by Lane Hayes
I swiped my hand over my stubbled jaw. “Do I have to make a toast?”
“Yes. Something simple to thank everyone for being there. Do you want me to do it?” he asked.
“No. You’ll get emotional and then I’ll get emotional and…I can handle it,” I assured him.
“Okay. Well, the wedding is Saturday. Brunch the next morning and then…the honeymoon. Ta-da! Everything is nearly in place. You just have to show up on time, smile a lot, and make a small speech Friday night,” he said patiently.
“What about the vows? Did you write yours already?”
“Yes, of course. Don’t tell me you want me to help you with yours.”
“No need. I did it months ago. Want to hear? I memorized them too,” I bragged.
“You did not,” he snickered.
“I did. Let me practice, baby. Just once.” I cleared my throat theatrically before launching into storyteller mode. “ ‘Five years ago, I thought I was a straight dude but the second I saw this guy—’…that’s where I’ll either point at you or sling my arm over your shoulder like we’re a couple of bros and say, ‘I knew I had to have him. Often.’ ”
Aaron groaned. “You’re hilarious. Now let me get back to work, so I can help pay for this wedding.”
“Wait, there’s more. I’ll add something about how it was complicated because I didn’t know how to admit who I was and I didn’t want to hurt the girl I was seeing and—” I went suddenly quiet and frowned.
A short silence filled the connection. After a pause, Aaron cleared his throat.
“Maybe you should call her,” he suggested gently.
“Aar…”
“I’m the one you’re marrying. I know I’m the one you want forever. Maybe you need to say one last goodbye. For you. For the guy you were five years ago who was a little confused and a lot scared.” When I didn’t reply, he added, “Think about it.”
“Okay.” I nodded though I knew the gesture was lost over the phone. “How many more hours until this is official?”
“Seventy-one hours and thirty-four minutes…give or take a few,” he replied quickly.
“I can’t wait. I’m ready.”
“Me too, Matty. Me too.”
I stared at my cell for a moment before scrolling through my text messages. I found the one Stephanie sent me soon after I’d run into her on her wedding day, then pressed Call before I could overthink. Of course, I had no clue what I’d say, but Aaron was right. I’d been thinking about the past and our future, and if there was an opportunity to make peace, it might be wise to take it.
I swiveled my chair to face the window and wrote a quick script in my head. “Hi, you might not remember me, but…” No, that wasn’t good. I should—
“Hello?”
I straightened in my seat and licked my lips nervously. “Um, hi. Is this Kristin?”
“Yes.”
“Hi. This is Matt. Matt Sullivan.”
“I—your name popped up on the caller ID. I guess you have the same number and…wow. This is a surprise,” she said in a rush.
“Yeah. It’s been a while. Um…I don’t know if she told you, but I ran into your old roommate, Steph, on her wedding day and—”
“She told me,” Kristin intercepted. “She said you’re getting married. Congratulations.”
“Thanks.”
“She also told me she gave you my number, which is a little embarrassing. And awkward.”
“No, um…don’t feel that way. I…” I stood and stared unseeing at the traffic below before continuing. “I’m calling ’cause…I know it’s been a long time and maybe this isn’t something you want to rehash, so I’ll keep this brief. I just…I wanted to apologize. I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t mean to be insensitive or callous. I was going through some things I wasn’t ready to share with anyone, and I needed to do it alone.”
Silence.
“Okay. Um…thanks. I mean, you’re right…it’s been a while, but I heard things from mutual friends and acquaintances. I put it together. And obviously, Steph mentioned you’re marrying a man.”
“Right. Well…” Now what? She was right. This was awkward. I shouldn’t have called.
“I wish you’d told me,” Kristin said in a low voice. “Back then.”
“I couldn’t. I wasn’t ready. It took some time for me to wrap my head around the idea of being bi and then…the whole coming out thing is another journey,” I admitted with a self-deprecating laugh. “But I got there eventually.”
“Good. And now you’re getting married.”
“Yeah. This weekend, actually. The family is starting to descend on DC and Aaron is—”
“Aaron. Is he the guy you were with when I ran into you at the mall after we broke up?”
