by Carol Rose
She cradled his head, the throbbing hunger flooding her body as she grew ever more urgent to have him inside, their bodies locked in that most intimate of passions.
He brushed her dress down over her hips, pressing his open mouth to her bare stomach. Shudders of pleasure raced through her as she clung to his shoulders.
Then, he abruptly tugged her panties down, his hand sliding gently between her legs. Lillie cried out.
Without a word, Luke stood.
Scooping her into his arms, he carried her out of the kitchen, crossing the living area in long strides. Within a minute, she found herself naked on her eyelet-covered bed, Luke kneeling between her legs. She drew him down, moaning her pleasure when his body joined with hers.
With every touch, every whispering kiss, each stroke of her body welcoming his, she loved him. Loved him in the press of her lips at his throat. Loved him with all her body and soul.
He thrust hard and fast above her, his breath harsh in the room's dimness. Each stroke like a brush of heaven, his body in hers, she clung to him, the breathless, shimmering sensations breaking over her.
Faster and harder, they moved together till Lillie cried out her ecstasy, pleasure shattering her. She heard Luke's hoarse cry, felt him stiffen in her arms in total completion.
CHAPTER TEN
Luke held her against him for several long moments, the thudding of their hearts the only sound in Lillie's ears. As the sensual clamoring in her body receded, she became conscious of him drawing back.
Could he make love to her like that if he felt nothing for her? The question sounded in Lillie's brain like a discordant chord. She tried to shrug it off, wanting to savor the moment. But after their conversation in the kitchen, the query couldn't be dismissed.
Maybe it's just lust after all, an inner voice suggested, the words sharp through her sensual fog. Her stomach tightened in protest.
She licked dry lips. Did he care for her at all? The questions burned in her brain. It had to be said. She had to know.
"Do you feel anything for me?" Her voice sounded breathless and scared to her own ears.
Luke turned toward her, his face guarded and ironic in the dim light. "Honey, you're too smart to ask that question after what we've just shared."
"I don't mean...sex." She ducked her head, feeling tremendously exposed. "Do I matter to you? Effect your life? Do you feel any love for me at all?"
Luke's silence drew her gaze up.
He looked at her, his face serious. "Lillie, I can't change who I am. If you want poetry and declarations of undying devotion, you're talking to the wrong man."
His words slammed into her brain like a freight train on full throttle. He might just as well have said this is it, take it or leave it.
Fabulous, earth-shattering desire. No emotion.
Lillie straightened, her gaze searching his face. She saw sadness there, lingering desire and something that looked like regret.
"I've told you what I think about all that hearts and flowers stuff," he continued. "It's something the greeting card folks dreamed up to sell their wares. If you would just let go of the fantasy, we could make this work."
He raised a hand to her face, nestling her cheek in his calloused palm. It took everything Lillie had not to turn into his caress in spite of the lump of desperation building up in her stomach. How could fate have delivered her Prince Charming and neglected to give him the ability to love her?
"Lillie," he said, her name soft on his lips, "there's something powerful between us. Stronger than I've ever felt with a woman. We laugh together, we respect each other...and I could be happy making love with you for the next thirty years. That's more than most marriages start with."
She felt herself go cold, as if a North Dakota wind blew into the open space.
"I want...a family, a home, someone to make love to," Lillie whispered, "but I need more. I need to know you think of me when you wake up in the morning and when you go to bed at night. I need to be the most important person in your life. I need you to love me."
He met her gaze, his face almost grim, and he said nothing.
"I guess that's my answer," Lillie whispered, struggling to keep the catch out of her voice.
Scooting off the bed, she reached for her robe, tying the belt tight around her waist, feeling her heart crack inside her.
"I think you should leave," she whispered.
"Don't do this," he said, his voice low.
But he didn't plead, not even a little. Lillie searched his face for some sign that her rejection would cause him pain. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Luke. But it seemed that dilemma wouldn't arise. If he didn't care, how could he be hurt?
Lillie felt like a fool. Despite knowing from the first that Luke wasn't Mr. Right, she'd fallen in love with him anyway.
"Please leave," she said as a piece of her died inside.
* * *
"Why are men such pigs?" The disgust in Melanie's voice should have sent vibrations through the telephone.
Luke leaned against his desk and positioned the receiver more comfortably against his ear. "Well, good morning to you, too."
"I thought Scott was different," Melanie wailed.
"Different from what?" he couldn't resist asking.
"From those men who don't care about anything but sports and sex," his sister said, her voice frustrated.
"Whoa, Mel. I'm still getting over you spending the night with him in a motel. I really don't want to talk about your sex life."
"This isn't about sex," Melanie retorted. "It's about a fiancé who breaks a date with the woman he loves just to go to a football game."
"Ahhhh." The light was dawning, Luke thought with a grin.
"We were going to write our vows," Mel sniffled. "How could he just up and leave?"
"Ummm. Who was playing?" he asked seriously.
"What does that matter?" she said, her voice indignant.
"It doesn't, I guess," Luke backpeddled, realizing this wasn't the moment for complete honesty. "At least, it doesn't matter if you're not a sports fan, which you're not."
