by kj lewis
“Not yet,” he says in my ear, anticipating how close I am to climaxing. “Control.”
They are the only three words that he has spoken since we got into the shower. He wants this to last. I watch him. It’s hypnotizing to see him lose himself in me. Graham, the CEO. The man who needs control like I do.
I don’t break the silence, but my body obeys his commands. He continues to move inside me. In this position, the stimulation is more acute and I’m having a hard time delaying my orgasm. Graham finally has mercy on me.
“Now, Emelia. You can come now.”
And just like that I break into pieces around him, finally getting the release I crave, proving that he is in control of my body. I am his. No matter how much I resist telling him.
His forehead rests against mine, and as if he thinks I need one last reminder, he tells me again: “Mine.”
My legs feel like rubber. I’m sore. We finish our shower. He dries me with a towel and brushes my hair. I dry my hair and move into my room to get dressed. I’m sliding on a short sundress that falls a couple of inches down my thighs when Jules comes in.
“Hey, babe,” I greet her.
“I think you may have dropped this downstairs.” She twirls my running bra around in a circle, laying it down on the bed. My cheeks blush, but I don’t say anything. She stands and looks at me. “When you’re ready,” she states and heads toward the door. “Everyone’s back. We’re starting dinner in about a couple of hours.”
“Okay. I’ll be down shortly.”
I’m finishing a couple of things, when Lucy comes in.
“Do you have anything I can wear tonight, Emme?” she asks, sitting down on my bed.
“To dinner? I thought we were hanging out here?”
“You guys are, but I’m going out with Brody tonight.” She has a dreamy look in her eyes, and I can tell she is having a hard time keeping a silly smile off her face.
“Who’s Brody?”
“A boy from my school. He’s been here all summer, and we’ve gone out a few times.”
“Is it serious?”
“I think so,” she says with a shrug.
“Anything I have is going to be big on you. Let me look.” I come back out of the closet with a white loose fitted jumpsuit that I brought in hopes I could squeeze into it. It has a low v–neck in the front and back held up by spaghetti straps. The shorts fall a couple of inches above mid-thigh. It’s a romper that can be made sexy or bohemian—which would be more age appropriate for Lucy—depending on the accessories and how its worn. “I have a great long necklace that you can wear with it. I would pair it with sandals. Wearing it with heels will look like you’re trying too hard. Wear it with a pretty bra since it will show a little. What do you think?” I hold it up for her. She bounces over to it.
“I love it! Thank you, Mags!” She kisses me and heads out the door.
I slowly make my way downstairs into the kitchen. I had no idea sex would make you this sore. The French doors all along the back of the house are open. There’s a great breeze coming in.
“We’re all headed to the beach for a little while before we start dinner. Would you like to come?” Ruth asks me.
“Thank you, but I think I’ll stay here and read.” I move into the pantry to grab a twelve pack of Diet Cokes to restock the one in the kitchen. I notice a calendar on the wall. It can’t be. I look again. Putting my finger on the date just to make sure I’m seeing right. A lump forms in my throat. I move to the fridge in the kitchen loading my drinks.
“What’s wrong?” Jules question brings my eyes up.
“Nothing,” I give my best smile and start breaking down the now empty soda box. She stands there waiting for my answer.
“I just didn’t realize today is the first. I thought it was tomorrow. Today was my grandmother’s birthday. It’s the first time since she passed I didn’t wake up thinking about it.”
Jules runs her hand up and down my arm before she leans in and gives me a loud kiss on my lips. “Want me to hang out with you?”
“Don’t be silly. Y’all go to the beach. I’m going to read a bit.”
Drinking my Diet Coke, I’m amazed by how much I’m changing, just in the span of a week. There is a part of me that has always dreaded and celebrated the birthdays of my family. There is such a void in my heart that was occupied with such life when they were living. The idea that I didn’t even realize today was my grandmother’s birthday until now—it’s surprising, actually. Unfamiliar.
