I agreed with him. It sucked. But I think we were both afraid at that point to make a huge commitment that would require me quitting my job and moving to the mountains. Because that was really the only solution to our unrequited lust. He couldn’t move to my house, away from his business. So we left it as it was. Undiscussed. Yearning for each other during the weekdays.
When I got to work the next morning, I checked my email. Jim had written me back.
“I just wanted to wish you a Happy New Year,” he wrote.
Was that all? After his desperate attempts to get in touch with me, he just wanted to wish me a happy holiday? Oh, well. I was glad that’s all he had to say. I didn’t respond back.
When I drove to Keith’s house the next weekend and walked to his door, I practically jumped into his arms. And that’s how it was for us. His weekend with me, mine with him. We had sex constantly, when we weren’t dining at the inn or eating a meal I’d made. We went out sometimes, to movies or crafts fairs in the mountains. But mostly we spent our time in bed. We couldn’t get enough. When Friday at five rolled around, I was ready for him. Oh, how I ached through the week for him.
The first weekend in February, I was sitting up in Keith’s bed after a night of rowdy lovemaking. He brought in a tray of cantaloupe and strawberries and whipped cream, crescent rolls, and a big pot of coffee. He sat the tray on the bed and I reached over to grab a strawberry. Keith got a crescent roll and buttered it before crunching down on it.
“I want to talk to you about something,” he said.
I went on alert immediately. Those words rarely prefaced anything good. Was he going to break up with me? I sat my half-eaten strawberry on the tray and looked at him. I tried to be prepared for whatever he had to say.
“It’s getting harder and harder to be without you,” Keith said. “I’ve fallen in love with you, Amy. I want to be with you.”
I wasn’t expecting that. But I had fallen in love with Keith, too.
“I love you, too,” I said.
He reached over the tray of fruit and rolls and hugged me, drawing me close to him.
“I want you to move up here with me,” he said. “I can give you a job with the company. We need a communications person.”
That’s when I stopped cold.
“You mean you would be my boss?” I asked.
“Don’t look at it like that,” he said. “I thought you wanted to work, so that’s what I came up with. And we really do need someone. I’m not pulling it out of thin air.
“I don’t want to be your employee,” I said decisively. “No way.” Suddenly, I wasn’t feeling so happy.
“I didn’t mean it like that, Amy,” Keith said. “I was trying to figure out a way we could be together all the time.”
I couldn’t believe how icy I felt, after we had just professed our love for each other!
“Right now, I’ve got a contract with the university. A fantastic contract. You are responsible for that, and I thank you. But I have no guarantees with you. If I give up my contract and come work here—for you—then what happens if you get tired of me? What about the position of power you’ll have over me as my employer?”
I was so disgusted that I threw the covers off of me, picked my clothes up from the floor, and walked naked into the bathroom. I put my clothes on furiously and washed my face. I walked back into the bedroom—Keith’s bedroom, and let’s not forget that—and put my shoes on.
“Amy, let’s talk about this. I didn’t mean it the way you’re taking it.”
I whirled around to face him. “You may be responsible for me getting my job back, and on the best terms anyone could hope for, but that doesn’t mean that you can own me!”
I hastily gathered up all of my things, going back into the bathroom to gather my toothbrush and shampoo. I walked out of Keith’s bedroom door while he sat on the bed with a stunned look on his face.
I hurried downstairs and walked outside. I breathed in the cold, crisp air as I walked to my car. I got in and headed down the long driveway.
After I turned onto the road from the driveway, I wound my car through the narrow roads that took me to the highway. When I reached it, I allowed myself to cry. Angry and sorrowful tears fell down my face. My cell phone was ringing, but I ignored it. I knew it was Keith, and I wasn’t in the mood to talk to him.
I drove for an hour and a half, my cell ringing for the first thirty minutes before it stopped. When I opened the kitchen door and Midnight came to greet me, fresh tears fell down my cheeks. I rubbed Midnight behind her ears and got her a fresh can of food. I poured myself a glass of wine and sat in the den.
I thought about Keith’s proposal to move to the mountains and work for him. Did Keith really think that I would give up everything I had to work for Richmond Industries? That was a very tall order and only a fool would take him up on it. I was no fool. Not after the battle I had fought at the end of my marriage.
As I sat there on the couch, drinking my wine and rubbing Midnight behind her ears, I couldn’t escape the truth. Keith wasn’t willing to marry me. That was the only way I would give everything up to be with him. Otherwise, I’d have no security if things didn’t work out between us. The bottom line was that he didn’t want to marry me to keep me.
That was a bitter pill to swallow.
Chapter Fifteen
The next morning, I emailed Keith. “I’m sorry I left the way I did. I’m sure I over-reacted to the situation. I do love you, but I can’t give up the only security I have to come up there and work for you. I hope you can understand that.”
Thirty minutes later, Keith wrote me back. “I do understand that. I’m sorry I suggested it. I was just trying to figure out a way that we could be together all the time. That’s how much I love you.”
But not enough to marry me, I thought. Not enough for that. Not enough to make it worthwhile for me to leave my job at the university and give up everything I’d gained. Not enough.
