by Theresa Jane
Everything seemed to be moving at a speed that set all my nerves on edge. I was terrified we were going to reach a speed that we wouldn’t be able to control and the crash would be catastrophic. What if all that was left of us was debris scattered across a world that had at once been safe?
Yet another half of me was telling me if I would let it, we could fly.
“I don’t know, Liam,” I answered in a small voice.
“What’s not to know, Freya? Just go with it. Trust me.” My heart nearly flatlined. Could I trust him? I thought I could, at one point he was all I trusted even if I refused to recognize it.
“I promise nothing bad will happen to you, you’ll be safe,” he continued without a hint of insincerity. I knew in his mind he believed his words were true. The question was, did I?
“Liam, I could be just as safe here,” I reasoned, but he was already shaking his head emphatically.
“He’s here; I won’t be able to do anything if I know you’re back here where I can’t get to you.”
“Maybe I could stay with Jarred and Lucy?” I offered, knowing it was a weak compromise.
“No,” Liam scoffed. “I don’t trust Jarred to protect you. Luce packs more of a punch than he does."
“Ant?” I didn’t even bother mentioning my brother; he didn’t have a very good track record when it came to Liam’s opinion of him.
“You don’t even get along with Ant,” Liam laughed, reaching out for my hands and pulling me so I was stood between his legs.
“He likes me better now.”
“Give up, Freya," he murmured, pulling me down until my lips were hovering over his. I felt as if there were sparks already lighting between us and they were causing my lips to tingle in anticipation. My skin felt so sensitive that a single touch and I thought I might combust.
“You know you have to let me win sometimes.”
“You never lose, Freya. My apartment walls will attest to that.”
“This is a bit bigger than painting a wall.”
“So what do you say?” He smiled against my lips, and I wasn’t sure I could have argued anymore even if I had wanted to. All I wanted was to feel his lips on mine and never come back up for air again.
“Fine,” I whispered, and I barely got the word out as we both finally got what we’d been hoping for.
Chapter 34: Discharge and Departures
I was just finishing up getting dressed when I heard a knock at the door. Assuming it was Liam, I didn’t even bother to turn around after I called for him to come in.
“Are we all set?” I asked, slipping the last button on my shirt into place. I didn’t remember owning this shirt before I came to the hospital, and I could only assume it was a Ryan addition.
“Freya,” I started at the voice, immediately realizing it wasn’t Liam. A heavy silence fell between us as I remained frozen by the hospital bed.
“Mason?” I asked tentatively, turning around slowly to see my brother slouching by the door.
“I came as soon as I heard.”
“Mase, I have been in here for four days now,” I frowned, my anger and frustration bubbling quickly to the surface. I took note of his bloodshot eyes and disheveled appearance and knew he had had a rough few days, but it only fueled the anger growing inside of me. “The hospital would have called you first, and yet you are only just arriving now.”
“I know, but I didn’t get the message. I was…busy,” he answered guiltily, looking away from me.
“You were probably passed out in some gutter,” I spat back, feeling my fists clench tightly at my sides. “I needed help, and you were too busy nursing a hangover to get the phone call for four days.”
“Come on Freya, please. I said I was sorry.”
“No, you didn’t,” I shot back. “You’re never sorry, Mason, because if you were, you would stop this. You would get help.”
“I don’t have a problem,” he hissed, taking a step closer to me, but I remained stoic beside my bed.
“I’m your only sister Mase, and it took you four days to come and visit me in the hospital. It’s not the first time you’ve let me down. It’s just the last one I’m going to allow you to get away with.”
I was tired of him treating me this way. I was frustrated with being put second to the bottle. I deserved more. There were finally others in my life who were willing to give me more.
“I gave up everything to bring you here, Freya. I saved you,” he defended, but even he knew that excuse was wearing thin.
“I know Mason, and I will always be grateful for that day, but what about everything before that? Every time I called you, pleading for you to come home. Every time I had to deal with Dad by myself because you refused to help. Every time I needed to pick you up from the street and drag you home. Where were you then, Mason?”
“What do you want from me, Freya?"
“I want my big brother,” I shouted. “Why are you even here now?”
He was just about to reply when Liam walked into the room, and his eyes immediately landed on my brother. I knew in an instant that he wasn’t happy to see him. There was a fire sparking in his eyes and I knew it wasn’t going to end well for anyone.
“Freya, we’re leaving,” Liam announced calmly, never taking his eyes from my brother.
“Why would she be going anywhere with you?” Mason shot back, stepping in front of Liam and crossing his arms tightly over his chest.
“Freya is my girlfriend, and I won’t let you upset her,” Liam answered, easily sidestepping my brother. He reached for my hand and my bag before turning back to my brother with menace in his eyes.
“I’m her brother; I can decide what’s best for my sister.”
“Freya can decide what she wants for herself, and she doesn’t need a drunk like you in her life.”
“That’s rich,” Mason scoffed as Liam started to move toward the door. He kept me just behind him and out of reach of my brother.
“Goodbye, Mason,” Liam answered coldly, his hand tightening around mine.