I furrowed my brow like the gesture might keep ugly memories at bay. “Yes. We’ve been together for a few years now. He’s…”
Christ, how do you explain the man you love to the woman you couldn’t love? He’s my world, my rock, my reason, my—
“He’s beautiful,” she said simply. “I wish you both all the best. Truly. Be happy, Matt.”
“Thank you,” I replied in a huskier than normal tone. “You do the same. Be happy. You deserve it.”
I hung up and moved back to my desk. I almost called Aaron, but I set my cell down instead. We’d talk later. Maybe in a few hours I’d know how to put this feeling into words. It wasn’t relief. It was something closer to peace. And that was probably a good thing.
The smell of freshly brewed coffee and sizzling bacon wafted through our condo. I shuffled from the bathroom to the kitchen, juggling a couple of Advil in one hand and rubbing my eyes with the other. I was more than half-asleep and only vaguely cognizant that it was crucial to power through my fierce desire to curl up in bed and pull the covers over my head for some serious hibernation. Today was important. It had to be the reason for the bacon before five a.m. and once I had coffee, it would all become clear. I hoped.
“Good morning, Matty,” Aaron singsonged.
I grunted an incoherent greeting and slumped onto the nearest barstool. Aaron turned with a spatula in hand and flashed a tired smile my way. He immediately did a double take, but thankfully, didn’t ask questions. He set the spatula aside and poured a generous cup of coffee, then pushed it across the island countertop toward me.
“Thank you. Can I have water too, please?” I set my Advil on the island and gave him a pathetic look.
Aaron rolled his eyes, tossing a water bottle at me and heading back to the stove to tend to breakfast. I kept my gaze on his hips and did my best to follow his conversation while I sipped coffee. He said something about eggs as he ran through his itinerary for the day. I listened up for important bullet points, but I wasn’t quite ready to participate in the actual forming of sentences.
He set a platter piled high with scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast on the island along with two empty plates and utensils, then skirted the counter to join me.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, gesturing for me to help myself.
“My head hurts.”
“Hmph. All I can say is…I told you so. How many shots did your brother talk you into?”
“I dunno. Did I do anything stupid?”
I winced at the thought. I rarely had too much to drink and never on a weeknight. Jay had insisted we include Sean in our post-family dinner get-together at his and Peter’s home. Sean had a hard time accepting that I was bi and in love with a man in the beginning. But I had to give him credit for trying. He’d made an effort to get to know Aaron and some of our friends over the past few years. The problem was, Sean tended to add alcohol to any situation that made him nervous, and hanging out with a group of gay couples wasn’t exactly his comfort zone.
“No, you just told everyone how much you love me. Over and over and over.” He chuckled and gave a few examples of my over-the-top amorous lines.
I sighed, then chomped a slice of bacon like a carrot. “Not the worst thing i
n the world, is it?”
“Nope. You did tell Sean that he should try sucking cock, though. That was a teensy awkward.”
“I did not,” I insisted.
“You did. But everyone—with the exception of Katie’s uber-straight techie date and maybe Sean—agreed with you, so it was more funny than embarrassing. But you’d better behave tonight. I will be seriously pissed if my husband-to-be gets bombed the day before our wedding. Or worse yet, at our wedding,” he said in a steely tone that brooked no argument.
“You have nothing to worry about,” I promised.
“I know. I just don’t want anything to go wrong,” he replied earnestly.
“Everything will be perfect. Vic has assured us multiple times that he has this under control. Flowers, cake, photographer, decorations, deejay…am I forgetting something?”
“People. What if I missed a typo on the invitations and the time or place is wrong?”
“Oh, please. I know you too well, Aar. I bet you’ve rechecked the invites multiple times since they were printed. Be honest, you checked again when you woke up this morning too, didn’t you?”
Aaron pursed his lips and grinned. “Maybe. My obsessive-compulsive side is raging at the moment. This matters to me.”
