by Sharon Booth
'Jennet did?' I could barely look at him. 'So, so you've remembered her?'
'It came to me in dreams,' he admitted. 'I remembered it so clearly, Celeste, and it was terrifying. That night — that fateful night — Jennet and I were arguing. She'd done something terrible. I was trying to reason with her, plead with her, but she wouldn't listen. Her raven attacked me.' He stared ahead of him, as if he were seeing it all play out in front of his eyes. 'I couldn't fight him off, but while I was trying to defend myself, Jennet struck. She blasted me over the castle wall. It was Jennet, Celeste. It was Jennet who sent me into the icy depths of the Hrafn, and Jennet who ended my life in 1669.'
'Oh, Blaise.' I stroked his face and he buried his head in my chest.
Crikey, steady on.
'You're such a comfort to me,' he whispered. At least, I think that's what he said, but it was hard to tell with his face squashed up against my pyjama top.
'That's what I'm here for,' I said, wondering why it was I felt so uncomfortable. Didn't Star say all this would come naturally to me? Or had I said that? Either way, it didn't feel very natural right now.
'Celeste,' he whispered, 'you do know how I feel about you, don't you?'
I gulped. 'Of course. We're — we're very good friends.'
'We're more than that,' he said. 'At least, I want us to be.'
'Do you? I mean, great. Obviously, I want that too.'
He kissed me softly, tenderly, and I relaxed a little. After all, this was Blaise St Clair! I was being kissed by Blaise St Clair! It would be criminal not to enjoy it.
'I can see you're a little nervous,' he murmured. 'Don't be afraid.'
'I'm not afraid,' I said. 'Well, not much.'
'I hope you don't think I would use you and leave you,' he said, frowning. 'I fully intend we'll be married in due course.'
Married? I gasped. 'Um, that's very kind of you.'
'Not at all,' he assured me. 'You and I will make a wonderful partnership, Celeste, and the two of us will ensure Castle Clair thrives for our sons and our grandsons.'
I couldn't help thinking he was being a bit previous. We'd not even done the deed and he had us building a dynasty. An all-male dynasty, I noted. And besides, where did Sirius fit into this wonderful partnership? Castle Clair was his territory, not mine or Blaise's.
He kissed me again, and my hormones surged in response. I couldn't blame him for thinking like that, I decided. As his memories were returning, so was the knowledge that he was the lord and master of the town. For him, those days were mere months ago. It must be hard for him to see Sirius taking his role.
'Try to relax,' he said.
'I am relaxed — oh!'
I gasped out loud as he pulled me further down on the bed, so I was lying flat and he was above me, his weight supported by his arms as he gazed down at me. 'I'll hurt you as little as possible,' he promised me, which did nothing to reassure me.
'Actually,' I said, 'I think I've got cramp.'
'Celeste, I love you. Please, try not to worry. I'll be as slow and as gentle as you want.'
So this is going ahead? This is it? The big moment?
'Thing is,' I confessed, rather bashfully, 'this is the — I mean, I've never—'
He lifted his head and eyed me rather indignantly. 'I should hope not!'
'Oh, well. Yes, I suppose ...'
He smiled. 'It's okay. I've had loads of experience. I know what I'm doing, and I'll make this a night to remember for both of us.'
Was that supposed to make me feel better? I gazed up at him, trying hard to feel turned on and excited, but all I could think was, well, you could have asked!
'Sorry.' I wriggled out from underneath him and landed with a thump on my bedroom carpet.
He turned to me, his face a picture of confusion. 'What are you doing?'
'I'm not ready,' I admitted.
'Not ready?' He sounded incredulous. 'But — but what was all that about earlier?'
'What was what about?' I asked.
'You told me to get in your bed,' he reminded me.
'Because you'd had a nightmare and were afraid!'
'I'm never afraid.'
'Okay, so you'd had a nightmare and were doing a fantastic impression of being afraid.'
'I don't understand.' He caught my arm. 'I thought you and I were — I thought we ...'
The weird thing was, I'd thought the same. So why was I so reluctant to go through with it? All I knew was, I wasn't ready for this and I had to make him understand that. I wrenched my arm free.
