by kj lewis
I can tell by his breathing that he’s as close as I am. Reaching around me, he lightly flicks my clitoris sending me into a wrenching orgasm, my body finally finding the release its craved.
“Graham!” As promised, it’s his name on my lips.
“Emelia!”
He collapses on top of me as my limbs give way and we fall to the bed.
We lay there for long a while, neither of us speaking. This was intense. This was not just casual fucking between two people who are having an affair. It was a fusing.
“What are you doing to me, Emelia?” Graham’s question echoes one he has previously asked. This time I answer.
“Calling bullshit.”
He gently pulls out of me. I wince a little with his withdrawal. He picks me up and carries me into the shower, turning on the water to run over us. He washes my body and then my hair. He then hands me the body soap. His stance tells me he’s waiting for me to bathe him. I do. When I finish rinsing his hair, he moves me under the water, titling my head back so the water runs through my locks. Slowly he runs his hands through, easing out the conditioner. He never takes his eyes off mine.
“Why?” he asks me. It needs no explanation. I understand him completely.
“I don’t know.” I answer quietly. “You send so many mixed signals that I don’t know if I’m coming or going with you, Graham. I think you know this is more than an affair, but you refuse to acknowledge it. One minute you want me to tell you I belong only to you, and the next you are putting a six-week cap on this. Then you give me an ultimatum. It’s an affair or nothing. I know I’m inexperienced, but I just don’t think it’s like this with just anyone. This connection. This fusion. It was stupid but in that moment, I needed you to understand what it would feel like to have another man’s name on my lips when I came. That is what your ultimatum of nothing would be like.” My lip quivers, but I lock it down before it goes any further. “I was hurt that you appear to be able to dismiss me so flippantly.”
“I’m not looking for a marriage proposal, and I don’t have a crystal ball. We might wake up tomorrow and decide this isn’t for either of us, but I can’t move forward with you if you won’t admit what is really going on.”
There. I’ve made my decision and I’ve said it. I release a breath I realize I have been holding in for the last twenty-four hours.
He runs his hands over my arms and pulls me to his lips.
“I’m sorry,” he says sincerely. I’m aware it’s a word he doesn’t use often.
“I’m sorry, too.” I hug him. He wraps his arms around me, the water cleansing us both.
“Why are you sorry?”
“For pushing your limit of control.”
“How did you wait until you were twenty-five to have sex for the first time? I have seen so many men hit on you, want you. It boggles me. No, it really does.” He adds when I roll my eyes. “I’ve never met someone so in touch with her own sexuality but who doesn’t realize how sexy she is. Someone who believes in her own beauty but is unaware of how beautiful she is. How it affects others.”
I shrug my shoulders and try to put an explanation together that he’ll understand. “I never seriously dated anyone in high school. I was working and taking care of my family. Then once I got to a certain age, I realized I was glad that I hadn’t. It should mean more than losing it in the back of a car with a boy who has no idea what he’s doing. I wanted it to be with someone special. Someone who meant something to me. Once I got into the city, I met people, but I never had the connection I wanted. I knew from the first time you held my hand that I had that connection with you.”
“Do you have feelings for Blaine?”
“No,” I answer unequivocally.
“I don’t want you spending time with him.”
“He’s my client, Graham. I have to spend time with him. Besides, I’ve already told him about us and that you are who I want to be with.” This is exactly why I shouldn’t let my emotions drive my actions.
He appears to be contemplating saying something, but just as quickly I see the shutters lower and he smiles a wicked smile, moving his body to press against mine. “Incidentally, I loved the dance.”
We stand there for a few more minutes. “You’re getting wrinkled.” He kisses the ends of my fingers and turns the water off. He dries me off first, then himself. He does have a romantic side.
“You’re very caring,” I tell him as he finishes my feet.
“Another word that is not used to describe me,” he says.
I wince a little as I sit in the seat he has moved me to.
“Gently,” he reminds me.
“Normally I would have taken a little more time prepping you, but I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to have you.”
“What do you mean prepping me?”
“I mean using more plugs on you before I laid claim on your ass.”
“Is that what you used the other day?”
He nods.
“It’s not necessary to do it in steps, but I think it makes it easier for you. I would never…” he says almost ruefully.
“I know, Graham,” I reassure him. “If I didn’t want it to happen, it wouldn’t have happened. And I have no doubt you would have stopped immediately.” I study him. “Are you regretting it?”
“No. But it’s hard to think around you. You beguile me on every level. I’ve never experienced anything like it before.”
“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”
He ponders. “Good,” he finally admits to himself. “It’s a good thing.”
He dries my hair, brushing it as he goes. “I love your hair.”
I put my watch on. “I need to get going. I have a one o’clock appointment.”
“I’ll take you.” He’s finishes drying off and I throw on a sundress with no undergarments.
Throwing my hair up in a clip, I say, “I can take us. It’s no big deal.”
