turning back now. I needed to do some grocery shopping.
So instead, I tried to ignore it. In an attempt to cool the heat building in my body, I leaned against the mirror in the elevator and shut my eyes.
The elevator came to a stop, and my eyes opened slowly, thinking I had reached the lobby, but instead I found the disapproving guy step inside. Inwardly, I groaned. Did he always have to see me at my worst? It was like he knew when I would be in the elevator and timed his trips accordingly.
“You’re still here?” he asked in mock surprise, and I rolled my eyes at the offensive man.
“Surprise,” I muttered, feeling another wave of overwhelming heat roll through my body. A strange tightness in my chest was growing more constricting.
“He left you behind, I see,” he stated condescendingly, and I hacked out an unattractive cough as the elevator came to an abrupt stop. It felt like my throat was on fire.
“Are you all right?” he asked, and I almost fell into another coughing fit at the concern in his voice. How long was this elevator ride?
“What do you care? You just think I’m another one of Liam Henderson’s floozies.” I didn’t wait for his reply, and instead, I quickly stepped around him and scurried ungracefully across the echoing tiles in the lobby.
As soon as I was outside, I felt the chill of the approaching winter assault my face and I welcomed the cool, biting air as my temperature only seemed to grow. The relief, however, was only fleeting, and almost immediately the strength of my temperature appeared to be taking over again.
Trying to shake off my apparent illness, I started slowly down the street of bustling people. I was glad for the reprieve from the media now that Liam was out of the country.
Still, I felt paranoid, and I found myself looking over my shoulder every now and then thinking that someone might be following me. I put the odd feeling down to my sickness setting me on edge. I just needed to make it two more blocks then I would have food and would be able to return home to my inviting bed.
When I rounded the final corner before the store, I felt my heart drop out from my already suffering chest.
“You,” I breathed as the man approached me.
“I just want a picture,” he smiled, and I felt my already shaky nerves begin to give out. Who was this man?
“You-you don’t have a camera,” I stuttered, backing away from him as he continued to approach me. The rest of the world seemed to be oblivious to the distress I felt as this supposed paparazzi continued to harass me.
"Oh," he put on a look of fake puzzlement and continued. "So I don’t."
“Why are you following me?”
“It’s my job,” he answered. I couldn’t help thinking that it wasn’t. Why would he be following me when none of the other members of the paparazzi were, and why didn’t he have his camera?
“Then take your picture and leave,” I snapped, realizing I’d backed myself up to the edge of the sidewalk and had nowhere left to go.
My head was spinning, and my heart was pounding as I tried to suck in deep breaths. It seemed my chest was incapable of anything more than a short, sharp, and painful gasp.
“My job is a little more complex than that,” he sneered, and I looked around helplessly, afraid of what he might do next. We were in a public place; he wouldn’t be brave enough to try anything, would he?
“Leave me alone,” I tried to say forcefully, but instead it was undermined by another round of hacking coughs.
I stumbled back onto the road. I heard the screeching of tires and looked up just in time to see a taxi as it knocked my side and sent me tumbling to the ground. Luckily, because I had worn all my clothes, I had quite a bit of padding that stopped me from any major injuries, but the impact still hurt.
“Miss?” came a worried voice, and I looked up dazedly to see the taxi driver getting out of his car and running toward me.
“I’m fine,” I muttered as more onlooke
rs started to gather to get a closer look. I could see some had gotten their phones out to take photos, and I just hoped that no one recognized me.
“Miss, are you all right?” the driver asked again, and instead of answering him, I looked through the crowd to where the man had been standing on the sidewalk.
“Where is he?”
“Who?” The taxi driver frowned. “Miss, are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine,” I assured him, getting to my feet unsteadily.
“Do you need me to take you to the hospital, or can I call someone?” he asked as the crowd started to disperse, realizing there was nothing too exciting to see.
“No, I’ll be- Wait, can you take me to the grocery store on the next street over?” I asked, trying to shake the unnerving image of the man from my mind.
The taxi driver was still holding me up, and I could tell from the look on his face that he thought I had lost my mind, or at best got a concussion from the fall.
“Sure,” he answered uncertainly. “But, are you sure you don’t need to go to the hospital?”
“Yes, I’ll be fine,” I smiled as he started to lead me back to his taxi.
Once I was settled in the back seat, he rushed to the driver’s side and quickly glanced back at me.
Worry was etched into his aging face. I was certain this incident had only added to the growing collection of gray hairs on his head.
“I’m not hurt, I promise,” I tried to reassure him, but I could tell I wasn't doing a good job. Even as he started to pull out into the New York traffic, I could feel him staring at me through the rearview mirror. I tried to ignore it as I stared out at the early morning commuters.
“You look very familiar, miss,” he stated after a few minutes of silence and finally, I allowed myself to look up at him.
“Maybe I just have one of those faces,” I shrugged. There was no way this elderly man knew who Liam Henderson was.
“No, I’ve seen you before. I just wish I could remember from where,” and I could see the cogs in his mind ticking over. I just hoped he didn’t find the answer he was so avidly looking for.