by Mia Caldwell
“You decide if you're gonna' keep it?” Melanie looked at Jessie.
“I can't,” she replied.
“Then when are you going to... you know?”
“It's hard. It's not an easy thing to do. I'm doing it because I can't look after a baby on my own. Still, it's not so easy to just go ahead and do it,” Jessie explained.
“You got college to think about,” Melanie added with sincere concern.
“I know,” Jessie replied with a sigh.
They hadn't walked far when Melanie stopped in her tracks and faced Jessie in the dim light with a sullen look on her face.
“You know, I've always envied you, Jessie,” she confessed.
“Envied me? I thought you hated me.” Jessie was shocked by her coworker's admission.
“Nah, it ain't hate. I just seen how well you were doing with your schooling and everything. We come from the same place, but you're doing something with your life. When you get your degree and you leave this place, I'll be growing old at that damn diner.”
“No you won't, Melanie. You've just got to think bigger,” Jessie replied reassuringly.
“You mean like you?”
“Something like that,” Jessie shrugged and looked down at her belly. “Although look at where all of my thinking got me.”
“Shit, girl, you right. Not about you getting knocked-up. That shit happens all the time to ghetto girls like us. I mean, like, about thinking bigger. Maybe not John Harwood big, though. That white fool sure did get one over on you,” Melanie said, pointing at Jessie's stomach.
“It could have happened to anyone. With anyone. Billionaire or no billionaire. I just screwed up and let my guard down. I was wrong about him. He made me feel like... he told me that...” Jessie trailed off, lost in her own disjointed thought.
“That he loved you?” Melanie asked.
“He never used the words, but if it wasn't love then he sure as shit is a good actor,” Jessie confided as she felt her heart sink.
“You fell in love him, didn't you?” Melanie stood staring at Jessie, a look of sympathy on her face that hinted she, too, had once fallen for a man who had chewed her up and spit her out.
Jessie didn't answer.
“Don't worry, child. I haven't told a soul. Whatever you decide to do, I'll support you.”
Jessie smiled affectionately at her new friend, her eyes beginning to tear up. “Thank you, Melanie. I don't have anyone else to turn to. I'm… I'm so scared.”
“I know you are. And I realized the moment you got fired what a total bitch I've been to you. It wasn't fair of me. I know I can be overly jealous, but what's happened to you is, well, it's too much,” Melanie opened up, her eyes beginning to water as well.
“I can't blame the pregnancy on you, as much as I'd like to.” Jessie gave a weak laugh.
“I take it you ain't heard nothing from John?”
“Not a word. The last thing I knew he was in Italy,” Jessie replied in a mumble while wiping her eyes with her sleeves.
“Well, shit, everyone knows that,” Melanie said flippantly.
“What do you mean, everyone? Why would everyone know that?”
Melanie's mouth dropped open and her brow raised in disbelief. “Didn't you hear about Kimberly Harwood's accident in Italy?”
Jessie turned to face her. A large van trundled by, causing a gust of wind to blow down the street and sending shivers coursing through her entire body. She pulled her sweater tightly around her as she pleadingly looked at Melanie for further explanation.
"Well? Was John involved? Is he okay?” Jessie's voice was slow and measured despite her concern.
“He's fine, Jessie. You need to catch up on the celebrity news. I thought you knew, and that's why you were gonna' have an abortion.”
“I don't understand. What does Kimberly's accident have to do with me?” Jessie asked in confusion.
“Because John Harwood supposedly hasn't left her side.” Melanie explained. “It was a mountain expedition or some shit. John was out with a group of people on some mountain slope, and Kim tried to surprise him by following him and meeting up with the group. Only problem was, the dumb bitch hired a guide who knew less about hiking up a damn mountain than she did. She was trying to track John down to declare her love for him and win him back or something. All I know is she got hurt after falling off a rock, I think it was. Jesus, girl, how have you not heard about this? It was a pretty big story a few days ago. I haven't heard nothing' about it in the last day or two, so I have no idea what's going on right now.”
