by Jake Houston
© 2019 Jake Houston. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.
ISBN 978-1-54399-197-0 eBook 978-1-54399-198-7
Dedicated to anyone who is dealing with or has had to deal with an emotional breakup.
About the book:
This book will illustrate the different ups and downs your mind goes through after a breakup. From the depressed state your mind hits about how hurt you feel and wanting to give up on love and the feelings of being unlovable that come with it; about trying to cling to the happy moments that started it all; looking for ways things might have been different. What you could have done; then back again to having no hope on moving forward.
You will see the different stages as you read on. Back and forth, similar to how you would feel if you were going through it day by day. Most of the emotions that come from this are from personal experiences of past relationships I have been in. Not all of them ended poorly. In fact, I’m friends with a lot of my exes (not that I have a ton, but you get what I mean). Not all of them but some. Just because things don’t go as planned doesn’t mean that they are a bad person (although, some totally are) life is too short to hold a grudge and hang onto that negativity. In the end it’s only going to bring you down in the process.
In the LGBTQ community, negativity can be all too common. Sadly, it’s become easy to just download an app and move on to the next guy without really having to process anything or deal with the emotional side of a breakup. After a while, it starts a Cannibalism effect where everyone tears one another down. This can often lead to someone in the relationship feeling as if they were “lesser” and not really receiving the love they were giving out. The truth is that everyone deals with pain differently. We might not agree with how others process it or how they went about moving on. That’s just the way things go sometimes. Don’t focus on how they are dealing and focus on you. After all, at the end of the day, you are the only one dealing with your emotions. Take care of yourself. Know you are loved!
Happy reading
-JH
Contents
Memories of Yesterday
The Space Between
Home Alone
Ex-Friends
Time
Fighting
Warrior
Tin Man
Release Me
Broken
The Crash
New Love
The Start of Love
Picture Perfect
Traveling Love
In A World of Sounds
Don’t Call Me Yours
Rent Free
Legs Don’t Fail Me Now
A Reason
Past Days
Lightning
Angel of Death
Eyes
Relationship
The Beginning
Picture
Fiction
Change
Fairytale Ending
Song
Air
Opened Book
A New Hurt
Silence
Words from A Broken Heart
Strength
Hometown
Sorry
Years
Walls
Rubik’s Cube
Wedding Day
Knees
Lies
Manipulated Love
First Love
4th Of July
The Whisper
Love and War
Future Love
Gone
Light
Marriage
City Lights
Tragic Love
Space Between
Hangover
Replaced
Manipulated
Growth
The Boogieman
History
STOP
Everything Reminds Me of You
Crossing the Line
I Do
Dark Heart
Fragrance
Expectations
Colorblind
Alone
Time
A Lie
Hearts Speak
Not Welcome
Shadows
Without Wings
The Antidote
Mistakes
I Miss You
Photo
The Storm
Spanish Song
Him
Love
Try
Flaws and All
Honey
Sides
Demon
Today
Dark Love
Hurt
A Note
Truth
Dan + Shay
Feel Pain
The Key
Battle
Potential
A Reminder
Love Languages
I’m Sorry
Fallen Angel
Arachnophobia
Afraid
Mealtime
Beautiful Lie
Shadows of You
Boomerang
Memories of Yesterday
Yesterday you were mine
We had fun
We had love
We had all the time in the world
But today is a new day
Undoubtedly, you are someone new
Who you were is no longer who you are
A stranger in my bed
I stay not because I love who you are
But for who you were
As time goes on
I hope and I pray
For another day with my memories of yesterday
-JH
The Space Between
It’s been years now
Some time has passed
Every time I see you I try my best
To act unbroken
For nothing lasts
All I ever wanted was to have you by my side
Forever my ending, not my past
-JH
Home Alone
Home alone, waiting for you
He waits in silence
Staring in the face of absence
With a broken heart
You’re all he has to hold onto
With you gone he’s breaking dawn
With new light all around
No one else to hear the sounds of a broken heart
Left lying on the ground
-JH
Sometimes before you can love another, you have to learn to love yourself. Become okay with the person you are. Nothing’s wrong with taking the time to show yourself the respect you deserve. It will help you teach others the correct way to love you.
-JH
Ex-Friends
We started out as friends
Then something more begins
If I knew at the beginning the way things would end
I wouldn’t change a thing
For you gave me a friend
Not for long
Or even a while
But as time goes on
You still make me smile
-JH
Time
If we turned back the clock, would you still choose me like I would you
-JH
Fighting
I find myself fighting the urge to call and ask about his day
I stay awake at night wondering if he is
sleeping alone
I still reach out for his hand while driving
Fighting the change that was always bound to happen is the hardest part of all
-JH
Warrior
Fighting for the ability to move on
Like a warrior
I search for the strength deep within to keep going
If I were to slow down now, it might just kill me
I look forward to the days ahead after this inner battle is done
When I’m no longer able to focus on thoughts of us
Only then is the war truly over
-JH
Tin Man
Life without a heart seems desolate
But I promise you, Mr. Tin Man
Living heartless isn’t so wrong
No pain
No hurt
No one to leave your heart left full of sorrow
Be thankful, Mr. Tin Man
Your armor keeps you from falling apart
For love is pain from the very start
-JH
Release Me
From days apart
To nights alone
My mind finds you in the darkness
I know you’re the poison in my apple
Slowly killing what’s left of me
I crave the hurt you gave
When you’re not near it’s so bittersweet
Please release my heart from your grasp
-JH
Broken
I never understood the word until I met you
-JH
You have so much going for you. You are strong, passionate, and have more love in you than most people could ever hope for. I wish nothing but the best for you as you continue to bring out the best in yourself and those around you.