Pushing off the counter, I enter the great room. It’s a beautiful room with a large fireplace in the corner. There is no overhang of balcony here, so the view is unobstructed. There are two overstuffed couches that sit perpendicular to each other. One longer than the other. On the other side of the room are two oversized chairs in a subtle pattern of blues. Between the sitting area and the kitchen is a grand piano, an August Forster.
I run my fingers over the top of the piano. I haven’t played piano since…in a long time. I take a seat on the shiny brown stool and stare at the keys for a while. Lifting my right hand, I lightly push down on a key. The tone reverberates through the great room. I push on another and another. After a few keys, I play a chord. It’s like riding a bike. I add my left hand. It doesn’t take long and the keys are making music.
My fingers know what they want to play today. In honor of my grandmother’s birthday, I play her favorite hymn “How Great Thou Art.” As the sounds start to come back to me, I accelerate to the third and final verse when the music crescendos at the chorus.
I lose myself in the memories the song rains down, pounding away at the keys, playing for my Grandmother.
I finish the hymn and move straight into her favorite piece of music. Nuvole bainche composed by Ludovico Einaudi. She would have me play it over and over for her. She had read an article about the composer where he talked about how happy the song made him. Einaudi thought it sounded like white fluffy clouds in the sky, or something like that. I think that’s why she loved it so much. I am sad and disappointed in myself that I have not honored her by playing this song again until now.
I finish the last chord to a soft applause. I’m a little mortified to see that everyone has gathered into the living room to hear me play.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” Ruth offers when she sees my expression. “I hope we didn’t intrude, but we heard you playing and came to listen. It was a joy. I see why you were accepted to Julliard.” She gives me a motherly kiss on my forehead.
“Actually, I would have never made it in on my piano skills. I was admitted for cello,” I share with her.
The room empties out as everyone prepares for dinner. Graham comes to sit by me on the bench.
“You really played beautifully.”
“I think you’re biased when it comes to me.” I nudge him, hoping to change the topic to something I am more comfortable with.
“I would say I am completely biased.” He leans down and kisses me gently. “Dinner then movie.”
Preparing dinner is loud and enjoyable. There’s music and wine and stories. Ruth and Ben are making lamb kabobs with the items they picked up at the market today, and I am whipping up a peach pie to put in the oven while we sit to eat. I don’t know how they ever leave to go back to the city. This place is like living in a storybook. It makes it easy to put what’s happening between me and Graham to the side and simply enjoy the here and now. The vibrant family that surrounds me at the table.
What I am learning is a customary family ritual, clean-up duties are assigned. Becca and I were relieved of dish duty and placed on snack preparation, so that by the time everything is cleaned we are ready to sit down for the movie.
Jules has picked, so it’s an old black and white. Everyone is situated around the flat TV that comes up from a console. The long couch is vacant, so I spread out with a bowl of popcorn and a Diet Coke. The French doors are still open and a chill fills the air. Ruth passes out blankets as she claims her spot next to B
en.
I have stretched out on one of the loveseats, when Graham casually sits down next to me, lifts the pillow my head is laying on, and positions it on his lap. I stare straight ahead at the TV, but I can feel all the eyes in the room on us. Just as I become uncomfortably self-conscious, someone outside honks a car horn. Lucy bounds down the stairs yelling goodbye to us.
“Wait!” I yell, trying to hold my dress down while climbing over the back of the couch, making sure she doesn’t get outside before I get to her, letting out a high pitched yelp when I fall off the back onto the floor with a loud thud.
“I’m alright,” I assure everyone. I see Graham peering over the back of the couch with an amused question on his brow as I stand.
“Don’t you dare go out there!” I tell Lucy.
“You’re not wearing that,” Graham follows.
“Shush!” I say to Graham. “She looks great.”
“That outfit is not appropriate.” He stops and looks at me. “I’m sorry did you shush me?”
The horn honks again.