I wrote Keith back. “Let’s take some time apart to think things through.”
Keith didn’t write back until later that night. The wait was excruciating.
“Okay,” was all he wrote. That killed me to my core. Okay.
***************
My heart wasn’t in my work anymore after that. I went through the motions, attended several events, supervised the ongoing production of the annual magazine. I was beginning to wonder just how much I wanted my job. I didn’t have to work as long as I had Jim’s alimony. Maybe I should take Keith up on his offer. I’d still have alimony if things didn’t work out with Keith. I’d have the proceeds from the house. I’d have my investments and retirement fund. I could make it.
But making it wasn’t really good enough for me.
Friday rolled around, and I tried not to think about Keith and how I normally would be seeing him. I holed up in my house over the weekend, hoping Keith would call and tell me he missed me, but he didn’t. I was going through withdrawal, and it was painful. It was like stopping an addiction, a habit. I had to suffer through it.
I went to work on Monday, unrefreshed from my tortuous weekend. I tried to focus on my job. That’s what I had held onto so fiercely, wasn’t it? My fabulous job. My security. Given to me by people who had mistreated me because they wanted Keith’s money. I wished Keith had never made that deal. I wished I’d never accepted their offer.
Friday came again and I spent another lonely weekend. It had been two weeks since I’d seen Keith or heard from him. He must be getting over me, I thought. Like I’m trying to get over him and not having any luck. So many times I wanted to call him and tell him I’d take him up on his offer. But my better sense took over. I knew I couldn’t do that. I was in love with him, but I was also in self-preservation mode.
I was into my third week without Keith, staring into my bare cupboards, when I heard a knock at the kitchen door. I whirled around, hoping it was Keith. I was disappointed to see it was Jim, peering through the panes of the window on the
upper half of the door.
I opened it. “What are you doing here?” I asked him.
“I’ve been wanting to talk to you,” Jim said. “Can I come in?”
I didn’t want him to come in, but I opened the door and he walked into the kitchen. He kept walking toward the den.
He whistled when he saw it.
“It looks different in here,” he said. “What happened to all our stuff?”
“I sold it,” I said meanly.
He looked at me with sadness. “All of it?” he asked.
“I hope so,” I said. “That was the point.”
Jim dropped to my new blue couch. I sat in a chair away from him.
“Amy, you look incredible,” Jim said. “Like you used to look.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything. If I looked like I used to look, it was because he had left me for another woman, left me to fend for myself after fifteen years of marriage.
“What do you want, Jim?” I asked. I was losing patience with him.
“I want you back,” he said.
I was flabbergasted! “Are you kidding me?” I asked, my voice getting high and squeaky sounding.
“No,” Jim said. “I know I made a big mistake with Kimberly. I should never have let her interfere in our marriage.”
“I think you had plenty to do with that yourself,” I spat out. “It takes two to tango.”
“Yes,” Jim said evenly. “You’re right about that. I was weak. I gave into my carnal side without considering what it would do to our marriage.”
“Well, it’s done now,” I said wearily. “I have no interest in getting back with you. I have my own life now.”
“How can you forget everything we built together? Our life. Our friends. We made something.”
“How could you forget it?” I asked him. “You’re the one who forgot about us when you started your affair with Kimberly. You didn’t believe in our marriage. You didn’t try to work on it. You just got into bed with your old girlfriend. And that hurt. It hurt me a lot.”
“I’m sorry,” Jim said pleadingly. “Can’t you forgive me?”
“It’s not even about forgiveness,” I said. “It’s about trust. I would never trust you again as long as I live.”
“Amy, please,” Jim said.
“What about Kimberly?” I asked curiously. “Where is she in all of this? Does she know you’re over here begging me to take you back?”
Jim looked sheepish. “No, she has no idea. But she knows that things aren’t going well with us. She knows that much.”
“Jim, I wouldn’t come back to you even if I weren’t in love with someone else,” I said with finality.
“You’re in love with someone else?” he asked. He looked hurt. I guess he never thought anyone else would ever love me again.
“Yes, I am. Someone who met me when I was fat and liked me even then.”
“I loved you when you were fat,” Jim sputtered.
“No, you really didn’t,” I said. “And I can understand what a disappointment it must have been to you that I gained so much weight. I really do. I know I wasn’t attractive.”
“Yes you were,” Jim insisted.
“No, I wasn’t. But if we could have figured our problems out, worked together on our marriage instead of you having an affair, then maybe I wouldn’t have gained so much weight. I realize now it was a shield to protect my feelings.”
“Amy, I’m sorry,” Jim said. He had tears in his eyes. “I know I made a huge mistake. I do love you, no matter how much you weigh.”
I stood up then, letting him know the conversation was over. He looked at me with a pleading look.
“We’re over,” I said walking into the kitchen. Jim trailed behind me. I opened the door and he walked through it.
“You’re beautiful,” Jim said.
There was a time when I craved to hear those words from Jim again.
“Please don’t come back here again,” I said as I shut the door.