-JH
The Crash
Our love was passionate from the start
It was always meant to teach a lesson
I thought I was ready
Determined to stay strong
But the train wreck was destined to happen
But I wouldn’t let us crash
I held on as long as you let me
-JH
New Love
Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, sometimes love will have to die in order to be reborn.
-JH
The Start of Love
I’m shackled by the pains of my past
Yet you open those chains so easily
I tell you I’m not able to hold your heart
While I’m still gathering the pieces of mine
I’m worried I can’t love you until I can love myself
You so effortlessly love me, imperfections and all
Can you love them the way I want to love you?
-JH
Picture Perfect
A photo is worth 1000 words
So we always put our best image outward
Every photo on Instagram with
The perfect filter
The perfect smile
The perfect caption
If only emotions had a filter
Maybe then I could feel as perfect on the inside as I show on the outside
But no amount of filters can fix a broken heart
-JH
Traveling Love
With nowhere to go
Feeling constantly on the run
I invited you into my heart
My soul
To be my only one
Now that some time has passed
These shattered emotions still linger
It seems I can’t push you away
I always thought you would be my last
-JH
In A World of Sounds
In a world where every sound can flow freely
The shattered heart you left behind trumpets louder than any angel could
Hard to speak
Hard to hear
Harder to feel
A world silenced like a black and white film
I stand here waiting for my world to be brought back into color
With hope that one day this broken heart will once again be whole
So I stay
Waiting in a world you left deaf by your actions
-JH
Don’t Call Me Yours
Don’t call me yours
When you were never mine
Talking to other guys and wasting my time
While I was building us a home
You thought it better to leave me all alone
Now here I am with a crumbling heart
Because you wanted nothing more than to tear it apart
Less than a few years together
Now wasted down the drain
You did nothing other than to place the blame
With distance and time to mend my heart
I still hate you for taking mine from the very start
<3
-JH
Rent Free
You have been living in my mind so long I should start charging rent
It’s unfair how easily you moved in and refuse to
vacate
With every passing day harder and harder to remove you from the premises
Only viewing you as the new tenant of what was once mine
-JH
Legs Don’t Fail Me Now
Running as fast as I can
Going round and round
Running to and from the hurt
No end point in sight
When will it stop
Just wanting the dawn of a new day to break the chains that have been so heavily weighing me down
Please legs
Don’t fail me now
So I start
Running further than I ever have before
For a new place can’t hurt me anymore
Legs don’t fail me now
-JH
A Reason
I knew you had pain in your heart
But I loved you from the start
Every part
You are everything I didn’t know I needed
Everything happens for a reason
Let me be your reason to love again
-JH
Past Days
I’m giving up
I’ve gotta get away
No use in thinking of past days
You never cared about them anyway
Why should I care now
-JH
Lightning
You are the bolt of lightning that happened to strike twice
-JH
Angel of Death
Once I thought I knew you
I thought we had it all
If our beginning told a story
It would start with the fall
The fall I had when we first met
You would never let my heart forget
You had it all from the start
The angel of death took my heart
-JH
Eyes
I always knew I loved you
You seemed to have it all
Your green eyes spoke to me without hesitation
I knew that you would be the reason I considered love at all
-JH
Relationship
Today is the day
When two become one
He said be mine
My heart stops at the thought
From here on out
We tackle the world together
Starting a new life with you by my side
-JH
The Beginning
From across the room our eyes meet
Lik
e a vampire pulling in his prey
I’m compelled to walk over
Hands sweating
Heart racing
Mouth getting dry
Unsure of what to say
You started the conversation
One thing led to another
The dawn of a new day
-JH
Picture
Our picture is still in the frame
On the wall in our empty house
The last thing to move from the memory of us
Holding on to what could have been
It’s a shame you gave it all up for not loving yourself within
-JH
Fiction
In the story of love he was the antagonist disguised as a protagonist
-JH
No one can take away your power unless you give it to them. Remember who you are and what you have to offer.
You are a fucking bad ass and nothing can change that.
Don’t let them.
-JH
Change
If I knew then, what I know now…
Would I change anything about us?
-JH
Fairytale Ending
Their love isn’t like the movies
With a fairytale ending
Was he stupid for thinking it could be
It was full of passion in the start
How could they let it all fall apart
He wished they could rewrite the script
Flip this sunken ship
So they could take this love on a round trip
-JH
Song
You are the song that was never meant for me to hear
-JH
Air
You were the fresh air in a city of smog