“The outfit is mine. I lent it to her. Ruth approved it. She looks great. Now, leave her alone!”
I redirect my attention to Lucy. The movie has been paused and Ben and Ruth are watching our exchange. “You do not go outside for a honk. This boy can come to the door to call on you. You are not a honk-and-go girl. Do you understand?”
“That’s right!” Becca and Jules chime in from their spots on the chairs.
“But it’s not our first date…”
“But nothing!” I interrupt her. “If you don’t demand respect, he will think it’s okay to not give it to you. Understand?”
She tentatively nods her response as the doorbell rings. I answer it.
“Is Lucy ready?” he asks. He seems like a polite enough young man.
“She is, but she is not a girl that you honk for. If you want to take her out, then we expect you to have the courtesy to come to the door to get her. Do we understand each other?”
“Yes, ma’am” he responds, nervously looking over my shoulder. Graham and Adam have entered the foyer and are standing behind me. Neither offer a greeting.
“Great. Wait here and I’ll get her.” I walk around the corner and whisper to her to wait a minute before going to the door. I can see her counting down the time, like she has butterflies in her stomach. She takes a step and I stop her, whispering to her that she needs to make sure he opens doors for her.
“Demand respect,” I tell her, embellishing it with a corny little fist pump. I place a kiss on her forehead.
After they leave, I take my spot back on the couch as Jules starts the movie again. Graham idly plays with my hair as he watches. He’s perplexing. He says he wants an affair with me, but he shows public affection when he’s with me, something he admitted he was not into.
I struggle to stay awake through the movie, so I turn over, facing the back of the couch, and curl up for a nap. Graham cups the back of my neck with his hand, his thumb rubs a light path back and forth my jawline. The gesture so tender I open my eyes to look up at him. He’s watching me, but his expression gives me no clue what he is thinking. Gently, he runs his thumb over my eye, gesturing to close them.
Just as I’m about to drift off, my eyes pop open to his light tough between my legs. He’s looking straight ahead at the movie, but his fingers continue their exploration. He is pleased to find I’m not wearing anything under my dress.
I shift the blanket to make sure I am covered. It doesn’t take long before his fingers are moving in and out of me in a frustratingly slow but arousing rhythm. He already knows how to read my body, and he adds a third finger knowing I crave the fullness. I shift slightly to better accommodate him. I cannot believe he is doing this here, in front of everyone. In front of his family. I feel like a 16-year-old getting away with something.
I wrap my fingers around his arm and run my thumb across the soft part of skin just inside the elbow. He increases the pace of his fingers moving in and out. He moves his thumb back and forth over my clit. The movie comes to an intense scene and the building of the music only adds to the building of my orgasm. Graham increases the speed and pressure. My climax cresting with the movie’s. Before I can catch myself, I look up at Graham. He gives the slightest movement of a permissive nod, and I close my eyes as my orgasm explodes within me. My nails dig into his arm. It takes everything I have not to utter a single moan or move my body. Knowing how loud and vocal I have been with him each time, I’m surprised he trusted me to stay quiet. He pushes his palm against me, prolonging the beat between my legs. My breathing slows and I let out one long breath.
A slow, sexy smile spreads across Graham’s face as he withdrawals his hand and cups my head as he did earlier, only this time he’s running his thumb over my lips. I skate my tongue across it and taste myself, slowly pulling it into my mouth. Shifting slightly, I place my hand under my pillow and rest it between his thighs on his hard cock and give a slight squeeze before running my thumb up and down his length while I continue to suck on his thumb. His eyes close for a minute, letting me know he is affected.
When the movie ends, Jules slaps me playfully on the rear, exclaiming, “Let’s fix the pie.” As I stand, I make sure everything is covered, leaving my pillow on his lap to hide his excitement.
We dip out ice cream and slice the pies while the guys talk about Hitchcock movies in the other room. Without a word, Ruth kisses my cheek and picks up some plates to start serving.