"This isn't about sports either," Melanie declared. "Scott changed his plans without even consulting me. We were going to have a quiet dinner and sit down together to write our vows."
"He didn't even let you know he was going to the game?" Luke glanced at his watch, mentally gauging how long it would take him to drive out to the new work site. Even if he had to be late, there was no way he would cut Melanie off in the middle of her crisis. It had been too long since she'd felt comfortable to confide in him.
Thanksgiving had been a big set-back.
The thought brought a sudden mental picture of Lillie slamming into his brain. Lillie as she'd kicked him out of her bed and her life.
Luke grimly dragged his focus back to the conversation with his sister.
"Oh, Scott told me he was going," she said waspishly. "But nothing I said made any difference. He went anyway."
"Ahhhh."
"What do you mean by that?" she asked suspiciously.
"Nothing. So you two had an argument?" he concluded, wondering why he didn't feel more excited at the prospect of disharmony in romance land.
"Yes, we argued," his sister admitted woefully. "The morning after the big game. And then he left without telling me where he was going."
"Well, sis, the guy's your fiancé. The role doesn't require a leash," Luke found himself saying, unwillingly sympathizing with another male in the dog house.
"I know that," Mel retorted. "But is it too much to ask for a little consideration?"
"No, but he could probably say the same." Luke hesitated when she didn't respond. "I mean it's not like he does this frequently, is it? Change plans on you at the last minute? Always putting other things first?"
"I can't believe you're defending him," his sister declared. "You don't even like Scott."
"I never said I didn't like the guy," Luke denied. "I just said you're too young to make thi
s big a commitment."
"And that you don't believe in love," Melanie said nastily. "But now you're sounding like a relationship expert for the male point-of-view."
"I do have some qualifications along that line," he reminded her, refusing to think about his situation with Lillie.
"I'm sure," she shot back. "Scott would certainly agree with everything you've said."
"Look, sis." Luke sat down in the desk chair. "What do you want me to say? That Scott is a jerk and you should break off the engagement?"
Three months ago he'd have said it in a heartbeat, but lately he'd began to realize that things weren't always so simple between a man and a woman. Things with Lillie grew more complicated by the day.
Just the thought of her coming apart at the seams in his arms the other night made his temperature rise ten degrees. And drop another twenty when he remembered what she was demanding of him.
"No, I don't want you to say that," Melanie said, goaded. "I guess I hoped you'd be a little more understanding, but that's obviously too much to ask for, since you are a man."
"Mel," he said gently. "You're in a witch of a mood. I can't say anything right here, can I?"
"Probably not," his sister agreed irritably. "I'll let you get back to work now. Goodbye."
Luke stared at the receiver as the line went dead. Melanie's temper had always been quick. Fortunately, she tended to regain her equilibrium equally fast. In a day or two, she'd call back and apologize for being irritable.
Still, Luke couldn't help but wonder how Scott felt about their fight. If the boy was anything like Luke, he hadn't slept well the last few days.
Ever since Lillie had thrown Luke out of her bedroom, visions of her tear-filled eyes had haunted him. He found himself pacing his bedroom at night, unable to resolve the mess between them.
She made love like a siren, like a tempting witch capable of stealing a man's soul. And she hated him now.
You'd think the woman would give him some credit for being honest. When she'd thrown that statement at him--that she wanted to be the most important person in his life--he'd found himself frozen. She was important to him, damned important. But he couldn't help holding back. So much went with that kind of emotional commitment.
Hell, their lovemaking left him feeling shaky for days. The woman did things to him he couldn't begin to explain.
What if he'd agreed, told her that he didn't think he could go on much longer without her? That all he could think about lately was convincing her to give them a shot at a future. Then she'd expect things from him that he wasn't sure he could provide.
Certainly his father hadn't been able to please his mother. In the dim recesses of memory, Luke held an image of his father standing helpless while his mother threw herself on their bed and cried. Maybe there was nothing an ordinary man could do to completely satisfy a woman's romantic fantasies.
Between his mind-blowing weeks with Lillie and coping with uncharacteristic guilt over his mother, Luke'd been having a hellacious time of it. When he wasn't thinking about Lillie, he couldn't forget the look on Janet's face at the Thanksgiving dinner table.
It would have been easier if his mother had contacted him, nagged at him, kept pushing herself on him. Then he could tell himself that she cared more for her own redemption than for his feelings. But she hadn't approached him again, hadn't called or in any way invaded his life. She'd disappeared, just like he'd said he wanted.
He knew Melanie had been in contact with her since the holiday. His sister had mentioned his mother making a weekend trip to the college. But she hadn't darkened his doorway again.
He'd probably have to find some way to make peace with the woman. After all this time, his anger had begun to feel mean-spirited, like holding a grudge against someone who couldn't do any better.
Maybe Lillie was right about that anyway. Maybe he should give his mother another chance.
Leaning back in his office chair, Luke pondered the effect Lillie was having on him. He didn't understand the connection between them, having never experienced anything like it in his life. Not even with Angie, back when he'd been stupid enough to promise things he couldn't give.