'Blaise,' I said, 'I know you're from the seventeenth century, and things were done differently then, but right here, right now, you're in my time, and it doesn't work that way any more. When I say no, I mean no. And if you so much as try anything remotely dodgy, I'll scream so loudly your eardrums will burst. Do you understand?'
'Well,' he said, looking dumbfounded, 'I think I'd have to be a bit of a moron not to understand.'
'Exactly. So, if you don't mind, I'll take my leave of you. Goodnight.'
I stormed out of the bedroom and shut the door behind me, then leaned against it, shaking.
Oh, my God! What the hell had happened? I'd wanted this moment for so long. I'd longed for it. Ached for it. I'd saved myself for years for an impossible dream! And now, the moment was actually here, and I couldn't go through with it. Why?
I bit my lip and blinked away tears. I felt sick to the stomach. When it came to it, I wasn't ready. The moment had come, and I'd realised it wasn't what I wanted at all. What was the matter with me? Why wasn't I normal? Why couldn't I just enjoy myself like other women did? Blaise was handsome, intelligent, everything I'd ever wanted. I was a fool to turn him away. I stared into the darkness, wondering what to do next.
The door wrenched open behind me, and I almost fell back into the bedroom.
Blaise gave me a haughty look. 'I think you'll find this is your room,' he reminded me, pushing past me and heading back to his own bedroom.
I heard the door shut firmly behind him and closed my eyes as a fresh wave of despair hit me. How on earth had I got this so wrong?
****
'Goodness,' Mother said, the next morning, 'you look rough. Didn't you sleep much?'
I blushed and didn't dare meet Blaise's eyes, although I could feel his gaze boring into me from across the breakfast table.
'Oh, you know. I had a lot on my mind,' I muttered, spreading butter on my toast and hoping she wouldn't push me further.
Castor entered the room, and we all looked up, glad to see he'd returned home, where he belonged.
'Castor,' Sirius said immediately, 'I want to apologise for what happened last night. If we gave you the impression you weren't part of this family, we're sorry. Of course you are. You always have been.'
'You really are, Castor,' I said. 'You've been like another grandfather to us. I don't know what we'd have done without you.'
Mother nodded. 'They're right, dear,' she said. 'I hope you'll forgive us. We're so sorry.'
Castor looked as if he didn't know what to do with himself. He waved us away, embarrassed. 'Don't be daft. Nowt to apologise for, have you? Just me being soft.'
'Oh no, it wasn't your fault at all.'
I jumped up and threw my arms around him, then smiled at him. To my horror, I saw his rheumy old eyes were glistening with tears. 'Oh, Castor!' I said, feeling tearful myself, 'you do know how much we all love you, don't you?'
'I'm a daft old man,' he said. 'Let's forget it. Breakfast ready, is it?'
'I thought I'd make it this morning,' Mother said. 'Well, when I say make it ...'
'Aye.' Castor nodded wisely. 'Probably best if you stick to your own methods. I've tasted your scrambled eggs done the traditional way.'
'What a cheek!' Mother said, but I saw her eyes twinkling and knew she was relieved he seemed back to his usual self.
'Would you like a boiled egg, darling?' she asked me, as I gulped down some orange juice.
I shook m
y head. 'Sorry, I'm late. I need to get to the museum.'
'But it doesn't open for another hour,' she protested. 'Sit down. Let your breakfast digest.'
'I've got leaflets to unpack and all sorts to do,' I said. 'After all, it's almost Easter. The museum will be busy as the season starts.'
'If you say so.' She frowned, not convinced. 'Is everything all right?' She glanced over at Blaise, who was sipping coffee in silence.
'Fine,' I said lightly. 'Got to dash. See you all later.'
I got as far as the hallway before Blaise caught up with me and, I must admit, I flinched as he put his hand on my arm.
'Celeste, about last night—'
'It's fine,' I gabbled. 'Honestly, it's okay.'
'No.' He hung his head. 'It's not okay. I behaved disgracefully and I'm so sorry. I wasn't myself at all, after all those memories came flooding back, but that's no excuse. You weren't ready, and I should never have acted the way I did.'
He looked up and his eyes met mine. I saw the contrition in them and relaxed.
'Okay,' I said, 'I understand.'
'I never meant to frighten you,' he said. 'I hope you believe that.'