“Freya, wait, I did come here for a reason,” Mason said desperately, and somehow he managed to grab hold of my wrist, forcing me to look up at his frightened eyes.
“Let go, Mase.”
“Freya, Dad’s here,” and immediately, I felt my blood run cold.
“What?”
“Dad, he’s here and he wants to see you,” he rushed out. I vaguely felt Liam tugging on my arm, but I couldn’t bring myself to move. “He’s changed Freya, he’s different now.”
“I don’t believe you,” I answered in a voice that almost wasn’t there.
“He just wants to talk with you, Freya. Just give him a chance to explain,” he said softly, and I felt an overwhelming sense of betrayal wash over me.
It was almost as if the final cord between my brother and I was being cut. I never wanted to be without my brother, but I couldn’t keep living with him the way he was.
“I don’t want his explanations,” I answered weakly, tugging at the arm he still held desperately.
“He won’t hurt you, Freya. I promise,” he pleaded.
“No,” I shouted, tearing my arm from his hand. “I don’t trust you anymore, and I most certainly don’t trust him.” I finished, pushing down the images of the last time I saw my father. I couldn’t seem to get his sad, broken eyes out of my head, and I hated that even now I felt sympathy for him. Even now, I could feel my resolve slipping.
“Freya-”
“You’ve said your piece,” Liam cut across, pushing me out the door and placing himself firmly between my brother and me again. “Listen to your sister for once. She doesn’t want you here and she doesn’t want to see your father. You should respect that.”
“Who are you to come in between this family?”
“What family?” Liam scoffed. “You haven’t been a family since the night your mother was shot and you turned your back on your sister.” I gasped at Li
am’s words as a new set of memories ripped through me. My hand went limp in his, but Mason was quick to push aside his shock and act.
“How dare you?” he growled before I saw him raise a fist, but Liam was faster. He easily deflected the blow and landed one of his own. Mason stumbled back from the force of the hit, and I felt Liam shift as if he were moving to strike again.
“Liam,” I said worriedly, tugging at the arm I held tightly in both of mine. I could still feel the corded muscles tensing as he turned back to look at me, his anger evident in his eyes.
“Let’s go,” I prompted cautiously as I watched a silent battle he seemed to be waging inside. I tensed when he looked back at my floundering brother but he only shook his head, muttering something before he turned back to me. His anger had ebbed slightly as he leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to my temple.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “You’re right; we should go.”
“What about-”
“He’s in a hospital if he needs help,” Liam answered coldly, leading me from the room.
I cast one last look back at my brother, but I couldn’t muster up the sadness and guilt I knew I should feel. So, instead, I turned my head and let Liam lead me away.
* * *
“Are you all right?” Liam asked worriedly when we were finally safely inside his car with Daryl at the wheel. His hands quickly found my face, brushing it gently as if he were afraid to break it.
“I’m fine, Liam,” I muttered, looking out the window as we passed the crowd of photographers that had been waiting out the front of the hospital. We had snuck out the back so no one would notice us, but it didn’t stop them chasing after the car now, as if they could get a shot through the tinted windows.
“Freya, look at me,” Liam prompted gently.
“I’m fine Liam, I promise.” He obviously didn’t believe me because I found his hand on my chin, forcing my face up so my eyes would meet his.
“What are you thinking, Freya?”
“My brother came to visit me in hospital,” I shrugged.
“Talk to me.” I shook my head from his hand and turned back to the window. I heard him let out a frustrated sigh, but I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t even want to think about it because if I thought about my brother and my father, I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold myself together. I was barely keeping the seams of my life together as it was.
“I can’t, Liam," I whispered, resting my head against the cool window.
“I want to help, Freya; I-I'll do anything,” he finished in a rush.
“I don’t want you to ask me questions; I don’t want to think about him being here. I don’t want to see him.” I sighed, and nothing more was said for the remainder of the car trip.
“We’re here, sir,” Daryl announced before he got out of the car and moved to open the door for us.
“Where are the reporters?” I asked, looking out at Liam’s familiar apartment building.
“They think I’m on the way to the airport.”
“Shouldn’t we be?”
“No, you can’t fly for another two weeks,” he answered before gently pushing me from the car. Daryl had his hand out to help me down, and I took it quickly as I jumped out.
When I looked up, I froze. I saw blue and the flash of a camera. My heart was racing and my breathing short as I stared at where he had been.
“Freya?” I heard Liam’s worried voice break through my daze. Blinking a few times, I noticed that he was now crouched in front of me, holding my trembling hands in his. “Freya, what happened?”
“He’s here; he was right there. He had his camera.”
“Daryl,” Liam nearly shouted, shooting up from where he was crouched in front of me. Daryl was already instructing Martin, who suddenly ran in the direction the man had been.
“Sir, we need to get you and Miss Freya inside the building,” Daryl instructed, but Liam was already moving toward the doors with me pressed firmly to his side.
Once we were inside, Liam didn’t stop until we were safely inside the elevator.
