He opened the door to Nikki’s room, feeling as grim as a man opening the door to the death chamber. Catherine perched at the end of Nikki’s bed and they were playing checkers. Both women looked up with a smile when he walked in. Those smiles faded when they saw the anger on his face.
“Jake, what’s wrong?” Catherine looked alarmed.
“Nothing.”
That was what he said, but everything was what he felt.
He tossed the overnight bag on the floor and sank into the chair furthest from the bed.
“Jake, I can see that something—”
“I said nothing’s wrong!” Jake snapped and Catherine fell silent.
He looked up at Nikki for the first time. She was staring at him wide-eyed, not with fear, but with sympathy. That made him even more furious. She was the last person he wanted sympathy from.
“I’m going to get a cup of coffee,” he muttered and jumped to his feet.
Jerking open the door, he strode down the hall and jabbed the elevator button. Catherine caught up with him before the doors could open.
She grabbed his arm and said, “Jake, we need to talk.”
He gave her an exasperated look. “There’s nothing to talk about,” he said, but Catherine was not to be deterred.
She led him to the waiting room. With a sigh of resignation, Jake sat in one of the chairs and glared up at the ceiling. Catherine shut the door behind her.
“Jake, I want to know what’s wrong.”
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “I just found out my wife has been cheating on me for God knows how long with God knows who and you ask me what’s wrong?”
“Honey, I know that you’re hurting—”
“It’s crazy,” he interrupted. “I can’t confront her. I can’t divorce her. I can’t even ask her who it was, because she doesn’t know either.”
“Jake, the girl that’s in that room isn’t the same one who hurt you. She doesn’t know what she’s done. Is it fair to punish Nikki for an offense that she doesn’t even remember committing?”
“I remember, Mother. I remember what she did. Is it fair that I have to look at her and pretend nothing is wrong when I remember everything?”
Jake paced around the room, his hands balled up into angry fists. He sat back down and stared at his hands.
A woman like Nikki wasn’t meant to be married to a man with hands like these.
His hands were rough and calloused from the work he loved. Women like Nikki married men with soft hands, lawyers and stockbrokers. Men like his stepbrother, Eliot or her ex-boyfriend, Derek.
“I know that you’re in an impossible situation and I scarcely know what to tell you, but I can’t help but feel sorry for her now. Jake, maybe this accident happened for a reason. Maybe Nikki’s amnesia will allow you to start over. If you didn’t still love her, you wouldn’t hurt as much as you do.”
“I don’t know if I can.” He shook his head. “I can’t breathe. It feels like a cancer, eating away at me. I just sit around, thinking of every guy we know and wondering who he is.” He paused. “Any day now, she could remember everything and go rushing off into the arms of another man. How am I supposed to risk that?”
“Love is always a risk, Jake. The girl who’s waiting for us in that room sees you as her husband. In her heart, she’s never cheated on you, has never hurt you. Try not to punish her. She’s as innocent as a babe right now. If you still love her, try to rebuild your marriage and don’t worry about what will happen when her memory comes back. You can’t let your anger control you.”
When Jake said nothing, she continued, “Remember when we first got here, and you didn’t know whether Nikki was going to live or die? Did the affair matter as much when you thought you were going to lose her forever? You have to decide which is more important, to cling to your anger or hold to your marriage, because I don’t think you can have both.”
Jake pinched the bridge of his nose. “I know,” he said finally.
“Nikki’s been asking me questions. Questions I can’t answer. She’s worried about you, Jake, and I am, too. You need to think very carefully about the answers you’re going to give her.”
***
Nikki waited apprehensively for Jake and Catherine to come back. How frustrating it was to see him going through so much pain and no one would tell her what caused it. The phone call had scared her, and she didn’t like to consider the implications. Nikki hadn’t told Catherine and was afraid to tell Jake. It felt like her life was just a movie on a screen and all she could do was sit by helplessly and see how things turned out.
Several minutes later, Catherine opened the door and gave Nikki a reassuring wink. Jake trudged in behind her.