Everything was definitely different with Lillie. In the space of four months, he had gone from out-right opposition of Melanie's marriage to siding with her groom in their biggest fight. Now he was actually contemplating forgiving his mother for her abandonment of the family.
Luke remembered well Lillie's long ago declaration about not seeing him after the wedding. Would she keep her word on that? Surely what had happened between them meant something. She couldn't deny their fantastic chemistry.
Still, he knew if he wanted to keep her in his life, he had to act quickly.
Somehow, he had to find some way to make her give them a chance while still accepting him for who he was. And he had to do it soon.
* * *
"Hey, sis."
"Hi, Scott. How are you?" Lillie tucked the telephone receiver against her shoulder and went back to doggedly checking the invitation proof sheet for accuracy.
"Terrific," her brother pronounced enthusiastically.
"Good," she said, dropping the invitation to rub her neck tiredly. "Finals going okay?"
"Yeah, great," Scott said.
"Listen," Lillie said, her overloaded, depressed brain suddenly remembering a detail. "You are going to both make it here for the shower that Melanie's aunt is giving?"
"Yeah," he agreed. "But I don't know why I have to be there. Bridal showers are women things."
"What century are you living in? People have couples showers all the time and if Melanie's aunt wants to do a family shower, who are you to complain?"
"The groom?" he questioned gloomily.
"Just be there," Lillie ordered in her best big-sister voice, despite feeling too tired and dispirited to raise much of a ruckus.
"I'm not the only one," Scott defended. "Mel's dreading it. She says her aunt is a major ham, always making a big deal out of these social things, but you're right. If the old biddy wants to give us a party, I'll come. Besides it's Mel's family and I have to learn to appreciate them."
"You're a peach."
"Yeah," he chuckled. "Oh, I called because I wanted to talk to you about the wedding arrangements."
"Is there a problem?" she asked warily. Scott was as steady as a rock, but last minute difficulties were always possible with coordinating emotional events like weddings.
Lillie hoped everything was all right because she wasn't sure how much she could handle at this point with her own emotions in such a shambles. How was she ever going to finish this wedding? Go on with her life as if her heart hadn't lost its only love?
"Of course not," he denied. "I'm calling you because I want to arrange a wedding surprise for Melanie."
"A surprise?" In Lillie's experience, men took matrimonial ceremonies a lot more lightheartedly than women did. It was amazing the kind of embarrassing 'surprises' some of her grooms suggested.
Even Scott had his male moments.
"Well, it is kind of late to be changing the arrangements," she hedged.
"It's nothing big. I just want you to tell the minister that I have something I've written and I want to read it to Melanie after the vows. It's kind of a poem. I'd tell the minister myself but I may not get the chance to see him alone before the wedding."
"Aren't you and Melanie writing your vows together?"
"Yeah, but I've been trying to think of some way I can really express my feelings to Melanie, add something personal to the wedding."
"That's sweet," Lillie said softly, an uprising of emotion clogging her throat.
"Mel's been kind of nervous lately," Scott said, ignoring her sisterly comment, "and I just want to tell her in front of everyone how lucky I am to have her in my life."
"That's a great idea," Lillie told him, pushing back her own misery. "I'll make sure the minister knows about it."
"Great. Well, I'll see you at the shower, sis
."
"Okay. Take care." Hanging up the phone, she felt the sting of tears behind her eyes. Lillie sank into a nearby chair, unable to stop the sudden rush of moisture cascading down her cheeks.
Some women were luckier than they knew. She'd have given almost anything to hear Luke declare his love so openly. Or declare his love at all.
A flood of memories cascaded through her. The light of challenge in his eyes when she'd teased him. His heated mouth on hers. Their bodies moving in heart-stopping rhythm.
She hadn't slept for days.
Since they'd made love that last time and she threw him out, she'd been as weepy as a crybaby. Sometimes she'd almost wished she could take the question back. If she'd never asked the question, she wouldn't be crying over the answer.
They could have made love every night, like before, and she would have been free to lie to herself about his loving her.
The worst of it was not knowing how to face him. Scott and Melanie's wedding drew closer and closer. Much still had to be done even though most of the arrangements had been made. They still had to finalize the wedding cake selection.
Lillie glanced at the wall clock. Only three more hours and she'd see him. Hopefully, they'd taste the sample cakes, pick the cake decoration and leave with minimum of conversation.
She just had to survive this wedding. When it was over she could make an effort to put Luke out of her mind and out of her life--as long as she avoided any blended family holidays and asked Melanie to never mention his name.
Putting Luke out of her heart, however, would take the rest of her life.
* * *
Lillie glanced at her wrist watch yet again, resisting the urge to tap her foot impatiently on the bakery's tiled floor. He was late. Twenty minutes late to be exact, and she'd spent every minute alternating between mentally calling him names and hungrily watching the door for his appearance.
Love was not good for her sanity. In fact, loving Luke seemed to have a devastating experience on her entire life.
She was getting darn tired of sitting here at the little table to the side of the display cases, waiting for him to find time to fit her into his schedule.