'I do. Honestly, I do.'
'And I would never dishonour you.'
'I know. Really.'
'I meant what I said, you know,' he added, his hand tilting my chin slightly. His eyes sparkled as he looked down on me, and I smiled finally.
'About what?' I said.
'About us getting married. I would never have touched you if I hadn't been serious about that.'
'Oh. Wouldn't you?'
'Certainly not. You're not like the others. Not at all. So never think that.'
The others. Great.
'Okay,' I said. 'We'll talk about it later.' I blushed fiercely as I noticed Castor standing by the kitchen door, eyeing us suspiciously. 'I really do have to go,' I said. 'I'll see you when I get home.'
'You will,' he assured me. 'I'll be waiting.'
'Ooh,' I said weakly. 'Can't wait.'
Honestly, I couldn't get out of the house fast enough, and all the way to work I was mulling things over until I thought my head would explode. As if all the revelations about Jennet and her raven, of all things, wasn't bad enough, I now had the little matter of my relationship with Blaise to think about. Events had overturned all the certainties of my life in the last few days, and I no longer knew what was real and what wasn't. And, with every doubt, it felt as if I knew myself a little less. I'd been so sure of who I was, where I came from, what I wanted. Now it was all up in the air, and nothing made sense. Where did that leave me?
I was glad to start work, and threw myself into cleaning displays, unpacking leaflets and new artefacts, all while trying to think up plans for the exhibits and arrangements. Nagging away at me was the knowledge that, at some point, the entire St Clair exhibition would have to be changed. It was only fair to Bevil. The problem was, how to explain our complete rehashing of the legend?
Only two visitors interrupted my thoughts, so the morning dragged rather. As lunch time arrived, I locked the door and sighed, as I realised I'd been so desperate to escape Castle Lodge I'd not thought to pack any lunch.
When Star zapped into the museum, I was delighted. It was great to have a distraction, although it was a little puzzling she wasn't at the shop. At least she could advise me about what happened last night. Star was much more knowledgeable about these things than I. She'd be able to reassure me it was all perfectly normal. Or not.
'What are you doing here?' I asked. 'Who's minding The Broom Closet?'
'Sky. She was bored, so I asked her if she could watch the place while I popped out.'
'And you popped out here?'
She nodded. 'I had somewhere to be in town and I thought I'd come and see you afterwards. I brought you a cheese sandwich and a bottle of elderflower cordial from the tea rooms, in case you didn't pack lunch.'
'That's nice of you,' I said, taking the paper bag she offered me. 'I totally forgot about lunch, actually. Didn't Sky mind? How come she's bored, anyway? Isn't her guest keeping her busy?'
Star plonked herself on the chair behind reception and gave me a knowing look. 'Not really. She seems to be more interested in keeping Jethro busy, according to Sky.'
'Jethro?' I leaned against the desk, as alarm bells rang in my mind. 'What do you mean?'
'Sky seems to think something's going on between them.' Star looked worried. 'They're thick as thieves, apparently, and make every excuse to be in his study together or go for walks around the castle or the town.'
'But Trinity's his editor,' I pointed out. 'Isn't that what they're supposed to do? They'll be working out bits of the book.'
'That's what I said, but Sky said if that was the case, how come they shut up whenever she walks into the room, and how come Jethro always looks so guilty?'
I felt deeply uncomfortable, remembering the conversation I'd heard in my mind between Jethro and Trinity. They definitely had a secret, but since I wasn't certain what it was, I didn't want to say anything, particularly to Star, who sometimes let her emotions get the better of her. I didn't want her storming off to confront the two of them, and I certainly didn't want to see Trinity break out in bubbling boils, far worse than the rash Elvira had suffered last spring.
'What?' she said immediately.
'What, what?'
'That look on your face. Is there something I should know?'
'It's nothing, really,' I said, squirming. I couldn't bring myself to tell her about the strange things that had been happening to me lately. I wasn't entirely sure what was going on myself, so how to explain it to my sister? But I knew Star, and I knew she'd never let it go until I told her something.
'Just that, I saw the same expression on his face a little while ago. Not like Jethro at all. He's such a sweetie, and you can read him like a book, which is ironic. When I spotted him looking guilty, I noticed immediately, because he's so not like that. I mean, there's nothing shifty about him usually, is there?'