Jessie shook her head in disbelief, trying hard to process the incredible story she'd just heard. Why was Kimberly Harwood trying to win back the affection of her husband if she had told that obnoxious interviewer everything was peachy between them? She had stated that right before leaving for Italy, so something wasn't adding up, and she suspected Melanie had simply relayed the incident incorrectly.
“I haven't had time to follow the news in a while.” Jessie said, staring off into nothing as she spoke. “All I've done is study, work, and go to sleep. I wanted to try to forget all about him. But, wait. If he's been by her bedside the entire time, that means...”
“That he still loves her? I'm sorry, Jessie.” Melanie studied Jessie's face, trying to gauge how much comforting the girl would need after hearing this heart-wrenching news.
Jessie smiled and tried to shake off the growing feeling of pain in her heart. “It's fine. At least I know where I stand, right? It just makes the decision to get rid of the baby that much easier.”
“Jessie, I...”
“Look, Melanie, isn't that your bus?” Jessie interrupted her. “You better get across the road and stop it.”
“Yeah, I guess you're right,” Melanie replied, looking both ways and crossing quickly. The bus was approaching fast. “I'll see you tomorrow!” Melanie shouted, cupping her hands around her mouth in an attempt to heighten the volume of her voice. The loud bus pulled up in front of her, obscuring her from Jessie who stood on the other side of the road, still bewildered by the news of Kimberly Harwood's accident.
A few blocks later, Jessie found herself seated on the familiar bench of her own bus stop and staring down at the ground while mulling over how crazy her life had become. She had met and instantly fallen in love with a celebrity. A billionaire celebrity, at that, and a hair over one week later they had unprotected sex that left her with child. It seemed surreal, but it had actually happened and now her life was in shambles. She would have definitely considered keeping the baby if she had John's support. Jessie knew damn well that if she tried raising the baby without his help, she'd wind up just another statistic. A young, black woman with a child whose father wasn't in the picture. With a part-time job and no family to help her out, there's no way she'd be able to finish college. She'd be like so many of the neighborhood girls she grew up with who never achieved their dreams thanks to the broken promises of manipulative men. The blame wasn't solely on the guys, either. The fault was also on these girls for falling for the same old lines. Jessie had always prided herself in being smarter than that, yet in the end it turned out she wasn't.
From somewhere outside her growing cloud of despair, Jessie heard the rumbling of the oncoming bus, and with a blank downwards stare began walking towards the curb. Each step brought her closer to the street and closer to a possible solution to the problems she was facing. It would be a permanent solution, that much was definite, but she felt so lost and empty inside that it seemed to be her best option. She had screwed up her life beyond repair, and had become one of the women she'd fought so hard not to be. She didn't even have the money for an abortion, and even if she did manage to scrounge up the cash, would she ever be able to live with herself if she went through with it? These thoughts rushed through her mind as she stepped off the curb and blindly into the street.
Jessie was snapped out of her depressed daze by the sound of a horn blaring mixed with somebody shouting wildly. The sounds were
coming from two opposing directions, and Jessie quickly identified the horn as belonging to the large truck she had confused with her bus. A split second later she recognized the sound of someone repeatedly screaming her name, and turned her head to see an SUV parked just down the street with a man leaning out the window.
“Jessie! Jessie! Stop! Jessie!”
It was Burt, and at the sight of him Jessie quickly hopped back onto the curb as the truck whizzed by, her heart racing as the reality of what she was about to do came crashing down on her. With her adrenaline pumping and her head spinning, she barely felt the firm hands wrap around her shoulders. Burt had bolted from his vehicle at a breakneck speed and had reached her within seconds. As her mind cleared, she looked at him in shame, humiliated by her own selfish actions.
“What the hell are you doing?” Burt barked at her, winded from his short sprint down the street. She took in the familiar smell of his cigarette brand and could smell the fried food on his clothes as well. “You want to kill yourself or what?”