The ride in the elevator seemed so long, and I couldn’t force my body to stop shaking, no matter how many times I tried to convince myself that I was safe.
When we reached Liam’s apartment, I expected Daryl to wait outside or go back down and help Martin, but instead, he followed us in. Liam hurried me through the apartment and settled me on the sofa, where I sat staring blankly at the black TV screen.
I could hear Liam and Daryl speaking in hurried whispers behind me, but I couldn’t bring myself to care what they were talking about. I was happy to remain numb. If I was numb, I couldn’t think.
I’m not sure how long I sat there until I felt a presence beside me.
“Freya?”
“When will he leave me alone?” I whispered, looking up to Liam with fearful tears in my eyes.
“Hey,” he cooed, sitting gently beside me. He pulled my unresponsive body onto his lap so I was nestled neatly under his chin. ‘You’re safe, I promise. He will never be able to get close to you.’
“But what if he does? What does he want?”
“I don’t know,” Liam answered, losing himself in his own thoughts as he ran his hand soothingly through my hair and pressed me closer. I couldn’t tell whether he was trying to comfort me or himself.
I woke with a start when I heard a tormented cry break through my own nightmares. There was a thin sheen of sweat across my skin and I shivered as the cool air registered.
However, I quickly filed away my own fears when I felt a hand tighten around my own, and I looked down to find a distressed look on Liam’s face as he slept. That’s when I realized I was in Liam’s bed. He must have moved us sometime after I fell asleep on him.
* * *
He was grunting in his sleep until a sound of terror ripped from his throat and a single tear fell from his closed eyes. I couldn’t bear to watch him in pain any longer and had no choice but to wake him from his troubled dreams.
“Liam,” I started softly, pushing at his shoulder with the hand he didn’t hold tightly in his own. “Liam,” I tried a little louder, but still he remained trapped inside his nightmares.
“Liam,” I shouted, causing him to shoot up from the bed, almost pushing me from it in his haste. His breathing was labored and his skin clammy as his eyes tried to work out where he was.
“Liam?” I asked meekly, and his eyes suddenly snapped to mine. “What happened?”
He paused for a moment, just staring at me intensely until he wrapped me in a tight embrace, pulling me into his lap. He inhaled deeply, and I let him hold me, waiting for him to calm himself before I tried to get any information out of him.
“Liam, what’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing, I just…” he trailed off, and I was about to ask again, but he spoke before I could get the question out. “I just need to hold you, okay?”
I nodded, and he tightened his hold. He held me for the longest time as if I was the only thing keeping him tethered to this world, and I let him.
“Liam,” I finally croaked, my voice hoarse from not using it. “Will you tell me what happened?”
“I saw my mom,” he whispered, keeping his head buried in the side of my neck. “I saw her the night she died.”
“Were…were you with her? In the accident?” I asked cautiously. He had never spoken to me about his mother before. Except for the night I had demanded he take me for a ride on his motorcycle. After that, he never mentioned her again.
“Yes, I was in the seat beside her. She was still alive after the other car hit us.”
“Oh Liam,” I breathed, lifting my hand to rest it against where he still hid in my hair.
“I held her hand,” he continued softly as if he had lost himself in the memory. “I held it until she breathed her last breath, and I continued to hold it until she was cold and the paramedics finally arrived. They had to pry my fingers f
rom hers when they finally got to us. They were too late for her. She had already left me.”
“Liam,” I breathed, twisting in his hold so I could press his forehead to mine, holding him tightly in both of my arms.
“Why didn’t she fight harder to stay?” he demanded, and I felt his hands shift to my waist, his calloused fingers squeezing my bare skin. “Why does no one fight to stay? Why is it so easy for them to leave me?”
“Liam, don’t do that to yourself,” I started. “Your mom never left you by choice.”
“Of course, she did, she could have fought harder, held on just a little longer. I wasn’t enough to make her stay. I wasn’t enough to make any of them stay.”
“Liam, you can’t blame yourself for your mother’s death or Jenna’s. You couldn’t have done anything to save them. No matter how much you wanted to, it just wasn’t possible.”
“What about my father? He left, that was his choice. That was my fault.”
“No Liam, you’re wrong,” I answered emphatically, forcing his eyes to look at mine. “He was the adult, and it was his job to care for you and your mother.”
“I did horrible things after Jenna died,” Liam admitted, his hands still holding firmly to my waist. “He couldn’t handle my behavior. They lied, told me it wasn’t my fault, but I knew. I could see it in both of their tired faces.”
“Liam, you were hurting, you were young, and your parents had already suffered so much. The loss of a child is unbearable. Not many marriages survive.”
“I needed them, Freya. They were all I had left and I just…I needed them.” He fell into a whisper as he leaned down and rested his forehead against my own again. I wasn’t sure if he had ever shared this part of himself before, but I could only assume that he hadn’t.
“Liam, you need to see that people aren’t always going to leave you and most times when they do, it’s not their fault.”
“Their choice is always to leave,” Liam muttered, and I felt an overwhelming sense of helplessness. That there was no way for me to change his mind.