'Oh, lord!' Star ran a hand through her glossy, pale blonde hair. 'That's not good. I thought Sky was being paranoid, but if you say so ...'
'I'm not saying there's anything between them,' I said hastily. 'It could be about anything, really. Or maybe I'm imagining it. Besides,' I added, 'Trinity's smitten with Sirius, isn't she?'
'I thought so, yes.' Star looked thoughtful. 'You don't suppose ...' She shook her head. 'No, forget it. I'm being stupid.'
'Forget what? What were you going to say?'
'Okay, what if her falling for Sirius was a cover story? It seemed awfully sudden, don't you think? She seemed to fall for him instantly. And how likely is that? Not that he's not good looking. He's a St Clair after all. I just mean, she could have been pretending, to throw Sky off the scent.'
'Don't say that! He'd be devastated. He's crazy about her. And then there's poor Sky. What do we do?'
She tutted. 'Ignore me. I'm being ridiculous. As if Trinity would be that devious. Besides, this is Jethro we're talking about. He would never do that to Sky.' Her eyes narrowed, and I saw a look on her face I was all too familiar with. 'He wouldn't dare,' she growled.
I wasn't so sure. Much as I'd love to agree with her, I already knew Trinity could be devious, and as for Jethro ... He was lovely but fair's fair; he was a man, and was already complicit in some secret between them. And she was super pretty. And American. And understood the world of books and publishing. She would be appealing. I could see that.
Star groaned and slumped in the chair. 'I'm fed up.'
'You're fed up? What now?'
'Everything,' she said. 'Everything's so uncertain and I don't know what to do for the best.'
'About what?' I crouched beside her, concerned at the confusion in her eyes. Star didn't do confusion. She always seemed to know exactly what she wanted and what she was doing.
'Oh, you know. Forget it. Nothing important.'
'It is important. Can I help you?'
&nbs
p; She smiled. 'Not really, darling. If you could I'd tell you, but this is something I have to figure out for myself.'
'I may not be able to help,' I said, 'but I'm a good listener.'
'I know you are. But I have to get this straight in my head first. I'm sorry.'
'It's okay,' I told her. 'I'm sorry you feel so low.'
She vanished from my view as the world went dark. I groaned inwardly. Not again. I heard Star's voice, and another voice. A woman. She sounded happy. I listened, stunned, to their conversation. Mercifully, it was brief.
I opened my eyes to find Star peering at me, clearly curious. 'Are you okay?'
I nodded slowly. There was no way I could tell her what happened between Blaise and me last night now. She had enough on her mind.
'Are you sure?'
'Just went dizzy for a moment.' I stood up. 'Think it was because I crouched down like that. I'm okay now.'
'Okay. Oh!' she said, sitting up straight again, 'guess what happened last night?'
'What happened last night?' I said, glad she looked brighter again.
'The most peculiar thing. Benedict and I had gone to Nan's at around nine o'clock—'
'That's late, isn't it?' I asked. 'Thought she was usually in bed by then.'
'Well, yes, she is,' Star admitted. She looked sheepish. 'She'd baked me a chocolate fudge cake, and I wanted to collect it from her.'
'At that time?' I smirked. 'And it couldn't have waited until this morning?'
'Have you ever tasted her chocolate fudge cake?' Star asked. 'Anyway, that's not the point. We only stayed ten minutes or so, because we knew she'd want to get to bed, so we walked up the road to the car park and we'd just got the car and were coming back out onto the road when, you'll never believe who we saw!'
'Who?' I couldn't help smiling. Star had a flair for the dramatic.
'Castor!'
My smile dropped. 'Castor?'
'Yes! And you'll never guess. He only knocked on Nan's door.'
I leaned against the reception desk. 'Castor did? But — but he doesn't like Mrs Greenwood.'
'I know. It worried Benedict he was going there to argue with her, but we pulled up and watched from a little further down and she let him in straight away.' She shook her head. 'It's all very strange. Benedict was all for jumping out of the car and going over to keep an eye on her, but I told him they were grown-ups and didn't need a referee. Besides, Castor's all wind and water. He might be grumpy and snappy, but he'd never hurt a fly. We all know that.'