“Burt, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. The bus would have stopped anyway. I would have been fine…”
“That wasn't a bus, that was a damn Mack truck!” Burt still had a tight hold on her shoulders as his voice softened to a caring, comforting tone. “Boy, from where I was, I thought you were a gonner for sure. Are you all right?”
“Just tired, I guess,” Jessie said, shaking from a combination of her nerves and the cold.
Burt released his grip and Jessie looked up and down the street, now quiet again with the truck out of earshot. The magnitude of what she'd come inches away from doing sunk in and she began sobbing uncontrollably. Burt wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly, patting the back of her head gently and almost fatherly.
“There, there. It's okay, now. You're safe. If you're so tired you almost get yourself killed, then maybe you need to take a day off. You've been working too many shifts. Maybe it's too much with all your school work, too.”
Jessie buried her head into his chest as she wept, relief washing over her that Burt had viewed her potential suicide as little more than an accident brought on by sleep deprivation.
“Come on,” Burt said with a warm smile. “My car's right there. I'll drive you home. You know, you're damn lucky that I saw you and was able to stop in time,” he added.
Jessie followed silently by Burt's side, shocked by this warm side of him she'd never seen before. He may be a stickler in his restaurant, but outside he was surprisingly caring.
“Jessie, I'm sure you've got a lot on your plate right now,” Burt said as they pulled away. “But I don't want to lose my best waitress.”
“Best waitress?” she replied, turning to him with a raised eyebrow. “If I'm your best waitress, why did you fire me?”
“Because you've got a big mouth and a bad temper.” He glanced at her and smiled wide, adding, “Just like me.”
They both erupted in laughter, and in that moment Jessie felt that everything would somehow be okay. First Melanie, and now Burt, had revealed that people did care about her.
“Seriously, Jessie. It didn't take that rich tycoon coming into the diner after I'd fired you to make me realize my mistake. I wanted to chase after you the minute you walked out the door and apologize.”
“And why didn't you?” she asked, genuinely curious what his explanation would be.
“Pride, I guess. It got me into trouble as a kid, and it still gets me into trouble now. I guess that goes to prove I'm not very smart. You are, though, you see? Don't think for one second that I don't know how hard you study. You're a bright girl, and I'm glad to have you back.” He pulled up alongside the corner of Jessie's block. “Just don't blow it. A girl with your intelligence could end up running the diner one day.”
Jessie climbed out of the SUV, and with the passenger door open she turned to lean into the vehicle. “Thanks for the lift, Burt. Thanks… for everything. You're a kind man, but don't worry. I won't tell anybody,” she said with a wink. Burt chuckled in amusement as she waved goodbye. “I'll see you tomorrow, okay?” she added as she shut the door.
Burt drove away leaving Jessie with a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. He had unknowingly helped her reach a decision regarding her baby when he mentioned her future in the diner. He clearly wanted her to stay for a very long time, perhaps forever, and that's the last place she wanted to spend the rest of her life. Burt had worked hard to build the diner from the ground up, and she respected that enormously, but growing old living on tips just wasn't what she'd planned for herself. No, she needed to make a difference, and having this baby was only going to hold her back. First thing in the morning, she was going to call the clinic.
Chapter five
When Jessie walked into the diner the next day to begin her lunch shift, she caught sight of Burt who winked at her and nodded. It was his tacit way of asking her if she was all right now, and with a small wave of her hand and the flash of a smile, she silently replied that she was okay. She headed to the back room where she put on her apron and tied her hair back, officially ready to hit the floor and start taking orders. Melanie was also in the back room, wrapping the strings of her apron around herself and pulling them to the front for a double tie. Burt loved scheduling the two together, it seemed, and lately Jessie had been just fine with that. Despite their past bickering, the two were diligent workers who could cover breakfast and lunch rushes with relative ease. Now that they actually got along, they were somewhat of a dream team for Burt.