Jim had paid the ultimate price for his affair. He lost his wife, he lost his house, he lost some of his investments, and he had to pay me alimony for the rest of his life as long as I remained single.
It looked like that was going to be the case.
Friday loomed large again. I was getting adjusted to the idea of being alone, but I missed Keith so much. I wanted so much to call him, to go see him, to tell him how much I loved him. But he had left me no choice in the matter.
Carly came into my office on Friday afternoon and shut the door behind her. She sat down in the chair across from my desk.
“I can tell you’re upset about something,” she said. “I don’t want to pry, but if you want to talk about it, I’m here to listen.”
I looked at Carly. She was really a very kind and loving person. I guess she was my best friend, in a way. She always had my back.
“The truth is,” I said, “that I’ve been seeing someone but it hasn’t worked out. It’s been tough on me.”
“I’m sorry,” she said sympathetically. “It’s hard to break up with someone you care about.”
I nodded. I didn’t really want to get into the details with Carly or anyone. But if I did, Carly would be the one I would talk to.
“I’m sure I’ll bounce back soon,” I told her reassuringly. “I just need some time.”
Carly got up and walked to my door. She turned to face me. “If you ever do want to talk, I hope you know that you can trust me,” she said.
“I know that,” I said, smiling at her.
I was looking at some designs on my Mac at the end of the day, wondering why I didn’t just take a leave of absence and go to Bermuda or somewhere interesting. Somewhere to get my mind off its main subject: Keith. I could do pretty much what I wanted to with my job. Keith and my lawyer had made sure of that. I clicked away from the designs and started Googling Bermuda and the Bahamas. Then I keyed in Italy. I’d always wanted to go to Italy. I’d hoped to go there with Jim, back when I still had hope in my marriage.
I was considering a Tuscan villa when Stacey buzzed me and said a strange man had walked by her desk headed my way. “He said he needs to see Ms. Sullivan,” Stacey said excitedly. “I couldn’t stop him. Should I call security?”
I heard my office door open and I turned around. A man with a full beard stood in my doorway. He wore jeans and a brown jacket. Not the kind of person we saw around our offices every day. No wonder Stacey was worried.
His silvery eyes gave him away. My heart leaped. I loved him so much I wanted to run into his arms. But I managed to maintain my composure.
“I know what I did wrong,” Keith said.
“What did you do wrong?” I asked as calmly as I could. My heart was beating so fast. I felt breathless to be in his presence again.
“I asked you to give up everything you had to be with me. I knew what you’d gone through with your divorce, and I didn’t even offer you a guarantee. I was stupid.”
I got up from my desk then, though my legs were shaky. I couldn’t stay away from him a second longer. When I got close to him, he grabbed me and wrapped his arms around me. Desire and love swept through me. I needed to be with him, guarantee or not. I had learned there were no guarantees.
“I’ve missed you so much,” I said against his chest.
He put his face close to mine, moving his lips to my lips, softly pressing on them until I opened my mouth for him. And then he pulled away from me and held me at arm’s length.
“What I did wrong,” he said softly. “Was not offering you something permanent. I can’t be happy without you. I’ve been miserable.”
“Me too,” I said.
“I’m asking you now to marry me. Will you live with me if you’re married to me?”
I laughed. “Of course I will.”
Keith kissed me. “And I won’t ask you to sign a prenup,” he said.
“And I wouldn’t sign one,” I said.
It was his turn to laugh. �
�I know that,” he said. “If it doesn’t work out, you can take me for everything I’ve got.”
“And I won’t sell my house or quit my job until we’re legally married,” I said.
“Right,” he said, chuckling.
“And I want to work in your business, but not as an employee, as a partner.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he said smiling.
“And I want children,” I said.”
“Can we have a honeymoon first?” he asked with a twinkle in his eyes.
I reached up to kiss him. I wanted to take him on the floor, right there in my office. When we stopped kissing, I realized we were still standing in my doorway. I glanced out into the hall. Carly and Blond Ambition were standing there staring at us. Both had big smiles on their faces. Blond Ambition, as icy as she could be sometimes, had tears streaming from her eyes.
Epilogue
It gave me great pleasure to send Jim an email telling him I was getting married again. I told him I was marrying Keith Richmond—I knew he’d know who that was—and that I would be leaving town.
“Congratulations,” he wrote back. “I hope you’ll be very happy. You should know that I’m going to be a father. Kimberly’s pregnant. I didn’t plan on this, but I’m happy about it.”
Wouldn’t you know it? Just when I was rubbing Jim’s face in it, he tells me that. But I didn’t let it dampen my spirits. I wrote him back and told him I hoped he would be happy. Besides, I didn’t really feel angry anymore. I already had the sweetest revenge. I had found love again. My story with Jim was over.
***************
Midnight spent two days under a bed at Keith’s house when we first moved in. Rosa finally coaxed her out with a special treat of baked chicken liver. By the day of the wedding, Midnight and Rosa were best friends. It would be all right.
Keith and I got married in the mountains, at the little church where his mother’s funeral had been. And then we boarded a plane, first class, to Italy. The land of love.
The Sweetest Revenge Page 10