“Hey, it matters to me too.” I set my finger over his lips to stop his speech. “Believe it or not, our wedding matters to a lot of people. We’re incredibly lucky. We have amazing families, friends, and coworkers rooting for us. Hell, random people, like Karen the checkout lady at the grocery store and our favorite baristas at Starbucks, have demanded we post the ceremony on YouTube so they can be part of the action too. Yes, this is our day, but we’re getting married in front of a fuckton of guests tomorrow who have supported us and shown love and encouragement, and I don’t take any part of that for granted.
“Maybe someday, two guys getting married will just be another wedding between crazy kids who fell in love and decided to spend the rest of their lives together. But now, it’s that and a little more. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t ask you to marry me to make a statement. I asked you because I love you, and I want everyone to know this is real. We don’t need a piece of paper to know this is real, but you know what I mean. Right?” I leaned in to kiss his lips and gave him a lopsided grin.
“I know exactly what you mean. Thank you. I love you too.” Aaron sniffed, then gently wiped the corner of his eyes. “Just think, the next time we have breakfast in this kitchen, we’ll be husbands.”
I set my hand on his thigh and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “How did we get here?”
“I have no idea,” he laughed. “But I like it.”
“Me too. So try not to stress out tonight or tomorrow. The party is already in motion. All we have to do is enjoy.”
“Okay…just remember to be on time and—”
“Oh, my God.” I fell forward and rested my forehead on the island.
Aaron snickered as he threw his arms around my waist and showered me with kisses. “Okay, okay. I’ll stop. You know what’s good for tension release?”
I sat up quickly and pulled him between my legs. “I have ideas but they’re all X-rated. What did you have in mind?”
Aaron furrowed his brow and tapped his forefinger on his chin as though considering his options. “Hmm. Mutual hand jobs or blowjobs…either here or in the shower or in bed or…you can fuck me.”
“Ah, the romance,” I huffed sarcastically, then stood and tugged his pajama bottoms over his ass and squeezed.
He rocked his hips against me and raked his fingers down my back. “Hmm. I’ll make it up to you. ‘Stress relief’ sex sounds kinda hot, though. Hard and fast and dirty. What do you say, Matty?”
I wisely didn’t say anything at all. I followed him to our bedroom, pulling my clothes off along the way. I stroked myself and watched in mesmerized fascination as he disrobed in record time, poured lube onto his palm before crawling on all fours onto the middle of the bed. He reached between his legs and massaged two fingers over his opening and slipped one inside.
I think he said my name, but it was hard to hear anything over the rush of blood in my ears. Going from zero to a hundred in seconds flat made me dizzy as hell. My heart skipped a beat or two as I positioned myself behind him, then lined my aching cock at his hole and pushed inside him. I moved slowly at first, but it didn’t take long for him to adjust and beg for more. Harder, faster, and more.
There was nothing particularly romantic about the act, but it was hot and sexy and completely uninhibited. We didn’t make love. We fucked in a carnal frenzy that was life-affirming in a completely different way. The bed creaked and the headboard thumped rhythmically against the wall as we sighed and groaned, then finally fell apart. I pumped my hips and flattened Aaron to the mattress, spilling myself inside him and trembling in the aftermath.
We didn’t move immediately. Yeah, we’d made a mess and there were a million things to do before tonight, but moments like this were too perfect to rush. The real world could wait. I kissed the back of his neck and flopped gracelessly beside him. I played with his hair, pausing when he opened his eyes and grinned at me. I returned the gesture and rolled to face him. I started to speak but honestly, there was nothing left to say. This was perfect.
Wedding rehearsals always seemed like a waste of time to me. I’d been a groomsman in a few weddings, so I felt as though my opinion was a qualified one. Not that anyone was interested in my thoughts on the matter. My only job was to be on time. I worked until midafternoon to clear my schedule while I was on my honeymoon, then picked up my parents from their hotel and headed to the Claridge Estate. We arrived fifteen minutes early and were greeted by Aaron’s family and quite a few of our friends.
Aaron pulled me aside as Vic started the festivities. Aaron looked sharp and sexy in fitted khakis and a navy gingham button-down shirt. I ran my finger along the row of buttons and smiled at him. “Hi.”
“Hi, yourself. I want to introduce you to my cousin and her family,” he said in an even tone before lowering his voice and continuing. “You have no idea how badly I want to kiss you right now.”