“Hey,” he paused. “How are you feeling?”
His tone was that of a chastised little boy being forced to thank someone for a gift that he didn’t like. Absurdly, Nikki had to resist the urge to laugh.
“Much better, thanks,” she said with forced cheerfulness. “They finally let me take a shower, and Catherine helped me brush this tangled hair.”
Jake glanced up, finally looking directly at her. Nikki sucked in her breath at the feel of those beautiful eyes upon her.
“I’m glad,” he said.
He pulled up a chair beside the bed and they made small talk. She told him about the memory therapy she had that morning, even though there wasn’t much to tell. At least her short-term memory seemed to be improving.
“Your best friend, Darcy, will probably be here today,” he said absently. “She’s been your best friend since junior high and she’s pretty worried about you.”
“Darcy.” She shrugged, feeling a little sad. “Doesn’t ring a bell.”
“Hard to forget that one.” Jake smiled. “She’s crazy. The two of you together are dangerous.”
Nikki was listening to her mother-in-law chit chat about people she didn’t remember when a brief knock sounded at the door.
“Come on in, Darcy,” Jake called out.
“Now, how did you know it was me?” A pretty blonde stepped around the corner and grinned at Nikki.
“I told Nikki that you loved her, and – hey!” Jake spied the sacks of fast food in her hand. “Oh, Darce, did I ever tell you that you’re my hero?”
She laughed and handed them to Jake. “Thought you and my girl here could use a few greasy carbs about now. Always makes me feel better.”
Nikki smiled at the girl as Jake pulled her tray around and began to lay out her food first. Darcy nodded her greetings at Catherine, and then approached Nikki’s bed.
“Hey, kiddo.” Darcy perched on the edge of her bed and stared at her with luminous gray eyes. “Prince Charming here tells me that you have somehow managed to forget all that crazy crap that you’ve gotten me into since we were twelve. Just how have you managed that?”
“I don’t know,” Nikki replied, surprised to find herself close to tears. Darcy squeezed her hand and said lightly, “C’mon, even a couple blows to the head couldn’t erase the memory of when you and I dressed up like punk rockers, with big pink hair and everything, and sang for the entire student body in eighth grade.”
It was Nikki’s turn to wince. “I think I probably would’ve tried to repress that one on my own.”
She caught Jake off-guard. He nearly spit french fries on Darcy as he choked on his laughter.
“Well, we won!” Darcy pouted, crossing her arms over her chest. “Okay, Okay! How about the time your mom scored us backstage passes on your fifteenth birthday and we met Him?”
“Who?” Nikki asked in confusion.
“Him! Jon Bon Jovi! The rock star?” Darcy gasped, rolling her eyes in pretend ecstasy at the thought. She frowned. “C’mon, girl! This was the biggest moment in your life until you met Old Blue Eyes here.” She jerked her head at Jake, who was taking savage enjoyment in a double cheeseburger.
“I see you’ve forced me to sing,” Darcy said sorrowfully, then began to belt out a tune in a voice that was more
than a little loud and off-key.
Nikki’s eyes widened, and she sang the next line of the song.
Jake looked at Nikki in amazement and said, “Woman, I cannot believe you remember some big-haired rock star and you can’t remember the man who carried you nearly a mile out of the woods that time when you fell and broke your ankle—”
“Not to mention what you were doing back there with him in the first place,” Darcy interrupted with a grin.
“Too much information!” Catherine exclaimed and stood. They laughed and Catherine said, “Seriously, darling, I need to go.”
She bent to place a kiss on Nikki’s forehead, and Nikki caught the ‘wow’ that Darcy mouthed to Jake. He shrugged back at her. Catherine then went around to Jake and kissed him.
“Do you need me to stay again tonight? If you do, it’s no trouble. I need to run home and do a couple of things, but I could be back in an hour.”
Jake glanced at Nikki and then shook his head. Nikki felt her hopes surge again. Catherine told Darcy goodbye and left.