“I’d like to go. Spend time with both of you. I’ll hang out while you are getting…tended to. We can grab a late lunch. Plus, I know you aren’t wearing anything beneath that dress.”
I smile at him. “Okay.”
I grab a couple of things and head out of the bedroom, calling Lucy’s name down the hallway. Graham and I head down to the kitchen to wait for her.
“Are you still going with Jackson tonight?”
“I am. It will be a working night for us.”
“I had plans to take someone already. Would you like me to cancel?”
“Do you plan on fucking her afterwards?”
He smiles and leans close to my ear. I love it when he whispers in my ear. Some of the sexiest moments to me start with a whisper.
“I love how you only curse with me. The only person I plan on fucking tonight is you.” He ends his whisper with a kiss and a light lick of my ear. My nipples harden, and he chuckles when I moan.
“I’m ready,” Lucy says. “Yeah. I’m in the room,” she announces, rolling her eyes at our less than G-rated display of affection.
Graham opens the sunroof of the SUV, and we head into town. I can feel Lucy tapping on a screen behind my head pulling up some music. Graham lifts my hand to his lips, placing a soft kiss on my palm.
I’m aware that I should be paying better attention to what is really happening between me and Graham, but we finally had a breakthrough today. I really don’t want to focus on anything else.
I watch Graham’s interaction with Lucy. He’s a great big brother, and I can tell he gets pleasure from agitating her. There are times where he is in charge because it’s for her own good, and there are times when it’s simply for his enjoyment. Lucy is not phased. She gives it right back to him. I admire that about her.
We pull up to the place where Jules made my appointment and head in while Graham waits in the car.
“So, what are you having done?” Lucy asks me while she looks over the list of services.
“I’m taking it all off. You’ll understand why when you se
e my outfit tonight. Is this your first time?”
I can tell before she nods that it is.
“Why are you having this done?” I’m curious.
“I don’t know,” she shrugs. “I hear my friends talk about it and figure I might as well try it.”
“Are you expecting anyone to see it?” I ask, already knowing I’m going to put my hands on someone if she says yes.
“Not per se. But I’ll know.”
“That’s as good of reason as any. It will hurt at first, but only for a minute.”
They call her name.
“Go to it.” I pop her rear and send her on her way.
It doesn’t take long before we are climbing back into the SUV.
“Everything good?” Graham says starting the engine. “Never mind. Don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.” He looks like he ate something sour, and Lucy and I chuckle at his discomfort. I nudge Lucy to talk extensively about her first waxing experience, so she can keep the upper hand while it lasts.
Graham takes us to a place with outdoor seating that serves great burgers and fries. We talk about Lucy starting her senior year and the colleges she would like to look at. She queries us on our college decision processes. I learn that Graham and Adam were both Navy pilots for two years after college, following in Ben’s footsteps. That explains his comfort level with turbulence.
“So, you went to college for four years and served for two. When did you have time to build your company?” I ask, stealing some of his fries. He gives me the rest of them.
“I started it my freshman year at Princeton. By the time I was deployed, I had people in place to continue the work, with my dad and Adam overseeing the final decisions.”
“I want to be a female Navy pilot,” Lucy interjects.
“No.”
“Girls can be…” He cuts her off.
“Are more than capable,” he agrees. “But I never want you to have to see that.”
“See what?” she asks.
“War. Up close.”
Something in the way he says it, a little haunted, stops her from arguing with him. She just nods and squeezes his hand.
We head back to the house. It’s only four o’clock; I don’t have to be ready for Jackson to pick me up until seven. We’re having dinner at Michel’s, the hottest restaurant in town. Anyone who’s anyone will be dining there before Casino Night gets underway.
“Do you want to take a walk with me?” I ask Graham.
He looks at me a little puzzled, but replies, “I would love to.”
We make our way to the beach, leaving our shoes on the bottom step, and head north. I ran south yesterday, so I’ve seen what’s down there—I want to see something new.
We’re walking in comfortable silence when I place my hand in Graham’s. He stops to look at it, and the water swells around our ankles. He rubs his thumb over my knuckles. He looks like he’s struggling. He drops my hand, wraps his around my cheeks, and kisses me deeper than he ever has. His motion is slow and tender but not without passion.
“I was lying to myself that I could let you be with another man or that I would have my fill of you in six weeks.”
“Then why do you insist…”
“It’s what I know, Emelia. It’s how I control things.”
“Things or people?”
“Both.”
Neither of us says anything else for a while. I wrap my arms around him and pull him to me, hoping my love flows through me to him.
“This is what I mean,” he says, pulling back to look at me. “You just give affection lovingly and freely. You have no expectation of anything in return. It’s very natural to you. I don’t know that I’ve ever met anyone like that before. And it rubs off on the people around you. Richard Raines will barely shake hands with someone, and your affection touched him deeply. I could see it.”
“And you?”
He begins walking again, pulling on my hand to follow. The water rolls ups in waves. We each pick up seashells along the way, not releasing our joined hands.
“I’m unsettled by it,” he admits. “Not because I don’t like it, but because I do.”