“You okay?” Melanie asked as Jessie finished preparing to handle the lunch patrons.
“Yeah, why?”
“You look different somehow,” her new buddy commented.
“Probably because I finally made a solid decision. I made an appointment for tomorrow morning at the clinic,” Jessie divulged quietly after a quick glance to ensure nobody could overhear.
“So, you really gonna' go through with it? Ain't gonna' change your mind or nothing'?” Melanie looked concerned but Jessie nodded that the decision was indeed final.
“I think you're doing the right thing,” Melanie said after a moment of deliberation. “One thing this has taught us is that it's true: girls like us never get a lucky break. We gotta' work for want we want. I'm with you on that now. No more celebrity daydreams for me, no way.” She opened the door and the smell of burnt steak came rushing in, instantly making Jessie feel nauseous.
“No fancy cars or rich men. Just hard work. See you out there,” Melanie added as she left to begin her shift.
Jessie closed the door used the small mirror attached to the back of it to quickly fix her hair and make her usual last-minute adjustments. Girls like us, she thought to herself. One day I'm not going to be that girl, she promised.
Heading onto the floor, she found that Earle Jackson had once again taken his seat at table four. Today, however, Jessie felt invincible. The night before, she had defied death. Earle Jackson could give her all the grief he could throw at her, but she'd field it all off and keep her cool. What was the point of blowing up at the lonely loser? This diner was just a temporary stop for her, and she reminded herself that was merely passing through.
“Hey, Jessie,” Earle shouted at her across the busy restaurant the moment he spotted her. “What would you recommend from this charming menu?”
“I don't know, Earle,” she yelled back above the chatter in the diner. “How about something really chewy to stop you shooting your mouth off for five minutes?”
A flurry of chuckles sounded through the restaurant, and even Earle laughed. He wasn't quite ready to stop his customary banter, though.
“Yeah,” he replied. “I need something to sink my teeth into. How about you, Jessie? You finally going to let me show you a good time tonight?” He flicked his tongue in and out of his mouth, a sexual gesture that made him look more like a lizard than the sex machine he intended.
“No thanks, Earle, I'm too busy taking out the trash tonight, which is what
I'll do with you if you don't shut up and order,” she joked with a smile.
Again, the place fell into fits of laughter, only Earle wasn't laughing this time.
“Aw, Jessie why you gotta' do me like that? You know you and me were made for each other!” he fired back.
Jessie made her way to his table and stood in front of him with her pen and pad, tapping her foot and locking her gaze onto his eyes while smirking confidently.
“Let's see. I've got here a double cheeseburger and extra fries. Is that right, Earle?” she asked, and leaned in to whisper, “Maybe you'd like some extra ketchup again, too?”
Earle's entire demeanor changed and he immediately shrunk in his seat, defeated and embarrassed by the memory of their last encounter.
“No, uh, no extra ketchup today, please.” He said timidly. “But I will take a...”
“Black coffee?” she interrupted. “I know.” Jessie smiled as she casually strolled into the kitchen to relay the order.
She was still in a state of resignation after having called the clinic to arrange her abortion. She just wanted to make it through the next day's early morning procedure and move past this terrible period in her life. She was well aware that it would be the most upsetting and soul-destroying moment of her life, yet she fought hard to maintain an air of calmness and control that she hoped would see her through the day.
It was just before the lunch shift was over, however, when Melanie caught her attention with the wave of a hand and pointed at the diner's lone television. It was mounted to the ceiling, and Jessie glanced up to see a breaking news story that rendered her motionless. Kimberly Harwood was making the news yet again. Melanie hurried behind the counter to find the remote and crank the volume up.
“Kimberly Harwood flew into JFK yesterday evening without her billionaire husband, John Harwood. John Harwood was reported to not have left her side since her mountain accident off...”
Jessie snapped out the television-induced trance and carried on wiping down tables. Sensing that Jessie had no interest in the story and that she just wanted to move on with her life, Melanie turned the volume back down and went about taking another order.