“Do it,” I challenged.
Aaron stood on his toes and kissed my cheek. “There.”
“Geez, after this morning I kind of expected tongue,” I teased. “That’s all you got?”
“You’re hysterical. Your mom is on her way over and she’s smiling. Should I be alarmed? It’s an extra-big smile. I’m assuming that’s good.”
“It’s all good.”
“Yes, I—”
“Oh, Aaron! You’ve absolutely outdone yourself. I love this place. It’s stately and grand and gorgeous. I can’t wait to see it decked out in the flowers and decor you’ve chosen,” my mother gushed, slinking her arm around my waist.
“What makes you think I didn’t choose the flowers?” I asked with a laugh.
“Because I know you.” My mom winked at Aaron, then reached for his hand and squeezed it affectionately. She cast a meaningful gaze between us and pursed her lips. “There are a lot of people here, and there will be three times as many tomorrow, so I want to take my chance while I have it to…to welcome you, Aaron. I love Matt more than anything in the world. And to know he’s found someone who loves him, respects him, and will always put him first means more to me than I can say. You’ll know yourselves someday how that feels. For now, thank you.”
My mom hugged him tightly and turned to embrace me too. Aaron and I held eye contact when she stepped aside to make room for other well-wishers. She seemed genuinely happy for us but conflicted too. Or maybe even in pain. It didn’t make sense. I hurried after her before she joined my dad on the other end of the room.
“Mom!”
She spun around and smiled as she dabbed tears with a handkerchief. “I’m just running to the restroom. I’ll be back in time to practice walking you down the aisle,” she said in an overly sunny voice.
“Are you okay?”
She pushed her shoulder-le
ngth blonde hair from her shoulder and rolled her eyes. “You know how I get at weddings, Matthew. It’s much more significant when a piece of your heart is getting married. I know that sounds silly, but you’ll always be my little boy. I see the intelligent, handsome, incredible man you’ve become, and I’m so very proud of you. But I still see the beautiful baby I brought home from the hospital. Here we are, the day before your wedding, and I can still picture your first birthday and school plays and all the team sports…baseball, hockey, football. I felt your pain when you failed and your joy when you succeeded.
“I’ve always been part of your story, but I wasn’t prepared for Aaron. I had no idea you were bi, but I meant what I said when you told me that you’d met a man. You’re my son and I love you…that never changes. But I struggled, and I couldn’t understand why because that man is so damn kind, and anyone can see how much he loves you. Then I realized I didn’t want to let go. Man, woman…it wouldn’t have made a difference. You’re still mine. And now you’re Aaron’s too. Someday you’ll have kids, and it’ll change again. It’s the way it’s supposed to be, but I admit it’s bittersweet sometimes. I don’t know if I’m the kind of mom who can ever really let go, but I’ll try to adjust my grip a little.” She chuckled lightly. “I love you, Matthew. And I love Aaron. Be happy.”
This time when she hugged me, I crushed her against me and held on tight. “Thank you. I love you too. Always have, always will.”
She smiled, then kissed my cheek and headed toward the restroom.
I pushed my hands into my pockets and let my gaze drift around the room before focusing on Aaron. He was so damn beautiful. I didn’t get what he saw in me some days, but I understood my mother’s sentiment all too well. He owned my heart. The whole thing. Someday I’d share a portion of him with our children. His time, his affection…but that was different. That was somewhere in the future, and it wouldn’t be possible without this beginning.
Part 6-
Saturday morning was absolutely gorgeous. Blue skies, sunshine, and not a single cloud in sight. A perfect day to get married, I mused as I pulled back the curtain. Sunlight streamed across the hardwood floor and the unmade king-sized bed in the master suite. Well, half-unmade. I glanced at Aaron’s side and felt a stab of longing for him. I hated sleeping alone. I knew this was a special occasion…the ultimate special occasion, but I wished he were here. I grabbed my acoustic guitar from the stand in the corner and propped my pillows against the headboard, then reached for my cell and sat on the edge of the mattress. I tucked the guitar to my chest and typed a quick message.