We walk a little further before he adds, “If I agree not to put a time frame on it, will you agree to having an affair with me?”
I know he wants to push me when I don’t answer right away, but he’s patient.
“Do we have to call it an affair?”
“Don’t get sidetracked in the semantics of it, Emelia. Look at it for what it is. Do you want this?”
More than anything, but…
“What’s your hesitation?” he stops us again.
“Fear.”
“Of?”
“Getting hurt.”
“That’s there in anything new you try.”
I turn and start walking, but he holds me back.
“If you aren’t honest with me, then this will never work. What are you really afraid of?”
“Graham.” I try to deflect.
“Emelia.”
“I’ve lost everyone that has meant anything to me. My mom, my grandparents, Addie. I just don’t think I have the capacity to keep losing people.”
“You have Jules and Jackson.”
“They aren’t mine to lose. I love Jules and Jackson. To my bones, I have a love for them, but their hearts truly belong to someone else. I know it doesn’t make sense, but loss changes you. I really don’t know how else to explain it. I don’t know if I have the capacity to keep adjusting to the changes. Some days I’m barely holding on.” I realize I’ve never actually admitted that to anyone.
“Emelia, even in this short time, I’ve come to know you. I have witnessed times you were barely holding on. When you were exhausted but kept going. When you deflected so the person you were talking to wouldn’t open a wound. When you don’t tell me the whole story because you feel the need to protect yourself. When you were reluctant to trust or give over control. I see you, Emelia. If you give me control, you wouldn’t have to worry about anything.”
“Really?” I say. “That’s how this works?”
“Careful.” Controlling Graham is never far behind.
“No, really. How does it work? Do you have them agree to terms? Do they sign something? How does it work with the women you fuck?”
“Language.” He’s displeased.
“We come to an agreement of terms. The only thing I have them sign is a legal agreement that they cannot discuss our relationship or anything related to me or my business with anyone.”
“Is that necessary?”
“In my world, yes. You wear rose-colored glasses, Emelia. I truly believe you would never tell anyone anything about me, but that is rare. Everyone wants something, and they will use whatever means necessary to get it.”
It sounds so cynical, but I know it’s true. I’ve been in the business of smoke and mirrors long enough to have seen it. People will sell out their best friends if it elevates them in any way. It gives me some insight into why Graham is cautious.
“What are your terms?” I ask.
“The terms,” he starts, and I stop him.
“Hang on. You have terms, but so do I. Deal with it, or we can call time of death now.”
He smiles and I’m frustrated that I love it so much. It’s obvious that he was expecting my little rage racket, causing me to confirm “You’re an ass,” I say with a grin.
He pulls me to him.
“Say yes, Emelia. You won’t regret it.”
I realize that if I don’t say yes to this, I’m letting my past win—I’m letting it control me.
“Pending an agreement on the terms, yes.”
“I promise you won’t regret it.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Graham.”
He begins to say something but I cut him off, initiating a kiss so deep it can only lead to one thing. I run my hands the length of him. Kneading and caressing his body. His hand moves under my dress and my breath catches when I f
eel his fingers skim over my smooth sex. He kisses me back, his lips wrapping around my lower one, tugging on it. He follows it with a light bite.
He raises an eyebrow pulling something out of his back pocket. It’s a handkerchief.
“I need to see this.”
He pulls my arms behind my back and ties the fabric around them, binding my wrists together.
“Graham?”
“Don’t move.”
Dropping to his knees, he lifts the front of my dress, inspecting the change. I feel his tongue running over the crevice where my leg and hip meet. Fuck me. The sensation. He kisses his way across my now bare sex to the other side and repeats before his tongue runs up the middle. He stands and runs his tongue between my lips while his fingers enter me and begin a taunting, steady movement.
I lean into him for support as his fingers move in and out of me. He spreads his pinky and thumb letting me know that he wants me to open my legs a little more. When I comply, he enters a third finger and adds a swirling movement. I know I should be worried about someone seeing us, but I trust him not to let that happen, and I can’t stop the building of my orgasm. My breathing picks up and my moans are carried off by the winds and the waves. He pushes his thumb to my clit, and it elevates me. Right before he lets me come, he whispers in my ear, “You are a promise of what can be. That’s a promise I intend to keep.”
As if to prove it, he propels me off the cliff I was teetering on, my orgasm exploding around him. He holds his fingers inside me prolonging my vibrations, letting me come down at my own pace. Removing his fingers he wraps his mouth around each one individually, sucking them clean. So simple, but erotic, I’m wet again just watching him.
“Need any help, babe?” I ask Jules.
“Perfect timing! I just finished.” She takes her dress off the dress form.
“Jules… I am in awe!” I exclaim, evaluating her work.
“You are biased. Which I love,” she adds. “This is yours.” She hands me two hangers.
“Do you want me to do your hair?”
“I think I’m wearing it straight, so I should be good.”
“Okay. If you need me, I’ll be in my room.”