“I just remembered the song,” Nikki said to Jake, “not meeting him.”
“Him,” Darcy corrected, with added emphasis. She shot Jake a patient look.
“Jake, just about every girl our age spent her nights feverishly dreaming about Jon,” she paused, holding her hand to the side of her mouth with a whispered aside to Nikki, “Some of us still do!” Nikki laughed and she continued gleefully, “in rooms with posters of his face covering the walls. How could some of that not stick?”
Jake sighed. “One of these days, it’ll be the stalking charges that stick.”
“Ha, ha!” Darcy retorted, and then pushed Nikki’s food over to her as Jake dug his second burger out of the sack. “You eat, hon. I can do all the talking,” she assured her, and Jake snorted his agreement.
“Actually, I have to admit, this is kind of a relief,” Darcy said with twinkling eyes. “You have been witness to roughly eighty percent of my most embarrassing moments, so now I won’t have to kill ya to keep my secrets safe!”
“Hmm.” Jake stared at her blankly. “You mean like the one where you got plastered at Susan’s St. Paddy’s Day party and made out with Tommy Miller in the coat closet?”
Darcy gasped. She threw a pack of ketchup at Jake’s head, and then turned accusing eyes to Nikki. “I cannot believe you told him that. I can’t let Jake have that kind of power over me!”
Nikki laughed and shrugged at her best friend helplessly.
“Refresh my memory, Darce. Was that when he was going through his biker stage?”
Darcy put her head in her hands and moaned. “I swear, Nik, when you get your memory back and remember just how dorky Tommy Miller is, I am going to kill you for this!”
Nikki felt an instant bond with this girl and was profoundly glad that she was here. It was so nice to see Jake laughing and teasing. She knew instinctively that this was the Jake she’d fallen in love with, the way he’d been before…
Before what?
Her intuition told her that Darcy knew her secrets. Maybe if she knew what she’d done to Jake, she could figure out a way to fix it. She had to get Darcy alone to ask her about it.
She managed to eat half her hamburger and most of her fries and though it made her stomach churn, she managed to feign a craving for chocolate.
“I’ll go down to the vending machines,” Jake offered. Nikki thanked him and waited until the door shut behind him to grasp Darcy’s hand.
“Darcy, do you know what’s going on between me and Jake?” She could tell from the other girl’s expression that she did.
“Nik, I think you need to ask Jake—” Darcy began.
“He won’t tell me!” Nikki said. “He just looks at me, so hurt and confused and angry, and I don’t know why. He just gives me vague answers that we had different expectations, but I know that I’ve hurt him somehow. I don’t want to lose my marriage and not even know why.”
The other girl sighed. “I’m not sure you want to hear the truth from me, Nik, because I can’t defend what you did,” she said finally.
“It doesn’t matter to me if I was the one who was wrong. I just want to know what happened so I can try to make things right. If I was wrong, I need to find some way to make Jake forgive me.”
Both women quieted as the door creaked open. Dr. Carver came in, smiling at them.
“Well, Nikki, how would you like to get out of this cracker box tomorrow?”
Nikki was speechless.
“Your last batch of tests looked good and you’ve started retaining a little information now. Other than your amnesia, you made it through the wreck with remarkably few injuries and I think you can complete your recovery at home. It might speed your memory to be among familiar surroundings. We’ll send a therapist to your house daily to do your memory exercises and you’ll have another also coming daily for awhile to help with your physical therapy.”
“That would be great!” Nikki said, hoping that being among her own things would get her closer to remembering what her life had been like before the accident. Just then, Jake came back in, and Dr. Carver told him the news. Nikki saw a shadow of apprehension cross his face, and knew that the thought of taking her home wasn’t an altogether pleasant one for him. Dr. Carver clapped Jake on the back and went off to finish his rounds.
***
A cold wave of dread seeped into Jake’s bones, drowning his light mood. The thought of being alone with Nikki, truly alone, filled him with uncertainty. He handed Nikki her candy bar and sat down, half-listening to Darcy’s chatter. He looked into Nikki’s pale eyes and wished that he were the only lover she’d ever known. With a start, he realized that – for now, anyway – he was.