It’s almost 10:00 when we finish dessert. I’m ready to call it a night when Jules suggests we all go out for a drink while the guys turn on a Yankees game to watch with Ben. She looks at me with her puppy dog eyes that she knows I can’t resist. Shit, this means I’m going to have to get dressed.
I can tell by the look on Graham’s face that he’d rather I stay. We had an amazing connection today, but there is a side of me that wants to remind him that I make my own decisions, that I am self-sufficient. Have been for years now. After I reflexively asked his permission for an orgasm not an hour ago, this gesture feels especially crucial. I give him a casual shoulder-shrug and head upstairs to change.
I change into a pair of black leather shorts with a jean top and a pair of heels. Casual but current. My hair is in a ponytail, and I have on only mascara and lip gloss. I grab the keys to the Mercedes and we make our way to the garage. Before we can even get on our seatbelts, Graham and Adam stop us.
“I don’t think so,” Adam says.
Jules rolls her eyes and tells me to start the car.
“Not without security,” Adam clarifies with a stronger voice.
Fuck that!
“Drive, Mags,” Jules instructs.
I put the car in reverse and start us on our way. I halfway expect the guard at the gate to stop us, or for Adam and Graham to come after us, but they don’t.
There’s a late night festival going on in town, and the local chamber has run lights from one building to another in a zigzag pattern across the street, creating a canopy of lights. Several of the bars and restaurants are serving outside, and a band is playing on a stage at the end of the street. Making our way through the crowd, Becca and Jules each grab a drink. I grab a bottled water. I don’t drink when we go out. I can’t be in control if I am drunk.
I’ve forgotten how much fun it is to be out with them. We’re dancing and having a great time when a bell goes off and everyone around me cheers. I let out a yelp with the others and look at Jules confused. She laughs and points behind me. Some people come through the crowd with trays of shots. She and Becca each throw a couple back and start dancing again. I glance at my watch and notice it’s almost one in the morning. Gathering my girls up, Becca stumbles a little and laughs. I put her arm to go over my shoulder and hold her by the waist. At least this way I have a little control over guiding her—not an easy feat in these heels.
Jules is still grooving to the music, but following me as we make our way through the crowd. I stop when
I notice a white jumpsuit in my peripheral vision. Surely not?
I look over to see Lucy dancing in the middle of several guys, but her face seems altered. I nod my head in her direction for Jules and Becca to see, before I make my way to her.
“Mags!” She throws her arms around me, kissing me on the cheek. “I love you so much.” She is definitely altered. I look around for Brody. He’s nowhere to be found.
What a little fucker!
The guys she is dancing with circle us and keep dancing. I grab Lucy and try to make our way out.
“What’s your hurry, mama?” says one of the guys blocking my path. I side-step them and start in a different direction. They move with us, blocking me again.
“Look, guys,” I say over the music. “We don’t want any trouble. Just let us by,” I try again to get past them.
“Let me help you.” One of them begins to lift Lucy out of my arms.
“Thanks,” I say, tightening my grip, “but I’m making it just fine.”
I take a few more steps, but he’s more aggressive this time. I maneuver her to my other side, effectively placing myself between her and the guy. I have Jules’ attention now, and she is coming up the other side of Lucy. Becca catches the eye of a policeman and gives a slight wave so he knows we need his assistance. I make a rookie mistake and take my eyes off the guys for just a second while pointing Jules to an opening in the crowd.
A couple of his friends join in and close our exit. One puts his hands on Lucy, pulling her towards him, informing me he is going to finish his dance with her. I try to position her out of his reach. I use my free hand and nails to unwrap his hands from her wrist. He swears and yanks on her, causing her to fall backwards.
Just as I catch her, Jules firmly brings the bottom of her palm into contact with his nose. He releases Lucy and I turn to move us out of there, when he grabs my ponytail, pulling me back and down in one motion, taking Lucy with me. I try to drive my heel into his foot hoping he’ll release me, but before I know what is happening, Jules punches the guy across the jaw.