Jake felt sorry for Darcy as she attempted to regain the same light mood, but now there was a strange undercurrent in the room that her banter couldn’t disguise. Eventually, she looked at her watch and announced that she had to go. She leaned to hug Nikki goodbye, and Nikki squeezed her hand.
“Hey, Blue Eyes.” She punched Jake’s arm affectionately, “Walk me to the parking garage? It’s probably dark outside now, and there could be some creepy guy hanging around down there, just waiting to ravish a stunner like myself.”
“Couldn’t be any creepier than Tommy Miller,” he teased, and was rewarded with a cuff to the back of his head.
“Ow! Okay, okay, I’ll go!” He glanced at his wife. “Be right back, Nikki.”
They got in the elevator and Jake pushed the basement level, where the garage was situated.
“How are you doing, Jake? Really?”
Jake sighed and leaned back against the elevator wall. “I have no idea. One minute I’m mad, the next I’m hopeful. I don’t know what to do, other than wish that I was the one with amnesia. It’s so hard to hang on, when every time I close my eyes, I picture her in the arms of some guy.”
“What made her finally tell you?”
“I told her I wanted a divorce. I served her with papers the day before the accident. That made her so furious that she finally confessed, but she said she couldn’t tell me who he was.”
Darcy gasped.
“I didn’t feel that I had a choice,” Jake said defensively. “First, Nikki kept lying to me about it. Then, she wouldn’t say anything at all. I thought that serving papers on her would make her realize that I wasn’t going to just let this go.”
“Jake, don’t take this the wrong way—” Darcy hesitated. “It’s really hard for me to say this, because Nikki’s like a sister to me, but please think twice before you rush back into things with her. I know her better than anyone does, even you. Nikki looks out for number one. I don’t know what she’s told you about her relationship with Derek, but she did him the same way. I begged him to stay away from her, but he couldn’t. Nikki knows how to get what she wants, and she doesn’t realize the people she hurts to get it. That’s just the way she is, and it’s not really her fault. She learned from the best.”
Jake nodded,
thinking about the selfish, callous woman who was his mother-in-law.
“She knew how Derek felt about her and she used it to her advantage. Frankly, I was relieved when she stopped dating him and met you, but then you and I became friends. You’re a good guy, Jake, and I hate to see you hurt. I told Nikki a few weeks ago that you didn’t deserve to be treated so shabbily.”
“So it hadn’t been going on for too long?” Jake asked, wondering why it mattered.
Because it’s one thing to know that she slept with this guy. It’s another to think she loved him.
“Maybe a couple of months.”
“You don’t have a guess as to who he might’ve been?” Jake asked, then realized he was thinking of the guy in the past tense.
“No, but…” she hesitated again and he could see her cringe. “It’s somebody that you know, Jake. She was mad when he first started coming on to her, but he kind of wore her down with his attention and gifts. You know how Nikki always needed to be the center of attention.”
Jake nodded. He glanced at Darcy again and noticed how pale she was.
“Hey, are you okay?” he asked. “You look a little under the weather.”
A tear glinted in the corner of Darcy’s eye, and she impatiently brushed it away. “Ah, it’s just all this.” She gestured with her hands. “And I’ve been thinking about Derek today. It’s been two months now.” Her voice cracked and Jake wrapped his arms around her.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
Darcy pulled back, looking a little embarrassed. Jake knew she wasn’t the type to cry easily.
“You know, you’re a real keeper, Jake.” She brushed a kiss on his cheek and said lightly, “Nik used to always steal my best boyfriends, but if I’d met you first, I would’ve fought her for you.”
Jake took the keys from her hand and unlocked the car door.
She grabbed his hands and said, “Hey, Blue Eyes, I just want you to be careful. I don’t know if Nikki really meant all that stuff about wanting to leave, but – just take it slow, okay?”
Unforeseen Danger Page 6